What's a reasonable clean-up rule?

[Anonymous]

My kids are 4 and 7. The older kid is generally pretty good about keeping things neat, but the younger one loves to just grab toys and throw them all over the floor. Now that we're home all the time, I'm so tired of living in such a messy place!

We used to have rules about cleaning up before leaving the house or going to bed -- like, clean up the toys before going to school, etc. Now they don't leave the house to go to school, and the stuff just sits around. If we only have them clean it before bed, then the house is a mess from the moment they wake up until then, and it's a huge struggle to get them to clean up because they're tired and trying to delay bedtime.

For some things, I try to have them clean up when they are finished with things, but sometimes they feel like they're still in the middle of a game and want to come back to it -- but rarely do. For example, my younger had all the throw pillows on the floor this morning, pretending they were rocks for his stuffed snakes. Then he dumped out everything from a bin because he wanted to play with the snakes in the bin. This is all awesome and great play, but I want him to clean it up when he's done! But he transitions seamlessly to some other imaginary game, and it's not always clear whether he's done or not, and there isn't such a natural "end point" as in previous times.

How do others handle this??

[Anonymous]

Why not make meal times natural breaks? 15 minutes before lunch, clean up. If you have a snack, 15 minutes before, clean up. Same with dinner and same with bed. They will protest, but keep pushing. It makes for good habits. DH has been making the kids straighten up our couch/TV area before bed as one kids laptop faces that direction. They are getting better and better and it, and ye gods, it just looks so much better every day.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think meal times are natural breaks - lunch, then dinner. And then of course cleaning up whatever they got out in the time after dinner before bedtime

This means that all morning the pillows can be there, but then get cleaned up. You are right, when everything is out by the end of the day, there is too much to clean up and it's overwhelming. cleaning the morning play before lunch, then the afternoon play before dinner, seems to make more sense and means there is less to clean up.

with a 4 year old, you also need to help organize their cleaning and thinking - ok, in 5 minutes it's time to clean up, so finish up what you are doing.

Ok, it's now time to clean up before lunch, what do you awnt to put away first, the pillows or the toys in the bin? Or.... all these go in this bin - you put away the red ones and I'll do the green ones, let's race! Etc.

[Anonymous]

OP I think the key here is habit building, and a key to habit building is habit chaining.

So pairing clean up time to meal time is good because meals happen every day and it's easy to get into a routine.

The primary goal should be to establish the routine. Ring a bell for clean up time so it's a clear signal. Then immediately start cleaning up. Help him out, especially at first. The goal is routine at this point, not getting him to do it by himself.

Once the routine is established, it should become more second nature.

I'm also not above doing a clean sweep or whatever isn't cleaned up and putting it into a bag to be put away somewhere if they're not really following through.

[Anonymous]

We work it into our day.

After breakfast, my son cleans up the yard (we have dogs) and picks up his room.

Before lunch, cleans off the dining table (where he spends a lot of time on projects).

Before dinner, cleans off dining table, picks up his room, picks up living room if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Up until 2 months ago we lived in a small apartment and we didn't have a separate playroom. A few rules that worked for us is that certain things have to be put away immediately after like art supplies, markers, sensory bins and playdoh. That helps control the mess. Things like fort building or games have to be cleaned up at the end of the day. Once a week is a "big clean" where we go through and put everything back and organize everything. My daughter is 4.5 and she is able to clean the entire playroom and her bedroom completely independently.

[Anonymous]

Anything that can spill or stain or require rags or paper towels gets cleaned up immediately.

Everything else gets cleaned up before meals and before going in the yard (front or back).

[Anonymous]

We also had a rule that they could chose 1 thing to leave out for more play later. Only 1 toy.

[Anonymous]

We have agreed on a clean up of the days activities before dinner -- they do it while I make dinner.

Objection was made to cleaning up big block building, train tracks and lego sets which took a long time to set up and which they wanted to keep playing with, so we adopted the rule they had in preschool -- they could keep it up all week and keep adding to it but Friday was take down day. This only works because there is a playroom where I don't mind it being all over the floor, if it's where I have to step over it, no go.

There's not perfect compliance but we try. It's hard keeping the mess at bay.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all! These are super helpful tips. Tying it to meals makes a ton of sense to me and will probably to them, too. It's routine that we need to help them build the habits and not have it be a habit all the time.

[Anonymous]

One in, one out. Limit how many toys they can play with at one time

[Anonymous]

Thank you for this. I raged at our house mess yesterday and scared the heck out of our five year old while organizing all their piles of toys. I’ve tried several methods to get them Tom clean up, even made cubbies like at daycare (where they help
clean). Building it into day makes so much more sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One in, one out. Limit how many toys they can play with at one time

That takes away so much of the educational value of play though.

[Anonymous]

Something we do is called “ten minute clean up”. I will put a timer on the microwave and we all participate in cleaning up for ten minutes. I like this way because it’s not threatening or overwhelming. There’s an end in sight and we are all actively participating. Another thing I personally do is have baskets for each of my kids. If I see something they left out, I put it in the basket. While my husband and I are making dinner, they are required to put everything away in the basket if they want a chance to earn some extra tv during dinner preparation. It works pretty well and I like that I don’t have to see all the extra toys laying around all day.