Anonymous wrote:NP here-glad that you had an experience where he was willing to put in the work. Mine just keeps on denying, so I am in for separation. Like yours, my parents are deceased, and I am absolutely going to hate the loss of family. We had so many good moments together, wish he had cherished those.

I am so sorry you are going through this. You will get past it even though it seems impossible right now. Time really does help and hope you have a support network to lean on, I learned that sometimes friends will surprise you with how much they are willing to help to get through this.

Anonymous wrote:"-I ended up staying after a very brief separation. He did intensive therapy, an outpatient alcohol program, left his job (where the AP was) and has only worked at jobs which require minimal travel. Most importantly, we signed a post-nup with a cheating clause bc I made it very clear that I'm not going through this again."

This is really striking. He really went all out to address whatever led him to have the affair and took drastic measures to make sure he didn't repeat it. Good for him. Not many people are able and willing to do this. I'm curious about what sort of therapy or work you did on yourself to manage through all the emotions and legal matters involved? I'm so glad to see you did a post-nup. That was so smart!

OP here--I did individual therapy in addition to couples therapy. Honestly, the first year was absolutely brutal. Did not think there was a path forward and I cried every single day and had intense triggers and ruminations. Took some anti-anxiety medication and sleeping pills for 6 months (not something I ever thought I would need to but it helped me get through the day). DH seemed to have a complete breakdown and so I also did most of the parenting for first few weeks until he got his act together. I was an attorney before becoming a SAHM so was comfortable with reviewing the post-nup and also made sure to discuss anything I might have overlooked with a few of my recently divorced friends. The post-nup was a huge relief bc I saw with some of my divorced friends how once the ex-DH moved on with another woman, he only wanted to provide what was legally mandated for the kids, not a penny more. I made sure my kids were protected with certain amount of annual bonuses, equity grants, etc. going directly to kids in addition to mandated child support in the event of a divorce. I think many people underestimate how much stress the financial aspect of divorce is. With that being said, there is nothing anyone can do unless both people are committed to making it work.

OP here. It is difficult to believe that this was 5 years ago. I wanted to update to help others who are facing a similar situation.

-I ended up staying after a very brief separation. He did intensive therapy, an outpatient alcohol program, left his job (where the AP was) and has only worked at jobs which require minimal travel. Most importantly, we signed a post-nup with a cheating clause bc I made it very clear that I'm not going through this again.
-My decision was heavily influenced by the fact that my parents are both deceased and the thought of giving up my family and having the kids 1/2 time was not even remotely appealing to me. My oldest DD also had anxiety and I think she would have really struggled.
-my kids have thrived the past few years. DD is off to college and youngest is only a few years away. We have had memorable family trips, holidays, shared family experiences that I would not trade for anything.
-BUT with all that being said, I will never truly feel the same and the biggest gift I gave myself was freeing myself from making any permanent decisions right away. I chose to stay bc it was right for me and my kids at that particular time. I do not know how I will feel when my youngest leaves and that is okay. My DH insists that he is in this for life but I still don't know for certain what I want to do.
-Sorry for the long post but really just want to emphasize that you have to think about the specifics of your particular situation when making a decision and those specifics include your kids, finances, your support network and how much your spouse is willing to work for it.

This is very flavorful and easy. I usually add some goya sazon seasoning and a little extra cumin

https://braziliankitchenabroad.com/slow-cooker-black-beans-brazilian-style/

I almost always have 2 small snacks a day. I've never been able to eat large portions of food at once and I usually workout almost every day.

Forgot to mention that I generally find their sweaters itchy and do not like how they feel on my skin but they are cute styles if you are not sensitive to their materials.

Some items I've purchased or want to purchase soon.

-Chlo blouses/shirts
-the hestia black bodysuit is a great going out top and looks fabulous styled with jeans or a midi skirt
-magalia leather skirt in chestnut brown

I think it really depends on where he wants to end up geographically and whether he will go onto graduate school. We live in NY now and there are plenty of NYC private school kids who are very enthusiastic about UVA but would not go to JMU. UVA absolutely has national name recognition. I think if you are paying in state tuition for UVA then I would stretch and make it work.

-I love using a leftover rotisserie chicken to make curry chicken salad (will last for several days).

-https://chefsavvy.com/curry-chicken-salad/#recipe
-avocado toast with a little bit of olive oil, lime, and chili flakes and egg on top
-soup from freezer (usually have chili or some sort of bean soup in small portions in freezer)
-tuna salad with celery and crackers
-fried rice if I have left over rice

My DD had a very spiky application (humanities based) and I was worried that she was not well rounded enough. She did not have maximum rigor in math/science classes but doubled up in advanced classes relating to her major.

Her counselor did say that because of her "spike" there was an authenticity and cohesive narrative to her application that was evident in her leadership positions, activities, classes, and essays. It ultimately landed her in top 10 ED school but I'm not sure if there is one strategy that works for everyone.

What I'm planning for next few days:
Tomato soup and grilled cheese
DH wants to make rib eye steaks and ckn wings one day
Indian food one night-plan on making ckn pulao and saag paneer
Lots of baking-banana bread, carrot cake, brownies

Portugal has really tightened golden visa eligibility particularly through real estate investment.

My friend purchased property there before the change with hope of gaining residency and it has been a slow, tedious process dealing with government offices. It is not efficient at all, health care is much more limited than you would think, and I think many Americans struggle with how the labyrinth of administrative issues. Job market is also limited unless you are a digital nomad. We have also been casually exploring a second home abroad but the health care problems have crossed it off our list.

-SAHM
-Coffee or lunch once a week
-Evening activities vary by season, summer time and holiday season usually at least 1-2 nights a week, plus tennis meetups, pool/beach time together, barbecues
-January and February are pretty low key so maybe just twice a month for something casual

-Many years when we could not figure out logistics we did 1-2 night hotel staycations which were wonderful. Have a leisurely dinner, watch a show, luxury hotel but close enough that there was no stress if issue came up.
-as kids got older, we did a few 4 night trips (not every year, maybe once every 2-3 years). We always had a babysitter come who knew the kids schedule and would do all meals, drive to activities, and do dinner and bath. This made it much more manageable but was expensive so didn't do it often.
-elementary school years we would go once a year to a place with a great kids club in the Caribbean. We would often coordinate this trip with another family so all the kids knew each other. Every afternoon we would have some solo time which was great.
-We had 2 summers when kids were teens that they were both away at the same time for sleepaway camps and programs and we took advantage of that.
-Now we have one in high school and one entering college and I miss having us all together given their busy schedules.

I will also say that there was a period in our marriage with a lot of work travel when we really stopped prioritizing date nights, even short get aways, etc. and our marriage really suffered for it. Looking back it is something I would budget and plan for. It doesn't have to be a big trip but make your relationship a priority.

-We did Amsterdam, Brussels, Bruges last summer and teens loved it
-Singapore had amazing food but I would combine it with another country. We did Singapore and Thailand in the same trip.
-Japan is on our bucketlist and think it would be an amazing trip