Are you happy as a SAHM of school aged kids? Why or why not?

[Anonymous]

Yeah. I work outside the home and I have done at least 3 things on that list. I don't think I'm insecure or pretentious. I just like to keep busy and contribute when I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

It's not just how much my partner would need to make, it's how much in assets I would be guaranteed if something happened to said partner or we divorced. That would need to be a hell of a lot.

Well there is life insurance in case of death, and a legal agreement in case of divorce. I don't worry about the latter. I think we'd need partner's income to be at least $300K.

Yeah, no. It would need to be a sizable life insurance policy, we'd need outstanding disability coverage and, for me, a post-nup. There's no way I'd assume fairness in a divorce, even in a "rock-solid" marriage.

You could get all of these things in an afternoon. It seems crazy to keep a full time job because you don’t have these things in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

It's not just how much my partner would need to make, it's how much in assets I would be guaranteed if something happened to said partner or we divorced. That would need to be a hell of a lot.

Well there is life insurance in case of death, and a legal agreement in case of divorce. I don't worry about the latter. I think we'd need partner's income to be at least $300K.

Yeah, no. It would need to be a sizable life insurance policy, we'd need outstanding disability coverage and, for me, a post-nup. There's no way I'd assume fairness in a divorce, even in a "rock-solid" marriage.

You could get all of these things in an afternoon. It seems crazy to keep a full time job because you don’t have these things in place.

And yet, so many SAHM don't have them...

(Also, no, you can't get those things in an afternoon, not decent policies and a post-nup. Get real.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

It's not just how much my partner would need to make, it's how much in assets I would be guaranteed if something happened to said partner or we divorced. That would need to be a hell of a lot.

Well there is life insurance in case of death, and a legal agreement in case of divorce. I don't worry about the latter. I think we'd need partner's income to be at least $300K.

Yeah, no. It would need to be a sizable life insurance policy, we'd need outstanding disability coverage and, for me, a post-nup. There's no way I'd assume fairness in a divorce, even in a "rock-solid" marriage.

You could get all of these things in an afternoon. It seems crazy to keep a full time job because you don’t have these things in place.

And yet, so many SAHM don't have them...

(Also, no, you can't get those things in an afternoon, not decent policies and a post-nup. Get real.)

Hands on time getting these things is a few hours. Maybe they take place over a month of back and forth phone calls, but it’s not difficult. And they last for decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

It's not just how much my partner would need to make, it's how much in assets I would be guaranteed if something happened to said partner or we divorced. That would need to be a hell of a lot.

Well there is life insurance in case of death, and a legal agreement in case of divorce. I don't worry about the latter. I think we'd need partner's income to be at least $300K.

Yeah, no. It would need to be a sizable life insurance policy, we'd need outstanding disability coverage and, for me, a post-nup. There's no way I'd assume fairness in a divorce, even in a "rock-solid" marriage.

You could get all of these things in an afternoon. It seems crazy to keep a full time job because you don’t have these things in place.

And yet, so many SAHM don't have them...

(Also, no, you can't get those things in an afternoon, not decent policies and a post-nup. Get real.)

Hands on time getting these things is a few hours. Maybe they take place over a month of back and forth phone calls, but it’s not difficult. And they last for decades.

Ok sounds doable! So how much $$ does breadwinning partner need, for dc area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

It's not just how much my partner would need to make, it's how much in assets I would be guaranteed if something happened to said partner or we divorced. That would need to be a hell of a lot.

Well there is life insurance in case of death, and a legal agreement in case of divorce. I don't worry about the latter. I think we'd need partner's income to be at least $300K.

Yeah, no. It would need to be a sizable life insurance policy, we'd need outstanding disability coverage and, for me, a post-nup. There's no way I'd assume fairness in a divorce, even in a "rock-solid" marriage.

You could get all of these things in an afternoon. It seems crazy to keep a full time job because you don’t have these things in place.

And yet, so many SAHM don't have them...

(Also, no, you can't get those things in an afternoon, not decent policies and a post-nup. Get real.)

Hands on time getting these things is a few hours. Maybe they take place over a month of back and forth phone calls, but it’s not difficult. And they last for decades.

Ok sounds doable! So how much $$ does breadwinning partner need, for dc area?

To buy life insurance? Or to support a family?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds very lazy to quit working to stay at home once your children don't require childcare during the day because they're in school. Is that your actual plan? I don't know anyone who does/did that.

Serious question, how do you handle sick days and snow days? I also work part-time like the pp. Just this morning my dd woke up with pinkeye. We have no family in the area, and dh’s job is fairly inflexible. I don’t know how we’d manage if I also had an inflexible position.

NP. I would have a job with this level of inflexibility and would hope my partner didn't either. Does your husband not have sick days? We generally trade off taking sick days. Snow days I'm supposed to work from home, so basically I'm not as productive because there's a toddler who needs attention. I have been honest with my boss that this is what happens. She is fine with it since this happens like 4 time a year and I am very productive al the other days of the year.

Same.

Also, what magical land do you live in that "local family" would handle all sick and snow days? I would never ask my 70-something parents to drive in snow and/or expose themselves to myriad illnesses unless I *really* needed the help. This idea that extended family are a work-life panacea just doesn't hold water. Even if they live close, it presumes a level of health, temperament, and availability that many extended family just don't have. I certainly don't.

Great, you have a flexible job and don't need local family. Some people have inflexible jobs and family that can help. Different families have different circumstances. Yippee.

And some people have inflexible jobs and no family who can help. Part of why we CHOSE flexible jobs is *because* our families are unreliable. See how that works? Yeah, I know we're lucky to have the option for flexibility.

Not everyone has that luxury. I had a very inflexible job, which is one reason why I choose to stay home. I was always told no to sick days, vacations and even doctors appointments. Often had to work an hour or two later than scheduled with no pay so it was an issue with child care. My family lives close by but I could be on my death bed and they would not help.

So one solution to this problem is to find a more flexible job. If you don't want to work for pay, that's fine, but there are other options if this was a problem.

I'm the PP who chose flexible jobs, and I agree. I have family who don't have that choice, mostly because they didn't attend college, their employment options are limited, and the employers that will hire them generally treat them like trash. It's unconscionable. And there are plenty of professions that require relatively brief periods of intense work like that, such as medical residency. But staying in an inflexible job for years and not even exploring other options, when they're likely out there? Why? Workplace flexibility is SO much more common in white collar professions than it was even 10 years ago.

You don't get everyone, even professionals, get flexibility. Many have work in the office at the allotted times and that's it. Then, we have to stay late for a variety of reasons. I often worked much later than scheduled. I could not even get to my own doctors appointment let alone get a kid from child care. If I left that job, I would have made much less that I couldn't cover child care for one so at that point even with a master's and professional job, I couldn't afford to work. There are people with security clearances that have to work in the office/no flexibility as well. Many are not even reachable depending on the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

It's not just how much my partner would need to make, it's how much in assets I would be guaranteed if something happened to said partner or we divorced. That would need to be a hell of a lot.

Well there is life insurance in case of death, and a legal agreement in case of divorce. I don't worry about the latter. I think we'd need partner's income to be at least $300K.

Yeah, no. It would need to be a sizable life insurance policy, we'd need outstanding disability coverage and, for me, a post-nup. There's no way I'd assume fairness in a divorce, even in a "rock-solid" marriage.

You could get all of these things in an afternoon. It seems crazy to keep a full time job because you don’t have these things in place.

And yet, so many SAHM don't have them...

(Also, no, you can't get those things in an afternoon, not decent policies and a post-nup. Get real.)

Hands on time getting these things is a few hours. Maybe they take place over a month of back and forth phone calls, but it’s not difficult. And they last for decades.

Ok sounds doable! So how much $$ does breadwinning partner need, for dc area?

To buy life insurance? Or to support a family?

Support family and pay for college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah. I work outside the home and I have done at least 3 things on that list. I don't think I'm insecure or pretentious. I just like to keep busy and contribute when I can.

Right? The point is they aren't bored sitting round wondering what to do with themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use your imagination people. Things long-term SAHMs I know have done to fill the hours:

-lawyer volunteers at pro bono clinics and is reading every Supreme Court case ever written just for kicks
-one took up old interest in painting and after about 10 years of working at it has a gallery show coming up
-I know three who went to lots of writing classes and seminars and book clubs and writing groups and have published books that they wrote over the course of years
-a handful took Master Gardiner courses and volunteer at public school gardens, National Children's garden, Hillwood, British Embassy, and at least two of them started related businesses and one is starting up a related .org
-another handful took Master Naturalist classes and are volunteering in national parks, stream cleaning, teaching clubs in public schools, and volunteer environmental advocacy
- several turned their after school club volunteering into small businesses
-one learns a language through the year and takes the kids on a long trip to a country to practice the language each summer (she's on her third).
- one who is very religious runs prayer groups and volunteers all over the place
- one took up photography and is pretty darned good, and maybe will make money at if she wants to someday
-a bunch studying tech to try to keep one step ahead of the kids!

and so on. And sometimes they have a 3-hour lunch.

Sounds like you know a lot of super pretentious, insecure people. Yeash.

I don't think those words mean what you think they mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

It's not just how much my partner would need to make, it's how much in assets I would be guaranteed if something happened to said partner or we divorced. That would need to be a hell of a lot.

Well there is life insurance in case of death, and a legal agreement in case of divorce. I don't worry about the latter. I think we'd need partner's income to be at least $300K.

Yeah, no. It would need to be a sizable life insurance policy, we'd need outstanding disability coverage and, for me, a post-nup. There's no way I'd assume fairness in a divorce, even in a "rock-solid" marriage.

You could get all of these things in an afternoon. It seems crazy to keep a full time job because you don’t have these things in place.

And yet, so many SAHM don't have them...

(Also, no, you can't get those things in an afternoon, not decent policies and a post-nup. Get real.)

Hands on time getting these things is a few hours. Maybe they take place over a month of back and forth phone calls, but it’s not difficult. And they last for decades.

Ok sounds doable! So how much $$ does breadwinning partner need, for dc area?

I stopped working when DH earned 800k. Now he makes $1.5-2m.

[Anonymous]

Oh yeah! I would quit at $800k for sure. I think I could at 300K but would be more comfortable at $500k. Need to put 2 kids through college. All the uncertainty!! Money really helps the peace of mind. Been daydreaming about my life of leisure all day long. Instead I have to dream of retirement, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use your imagination people. Things long-term SAHMs I know have done to fill the hours:

-lawyer volunteers at pro bono clinics and is reading every Supreme Court case ever written just for kicks
-one took up old interest in painting and after about 10 years of working at it has a gallery show coming up
-I know three who went to lots of writing classes and seminars and book clubs and writing groups and have published books that they wrote over the course of years
-a handful took Master Gardiner courses and volunteer at public school gardens, National Children's garden, Hillwood, British Embassy, and at least two of them started related businesses and one is starting up a related .org
-another handful took Master Naturalist classes and are volunteering in national parks, stream cleaning, teaching clubs in public schools, and volunteer environmental advocacy
- several turned their after school club volunteering into small businesses
-one learns a language through the year and takes the kids on a long trip to a country to practice the language each summer (she's on her third).
- one who is very religious runs prayer groups and volunteers all over the place
- one took up photography and is pretty darned good, and maybe will make money at if she wants to someday
-a bunch studying tech to try to keep one step ahead of the kids!

and so on. And sometimes they have a 3-hour lunch.

You have really interesting friends! I'm a SAHM too but the SAHMs I know aren't nearly as interesting--when I ask how they spend their time while the kids are in school they say grocery, gym, shopping. I'd love to make some new friends with such interesting hobbies/interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds very lazy to quit working to stay at home once your children don't require childcare during the day because they're in school. Is that your actual plan? I don't know anyone who does/did that.

Serious question, how do you handle sick days and snow days? I also work part-time like the pp. Just this morning my dd woke up with pinkeye. We have no family in the area, and dh’s job is fairly inflexible. I don’t know how we’d manage if I also had an inflexible position.

NP. I would have a job with this level of inflexibility and would hope my partner didn't either. Does your husband not have sick days? We generally trade off taking sick days. Snow days I'm supposed to work from home, so basically I'm not as productive because there's a toddler who needs attention. I have been honest with my boss that this is what happens. She is fine with it since this happens like 4 time a year and I am very productive al the other days of the year.

Same.

Also, what magical land do you live in that "local family" would handle all sick and snow days? I would never ask my 70-something parents to drive in snow and/or expose themselves to myriad illnesses unless I *really* needed the help. This idea that extended family are a work-life panacea just doesn't hold water. Even if they live close, it presumes a level of health, temperament, and availability that many extended family just don't have. I certainly don't.

Great, you have a flexible job and don't need local family. Some people have inflexible jobs and family that can help. Different families have different circumstances. Yippee.

And some people have inflexible jobs and no family who can help. Part of why we CHOSE flexible jobs is *because* our families are unreliable. See how that works? Yeah, I know we're lucky to have the option for flexibility.

Not everyone has that luxury. I had a very inflexible job, which is one reason why I choose to stay home. I was always told no to sick days, vacations and even doctors appointments. Often had to work an hour or two later than scheduled with no pay so it was an issue with child care. My family lives close by but I could be on my death bed and they would not help.

So one solution to this problem is to find a more flexible job. If you don't want to work for pay, that's fine, but there are other options if this was a problem.

I'm the PP who chose flexible jobs, and I agree. I have family who don't have that choice, mostly because they didn't attend college, their employment options are limited, and the employers that will hire them generally treat them like trash. It's unconscionable. And there are plenty of professions that require relatively brief periods of intense work like that, such as medical residency. But staying in an inflexible job for years and not even exploring other options, when they're likely out there? Why? Workplace flexibility is SO much more common in white collar professions than it was even 10 years ago.

You don't get everyone, even professionals, get flexibility. Many have work in the office at the allotted times and that's it. Then, we have to stay late for a variety of reasons. I often worked much later than scheduled. I could not even get to my own doctors appointment let alone get a kid from child care. If I left that job, I would have made much less that I couldn't cover child care for one so at that point even with a master's and professional job, I couldn't afford to work. There are people with security clearances that have to work in the office/no flexibility as well. Many are not even reachable depending on the job.

So you’re a single mom right receiving no child support ? That’s why just your salary covers the childcare expenses not both you and your husband’s? Otherwise I don’t understand why you completely left the workforce to stay home instead of just got a job that pays less with better hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh yeah! I would quit at $800k for sure. I think I could at 300K but would be more comfortable at $500k. Need to put 2 kids through college. All the uncertainty!! Money really helps the peace of mind. Been daydreaming about my life of leisure all day long. Instead I have to dream of retirement, lol.

Yeah I wish I had the peace of mind to quit just based on my husbands salary! My Dh makes a great salary but I guess I just know too many sahms that seemed to have the perfect marriage but ended up becoming single parents (affairs/divorces/ dh premature deaths) I don’t feel comfortable not working unless I have plenty of personal assets to support myself and my children god forbid the same thing happens to me one day. i should probably just take my chances like the rest of you but I can’t.