Introverted kids question

[Anonymous]

My two boys are 5 and 6. Both of them received speech therapy when they were younger, oldest had a mild stutter and youngest had a mild articulation issue. They play well together (as well as two siblings can) and are generally quite well behaved, easygoing and polite. They seem to enjoy school and their teachers have never complained or mentioned any issues. They do piano and swim team but hate any kind of team sport or activity. I’ve also noticed that they don’t really play with other kids. We have done some outdoor play dates in our new neighborhood and they’ll wander off right back into the house, not really interested in interacting with the other kids. Even when we were in our old neighborhood pre-pandemic, they’d ride their bikes around or kick a soccer ball around for a few minutes and then head back home. I’ll notice that other kids are asking questions about friends but mine have zero interest in other kids. The only friend they do like playing with is an 8 year old and they go through Nintendo Switch games with him (my 6 year old loves Mario and Zelda). Now, I consider myself an extroverted introvert and my husband is definitely an introvert but my kids take it to a whole new level. If they could spend all weekend together just watching movies with us and playing video games and not leaving the house, that would be a dream weekend for them. Is it normal for young boys to be like this or should I be concerned? Should I be forcing them to interact more once the pandemic is over?

[Anonymous]

Following. I am really not sure how much to encourage/facilitate socializing for my introverted kid. Debating signing her up for Girl Scouts because it would be more interactive than her current activities (dance and gymnastics), but when I talked to her about it, she did not seem enthused. She is like OP's kids -- it's not that she can't or won't play with other kids, but more that she doesn't seem super interested in it and would generally prefer to hang out with our family. Age 5. Her peers definitely seem more social, but I'm just not sure if she's simply on the more introverted end of the spectrum or I need to to worry. I am also an introvert for sure, but I have worked hard to make sure we have family friends with same age kids so that my introversion doesn't impact her negatively. But she's never taken to those play groups that much (and honestly talks to the parents more than the kids when we do socialize).

[Anonymous]

Unstructured group play is hard for lots of kids. How do they do with 1:1 playdates?

[Anonymous]

Agree with the pp that 1 on 1 might be easier and getting together with the same kid(s) multiple times so they can get comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Following. I am really not sure how much to encourage/facilitate socializing for my introverted kid. Debating signing her up for Girl Scouts because it would be more interactive than her current activities (dance and gymnastics), but when I talked to her about it, she did not seem enthused. She is like OP's kids -- it's not that she can't or won't play with other kids, but more that she doesn't seem super interested in it and would generally prefer to hang out with our family. Age 5. Her peers definitely seem more social, but I'm just not sure if she's simply on the more introverted end of the spectrum or I need to to worry. I am also an introvert for sure, but I have worked hard to make sure we have family friends with same age kids so that my introversion doesn't impact her negatively. But she's never taken to those play groups that much (and honestly talks to the parents more than the kids when we do socialize).

OP here, your daughter sounds just like my boys. We tried camping with friends and they spent very little time with the other kids and mostly just hung out together. When I asked them how they liked it, they said they had a great time though and want to do it again in a year. I sign them up for all sorts of things and they go through with them, but 99% of the time if it’s a group activity, they’d prefer to basically just hang out at home with family. My boys also much prefer to talk to the grown ups as well. We had a play date with a neighbor today and her son, my youngest left about 10 minutes in to go do some craft in the house and my oldest begrudgingly rode his bike around in a circle for a few minutes while sighing like I was making him do chores or something. He managed to coax the neighbors kid into the house, got him set up with some markers and paper and went upstairs to go see what his brother was doing. There was zero actual playing with the neighbors kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unstructured group play is hard for lots of kids. How do they do with 1:1 playdates?

OP here. I have to coax and bribe them. They’ll play if I tell them, but I can tell they are only doing it because I’m making them.

[Anonymous]

I think that as long as they possess the social skills to be successful in school, they’re okay. As they mature, they will be more interested in peers. I would keep an eye on if it is a matter of them preferring video games to playing with others. I do think that Girl Scouts is a perfect activity for introverts, because there is a mix of activities and chances to be a leader.
Right now, young kids need to just be fully embraced emotionally by their families to get a solid base of self-esteem and an emotional anchor.

[Anonymous]

I would not be concerned with the friend thing, but with how much time they want to spend sitting and watching screens. That does not happen in our house. I don't care if you want to go outside and shoot baskets by yourself or ride your bike alone, but you need to MOVE.

[Anonymous]

Can you split them up? It sounds like twins - they know each other so well that playing with someone new is too scary to be worth it since they have a built in playmate.

Send one to bike with Larlo and another to a park with Larla.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be concerned with the friend thing, but with how much time they want to spend sitting and watching screens. That does not happen in our house. I don't care if you want to go outside and shoot baskets by yourself or ride your bike alone, but you need to MOVE.

OP here, they do get plenty of movement, we have been fortunate enough to be in school this year. They are in a Reggio school so they get solid outdoor time. With afterschool (which is outdoors), they probably spend about 4 hours or so outside, weather permitting. My husband really loves to relax with video games though so I can’t cut it out completely and they all play together, which is pretty cute. I try to limit it to an hour a day on the weekdays, but we don’t really have any restrictions on it on the weekends, especially since the pandemic has curtailed some of our other activities like going to museums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you split them up? It sounds like twins - they know each other so well that playing with someone new is too scary to be worth it since they have a built in playmate.

Send one to bike with Larlo and another to a park with Larla.

Yes, I think that’s a lot of it too. They’re so close in age, they definitely tend to stick together. They have separate friends in school but we find the issue is definitely more pronounced when they’re playing with only kids. The only kid becomes a third wheel (which makes me kinda sad as I was an only child and felt pretty lonely!). I’m gonna see if my husband can take my oldest out and I can take my oldest to a play date by himself, thanks for the idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that as long as they possess the social skills to be successful in school, they’re okay. As they mature, they will be more interested in peers. I would keep an eye on if it is a matter of them preferring video games to playing with others. I do think that Girl Scouts is a perfect activity for introverts, because there is a mix of activities and chances to be a leader.
Right now, young kids need to just be fully embraced emotionally by their families to get a solid base of self-esteem and an emotional anchor.

We tried Boy Scouts, kids thought it was fine but husband said he’s never going back! My husband hated Boy Scouts as a kid. Along with sleepaway camp and any form of prolonged social activities. The apples definitely didn’t fall far from the tree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you split them up? It sounds like twins - they know each other so well that playing with someone new is too scary to be worth it since they have a built in playmate.

Send one to bike with Larlo and another to a park with Larla.

Yes, I think that’s a lot of it too. They’re so close in age, they definitely tend to stick together. They have separate friends in school but we find the issue is definitely more pronounced when they’re playing with only kids. The only kid becomes a third wheel (which makes me kinda sad as I was an only child and felt pretty lonely!). I’m gonna see if my husband can take my oldest out and I can take my oldest to a play date by himself, thanks for the idea.

Three is a tough number no matter what. I never allow play dates of three at my house - it just never gels. We have one kid over or two, so that the group is two or four. Never three.

[Anonymous]

I would not be concerned. But I was an introvert, similar to how you describe your kids. Looking back, I think I would have thrived in small clubs (3-5 kids). I think it would have boosted my confidence more. I also ask my daughter, an introvert, to ask questions to her friends and teachers. It is easy for an introvert to just answer questions and not engage..this helps with the engagement.

[Anonymous]

My 5 year old son plays okay with his 2 year old sister till any other kids showing up. The second other kids ( younger or older) showing up, he dumps her & plays with other kids ignoring her completely like a total stranger. His sister is super confused and turns into stone not knowing what to do because she does not understand why, why, why. I have the opposite problem is to ask him not leaving her aside like that because that is really mean.