Having Second Thoughts

[Anonymous]

My 3.5 year old has been home since the start of the pandemic (was in daycare beforehand). We've since added a baby and hired a nanny. We've enrolled the 3.5 year old in a part-time preschool starting in September, but with Delta cases rising, I'm getting nervous about sending her. We (parents) are vaccinated, as is nanny. Baby is almost a year old.

For those of you that sent your kids to preschool/daycare last year or are planning to send them this year, please help me feel better about this decision. My daughter is extremely extroverted and I think school will be very good for her, but I'm nervous about exposing her to Covid or having her bring it home to the baby. I feel like she's not getting enough stimulation, arts/crafts, etc. at home because the baby can be demanding, but that should get better as baby is getting older and a little more independent.

One additional consideration is that we regularly see an immunocompromised grandparent, which we have all felt comfortable with because we have been fairly isolated so far. She's very close to her grandparents and attending preschool might mean seeing grandparents less or not seeing them at all for extended periods of time. What is better for a 3.5 year old - preschool with her peers or regular (2-3 times/month) time with grandparents?

[Anonymous]

How are the COVID protocols at preschool?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you and I would simply view risks quite differently. My kids have been going to daycare throughout the pandemic. My spouse is immunosuppressed, and has been going to work in-person as a healthcare provider throughout the pandemic. A couple grandparents are also on immunosuppressants, which did mean in-person visits were limited during case surges before the vaccines were available.

We weren't particularly happy with a lot of these decisions, but we also didn't think we had much of a choice. We needed to go to work. Our kids needed daycare and therapy services. So, we always approached decisions based on what was needed- both individually and collectively, and worked back from there without agonizing over the associated risks that we couldn't control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are the COVID protocols at preschool?

They seem reasonable - teachers and kids in masks, but obviously 3 year olds are not great at wearing masks, and masks come off for snack/lunch/drinks, etc. Limiting interaction between classrooms, more outside time, parents drop off/pick up outside. I believe they had one covid case in the school last year and no spread within the school.

It's helpful to hear how others have made decisions. We've had the privilege of being fairly isolated - both still working from home, able to afford a nanny to care for the kids at home. We were more cautious last year due to pregnancy/newborn, but now that the baby is getting older, we signed our daughter up for preschool. I'm trying to figure out how much of my second thoughts are reasonable versus just anxiety/uncertainty. She could stay home with the nanny, so preschool is just for her socialization/development (which is obviously still important), but not a necessity. We will follow the grandparents' lead on how comfortable they are seeing us if she is in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you and I would simply view risks quite differently. My kids have been going to daycare throughout the pandemic. My spouse is immunosuppressed, and has been going to work in-person as a healthcare provider throughout the pandemic. A couple grandparents are also on immunosuppressants, which did mean in-person visits were limited during case surges before the vaccines were available.

We weren't particularly happy with a lot of these decisions, but we also didn't think we had much of a choice. We needed to go to work. Our kids needed daycare and therapy services. So, we always approached decisions based on what was needed- both individually and collectively, and worked back from there without agonizing over the associated risks that we couldn't control.

Thanks for this perspective. I guess what I'm struggling with is how "needed" it is to send a 3.5 year old to preschool. We have childcare at home, so sending her to school is just for her development. I think she will benefit from school, espcially with her personality, but maybe it's not really important to attend school at her age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you and I would simply view risks quite differently. My kids have been going to daycare throughout the pandemic. My spouse is immunosuppressed, and has been going to work in-person as a healthcare provider throughout the pandemic. A couple grandparents are also on immunosuppressants, which did mean in-person visits were limited during case surges before the vaccines were available.

We weren't particularly happy with a lot of these decisions, but we also didn't think we had much of a choice. We needed to go to work. Our kids needed daycare and therapy services. So, we always approached decisions based on what was needed- both individually and collectively, and worked back from there without agonizing over the associated risks that we couldn't control.

Thanks for this perspective. I guess what I'm struggling with is how "needed" it is to send a 3.5 year old to preschool. We have childcare at home, so sending her to school is just for her development. I think she will benefit from school, espcially with her personality, but maybe it's not really important to attend school at her age.

PP here. I don't think it's a matter of age as much as development. If she's developed appropriate social skills for her age, then she's probably doing fine. Mine weren't, so we moved them into separate, larger preschool programs geared towards their particular needs.

In general I think there's tremendous value in exposing young kids to structured preschool settings, for both educational and socialization reasons. And I suspect that's not terribly controversial to say. But each person is going to view personal risks very differently, which will obviously strongly influence the cost-benefit analysis.

I will say you seem to have realistic expectations regarding masking and mitigations at that age. I haven't seen good mask compliance among the 3 year olds in my son's class. The teachers still try, but it's pretty clearly just for show. You might want to double check classroom seperation policies. They do that at one of my son's preschool too, but only during the main part of the day. Before 8:30am and after 4:30pm the kids end up in the same room.

[Anonymous]

I would send my kid to preschool and continue to see grandparents as long as everyone is healthy. Covid isn’t going anywhere. After delta there will be another variant. After kids are vaccinated, there will be breakthrough cases.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am in a very similar situation to you. Son is 3.5 and daughter is 1, we have a nanny at home. We do not have grandparents nearby so that wasn’t a consideration. We started sending DS to part time preschool last winter before he turned 3, and it’s been an absolute joy for him (and us). He had just turned two when the pandemic started, and *need* school. Now he does. They don’t require the kids wear masks because of the difficulties PPs have expressed with kids that age actually effectively masking, but the teachers are all masked and vaccinated, kids are outside a lot, and cohorted. It’s three hours a day and there was only one positive Covid case of a student last year after the Christmas break so the kid didn’t even return to school for two extra weeks. I’m nervous about delta being more contagious (and serous? Evidence is unclear) but we really loved the school and watched our son thrive in the environment. At this point, we’re taking the risk and hoping for the best. I know I’ll feel infinitely better when he’s able to get a vaccine, but who knows when that will be.

[Anonymous]

OP, just sharing my experience, but our kids have been back in childcare since last summer. DH has worked in person throughout, so we always accepted a level of risk, which probably made going back to daycare less agonizing. Knock on wood, it's been fine. They're both at a center now with pretty rigorous protocols, but my youngest was initially back at an in-home daycare where none of the kids wore masks. It was fine there too, I still keep in touch with parents there and they've still had no known cases. FWIW, I think 2yos wearing masks is more for show/practice than anything. If they were to eliminate the requirement for that age I'd be 100% fine with it.

Can't relate to the grandparents question as ours don't live nearby, but it seems like you could just have outdoor visits for a while, right? We know families who visited with their grandparents outdoors all last winter.

[Anonymous]

I'll share my experience too - my DS has been back at preschool since last July. There have been two times that someone has gotten COVID (once and teacher and once a student) and both times no one else got sick. The protocols that daycares are using are working well. I'm definitely of the opinion that daycare is really important for my son's well-being and happiness and that's worth a small risk to me.

Is the immunocompromised grandparent vaccinated? Are they going to get a 3rd shot?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks all for sharing your perspectives. I'm definitely leaning toward sending her because I think it will be really good for her development, but I was just feeling like maybe it was foolish to send her when it wasn't necessary from a childcare perspective.

We are treating immunocompromised grandparent as unvaccinated because clinical trials have shown that similar patients have not had an immune response to the vaccine. No information yet on whether the booster will help that, but unfortunately the vaccine has not been effective with the particular condition we're dealing with. Perhaps we can just keep her home to quarantine before holidays and otherwise just have outdoor visits. Grandparents are very supportive of her starting school.

[Anonymous]

We had DD in daycare all last summer and through early fall, but the difference then was: 1) everything was shut down and DD never got sick with anything; and 2) no Delta.

This year, the hardest thing for us has been the non-stop stream of non-COVID illnesses that DD gets. You can set a clock by it- sick every two weeks. Due to heightened illness protocols, she is home at least a week each time and we can't do this every two weeks anymore.

She's also gotten some nasty viruses that have made her feel rotten. The viruses circulating now are bad because they were on lockdown all last year.

So even if your child doesn't get COVID, he/she will probably be a home A LOT with non-COVID stuff. It sucks. As much as I hate it, we are getting a nanny and taking her out of school because the family system is stretching too much.

[Anonymous]

I will share my experience. We had a nanny for many years who was wonderful, but my kids, especially my four-year-old, desperately needed more socialization. My two-year-old was also not really talking. Every specialist we saw recommended some kind of school. The pandemic made the normal nanny type outings a lot harder because the library, etc was closed. My oldest, who is a super social kid, was really bummed out and having a ton of behavioral issues.

So.. we enrolled them in full-time daycare, which was a huge leap for me.

I have never regretted my decision for a second. Both kids are thriving developmentally. They are much happier. DH and I are much happier. My oldest wears a mask without a problem. My youngest does not, and he has had some illnesses ​but nothing major. In fact, the only time both have them have been truly sick for the past several months was RSV and we did not get that at daycare.

To me, the risk to a kid’s mental health and development is more significant than the risk of COVID. The protocols they are using work, most parents are very good about keeping kids home when they are not well, and even if they were to get COVID, the risk of them getting gravely ill is still very minor. I would go for it OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had DD in daycare all last summer and through early fall, but the difference then was: 1) everything was shut down and DD never got sick with anything; and 2) no Delta.

This year, the hardest thing for us has been the non-stop stream of non-COVID illnesses that DD gets. You can set a clock by it- sick every two weeks. Due to heightened illness protocols, she is home at least a week each time and we can't do this every two weeks anymore.

She's also gotten some nasty viruses that have made her feel rotten. The viruses circulating now are bad because they were on lockdown all last year.

So even if your child doesn't get COVID, he/she will probably be a home A LOT with non-COVID stuff. It sucks. As much as I hate it, we are getting a nanny and taking her out of school because the family system is stretching too much.

Maybe, but that hasn't been our experience. We've actually had fewer illnesses, I presume due to all the masking, handwashing, etc. I don't know, maybe we've just been lucky (probably jinxing us now!).

[Anonymous]

This is similar to our situation, and we are sending our daughter to her morning nursery school program as planned. No, we don't "need" to, but she's social and really wants to spend some time with people other than her parents, nanny and sibling.

We probably wouldn't have done it if our nursery school didn't have such strong covid policies...they are taking only half the number of students this year (6 per class), they have good masking and separation/cohort strategies, and all teachers and parents/caregivers were required to provide proof of vaccination. We also have an older child at a small private school with similarly excellent covid policies...we kept him at home doing virtual lessons even though his school was open all last year, and we are sending him this year.

We did include our nanny in all of these discussions/decisions -- it was ultimately our call, but we wanted her to feel included and respected since it affects her too.