Un-affectionate infant

[Anonymous]

This is my fourth kid, but they are all so different so I guess I’m just looking for others that may have experienced this. My first kid is I affectionate, was slow to move (lots of PT) but very happy engaged and able to communicate. She still tends to be less affectionate, but asks for hugs from me, but I can tell she’s not totally comfortable with being affectionate with others.
Middle two were normal snuggly kids - still are.

This little guy is 11mos and delayed a bit with motor skills and no real words or babbling. He’s super engaged and has a good sense of humor and we’ve had him evaluated with a therapist who doesn’t see major flags .... BUT he’s totally not affectionate. He reminds me of my oldest so much, with the exception that she was such a good communicator. Anyone else have babies like this ? He wants to constantly be around us and engaged with his and laughs like crazy, but doesn’t want to snuggle, hug, nuzzle in etc.

[Anonymous]

Babies with delayed motor skills often come across as less physically affectionate because they don't reach up with their arms to be picked up, don't ask for hugs, and can't provide the other standard physical markers of "affection" that parents look for. Then parents start wondering if the baby is autistic when the baby simply can't physically coordinate snuggles, hugs, etc. Coordinating kisses may be difficult too.

I know it's hard -- I have a child who was delayed. But look for affection in facial expressions and know that your baby adores you.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how physically delayed he is, but maybe you could teach him or work with him on how to reach for you? A PT or OT would be the ones to ask. If he turns to you for comfort when upset, even if just to look for you, that shows he’s attached. That’s the main thing, I think.

[Anonymous]

What motor skills is he delayed with and how much?

The lack of words is not a concern yet, but the lack of babbling is a concern.

Fwiw, my son at that age did not have motor delays but was not physically affectionate, didn't like to be cuddled etc. However, he was still very social, wanted to be around us and play peekaboo etc. He has mild-moderate Autism. He had babbling that resembled adult speech in terms of intonation which can also be a red flag. But this is just one case and its really way too soon to see any signs yet.

Gross motor delays and no babbling should be a concern, but it could easily just be a delay. I am surprised the therapist didn't tell you this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What motor skills is he delayed with and how much?

The lack of words is not a concern yet, but the lack of babbling is a concern.

Fwiw, my son at that age did not have motor delays but was not physically affectionate, didn't like to be cuddled etc. However, he was still very social, wanted to be around us and play peekaboo etc. He has mild-moderate Autism. He had babbling that resembled adult speech in terms of intonation which can also be a red flag. But this is just one case and its really way too soon to see any signs yet.

Gross motor delays and no babbling should be a concern, but it could easily just be a delay. I am surprised the therapist didn't tell you this?

Did you notice any other signs in early todderhood that you can share?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What motor skills is he delayed with and how much?

The lack of words is not a concern yet, but the lack of babbling is a concern.

Fwiw, my son at that age did not have motor delays but was not physically affectionate, didn't like to be cuddled etc. However, he was still very social, wanted to be around us and play peekaboo etc. He has mild-moderate Autism. He had babbling that resembled adult speech in terms of intonation which can also be a red flag. But this is just one case and its really way too soon to see any signs yet.

Gross motor delays and no babbling should be a concern, but it could easily just be a delay. I am surprised the therapist didn't tell you this?

OP here - The therapist thinks he has low level inflammation that is enough to “use up all his resources” .... we will pursue with a nutritionist. He had trouble breastfeeding, has constipation, and hives/skin issues.

His motor delay is with crawling.... almost 11 mos and not going to his hands and knees. He’s done every other physical milestone on time, but the crawling piece seems difficult for him.

Can you explain more about the babbling with adult intonation?

When was your son diagnosed? Any other signs you saw?

Again, I’ve been down this road with my oldest daughter, although she has much more verbal communication skills. But she had OCD tendencies and a number of other signs of autism, including difficulty making friends. But at almost 13, she’s flourished with friends sports academics. Still not affection, still has anxiety, some OCD tendencies, but not one person/therapist/dr has mentioned ASD.

[Anonymous]

DS1 was like this. Only affectionate when he was sick. He's super outgoing, friendly and social though.

I just figure it's a personality thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS1 was like this. Only affectionate when he was sick. He's super outgoing, friendly and social though.

I just figure it's a personality thing.

My DD was like this too - we knew she was feeling poorly if she got cuddly. But I think OP's concerns are more about the confluence of red flags than just the lack of snuggles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What motor skills is he delayed with and how much?

The lack of words is not a concern yet, but the lack of babbling is a concern.

Fwiw, my son at that age did not have motor delays but was not physically affectionate, didn't like to be cuddled etc. However, he was still very social, wanted to be around us and play peekaboo etc. He has mild-moderate Autism. He had babbling that resembled adult speech in terms of intonation which can also be a red flag. But this is just one case and its really way too soon to see any signs yet.

Gross motor delays and no babbling should be a concern, but it could easily just be a delay. I am surprised the therapist didn't tell you this?

OP here - The therapist thinks he has low level inflammation that is enough to “use up all his resources” .... we will pursue with a nutritionist. He had trouble breastfeeding, has constipation, and hives/skin issues.

His motor delay is with crawling.... almost 11 mos and not going to his hands and knees. He’s done every other physical milestone on time, but the crawling piece seems difficult for him.

Can you explain more about the babbling with adult intonation?

When was your son diagnosed? Any other signs you saw?

Again, I’ve been down this road with my oldest daughter, although she has much more verbal communication skills. But she had OCD tendencies and a number of other signs of autism, including difficulty making friends. But at almost 13, she’s flourished with friends sports academics. Still not affection, still has anxiety, some OCD tendencies, but not one person/therapist/dr has mentioned ASD.

He basically had what is called "jargon". He spoke his first word at 15 months which is only a few months late, but was babbling all the time as if he was telling stories to himself. He never babbled TO us, he would sit and flip through pages of a book and babble to him self as if he was reading. It really did sound like a pretend language.

He was diagnosed at 2.5. He's 3.5 now. No real signs before 12 months. He was always an extremely chill baby, extremely compliant. You could pull out a toy from his hand that he was playing with and he wouldn't even blink. He never had a preference between parents. He would never cry when we left the room, but he would get happy and walk up to us when we entered. In hindsight we realized these were autism signs, but only because he showed other signs later. These "signs" in and of themselves can also be just part of a child's personality, if there are no other signs.

Around 18 months when you should expect more back and forth communication (even if non verbal) such as pointing, reaching up to be picked up, he didn't show any. He also liked putting things back in its place. He would walk around and close all doors in the house every day, at the same time, as soon as he woke up. Again it could just be a quirk, but now that we know, we know it was Autism. He never did anything just to get our attention or be defiant. At 2 he had 300 words, knew all colors, could count to 10, knew every single digger machine (like skid steer, excavator), some road signs, but couldn't say hi or bye, or say "more" or "eat" if he was hungry.

Fwiw, Autism in girls is easily missed. Check out @mrsspeechiep on instagram. She is a speech therapist and she has a highlight called Autism in Girls.

[Anonymous]

My child was like that and had significant delays in one area. Now super affectionate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What motor skills is he delayed with and how much?

The lack of words is not a concern yet, but the lack of babbling is a concern.

Fwiw, my son at that age did not have motor delays but was not physically affectionate, didn't like to be cuddled etc. However, he was still very social, wanted to be around us and play peekaboo etc. He has mild-moderate Autism. He had babbling that resembled adult speech in terms of intonation which can also be a red flag. But this is just one case and its really way too soon to see any signs yet.

Gross motor delays and no babbling should be a concern, but it could easily just be a delay. I am surprised the therapist didn't tell you this?

OP here - The therapist thinks he has low level inflammation that is enough to “use up all his resources” .... we will pursue with a nutritionist. He had trouble breastfeeding, has constipation, and hives/skin issues.

His motor delay is with crawling.... almost 11 mos and not going to his hands and knees. He’s done every other physical milestone on time, but the crawling piece seems difficult for him.

Can you explain more about the babbling with adult intonation?

When was your son diagnosed? Any other signs you saw?

Again, I’ve been down this road with my oldest daughter, although she has much more verbal communication skills. But she had OCD tendencies and a number of other signs of autism, including difficulty making friends. But at almost 13, she’s flourished with friends sports academics. Still not affection, still has anxiety, some OCD tendencies, but not one person/therapist/dr has mentioned ASD.

He basically had what is called "jargon". He spoke his first word at 15 months which is only a few months late, but was babbling all the time as if he was telling stories to himself. He never babbled TO us, he would sit and flip through pages of a book and babble to him self as if he was reading. It really did sound like a pretend language.

He was diagnosed at 2.5. He's 3.5 now. No real signs before 12 months. He was always an extremely chill baby, extremely compliant. You could pull out a toy from his hand that he was playing with and he wouldn't even blink. He never had a preference between parents. He would never cry when we left the room, but he would get happy and walk up to us when we entered. In hindsight we realized these were autism signs, but only because he showed other signs later. These "signs" in and of themselves can also be just part of a child's personality, if there are no other signs.

Around 18 months when you should expect more back and forth communication (even if non verbal) such as pointing, reaching up to be picked up, he didn't show any. He also liked putting things back in its place. He would walk around and close all doors in the house every day, at the same time, as soon as he woke up. Again it could just be a quirk, but now that we know, we know it was Autism. He never did anything just to get our attention or be defiant. At 2 he had 300 words, knew all colors, could count to 10, knew every single digger machine (like skid steer, excavator), some road signs, but couldn't say hi or bye, or say "more" or "eat" if he was hungry.

Fwiw, Autism in girls is easily missed. Check out @mrsspeechiep on instagram. She is a speech therapist and she has a highlight called Autism in Girls.

Thank you so much for your willingness to share. I appreciate it. I looked her up online, and I can tell she’s an amazing resource.

My little guy way way prefers my husband (which is strange and unlike my first 3 babies!), communicates back and forth with us in his own way, definitely doesn’t like when we leave him, and reaches up for us to pick him up. He imitates a lot, the therapist saw that was very noticeable.

Anyway, all very helpful responses! He will be evaluated with hearing, nutrition next week, and will start speech and PT. We will go from there. I am most appreciative to hear from others!