In a fashion slump

[Anonymous]

I think quarantine did this to me. The only way I know how to look cute these days is wearing athletisure. I feel self-conscious wearing accessories or decently fashionable clothes or even nail polish. I feel like I'm trying too hard. It's like I'd rather present myself as somebody who just doesn't care than risk trying to look nice and failing.

I used to feel comfortable in skinny jeans, longish shirts, and ballet flats, but now I'm sick of that that look and skinny jeans just feel ridiculously tight. But then I'm not sure I have the energy or desire to delve into fashion and find things I like and that flatter my body.

By the way, I"m 38 with a 12 yo and a 9 yo. Is this why some moms get frumpy? Because at some point they lose track of fashion and are no longer sure what looks good and they get insecure about trying?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s Covid and age more than being a mom. Pre-Covid, I was going into the office every day. I wore my nice work clothes, did my hair and put on makeup. I paid more attention to fashion, although now I’m early 40s and can’t figure out what to wear so Covid gives me a reason to not worry about it. Now I wear shorts and t-shirts or sweatpants unless I have Zoom calls, which is only once per week or so. I hardly ever wear makeup now (and when I do it looks dated). I don’t know what to do with my hair so I pull it back every day.

It also gets hard in your late 30s/early 40s because we are not the target market for fashion. I can’t - and won’t - wear what the 20-somethings are wearing, but I’m also not ready to jump into Eileen Fisher or J.Jill. Also, hormones and post-pregnancy bodies make it hard to find styles that work for us. I love Vince, Jenni Kayne, etc, but the voluminous (“breezy”) LA-style look can be hideous on me. I like Theory but that skews a little young at times, especially for work.

The struggle to stay out of frump territory is real.

[Anonymous]

No advice but I feel completely the same.

[Anonymous]

OP can you find ways to take what you currently like and elevate it? Like don’t try to hit “super fashionable”, just aim for a more put together version of whatever you are gravitating towards.

It’s not cutting edge, but sometimes when I’m in a slump I look at The Mom Edit for ideas. I appreciate that many of them are wearing comfy mom clothes, but they make the effort to find tees that look cuter or layers that go together a bit more. They also incorporate a lot of athleisure— joggers, leggings, sweatshirts, etc. So it might not be that far off from what you are currently doing, but show you a way to style it or put it together that looks more fashionable.

I’m also climbing out of a Covid slump. I recently found a pair of menswear-inspired pants that are legitimately as comfy as sweats and that’s helping a ton. Because all I really want to wear is sweats (wearing them right now!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s Covid and age more than being a mom. Pre-Covid, I was going into the office every day. I wore my nice work clothes, did my hair and put on makeup. I paid more attention to fashion, although now I’m early 40s and can’t figure out what to wear so Covid gives me a reason to not worry about it. Now I wear shorts and t-shirts or sweatpants unless I have Zoom calls, which is only once per week or so. I hardly ever wear makeup now (and when I do it looks dated). I don’t know what to do with my hair so I pull it back every day.

It also gets hard in your late 30s/early 40s because we are not the target market for fashion. I can’t - and won’t - wear what the 20-somethings are wearing, but I’m also not ready to jump into Eileen Fisher or J.Jill. Also, hormones and post-pregnancy bodies make it hard to find styles that work for us. I love Vince, Jenni Kayne, etc, but the voluminous (“breezy”) LA-style look can be hideous on me. I like Theory but that skews a little young at times, especially for work.

The struggle to stay out of frump territory is real.

My mom gave me a gift card to J. Jill for my 40th birthday and it felt like an act of violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s Covid and age more than being a mom. Pre-Covid, I was going into the office every day. I wore my nice work clothes, did my hair and put on makeup. I paid more attention to fashion, although now I’m early 40s and can’t figure out what to wear so Covid gives me a reason to not worry about it. Now I wear shorts and t-shirts or sweatpants unless I have Zoom calls, which is only once per week or so. I hardly ever wear makeup now (and when I do it looks dated). I don’t know what to do with my hair so I pull it back every day.

It also gets hard in your late 30s/early 40s because we are not the target market for fashion. I can’t - and won’t - wear what the 20-somethings are wearing, but I’m also not ready to jump into Eileen Fisher or J.Jill. Also, hormones and post-pregnancy bodies make it hard to find styles that work for us. I love Vince, Jenni Kayne, etc, but the voluminous (“breezy”) LA-style look can be hideous on me. I like Theory but that skews a little young at times, especially for work.

The struggle to stay out of frump territory is real.

My mom gave me a gift card to J. Jill for my 40th birthday and it felt like an act of violence.

+1 my MiL gave me one for my 40th too. The worst part is I found a beautiful sweater and scarf that I wore until threadbare. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s Covid and age more than being a mom. Pre-Covid, I was going into the office every day. I wore my nice work clothes, did my hair and put on makeup. I paid more attention to fashion, although now I’m early 40s and can’t figure out what to wear so Covid gives me a reason to not worry about it. Now I wear shorts and t-shirts or sweatpants unless I have Zoom calls, which is only once per week or so. I hardly ever wear makeup now (and when I do it looks dated). I don’t know what to do with my hair so I pull it back every day.

It also gets hard in your late 30s/early 40s because we are not the target market for fashion. I can’t - and won’t - wear what the 20-somethings are wearing, but I’m also not ready to jump into Eileen Fisher or J.Jill. Also, hormones and post-pregnancy bodies make it hard to find styles that work for us. I love Vince, Jenni Kayne, etc, but the voluminous (“breezy”) LA-style look can be hideous on me. I like Theory but that skews a little young at times, especially for work.

The struggle to stay out of frump territory is real.

My mom gave me a gift card to J. Jill for my 40th birthday and it felt like an act of violence.

+1 my MiL gave me one for my 40th too. The worst part is I found a beautiful sweater and scarf that I wore until threadbare. Ugh.

I bought shoes— they have reasonably cute ones. I got a couple pairs of Superga’s. I still resent her for it, though. She is really eager for me to “give up” and I find it very irritating. I might be more inclined to do it if she didn’t want it so bad. It brings out the teenager in me, only instead of wearing ripped jeans and heavy eyeliner, I just refuse to wear elastic waist pants or flown tops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP can you find ways to take what you currently like and elevate it? Like don’t try to hit “super fashionable”, just aim for a more put together version of whatever you are gravitating towards.

It’s not cutting edge, but sometimes when I’m in a slump I look at The Mom Edit for ideas. I appreciate that many of them are wearing comfy mom clothes, but they make the effort to find tees that look cuter or layers that go together a bit more. They also incorporate a lot of athleisure— joggers, leggings, sweatshirts, etc. So it might not be that far off from what you are currently doing, but show you a way to style it or put it together that looks more fashionable.

I’m also climbing out of a Covid slump. I recently found a pair of menswear-inspired pants that are legitimately as comfy as sweats and that’s helping a ton. Because all I really want to wear is sweats (wearing them right now!).

Share a link to the pants! Not OP, but I could use some new ones for Fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP can you find ways to take what you currently like and elevate it? Like don’t try to hit “super fashionable”, just aim for a more put together version of whatever you are gravitating towards.

It’s not cutting edge, but sometimes when I’m in a slump I look at The Mom Edit for ideas. I appreciate that many of them are wearing comfy mom clothes, but they make the effort to find tees that look cuter or layers that go together a bit more. They also incorporate a lot of athleisure— joggers, leggings, sweatshirts, etc. So it might not be that far off from what you are currently doing, but show you a way to style it or put it together that looks more fashionable.

I’m also climbing out of a Covid slump. I recently found a pair of menswear-inspired pants that are legitimately as comfy as sweats and that’s helping a ton. Because all I really want to wear is sweats (wearing them right now!).

Share a link to the pants! Not OP, but I could use some new ones for Fall.

https://www.loft.com/button-tab-tapered-pants-in-twill/567429

[Anonymous]

The silhouette you're wearing - skinny jeans, longer top, ballet flats - has changed the past few years. The items below are not fashion forward, they are everyday wearables. Same as what you're already doing but with a more current shape.

Try slim, straight jeans instead of skinny.

Try a sneaker or chunkier shoe/boot instead of ballet flats.

Crop tops are for the youth, but around mid-hip or an inch higher is doable for most people. Avoid tunic-y tops, but overly long sweater-coats (like, past the knee) are a thing, not my personal favorite. Chunky, oversized sweaters, but no waterfall cardigans.

https://www.madewell.com/authentic-stovepipe-jeans-in-glynn-wash-NA911.html?dwvar_NA911_color=DM5128&cgid=apparel-jeans-straight#start=10

https://www.nordstrom.com/s/nike-blazer-low-77-sneaker-women/5753019?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=102

https://www.nordstrom.com/s/marc-fisher-ltd-padmia-chelsea-boot-women/5918027?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FShoes%2FBooties&color=001


https://www.stories.com/en_usd/clothing/tops/tops-t-shirts/product.embroidered-sleeve-top-black.0990328002.html

https://www.nordstrom.com/s/free-people-sweetheart-mock-neck-sweater/5684214?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=250

[Anonymous]

Sign up for trunk club or see a stylist at a department store. Wearing skinny jeans and the like are aging you.

[Anonymous]

Plus one on trunk club.

And if you're up for a hunt, consider thrift shops. I've bought pieces that were out of my "Norm" this way because the prices are so low it's worth a gamble.

I've gotten some gems this way! It's feast or famine in my experience- today I went to kill time before a meeting and ended up leaving with Paige straight cut jeans, two TopShop sweaters (one with tags still), 2 pairs of shoes - Cole Hann with no visible wear & cut Jessica Simpson heels with tags. AND I was eyeballing a Furla purse & asked the employee if he thought I could get a scuff out on the bottom of the bag- he said not sure but I'll take %15 off if you want it because of the mark. All of that was less than $50!

The jeans and sweater/jacket thing look ontrend, the shoes are pretty timeless and I just liked the bag. So might not be a total revamp but freshens things up and let's me spend more on a few this season pieces.

Also-old school advice but I only wear colors that favor me on top now (no pastels or tans) and I always have on either small diamond studs or super thin hoops; jewelry by the face always helps.

[Anonymous]

My hair dresser has said that only old women wear skinny jeans and those longish tops. It’s just not a popular look anymore, which is a shame because my 35 year old self looks best in them (I have long thin legs and a short square torso). She also told me my side part needs to go, so there’s that. I feel you OP. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sticking to athleisure. Honestly some of it is really cute. If you want to look more polished, try some straight jeans and a chunky sandal. No need to go overboard and start looking like Billie Eilish, she looks kind of like a hot mess in my opinion anyway.

[Anonymous]

Just get a stylist. You can look fun and hip and not "over done".

I am lucky. I've had/have 3 stylists in my life.

When I was 32 my secretary literally said, I can't stand the way you dress and took me shopping. (I'm am tragic.)

I have a best friend who helps me with dresses and such, she sends me links all the time... "this looks like you".

My H is very stylish and he buys me the best outfits to keep me from being frumpy.

[Anonymous]

NP. Turning 40 next month and totally get what you mean. Summer is a little easier for me because I mostly wear dresses to work and don't have to coordinate separate items of clothing.

Post pandemic I've just been keeping it basic. My workplace is casual and now most of our meetings are virtual anyway so no need to get all done up. I just bought a bunch of basic stuff from J Crew on sale - short sleeve cashmere sweater, long sleeve tees, a button down shirt dress, a cotton long T shirt dress. I also got a cute pair of slip on sneakers from Nordstrom Rack. I already have one great pair of Madewell jeans that I love and I bought a bunch of cashmere sweaters on sale over the holidays last year. I need new boots but I don't know if I can pull off the chunky thick soled ones that are in right now.

When all else fails I just throw a blazer over whatever I'm wearing. I'd rather focus on being in good shape than having a ton of clothes and all the latest fashions.