My kid is not smart

[Anonymous]

Private counselors DO want to start talking to you only as a junior. Many have been working with their clients since the freshman year. I am the original PP who suggested one. Get one now. It can only help.

Also, don't get so beat up by DCUM. It sounds like you are a really great parent who is trying to do your best to help your daughter be successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Most people don't go to college. Find a job training program at her h.s., seriously. Focus on her learning skills for daily activities, e.g., cooking, and basic financial skills, like how to balance a check book and how to do a budget.

She does not go to high school. She's 16, almost 17...she already knows how to do laundry, has her own bank account and debit card (although she couldn't balance a checkbook since she has never seen one lol). She works and manages her money. She cooks better than I do (but that bar is not high lol).

Im not concerned about her from that day to day living standpoint. In fact, I bet she runs circles around my teenage boys who wouldn't know how to do a load of laundry and couldn't make toast, frankly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private counselors DO want to start talking to you only as a junior. Many have been working with their clients since the freshman year. I am the original PP who suggested one. Get one now. It can only help.

Also, don't get so beat up by DCUM. It sounds like you are a really great parent who is trying to do your best to help your daughter be successful.

Great, I am going to start looking online for a private counselor. Sounds like exactly what we need. Thanks very much!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I an pretty smart but have such severe learning disabilities that when you merge the two together I come across as dumb, basically. Send her away to a state school. She will fail out, but will learn a ton about herself and her abilities compared to other kids.

I was much more successful at work than at school. Even with that, I still have a hard time at work and get fired from jobs for being too stupid to understand things sometimes that are a job requirement. Even into my 30's I still sometimes called my parents hysterically crying because I couldn't understand what my boss said to do. She could maybe be a bartender, a receptionist, a bookkeeper, etc. after she fails out of college, tell her she can work, go to school, or do a combo of both but she needs to be productive 40 hours a week. I took five years to get an associates degree from comm college and am an exec asst.

I cant tell if you are joking or not.

But if you aren't, don't feel bad, because I still want to cry at work every day because I don't know what the hell my boss is saying. It may not be you, if your boss is like mine, its because what they are saying actually makes very little sense

I'm not joking at all. This is my life. I have never kept a job for two years. 22 months is the longest. I hate my brain. I can't read a map to save my life. I often have to ask for help with basic things but then can't even understand the advice given. But I do support myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you don't really say much about whether or not she's successful in school, just that she tested low average and isn't as amazingly smart like the rest of you.

1) what grade is she in
2) what courses is she taking (college prep or no? Any AP classes)
3) does she show any interest in college?
4) assuming you are in the DMV where is she in hs? Not the exact school but an idea (a W school, a hoco hs etc)
5) are you willing/could you be full pay at a lac?

Geez, you were almost helpful here. Just saying that I have a high IQ, as do my parents, makes me boastful about being "amazingly smart?"
IQ is just fact, its not a judgment statement.

Argh.

She is 16, in 11th grade. She is a C student at best. She is in a college track set of courses at an online high school. She wants to go to college, although (like many kids who want to go to college) much of her interest is social.
She isn't in public high school.
We can pay for some level of college. Not an Ivy, but that's not an issue.

Me, again. I don't really appreciate the dig but I'm back for more. Could your daughter pass the ged?

If so, my strategy would be to put her in community college taking a very light load. Look for a cc with an articulation agreement with a four year school, so she could transfer easily. I would also put her in a cc in a lower col area (ie Frederick, Hagerstown - I am a MD person obviously but the same is true for VA -- don't enroll her in NOVA). The reason for this is you want her to graduate and be able to be self sufficient on that income. It will also put her in a less intense culture re: achievement. At 16, she can take years to get her Associate's while you both benefit from the supports cc offers. Re-evaluate along the way. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I an pretty smart but have such severe learning disabilities that when you merge the two together I come across as dumb, basically. Send her away to a state school. She will fail out, but will learn a ton about herself and her abilities compared to other kids.

I was much more successful at work than at school. Even with that, I still have a hard time at work and get fired from jobs for being too stupid to understand things sometimes that are a job requirement. Even into my 30's I still sometimes called my parents hysterically crying because I couldn't understand what my boss said to do. She could maybe be a bartender, a receptionist, a bookkeeper, etc. after she fails out of college, tell her she can work, go to school, or do a combo of both but she needs to be productive 40 hours a week. I took five years to get an associates degree from comm college and am an exec asst.

I cant tell if you are joking or not.

But if you aren't, don't feel bad, because I still want to cry at work every day because I don't know what the hell my boss is saying. It may not be you, if your boss is like mine, its because what they are saying actually makes very little sense

I'm not joking at all. This is my life. I have never kept a job for two years. 22 months is the longest. I hate my brain. I can't read a map to save my life. I often have to ask for help with basic things but then can't even understand the advice given. But I do support myself.

OP here. Well, because you are much like my daughter, I want to ask: what do you love about yourself? I am sure my daughter gets really frustrated with her brain as well. But she does not have self esteem problems, she is a hysterically funny girl with the most amazing heart, and her ability to be a friend to others is off the charts. So I hope that you think about that today. Maybe you were posting about your brain specifically, just in response to my post, but you sound a little bit down. I hope you think today about what you love about yourself and your life. We all have something--most of us have lots!
As to your job situation, I personally just hired a guy to work for me. He told me right up front, look I have really bad ADD, and here are my struggles. He gave me a whole list of what works for him to keep himself organized, and how he wants to be communicated with, etc.
Have you tried that? Thinking up the things that have made you fail in the past (to the point where you lost your job), and then what would have prevented that? And then thinking up ways to tell future bosses that they need to communicate with you so that you can be successful?
In my experience with this kid I just hired (I say "kid" cuz hes just out of school lol), I was seriously impressed with how he approached me, was up front about it, and had a plan to be successful. And I try really hard to follow what he told me (and when I forget, he reminds me...and that's a good thing!).
Maybe try something like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you don't really say much about whether or not she's successful in school, just that she tested low average and isn't as amazingly smart like the rest of you.

1) what grade is she in
2) what courses is she taking (college prep or no? Any AP classes)
3) does she show any interest in college?
4) assuming you are in the DMV where is she in hs? Not the exact school but an idea (a W school, a hoco hs etc)
5) are you willing/could you be full pay at a lac?

Geez, you were almost helpful here. Just saying that I have a high IQ, as do my parents, makes me boastful about being "amazingly smart?"
IQ is just fact, its not a judgment statement.

Argh.

She is 16, in 11th grade. She is a C student at best. She is in a college track set of courses at an online high school. She wants to go to college, although (like many kids who want to go to college) much of her interest is social.
She isn't in public high school.
We can pay for some level of college. Not an Ivy, but that's not an issue.

Me, again. I don't really appreciate the dig but I'm back for more. Could your daughter pass the ged?

If so, my strategy would be to put her in community college taking a very light load. Look for a cc with an articulation agreement with a four year school, so she could transfer easily. I would also put her in a cc in a lower col area (ie Frederick, Hagerstown - I am a MD person obviously but the same is true for VA -- don't enroll her in NOVA). The reason for this is you want her to graduate and be able to be self sufficient on that income. It will also put her in a less intense culture re: achievement. At 16, she can take years to get her Associate's while you both benefit from the supports cc offers. Re-evaluate along the way. Good luck!

yeah, I didn't appreciate the dig either.
But thank you for the suggestion. I am sure she could pass the GED. Comm College might be our solution.

[Anonymous]

Community college is good because the class sizes are small. Many good kids go there for financial reasons.

Also, your daughter is smart, but she is not intelligent. There is a difference.

[Anonymous]

I'm the one who hates her brain. From looking into it when I was in high school, GED is harder to pass than high school. I had to do summer school twice, but managed to graduate on time.

[Anonymous]

OP I posted earlier and also recommended private guidance counselor. I think you are seriously under estimating the importance of emotional intelligence which your daughter appears to have. EQ can trump IQ and grades when it comes to success in life and at work even in corporate jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Community college is good because the class sizes are small. Many good kids go there for financial reasons.

Also, your daughter is smart, but she is not intelligent. There is a difference.

well yeah, but intelligence is a measure of how able you are to become smarter. so although they are different things, they are linked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the one who hates her brain. From looking into it when I was in high school, GED is harder to pass than high school. I had to do summer school twice, but managed to graduate on time.

I didn't realize that. I wonder if it is the same now, with all of the mandated testing required to graduate high school? Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I posted earlier and also recommended private guidance counselor. I think you are seriously under estimating the importance of emotional intelligence which your daughter appears to have. EQ can trump IQ and grades when it comes to success in life and at work even in corporate jobs.

Good point. Our struggle may only be the next several years, getting her graduated from college, and then in the workforce, she may be fine.
Granted she may not be suited for a desk job, but she definitely has the EQ to be successful. And you are right, EQ is critical!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you don't really say much about whether or not she's successful in school, just that she tested low average and isn't as amazingly smart like the rest of you.

1) what grade is she in
2) what courses is she taking (college prep or no? Any AP classes)
3) does she show any interest in college?
4) assuming you are in the DMV where is she in hs? Not the exact school but an idea (a W school, a hoco hs etc)
5) are you willing/could you be full pay at a lac?

Geez, you were almost helpful here. Just saying that I have a high IQ, as do my parents, makes me boastful about being "amazingly smart?"
IQ is just fact, its not a judgment statement.

Argh.

She is 16, in 11th grade. She is a C student at best. She is in a college track set of courses at an online high school. She wants to go to college, although (like many kids who want to go to college) much of her interest is social.
She isn't in public high school.
We can pay for some level of college. Not an Ivy, but that's not an issue.

Me, again. I don't really appreciate the dig but I'm back for more. Could your daughter pass the ged?

If so, my strategy would be to put her in community college taking a very light load. Look for a cc with an articulation agreement with a four year school, so she could transfer easily. I would also put her in a cc in a lower col area (ie Frederick, Hagerstown - I am a MD person obviously but the same is true for VA -- don't enroll her in NOVA). The reason for this is you want her to graduate and be able to be self sufficient on that income. It will also put her in a less intense culture re: achievement. At 16, she can take years to get her Associate's while you both benefit from the supports cc offers. Re-evaluate along the way. Good luck!

yeah, I didn't appreciate the dig either.
But thank you for the suggestion. I am sure she could pass the GED. Comm College might be our solution.

I'm sorry I bothered. If your daughter is the woman you say she is, I think you could learn a lot about eq from her. Good luck to both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you don't really say much about whether or not she's successful in school, just that she tested low average and isn't as amazingly smart like the rest of you.

1) what grade is she in
2) what courses is she taking (college prep or no? Any AP classes)
3) does she show any interest in college?
4) assuming you are in the DMV where is she in hs? Not the exact school but an idea (a W school, a hoco hs etc)
5) are you willing/could you be full pay at a lac?

Geez, you were almost helpful here. Just saying that I have a high IQ, as do my parents, makes me boastful about being "amazingly smart?"
IQ is just fact, its not a judgment statement.

Argh.

She is 16, in 11th grade. She is a C student at best. She is in a college track set of courses at an online high school. She wants to go to college, although (like many kids who want to go to college) much of her interest is social.
She isn't in public high school.
We can pay for some level of college. Not an Ivy, but that's not an issue.

Me, again. I don't really appreciate the dig but I'm back for more. Could your daughter pass the ged?

If so, my strategy would be to put her in community college taking a very light load. Look for a cc with an articulation agreement with a four year school, so she could transfer easily. I would also put her in a cc in a lower col area (ie Frederick, Hagerstown - I am a MD person obviously but the same is true for VA -- don't enroll her in NOVA). The reason for this is you want her to graduate and be able to be self sufficient on that income. It will also put her in a less intense culture re: achievement. At 16, she can take years to get her Associate's while you both benefit from the supports cc offers. Re-evaluate along the way. Good luck!

yeah, I didn't appreciate the dig either.
But thank you for the suggestion. I am sure she could pass the GED. Comm College might be our solution.

I'm sorry I bothered. If your daughter is the woman you say she is, I think you could learn a lot about eq from her. Good luck to both of you.

wait, hold on...you take a serious dig at me with the whole "your daughter isn't as amazingly smart as you are", and that's fine...but when I don't even dig back, but just simply question your dig at me, now I have a low EQ? That's a really odd position to take, but if its your position, than I thank you as well for bothering to read my post. I am not a rude person at all, and I just don't get where you are coming from. Perhaps its a mis read tone issue, on either one of our ends.