Husband has a "one that got away!". Not sure how I feel

[Anonymous]

Yall are married with kids why are you focused on this nonsense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yall are married with kids why are you focused on this nonsense?

Mental illness could be a factor.

[Anonymous]

A lot of you guys sound stupid. Have you never heard that love is blind? In college, I was bulimic with a ferocious temper and drug issues, and I also cheated on my boyfriend. My boyfriend was a nice, good looking, stable man. Nevertheless, he loved me madly and I dumped HIM for another man. He continued to contact me for years after marrying a much nicer woman, until I cut him off because I finally had my shit together and had met my husband.

It is absolutely possible OP's husband misses and still loves his crazy ex. Speaking as the crazy ex of a number of men, men love crazy bitches. OP, don't go nuts with insecurity, but keep your eyes open. And don't be so easygoing if he gets back in touch with her.

There is also the possibility that he might have exaggerated the ex's issues to OP so he could stay in touch with the ex without OP getting suspicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I had seen some photos hidden in some letters years ago with a bunch of his boxes and I threw it away, thinking that he didn't even realize that he had it. When we moved in together, an entire room was his boxes, so when I was on maternity leave, I went through them and almost everything got thrown away.

"[A]lmost everything got thrown away" is so passive. "I threw almost everything away." Own what you did.

Enough with the passive vs. active already. ?

[Anonymous]

OP, the title of your thread is "Husband had another relationship before we met. Not sure how I feel."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the title of your thread is "Husband had another relationship before we met. Not sure how I feel."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, let me get this clear. A suicidal bulimic woman who cheated on him is your DH's "one that got away?"

I don't think you need to overthink this either OP.

Am I the only one that thinks it's possible the husband embellished those details? And tried to make her sound worse than she was so OP wouldn't feel threatened by his ex still calling him (when he still had feelings for her?) Moot point now, but, I wouldn't be surprised if her name shows up on a Facebook search, and her life doesn't look like it needed dodging.

I agree with this. Why is he still taking calls from her? How does she ha e his number?
Op I'm with you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No it's not silly how you feel. I think it's realistic. A lot of men do have some "savior" complex when it comes to f**cked up women. He probably does still have some residual feelings for her or the her that existed back then, which is why he saved those letters and photographs.

OTOH, what your husband said is practical too. He married you and she married someone else. I doubt he is pining for her even if he might occasionally think about her from time to time. It's just one of those complicated, less than ideal situations you have to learn to live with and let go of the angst.

Agree. Well put

[Anonymous]

How long have you been together? I'd file this under shit I don't care about. Tell him you are thankful she was an idiot because you have him. Say "wow, you must be excited you dodged a bullet!" she sounds like 100 miles of bad road.

At least she slinked off finally. I'd mention "once needy, always needy- promise me if she ever contacts you, you please let me know!!! so nothing gets between you.

Then blow him. Seriously. There doesn't sound like much to miss there.

Oh, and get to Europe for chrissake, even if its a damn cruise with the kids.

[Anonymous]

+1 for Europe. Or Australia. Or Caribbean. Or anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is OP?

+100

Op posted again. She's the one who said that the ex was gorgeous and skinny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

ZachF wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's so awesome of you to mock this woman who, according to you, was raped multiple times. You must be such a great person! It's so thoughtful of you to not "create the drama" of having been raped. Kudos!

Big flag. Unless she was a victim of war crimes or held prisoner, it's doubtful she was raped multiple times.

Not really. She may well have been molested as a child or in an abusive relationship.

I have friends who were raped multiple times. Once as a kid, again in college, and again later in life. For one friend, the first rape let her to alcohol/drugs which let to the next two. For another friend, she likes to go out by herself which may make it easier for guys to drug her (they did). For another, she dates shady guys and ended up being date raped/pressured a lot by same and different guys. I think the stat is 3/4 women are raped which also works out to one woman out of four being raped three times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop overthinking it.

+1. He married you, you've got kids, you're bonded for life. Considered that he trusts you enough to tell you about it.

She sounds like a mess, but he's left with What If because he'd already considered a life with her and never got it. Men are way, waaaaayyy more emotional than women. Be honest with him about your feelings, as a show of your trust for him, and be open to talking more about it if that's what either of you needs.

But if you let it in your head, you'll come up with all sorts of things that may not have anything to do with the reality of your marriage. And reality is the only thing you should want to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ZachF wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's so awesome of you to mock this woman who, according to you, was raped multiple times. You must be such a great person! It's so thoughtful of you to not "create the drama" of having been raped. Kudos!

Big flag. Unless she was a victim of war crimes or held prisoner, it's doubtful she was raped multiple times.

Not really. She may well have been molested as a child or in an abusive relationship.

I have friends who were raped multiple times. Once as a kid, again in college, and again later in life. For one friend, the first rape let her to alcohol/drugs which let to the next two. For another friend, she likes to go out by herself which may make it easier for guys to drug her (they did). For another, she dates shady guys and ended up being date raped/pressured a lot by same and different guys. I think the stat is 3/4 women are raped which also works out to one woman out of four being raped three times.

Ridiculous as a whole and that last 'stat' you offered, totally and utterly false.

[Anonymous]

The stats are pretty high:

1 of 6 women have been or tried to be raped. Some of those women multiple times and this does not count all forms of sexual assault. 1 in 5 girls have been sexual assaulted.

It makes sense that at least 1 out of 4 average (knowing some multiple times) have been raped. But 3/4 is high -- maybe the stat was swapped?