Platonic marriage?

[Anonymous]

I’d like to get married and have kids, but I don’t particularly care how my future spouse looks. Is this unusual?

[Anonymous]

OP here. What I mean is I don’t care about their height or appearance.

[Anonymous]

Define unusual.

Do you want a long, happy marriage, or a sperm donor?

If you will not be having sex after the conceptions are accomplished, unhappiness/divorce will be more likely.

[Anonymous]

Please don't.

[Anonymous]

Lots of DCUM marriages are platonic. It works because the husband has a girlfriend for sex. It is not unusual at all.

[Anonymous]

Not sure what you mean. You don’t care how she looks and therefore it would be platonic?

Why don’t you adopt a kid? Or do you just want a partner there to raise your kid for you while you continue to live your life?

I think for any coparenting to work (whether living together or not) you still have to have some love and respect for the other parent. Think carefully before bringing it a kid into some kind of dystopian platonic partnership agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I mean is I don’t care about their height or appearance.

I don't think you understand what "platonic" means.

Do you mean that you want to marry solely to procreate and there would be no other sex except for the purpose of having kids? But you would also want to be in a marriage for purposes of legality, pooling money, insurance, raising children--? But as friends who have a biological child together but are not in love and not having sex with each other? That is an arrangement that surely is possible but you need to find someone who is on exactly the same page about all that; who would not withhold the money, support, insurance, whatever; who would not fall in love with you and want you to reciprocate. Do you expect to be able to have sex partners outside the arranged marriage-for-kids? Do you expect your spouse to have sex partners outside it? Are you OK with having sex with your spouse even if you have no sexual interest in your spouse but spouse just wants sex?

It sounds very transactional and contractual. Maybe adopt as a single adult or use sperm or egg donation and a surrogate to get the child you want.

Also: you're very simplistically equating "not caring about how my spouse appears" with "platonic/no sexual attraction between us/no interest in having a sex life with this person."

You do realize that it's entirely possible to be attracted to and want to have sex with someone whose appearance you don't "care about" (whatever you mean by that)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of DCUM marriages are platonic. It works because the husband has a girlfriend for sex. It is not unusual at all.

Ohhhh.... so only men and "girlfriends" have sex drives and married women do not have them. Got it.

Guess those platonic marriages where the man can't perform, or turns off the wife due to his being a jerk, are just a myth. Thanks for the update.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of DCUM marriages are platonic. It works because the husband has a girlfriend for sex. It is not unusual at all.

Ohhhh.... so only men and "girlfriends" have sex drives and married women do not have them. Got it.

Guess those platonic marriages where the man can't perform, or turns off the wife due to his being a jerk, are just a myth. Thanks for the update.

Honestly, just ignore this guy because this is his response all the time. No use in engaging him ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:don’t care about their height or appearance.

. This doesn't mean platonic. Most sexually frustrated, heavyset guys think I married for money (I made double his income) because DH isn't the generic blue-eyed prep, but there is nobody else I'd rather sleep with. More romantically successful men don't think people are all that shallow. Skills and self-assurance go far and I think you are probably very pretty as someone once said "I bet [his wife] is good-looking. He's not secure enough to date someone who isn't".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of DCUM marriages are platonic. It works because the husband has a girlfriend for sex. It is not unusual at all.

Based on this forum, I'd say lots of DCUM marriages are platonic because the bedroom is dead and the husband is in agony because he doesn't want to cheat or get divorced.

[Anonymous]

Not initially. By the second child he was all work and platonic.

[Anonymous]

Do you really not care? Or do you just mean you can find a wide variety of men attractive and he doesn't have to be an Idris Elba or Brad Pitt?


Because it's totally fine to have a type different from the norm.

But I do think you should be attracted to your spouse in some way.

Just settling for any available guy because you want to check husband and kids off your list is a recipe for disaster. I know so many women who have done that and are miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of DCUM marriages are platonic. It works because the husband has a girlfriend for sex. It is not unusual at all.

Based on this forum, I'd say lots of DCUM marriages are platonic because the bedroom is dead and the husband is in agony because he doesn't want to cheat or get divorced.

I don’t know many men who persist in sexless agony. It’s not really cheating when the wife is uninterested.

[Anonymous]

Plutonic is better than Platonic.