Men, do you think your wife is hot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh is sweet and always tells me I am the most beautiful/hottest woman in the room even when I objectively know I am not!

Is he bluffing? Does he REALLY think I'm the hottest girl ever?

Get a mirror and follow that up with some self esteem.

[Anonymous]

If your spouse is hot to you after kids and other circumstances, why do you care?

Everyone has individual tastes and so forth and its about being honest up front. If you want to pretend that its going to be sunshine and roses when its not, stop pretending. Thats why the majority of you are in here complaining about how turned off you are with your spouse after they supposedly let themselves go.

I understand wanting universal "approval" from others on the surface level. At the end of the day, its really what you think. What I deem overweight, might not be the same for the next person and thats fine. Where I get critical is when you begin to complain about your situation when you didnt set parameters accordingly. This doesnt mean that the unexpected "flaws" due to age and illness are a turn off. This is speaking to a spouse just giving up and expecting the other to accept how they look just because.

[Anonymous]

My wife is not hot. But then, neither am I. We are well matched for our 15 years married.

I do however recall how she looked like a princess on our wedding day and she is still my princess. Our preschool children know that she is my princess and that we love each other dearly. Most people wouldn't think her that attractive, but it doesn't matter. She's the one who I want to see when I wake and the person I want to grow old with. She is the most beautiful woman in the world to me and I tell her frequently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest question: Is the only answe people with accept for OP's question "yes"? The only person to answer "no" got attacked for it (and it looks like his original post may actually have been deleted.) What if the answer is actually a no?

No, there are acceptable answers of "no." If the answer is "no" but you show you love her anyways and don't judge her, then it's fine. However, the one guy who answered "no" very clearly showed no support for his wife when she fished for compliments. Instead of finding something to compliment, he just avoided answering. That's unsupportive.

In my case, my answer is "no" but I tell her about the the things I love about her, and show her I still love her. And frankly, I'm not as hot as I was when we met either. We're a good matched set and happily still in love.

[Anonymous]

To me she is "hot" to others I think they'd say "very pretty." But I'm the lucky guy who gets to hop in the sack with her where she is definitely "hot".

[Anonymous]

My wife is fat but she still does it for me. In my book she's hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question: Is the only answe people with accept for OP's question "yes"? The only person to answer "no" got attacked for it (and it looks like his original post may actually have been deleted.) What if the answer is actually a no?

No, there are acceptable answers of "no." If the answer is "no" but you show you love her anyways and don't judge her, then it's fine. However, the one guy who answered "no" very clearly showed no support for his wife when she fished for compliments. Instead of finding something to compliment, he just avoided answering. That's unsupportive.

In my case, my answer is "no" but I tell her about the the things I love about her, and show her I still love her. And frankly, I'm not as hot as I was when we met either. We're a good matched set and happily still in love.

I'm the guy who answered "no". Although I love and support my wife, I do not support her unattractive post-marriage weight gain.
( I would support her efforts to LOSE the weight, but that wasn't the question ).
So it would be dishonest of me to compliment her appearance which is (objectively) not hot.
And it would be mean of me to directly tell her this. She already knows it anyways. Every woman who's gained significant weight knows this is the opposite of hot. Saying nothing is therefore the nicest possible response to this question.

[Anonymous]

To me my wife looks like a super model. Others would probably say she is cute.

She is was the type of woman I would fantasize about when I was younger. First time I laid eyes on her was like one of those motion movie moments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me my wife looks like a super model. Others would probably say she is cute.

She is was the type of woman I would fantasize about when I was younger. First time I laid eyes on her was like one of those motion movie moments.

Should say... slow motion movie moments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question: Is the only answe people with accept for OP's question "yes"? The only person to answer "no" got attacked for it (and it looks like his original post may actually have been deleted.) What if the answer is actually a no?

No, there are acceptable answers of "no." If the answer is "no" but you show you love her anyways and don't judge her, then it's fine. However, the one guy who answered "no" very clearly showed no support for his wife when she fished for compliments. Instead of finding something to compliment, he just avoided answering. That's unsupportive.

In my case, my answer is "no" but I tell her about the the things I love about her, and show her I still love her. And frankly, I'm not as hot as I was when we met either. We're a good matched set and happily still in love.

I'm the guy who answered "no". Although I love and support my wife, I do not support her unattractive post-marriage weight gain.
( I would support her efforts to LOSE the weight, but that wasn't the question ).
So it would be dishonest of me to compliment her appearance which is (objectively) not hot.
And it would be mean of me to directly tell her this. She already knows it anyways. Every woman who's gained significant weight knows this is the opposite of hot. Saying nothing is therefore the nicest possible response to this question.

If she's subjectively hot, why would you care whether she's objectively hot? Or, for that matter, vice versa. Is there even such thing as objective hotness? Or is it more of a statistical consensus about what people in a given place and time find subjectively attractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is upset with me because after having 2 kids, my breasts are smaller and I have loose skin on my stomach. I did not get fat, I'm actually about 5 pounds less than before kids, but it all came off my breasts and not my stomach. He's pressing me to get a tummy tuck and implants, which I really don't want because I'm afraid of the risks....and I'm still a D cup and rrally don't want something foreign in my body, but he says he can't stand the way I look now. It makes me so sad. I'm 5'6 and 125-130, so not model thin or anything, but I don't judge him on his baldness or belly, but for women, it's different unfortunately

WOW! What a POS! And I am usually sympathetic to the men who complain about crazy weight gain or lack of caring about appearance. But this is just crazy. I'm so sorry. I feel such a flash of anger at your husband.

[Anonymous]

I always tell women they should make a point to find a guy who is gaga for them physically. You want to be their "type" and then they will always have "wife goggles" for you, even as you age (as long as you are reasonable about it and make an effort to stay fit).

In my peak I was let's say an 8/10 when I really made myself up. But I'll never forget when I met my DH; I looked like crap, with a simple outfit, no make up. And he couldn't stop staring at me. I don't know, i guess I am his type. He always seems to think I look great even when I know I do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question: Is the only answe people with accept for OP's question "yes"? The only person to answer "no" got attacked for it (and it looks like his original post may actually have been deleted.) What if the answer is actually a no?

No, there are acceptable answers of "no." If the answer is "no" but you show you love her anyways and don't judge her, then it's fine. However, the one guy who answered "no" very clearly showed no support for his wife when she fished for compliments. Instead of finding something to compliment, he just avoided answering. That's unsupportive.

In my case, my answer is "no" but I tell her about the the things I love about her, and show her I still love her. And frankly, I'm not as hot as I was when we met either. We're a good matched set and happily still in love.

I'm the guy who answered "no". Although I love and support my wife, I do not support her unattractive post-marriage weight gain.
( I would support her efforts to LOSE the weight, but that wasn't the question ).
So it would be dishonest of me to compliment her appearance which is (objectively) not hot.
And it would be mean of me to directly tell her this. She already knows it anyways. Every woman who's gained significant weight knows this is the opposite of hot. Saying nothing is therefore the nicest possible response to this question.

I disagree with you here. Even if you don't find the heavier body attractive, you can still find things about the person that is attractive. If you can't, then you are particularly shallow. My wife and I have both had our weight go up and down over the years. She has had some particularly large weight swings when she was on medication that caused significant weight gain. But I still remembered the things that made us work. I still found her attractive in other ways. If my wife wanted to know if she was still attractive to me, I could easily answer that yes, she was still my princess and that I still loved the way she made me feel. Even if the weight wasn't particularly attractive to her, I could still say that she still makes my heart flutter and I am still attracted to her even if I am attracted to things about her other than the physical side. I am still attracted to the person who takes care of me and my children. I am still attracted to the person who puts so much effort into making our house a home. I am still attracted to the person who makes me feel like a king in my home. All of this is true.

I find ways to compliment her and tell her how she is attractive to me without addressing whether her body is currently hot or not. The physical side is only one facet of the person who I want to share my life with. If the physical side is the only thing that makes her attractive to you, then your marriage will not survive. Both of you will age and in some cases, not age gracefully. You need more than just lust to make for a long marriage. If you can't find a way to compliment your wife without thinking about the physical beauty then you have a rather hollow relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question: Is the only answe people with accept for OP's question "yes"? The only person to answer "no" got attacked for it (and it looks like his original post may actually have been deleted.) What if the answer is actually a no?

No, there are acceptable answers of "no." If the answer is "no" but you show you love her anyways and don't judge her, then it's fine. However, the one guy who answered "no" very clearly showed no support for his wife when she fished for compliments. Instead of finding something to compliment, he just avoided answering. That's unsupportive.

In my case, my answer is "no" but I tell her about the the things I love about her, and show her I still love her. And frankly, I'm not as hot as I was when we met either. We're a good matched set and happily still in love.

I'm the guy who answered "no". Although I love and support my wife, I do not support her unattractive post-marriage weight gain.
( I would support her efforts to LOSE the weight, but that wasn't the question ).
So it would be dishonest of me to compliment her appearance which is (objectively) not hot.
And it would be mean of me to directly tell her this. She already knows it anyways. Every woman who's gained significant weight knows this is the opposite of hot. Saying nothing is therefore the nicest possible response to this question.

I disagree with you here. Even if you don't find the heavier body attractive, you can still find things about the person that is attractive. If you can't, then you are particularly shallow. My wife and I have both had our weight go up and down over the years. She has had some particularly large weight swings when she was on medication that caused significant weight gain. But I still remembered the things that made us work. I still found her attractive in other ways. If my wife wanted to know if she was still attractive to me, I could easily answer that yes, she was still my princess and that I still loved the way she made me feel. Even if the weight wasn't particularly attractive to her, I could still say that she still makes my heart flutter and I am still attracted to her even if I am attracted to things about her other than the physical side. I am still attracted to the person who takes care of me and my children. I am still attracted to the person who puts so much effort into making our house a home. I am still attracted to the person who makes me feel like a king in my home. All of this is true.

I find ways to compliment her and tell her how she is attractive to me without addressing whether her body is currently hot or not. The physical side is only one facet of the person who I want to share my life with. If the physical side is the only thing that makes her attractive to you, then your marriage will not survive. Both of you will age and in some cases, not age gracefully. You need more than just lust to make for a long marriage. If you can't find a way to compliment your wife without thinking about the physical beauty then you have a rather hollow relationship.

This is a beautiful post, and you sound like a wonderful man, and husband. However, you have qualities that PP seems not to possess - empathy, kindness, and a loving nature come to mind. Therefore, it's impossible to expect that he will take anything away from your thoughtful post, though he would do well to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is a beautiful post, and you sound like a wonderful man, and husband. However, you have qualities that PP seems not to possess - empathy, kindness, and a loving nature come to mind. Therefore, it's impossible to expect that he will take anything away from your thoughtful post, though he would do well to.

When I was a teen, my mother taught me that you need to find a partner who you like and share things in common with as well as love. She said that over the course of a long marriage (and my parents will be celebrating their 60th anniversary in June), the love will wax and wain, but if you like your partner and share things in common with them, that liking them and enjoying things you share will carry you through to when the love comes back. Although we've only been married 15 years, I agree with this. I like my wife. We share things in common and although we haven't had too many low points, we have had some and at those points, she's right, our friendship and mutual respect have carried us through until the love returns. She is the only partner I want to spend my life with for many reasons.

That's enough to give me the words to say when she needs a little pick-me-up from me.