OMG - New preschool cliques... the moms!

[Anonymous]

Wow that is crazy. The Brightside is that this is only preschool, so you will likely be able to escape from these women in a few short years. Mom cliques are common though in elementary school, so be warned. I find that cliques are more common with stay at home moms than working moms. Working moms don't have the time or interest to coordinate matching party t-shirts. For the most part I don't think well-off stay at home moms would be so clueless to wear something as tacky and exclusive as matching tee-shirts, but they can be very exclusive in other less direct but equally hurtful ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure you outed yourself already. There’s not a lot of matching outfits around here and you even described them.

Hon, you could have stayed to swim if you wanted to. You just seemed disinterested, so we didn't ask you. And I made the shirts with my cricket, I didn't have any 2x shirts so I didn't make you one.

"Uninterested," hon, not "disinterested." And I'm also guessing you mean "cricut."

Whatever, Kelli.

*makes popcoen*

[Anonymous]

Grown women don’t match outfits. OP is a mommy wars troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had this same issue when my daughter started in the 3 year old classroom in her preschool. She started mid-year and many of the girls had been together for a couple of years and the parents were close friends, getting together on the weekends (but no matching outfits lol). There was a clique of 4 girls and my kid heard a lot of "you cant play with us."

I asked the Director if she could please be in a different class from those girls the next year so she could have a fighting chance of making friends. What the Director did instead, was split up the clique and it made a big difference. My DD is 8 now and we are still friends with 3 of the girls, despite being in diifferent elementary schools.

Bravo to the preschool director. So many would do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has been in daycare since she was 8 weeks old, so I'm not a newbie, but we switched centers and this new preschool is crazy. They are 3 years old, and there are 4 girls in the class who are definitely a clique. That's fine, but we went to one of their bday parties this weekend and all 4, plus their moms, were in matching outfits. So of course they are all taking pics together, leaving my DD out, which did suck. They seem to hang out every weekend and at the party were talking about everyone coming over to swim afterwards (we weren't invited). On the way home, my DD was asking if we were going to Larla's house to swim... I had to say no and we got ice cream.

I'm a confident, high earning 30 year old and I can't believe I'm feeling weirdly insecure about this! I get that it's hard to break into an established group of friends, but at THREE years old shouldnt everyone be included?

Not sure why you are upset. Perhaps they are close friends who spend lots of time together and they want to stay in the same group. I am sure you have close friends too, OP. When you go out together do you socialize within your group? You do not feel obligated to include everyone around you, do you?
This is a valuable lesson for your daughter, she will not always be included nor should she be. She needs to find her circle of friends.

Its rude and upsetting that grown women go out of their way to exclude people at kids birthday party. I have a close group of friends and I can assure you we have never dressed alike or matched with our kids. This makes me thankful to live in our tranisitioning neigbhorhood and attend a title 1 school. No one has time for this nonsense. I am assuming these same women also are sucked into MLM "businesses" too? thats huge in the exurbs but not in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has been in daycare since she was 8 weeks old, so I'm not a newbie, but we switched centers and this new preschool is crazy. They are 3 years old, and there are 4 girls in the class who are definitely a clique. That's fine, but we went to one of their bday parties this weekend and all 4, plus their moms, were in matching outfits. So of course they are all taking pics together, leaving my DD out, which did suck. They seem to hang out every weekend and at the party were talking about everyone coming over to swim afterwards (we weren't invited). On the way home, my DD was asking if we were going to Larla's house to swim... I had to say no and we got ice cream.

I'm a confident, high earning 30 year old and I can't believe I'm feeling weirdly insecure about this! I get that it's hard to break into an established group of friends, but at THREE years old shouldnt everyone be included?

Not sure why you are upset. Perhaps they are close friends who spend lots of time together and they want to stay in the same group. I am sure you have close friends too, OP. When you go out together do you socialize within your group? You do not feel obligated to include everyone around you, do you?
This is a valuable lesson for your daughter, she will not always be included nor should she be. She needs to find her circle of friends.

Its rude and upsetting that grown women go out of their way to exclude people at kids birthday party. I have a close group of friends and I can assure you we have never dressed alike or matched with our kids. This makes me thankful to live in our tranisitioning neigbhorhood and attend a title 1 school. No one has time for this nonsense. I am assuming these same women also are sucked into MLM "businesses" too? thats huge in the exurbs but not in DC.

NP. Pick a lane! Do you hate them because they behave in a clique-ish manner (understandable), or do you hate them because you perceive that they are MLMers and live in the "exurbs" and don't go to Title 1 schools? Yikes! So much disdain and judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you point out that you are "high earning" when you meet other moms?

noooo, I would never, I'm pretty modest but I posted that so you know I'm not a weirdo who doesn't get social ques or something.

Plenty of weirdos who don’t get social cues are high earning. It was a completely weird thing to add and makes you sound obnoxious.

That said, I get feeling left out but what is the alternative? They text you and ask if you want to wear the same leggings and t-shirt to the party?! No thanks.

[Anonymous]

I live in DC and recently visited a SAHM friend who lives in the suburbs. She explained the trend right now is to screen print your own matchy t-shirts. She had made them for her family to wear on a trip but OP's story sounds like a totally legit project.

[Anonymous]

The dressing up thing is ridiculous.

I guess I need more details. Is your daughter really the only other girl in the class? And she was the only other person invited to this party? That makes it even odder. If this is the case, I think I would do what PP have suggested and get her moved to a different class.

Now if there are other kids in the class and you’re just fixating in this clique, I would stop and make an effort with some of the other kids parents and plan a play date or something.

I have been on both sides of this and I think some effort and initiation can go a long way. It’s often not as cliquey as you think once you get to know the people better. That said, I would even bother with this group. I’m talking about other moms.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, meant to say I would not even bother with this group!

[Anonymous]

Kelli, where did you go hon?

[Anonymous]

Hey Kelli! Are you coming back or nah?

[Anonymous]

Planning the after party in front of you is terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in DC and recently visited a SAHM friend who lives in the suburbs. She explained the trend right now is to screen print your own matchy t-shirts. She had made them for her family to wear on a trip but OP's story sounds like a totally legit project.

I love in the suburbs and have never seen these “matchy” T-shirts and don’t know anyone who has made them. Do we cancel each other out? I hope so, so we can avoid stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

I would have laugh and left. Obviously trying to relive their youth. Sad....