Bringing partners to prenatal visits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband came to the 20 week ultrasound and that was it. I think it's weird to have your husband come to all of the appointments.

I agree.

Oh who cares. You women are just as bad as the women who "think less of" husbands who don't come. What is it to you what anyone else does? How awful that you feel the need to call others "weird" for doing what works best for them.

I personally didn't need DH at all the appointments by any means but he wanted to come. I admit I felt a bit strange about it at first but it's his baby. He wanted to know everything about it. He was super interested in the process, read up on things, ordered books, and while no, "we" were not "pregnant" he was a partner in the process. Many of you are dismissing the well pregnancy visits as peeing in a cup and blood pressure but for us they were a chance to ask questions, hear the heartbeat and be assured that everything was okay.

Pregnancy can be something men feel left out of. They donate the sperm and then woman does the rest. So why not open up this part of it to him, if he's interested? While I sometimes felt awkward having my husband there for these things, the payoff was pretty great. He was committed and a genuine coparent from day one. Of course one doesn't need to attend prenatal visits to get to that point, but in our case, I didn't want to discourage his enthusiasm.

Those of you who think it's weird can shove off - I suspect you're not very nice people anyway.

Yes but you sound like the type of person who judges others who don't share your sentiments about this. Some of our husband's have more demanding jobs where they can't go to every appointment. Thank goodness that's the case with mine - I wouldn't want him there when I am just peeing in a cup. I can also relay information to him just fine.

Responses like these are pretty funny "you sound judgmental, so I'm going to make my own judgmental statement now!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah the whole "we're pregnant" thing is obnoxious. No you are not both pregnant!!!!! And any man or woman who says this is ridiculous!!!!!

I'm pretty sure I've offhandedly used this phrase before...I didn't know until I started reading DCUM that other people are practically shitting themselves with indignation about it! Do you get this upset when a couple says "We're having a baby"?

We're having a baby isn't bad. But we're pregnant not only sounds stupi, it is inaccurate and annoying.

Yeah. Since I am the one suffering through the pregnancy, I would be pissed if my DH said "we" are pregnant. No dear, I am pregnant, and you are sitting on the sidelines feeling sorry for the nausea, but not actually experiencing it. I would switch roles in a heartbeat.

Doesn't bother me this much. I am a lot more to put up with than I was pre-preg and am putting him through a lot emotionally. Might want to keep that in mind before you bitch at your husband about how much more you are going through than him.

Thanks for the concern, but I don't bitch at him. Had a co-worker who did that once (she was a horrendous bitch throughout pregnancy though otherwise a sweet person) and I swore I would never do that. That is what this board is for, so I can be reasonable at home even when feeling like shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, because "we" weren't pregnant, I was. He also doesn't accompany me to the dentist, hairdresser, or podiatrist. Independent, modern, professional women should not need to be accompanied to OB appointments by significant other.

Wow. It's his baby too, he should be allowed to learn about its development in the womb. Obviously he doesn't give a shit about your teeth, hair, or feet, but it's HIS baby, too. You're not going to be married very long with this attitude.

What do you consider long, 25th anniversary in 2014. O

Yeah then why on earth did you answer this question? The way things are done now are completely different than the way things were done even 15 years ago. Men are so much more involved now than they used to be. I should've known you were old, you used the word "hairdresser"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, because "we" weren't pregnant, I was. He also doesn't accompany me to the dentist, hairdresser, or podiatrist. Independent, modern, professional women should not need to be accompanied to OB appointments by significant other.

Wow. It's his baby too, he should be allowed to learn about its development in the womb. Obviously he doesn't give a shit about your teeth, hair, or feet, but it's HIS baby, too. You're not going to be married very long with this attitude.

What do you consider long, 25th anniversary in 2014. O

Yeah then why on earth did you answer this question? The way things are done now are completely different than the way things were done even 15 years ago. Men are so much more involved now than they used to be. I should've known you were old, you used the word "hairdresser"

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband came to the 20 week ultrasound and that was it. I think it's weird to have your husband come to all of the appointments.

I agree.

Oh who cares. You women are just as bad as the women who "think less of" husbands who don't come. What is it to you what anyone else does? How awful that you feel the need to call others "weird" for doing what works best for them.

I personally didn't need DH at all the appointments by any means but he wanted to come. I admit I felt a bit strange about it at first but it's his baby. He wanted to know everything about it. He was super interested in the process, read up on things, ordered books, and while no, "we" were not "pregnant" he was a partner in the process. Many of you are dismissing the well pregnancy visits as peeing in a cup and blood pressure but for us they were a chance to ask questions, hear the heartbeat and be assured that everything was okay.

Pregnancy can be something men feel left out of. They donate the sperm and then woman does the rest. So why not open up this part of it to him, if he's interested? While I sometimes felt awkward having my husband there for these things, the payoff was pretty great. He was committed and a genuine coparent from day one. Of course one doesn't need to attend prenatal visits to get to that point, but in our case, I didn't want to discourage his enthusiasm.

Those of you who think it's weird can shove off - I suspect you're not very nice people anyway.

Yes but you sound like the type of person who judges others who don't share your sentiments about this. Some of our husband's have more demanding jobs where they can't go to every appointment. Thank goodness that's the case with mine - I wouldn't want him there when I am just peeing in a cup. I can also relay information to him just fine.

PP, seriously, tell me exactly what in my post suggests that I judge someone who does not share my sentiments about this? Was it where I said "of course one doesn't need to attend prenatal visits to get to that point" or when I admitted that I sometimes felt awkward when he was there, or that I didn't "need" him there personally? Or was it just that you feel really extra defensive today?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, because "we" weren't pregnant, I was. He also doesn't accompany me to the dentist, hairdresser, or podiatrist. Independent, modern, professional women should not need to be accompanied to OB appointments by significant other.

Wow. It's his baby too, he should be allowed to learn about its development in the womb. Obviously he doesn't give a shit about your teeth, hair, or feet, but it's HIS baby, too. You're not going to be married very long with this attitude.

What do you consider long, 25th anniversary in 2014. O

Okay, well, in all seriousness, your age explains your perspective. My aunt didn't "get it" either, why I'd want my husband "to see all that." (She's now divorced, despite her own husband being spared). Look, many of today's husbands actively want to come. Only one person on this thread said they think less of husbands who don't come, and it clearly ruffled feathers. but I don't think that's the prevailing sentiment by any means. But in response, a few posters said how "weird" it was or how they think less of the men who do. Why is that any better? Each couple decides what's best. If I had asked my DH not to come, he would have been bummed. Now we have two and it's harder for him to get there, so I guess I've seen both sides of it and I don't think husbands are "weird" for coming any more than I would assume they're "checked out" if they don't. How could we possibly draw such a conclusion from one thing a man does or does not do? Anyway, I get that in your day it was just not done as much, but things are different now, and many men consider this just one aspect of 100 percent co-parenting.

[Anonymous]

My husband came to the first appointment (where we saw the fetus and heartbeat), and to the 18 week ultrasound (anatomy scan, found out gender). We didn't do a NT screening. I am not sure why he would come to any others; they are kind of boring even for the mother-to-be in many cases. We did not see any benefit to his being there (but others' preferences vary, obviously). For the record, he was very supportive during the pregnancy, and a huge help during labor and delivery.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of the PPs who said my DH would only come to the really big stuff because I don't really care if he goes to the rest, and didn't think he did, either. However, he recently informed me that he does want to come to any of the ones with sonograms or ultrasounds, even if not the major milestone ones (and he did skip the 8-week), so I guess I stand corrected! He is more interested in the process than I realized. Though he said he definitely does not want to be there for the exciting speculum checks!

[Anonymous]

Why do people care whether or not others go alone or bring their spouse?? Everyone had their own schedules and things that work for them. What’s the big deal?

Also, not all visits are routine and “just” listening to the heartbeat. Sometimes there is no heartbeat or some of the standard testing reveals that something is not right. If someone has high anxiety over this they having someone there with them may make them feel better. My friend lost her baby late in pregnancy and found out at what she thought was a routine visit. Her husband was not there with her and picturing her alone when she got that news breaks my heart, but also doesn’t mean that husbands always have to go. It’s a comfort level thing and totally personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of the PPs who said my DH would only come to the really big stuff because I don't really care if he goes to the rest, and didn't think he did, either. However, he recently informed me that he does want to come to any of the ones with sonograms or ultrasounds, even if not the major milestone ones (and he did skip the 8-week), so I guess I stand corrected! He is more interested in the process than I realized. Though he said he definitely does not want to be there for the exciting speculum checks!

I think this may often be the case and just goes to show you - talk to your partner and see if he (or she) wants to come or not, make sure he knows that he has a choice! If that choice is to not come to the appointments, then that's totally fine, but you won't know how interested he is if your mindset is "oh, this is MY body and MY pregnancy, not HIS, so he doesn't need to come" and don't talk to him about it first. Just my two cents...