How to have a drama-free morning with my 8 y/o daughter?!?

[Anonymous]

She has never liked getting up in the morning and it's getting worse. She whines, complains, throws a fit, stomps around, it's all more than I can handle with two other kids who are also trying to get ready in the morning. My other two don't like getting up either, but they seem to understand it is part of life and not worth the repeated nonsense day after day.

Literally, she will lie in bed until the very last minute, then she doesn't like what I've picked for her to wear (she can also pick but then that never works either b/c she can't find the thing she wants, etc), then she doesn't like her breakfast, won't brush her hair or her teeth, it's just EXHAUSTING fighting this same battle daily.

I've tried natural consequences (being tardy to school - she doesn't care), making her miss or be late for her fun activities, etc. I've tried harsher penalties at home if she starts drama in the AM, tried an alarm clock in her own room, getting her up earlier so she can warm up slowly, letting her sleep as late as humanly possible, going to be earlier, etc.

I don't know what else to do, but I'm SICK of her attitude and it's effect on the other kids and my mood. She's 8 years old, and acts like a moody, bitchy teenager already. HELP!!

[Anonymous]

OP I was an AP for a girl like this and I feel your pain. I'm not a morning person myself so I can totally relate but life goes on and they have to understand.
What helped us a lot was to pick the clothes and prepare the backpack the night before and have her chose the bfast menu in advance for the week.
Also, the less I interacted the better: I would walk in and say "you have to be up in 10min" walk back in 10 min and say "time to brush hair/teeth" the lesser talk the more action from her I would get. It was always funny to see her running down the driveway towards the bus stop swallowing a granola bar whole or brushing her hair.
Praising her baby sister in front of her while she got ready on her own worked too. The little one was always happy and ready to help in the morning so eventually the drama queen got the clue.
Not that we suddenly had a princess joining us for bfast every morning but it got a lot better since. Also with Spring coming along I hope you can have some extra smiles in the morning GL.

[Anonymous]

I like the pp's suggestions, especially doing as much prep as possible the night before. The other thing that helps in our house is a morning check list. Here's my 8 yo DD's check list (I make lunches for everyone assembly line style so that's why she doesn't have that on her list). She gets up at 7am and the times are when she should be finished with each step. There's a copy hanging in her bedroom and in the kitchen.

Make bed - 7:10
Get dressed - 7:30
Practice piano - 8am
Eat breakfast - 8:20
Brush teeth and hair - 8:30
Put on shoes and coat and leave - 8:35

I also have younger children and would be frustrated if my 8 yo was derailing our morning routine. Other than helping her get organized the night before and writing a check list with her, I would let her suffer the consequences of actions. Seriously, if she prepares the night before and has a checklist yet she's still not ready on time, pack up whatever didn't done (clothes, tooth brush, hair brush, breakfast, shoes) and make her carry them to school in a bag. I would not respond to her protests and walk away as much as possible. That way she feels that she's her sole audiance and she's the only one who is affected by her choices. I bet you'll see an immediate improvement after that.

[Anonymous]

PP: Your post gave me this image of mom walking her out the door in her pajamas carrying all this stuff! LOL! That might really end the drama!

[Anonymous]

I can so totally relate to you as I have three non-morning person kids, one of which is a drama queen. And, not being a morning person myself, I can so totally relate to your daughter. Here's what I do. Everything gets done at night - picking out clothes, packing backpacks, picking out breakfast, etc. I only allow deviations in choice of clothes or breakfast with permission and an idea - ie, Mom, I want to wear this instead, not just I don't want to wear this. I keep chores to a minimum in the morning - get dressed, pull the comforter up on the bed, eat, and brush teeth and I don't get bent out of shape if the bed isn't made, though it must be done after school if it isn't done in the morning. I have allotted a specific amount of time for each activity. If you are not dressed by the deadline, I dress you. If you have not finished breakfast, I throw it in the trash. If you do not move quickly enough to brush your teeth, I brush them for you. It sounds like I take on a lot, but really the only thing I regularly do is throw away part of breakfast, so it's not so bad in practice.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a lot of what is posted already. I am not a morning person and neither is my daughter. She wears a uniform so we just make sure we have the jumper hanging up and shoes in the same place every night. So all that happens is socks and underwear comes out of the drawer in the morning along with a clean shirt and then she alternates between a few skirts. Before she wore a uniform, I had weeklong hanging organizer in the closet and I made up outfits down to the socks and underwear and put them in the organzier. Your daughter could certainly pick out her clothing for the week and put it all in such an organizer. Breakfast is one of two things on the weekdays. Pick one and eat it. And the backpack and lunch is done the evening before. She happily brushes her own teeth now and I turned her hair over to her because apparently I pull too much. She brushes her own hair and is thrilled about it. If she is dawdling too much, I turn off the tv, she has to catch up to my satisfaction before I will turn it on.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the good advice so far. I have tried many of those things but not all at the same time.

My dd LOVES an ice cream smoothie for breakfast, and I'm going to use that as leverage for coming to the kitchen dressed, hair and teeth brushed, and ready for school. I also like the idea of laying out 5 complete outfits in a weekly hanging closet organizer (we have one). She can swap out days if she likes, but by Friday, there's just one outfit hanging there, kwim?

Like a PP, she doesn't have much to do other than get up, get dressed, brush hair and teeth, and eat breakfast. Very child-centric, I wish I had it so easy! Making her bed is a pipe dream for now... She's been tardy a few times and I hate for that to happen. You'd think she'd hate going to the office, but somehow she just doesn't care.

Here's what I think I'll try after Spring Break next week:
-- Bag packed for school the night before
--Letting her pick out an alarm clock and setting it for 6:45 so she has 15 minutes to adjust to the idea of getting out of bed
-- Putting 5 outfits in the organizer. Her choice daily.
-- Removing myself from the room so her drama is limited to herself.
-- If she is not downstairs dressed, and brushed, she does not get a smoothie and has to eat a to-go type handheld food.
-- If she's not ready to go at 7:40 when it's drop dead time to go, she takes everything with her in a disheveled state in her backpack.

If this fails to provide success, I will also take her iTouch for the next week until she has 5 days in a row with no drama and earns it back for the following week.

I am just so exhausted from the anticipation of the drama, I will do anything required to nip this in the bud at age 8.

[Anonymous]

Great advice for you OP. I can't even thing of having the tv on though, my kids are way to distractible. I took a PEP seminar on the "morning" issue and took away to turn as much of the responsibility over to them as possible. They suggested talking to the school beforehand so that penalties could be levied for repeat tardiness. I agree that if she is not ready when it's the time to go, everything can go in a bag and she can go "as is". If hearing her stresses you out they suggeted ear plugs. She is going to have to get herself up and out the door for the rest of her life so just disengage and let her learn. One thing that really tamped down the drama was for me to get ready quicky (my other 2 are quick too) and for the 3 of us to do something really fun before leaving time, like Hullabaloo or Twister. Really got Drama Queen moving more quickly and helped break the pattern, also more fun for the rest of us than watching her fuss.

[Anonymous]

Have you thought about getting one of those clocks that slowly increases the light in the room? Maybe she's just not wired for mornings. The light will start to wake her up before she's actually conscious of the process. It's much less jarring than an alarm.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she needs to go to bed earlier--can you readjust the bedtime schedule?

[Anonymous]

20:24 is right. You need to make that a priority.

Furthermore, after you tell her you are starting the new regime, tell her the following: Your bed time will depend on how you act in the morning. Your normal bedtime will be 8:30 (or whatever works for your kid). If you cause me trouble in the morning, you will have to go to bed at 8:00 or even earlier that night because your behavior will show me that you are tired.

Then, make sure you aren't asking too much. If she's slow to move, then wake her early enough to move through the routine slowly. Takes my kid 60 minutes every morning. Takes me (including feeding him), only 30.

[Anonymous]

20:30 here again: I like 12:27. She doesn't muck around.

[Anonymous]

One of your best ideas is to remove yourself from her room and leave her to her drama.

Have her set out her things the night before and choose her breakfast, etc. In the morning either set a time frame for each thing, and whatever isn't done she goes without. Or.. move the drop dead leaving time 5 minutes back.. and whatever she hasn't done by that time goes without doing. Add it to her after school routine, and move her bedtime back that night by however many minutes she missed in the morning.

Don't play her drama games, put the responsibility on her. She's old enough to do it. If she's not a morning person that's fine, but she's going to have to learn to function without making anyone else miserable anyway.

[Anonymous]

Your 8 year old has an itouch?

[Anonymous]

I'm not a morning person and as a sad irony I have the responsibility for getting my two young daughters out in the morning (one daughter really being like me to wake up in the morning). At 4 and 5, I've already had my fair share of morning drama. At a minimum, we turn on the light 10 minutes before they have to get up. I do not like being waked up and expected to pop out of bed that minute .. I need some gradual waking up time. My youngest daughter takes after me in that way. We also work into the schedule a short t.v. show in the morning. I literally bring them in their chairs half asleep and by the end of the show they are at least awake. Now sometimes translating that into dressing quickly is another thing. For now, competition has worked. When they get older, not sure what I will use. Also, clothes have to be laid out the night before and no substitutions - none. We would have mucho drama over wanting to wear a different shirt but not being able to find said different shirt because it was in the hamper etc.

One other thing we did for awhile is when the girls were doing martial arts there was a responsibility/behavior sheet and it had different things like making your bed, taking care of yourself, completing homework etc. and we would look at it each night. The girls made more an effort to make their bed when we did this.