Middle of the night texts from friend

[Anonymous]

Platonic friend with very dramatic and emotional life texts me at 3:30am - 5am at least once a week. We are different time zones. He knows my time zone very well. He also knows that I go to bed early and leave my phone on overnight because my elderly parent lives alone and I worry that I will be called if urgent issues arise. I don’t sleep well, period — never have — and once awake I am up for good. We have covered this. I do not respond to any middle of the night texts until mid day.

I have very few friends these days because I work so much and when I’m not at work, I am with my family. Poor balance, I know. I expect it will change as my child gets older.

Is this friend being inconsiderate? Yes. I know that. Am I lonelier than normal during the pandemic and being too lenient and forgiving? Apparently.

How would you firmly but compassionately say “stop f-ing waking me up; I love you as a friend; we’ve covered this; your drama is not urgent and is not mine to shoulder; I still want and need and love you as a friend but don’t like you very much right now and I am already SO exhausted”?

[Anonymous]

I would mute his number at night. Or mute your phone but just set the number for your elderly relative to ring through. Then reply to the texts when you are awake and ready to do so. If he gets mad that you don’t respond at night, just calmly explain that sleep is really important to you and you need to prioritize it. Set the boundary firmly but gently.

If he is a true friend, he will respect this. If he gets mad or stops talking to you, then you know his main interest in you was having someone he could take advantage of. People do that. They find someone who will be a doormat and then push them to see how far it goes. That’s not friendship.

I am sorry you are lonely though. I have been in your situation and I know the pandemic makes it worse. But you deserve real friends. Even one real friend us better than a half dozen people who are just trying to take advantage of your loneliness. Trust me on this— I’ve had both situations and the one friend is better. Expect more from people, and you will attract better people to you.

[Anonymous]

OP, tell your friend what you just said. If they continue the non urgent nocturnal texting, block them before bed and unblock after you wake up.

[Anonymous]

I would be very blunt at this point.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who does this. I block him from 9 pm to next morning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, tell your friend what you just said. If they continue the non urgent nocturnal texting, block them before bed and unblock after you wake up.

Takes 2 seconds to do this and you will not get disturbed in the middle of the night by this individual.

[Anonymous]

I have done this by mistake with a friend who lives in the pacific time zone (I am EST). We text a lot in general an on occasion I have sent or replied to something without thinking and then realized / remembered and then I don't want to send the "oops sorry" text because it's another text at the wrong time. It's not necessarily meant to be disruptive. I like the suggestion to just mute the number -- try not to take it so personally or ascribe so much meaning to his/her actions.

[Anonymous]

Put your friends number on Do Not Disturb. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

You should use a sleep setting on your phone

[Anonymous]

Or mute your phone but just set the number for your elderly relative to ring through.

There is a way to do this it's not that hard to set DND for a time period every night but certain numbers are always allowed. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

All of the above. I love it. My DS is home from college and works until late. I usually have my phone on do not disturb after 10pm but I set just his number to ring through.

I donn my stones awake with texts from different people but most have realized I don’t answer so don’t text late.

Also it’s perfectly an understandable mistake to forget someone is in a diff time zone, especially if they are drinking or depressed late at night.,

[Anonymous]

Are you married? “Platonic friend” texting my spouse at 3 and 5 am routinely would be a big issue and not just able waking us up

[Anonymous]

Do not disturb but allow close contacts to ring you. It's an easy setup.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend on my HS friend text chain that lives in california that used to complain when we would all text in the morning. Mute it, idiot! We told her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not disturb but allow close contacts to ring you. It's an easy setup.

+1

Or tell your friend to email you as it seems that you may not know how to use this function on a phone.