Morning routines

[Anonymous]

We are early risers and usually up between 5:30-6am and kids are 4YO and 5YO. Recently it feel like the requests/demands, bickering, generic bugging me starts pretty immediately upon heading downstairs and it's become an awful habit. 4YO wakes up hungry but 5YO does not, so I'm making two breakfasts (not a huge deal, it's usually microwave pancakes and fruit), being beckoned for something to drink, there's arguments over the TV/toys/"he's sitting in my chair!", someone poops and needs help, they're running around screeching until inevitably someone gets hurt and starts crying, or one kid decides he wants to read a book right then (and I always have said I am never too busy to read to them). They just hit the ground running and there is no break when all I want is like 30 minutes to myself to drink my coffee quietly! It's just a harsh way to start the day. Pre-covid we had a decent morning routine. It was a bit rushed (we were out of the house by 7:30am), but at least it was a routine and I got a break because I would commute to work! Now that we're all home 24-7 and virtual K and preschool don't start until 9am, finding 3+ hours of things to do each morning is really getting hard.

How do you structure a morning routine without crying?!

[Anonymous]

Do you have a spouse or partner at home with you? If not, I’d suggest waking up at 5 for silence and then requiring everyone to leave the house by 7:45 (walk, park, yard etc). It reinforces a purpose for getting ready and gives a place to burn steam.

If you do have a partner at home, I would still get outside first thing / before zoom school starts but I would take turns with your partner. My DH and I each get time alone in the morning. We split the time between wake up at 8 am and do the parenting work solo for half the time, then get alone time for the other half. Knowing you get a break (or already having had your break) helps us get through and embrace the chaos a bit.

I also frequently say “I am going to sit and drink this coffee now. If you need anything you will need to wait (my kids are 4 and 1.5 so I mostly do this when the littlest one is in his high chair and can’t escape).

[Anonymous]

I would rethink "I am never too busy to read to you." Maybe add "... if we have finished the morning routine." to the end of that.
Also, it's good for kids to wait a minute and not get everything right away. It encourages independence because they start trying to help themselves instead of always asking you.

[Anonymous]

My kids learned “when I’m done with my coffee” at a very young age. Later on, I literally just point to the cup in my hand.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP that said to have a plan to go for a walk. Even if it’s only 30 mins outside. It will break up the morning a bit. And they can take turns choosing what show to watch. One kids even days and one odd days, or whatever works for you. TV can only go on at a certain time and after bed is made, breakfast eaten, teeth brushed etc.

[Anonymous]

Above PP again. Do TV after outside time. This can be when u sit and drink a cup of coffee before starting DL.

[Anonymous]

Problem solve together with them. They're a little young, but you never know if they have good ideas.

Agree with outside the around time, and drop the TV option.

[Anonymous]

By 4 they are very involved in making their own breakfasts and lunches. They can get their own drinks. I don't do all of that for them. I lift things that are heavy or things that can burn them but that's it.

Also, if they are whining or fighting just send them to their room. "Go to your room and don't come back until you can get along."

[Anonymous]

I think by 4 or 5 they should understand and value a routine - so you can set parameters like it's not story time at 6:30 am, etc.

Just like before COVID, we didn't drop everything to read a story before breakfast or we risked missing the school bus (or daycare drop off or whatever you were doing before).

So I would just set up a schedule. I really value my morning time. My kids are older now so sleep later, but when they were little I had no problem saying, if you wake up you need to spend some time in your room playing or relaxing with a book, or if you are hungry, you can come down and I'll fix breakfast but then you need to have some quiet time. And perfectly fine to say, Mom needs 20 minutes to sip on coffee on and watch the Today Show or scroll through my phone....whatever it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids learned “when I’m done with my coffee” at a very young age. Later on, I literally just point to the cup in my hand.

Same here -- I have 3 kids with very different personalities and none of them have ever had an issue with this. They'll just ask "are you finished with your coffee yet?"

[Anonymous]

I see nothing wrong in telling your kids that you are not available right now and need some time till you finish your coffee. Every household is different but it's a good idea to have some set rules about what's ok to do at what times. Early morning TV is a big no in our house and I'd love my kid to read but at an appropriate time. I think having a set schedule will help all of you.

[Anonymous]

A few thoughts (not necessarily in order of priority):

(1) I'd put out something the hungry one can fix for himself. Cereal, with milk on a low shelf in the fridge, a bar, some fruit, something easy.

Then, you don't need to make two breakfasts. The hungry one has something to tide him over until everybody is ready for breakfast.

(2) Set up your coffee maker the night before and make it the job of the not hungry kid to start the coffee maker.

(3) Teach your kids to wipe their own butts so you don't have to help when they poop.

(4) No books until you've had a chance to have your coffee OR start a routine where you all sit down and you can sip your coffee and read a book to both of them. Not sure if that sounds relaxing to you or not OR have the kids listen to a chapter a day of a fun book on tape first thing in the morning while you're having your coffee.

(5) Agree on the outside time before remote school starts. Think of it as walking your kids in the same way you would walk a dog every morning.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried audiobooks? You could put one on for 30 mins while you have your coffee.

[Anonymous]

Granola bar and fruit for the hungry one. Then quiet play while you have coffee.

ANY fighting gets them sent back to their rooms.

Outside before school starts.

[Anonymous]

I taught my kids that they could watch tv or an iPad for a show unless they whined or fought or bothered me. Once that happens, no more screens. It’s blissfully quiet now while I drink my coffee and check my e-mail.