I highly doubt that they are "always" calling you to pick up their kids. The snide comments are definitely going both ways here. The funny thing is that I don't know a single working mom who has ever called on a SAHM to do any of the above things. To be perfectly honest, there is no way most of us would ever considering it just perpetuates the shitty attitude of a SAHM displayed above. Ironically, SAHMs tend to carpool and do the things above for other SAHMs all the time, and without complaint. It is just that WOHMs get the bad reputation for not reciprocating (which also isn't true considering we are all usually very sensitive about these things). |
Why would you think dad doesn't participate in day to day care. He participates just as much as a working mom does as he is home and doing child related things evenings and weekends. I do not depend on my husband solely for emotional fulfillment and I am not less of a role model for my children compared to a working mother. I have contributed to the finances of the home - I paid the down payment when we bought it. I can't really identify with any aspect of your perception of a SAHM as it doesn't describe me or my life in any way. |
I love the people that say they need to be home to deal with things like getting rugs shampooed, cleaning the fridge, or dealing with a sick dog. And then there are the people who say they spend hours daily doing things like 'going to Target.' How inefficient ARE you all? |
OP, there is the possibility of depression as others have mentioned and there is also the possibility that your spouse has a hard time organizing what seems like an eternity of unscheduled time. When I stopped working full time I felt completely ungrounded. I didn't know how I could possibly fill all the time up! I did go into a bit of depression b/c I didn't have the obligations and routines that I eventually found.
Maybe you could have a talk after the kids go to bed about how you can work together to get everything done. Then when you have a big list of things that need to get done, maybe spouse (with your help) can break them down into two things to do each day of the week. Sometimes if you just get productive right off the bat in the morning, you can avoid getting sucked into internet nothingness all day. Maybe your spouse is one who doesn't plan very well, but maybe she is good at following a plan that is laid out on paper. There is a sense of accomplishment in crossing something off a physical list. Now, to all those who are still attacking the SAHMs with the "is SOOO hard... boo-hoo-hoo" crap.... : No one is saying that the SAHM gig is harder than trying to work out of the house AND do the house management. Many of us are saying that we've done the WOH thing and it exceeded our personal thresholds for stress/sanity and while SAH isn't necessarily the greatest job ever, we have made the trade off b/c it works for our households. If working out of the house works for you, that's fab. Go for it. When I was working full time, it wasn't the 45 hrs. at the office that was a problem, it was the other 10 hrs. of commuting time added on to that. That's what resulted in so much stress for everyone. Yes, DH stepped up and did his share at the time, but it still put a lot of pressure on everyone from Monday at 5:30 a.m. straight through to Friday at 5:30 p.m. We all just do whatever works at the moment. It's not a contest to prove that I'm more of a martyr than you or that you can do everything that I do and more. I do plan to go back to work (hope that interview I did lands me a job), but it is with mixed emotions. Neither the WOH model nor the SAHM model is perfect. Too much stress in one, too little personal accomplishment in the other. You can't win for trying, so it's best to just do whatever works for your family at any given moment (and suspend the competition with the women in the other camp). |
"The ones I know are always calling me to pick up their kids from aftercare b/c they will get a dollar a minute or drive their kid from soccer practice to camp in the summer or take their kid to girl scouts. Not that difficult? Perhaps you have the luxury of a flexible, forgiving job. Not all of us can be lucky (or so snide). "
I've never once in more than 10 years called a SAHM to do anything child-related. I picked my childcare carefully so it would accommodate our needs as far as work and family. It really is not that difficult. |
+1 |
I wasn't speaking to your personally. My point is it is only a win-win if you don't resent giving up a career. It sounds like you don't have that resentment, so it's a win-win for you. I was just saying in our family it works differently. My husband participates more in child care by nature of me working (he wouldn't go in late so he could be with the kids before school, for example) and he would cover fewer sick days, etc., so I feel like that is an important aspect of us sharing duties. And I would be giving up a nice job and a nice income, and I doubt I would be able to return in my 50s when both kids are out of the house. In your family, it sounds like you both share duties, just divided up differently. Different strokes. Makes sense to me and it's nice to hear other's viewpoints. |
" Many of us are saying that we've done the WOH thing and it exceeded our personal thresholds for stress/sanity and while SAH isn't necessarily the greatest job ever, we have made the trade off b/c it works for our households. If working out of the house works for you, that's fab. Go for it. When I was working full time, it wasn't the 45 hrs. at the office that was a problem, it was the other 10 hrs. of commuting time added on to that. "
1) Work on ways to increase your stress/sanity threshold short of quitting your job or 2) Look for another job with a shorter commute. |
"........or that you can do everything that I do and more. "
Yes, that IS my point as a full time working mom. We didn't have to give up half of our household income to lower our stress. I own it, I do think people who can't both work and raise children may be less competent than I am. |
I'm sorry you don't have friends to call on in a pinch. I do. And I'm happy to do it for others -- SAHM or not. I offer, in fact. And my friends take me up on it. Maybe people don't like you so they don't offer. I don't know. All the moms I know are happy to do it whether it's reciprocated or not. I've met my friends' kids off the bus, picked them up from school, driven them to friend's offices. You name it. Moms who work seem to see this giant divide between the highly important work they do and the yoga-pants wearing SAHMs. The thing is: I have worked when my kids were little. Now I'm home. And I will work again. SAHM isn't a permanent condition. |
You sound like friends in law school who used to compete to win the title of Most Exhausted, Most Overworked, and the like. That's just silly. Why should some other family decide to fill their life with additional stress and commitments just because that's a badge you seem I think we should envy or emulate? |
Are you employed as a paid spokeswoman for the working mothers of america? "We are all usually very sensitive.." says the flack for the movement. Give me a break. Somehow you have your finger on the pulse of what all working women think and do? |
Why are you so insecure in your choice that you can't handle someone making a different choice and being fine with it. I'm not telling you to quit your job and stay at home. I'm comfortable in my own choices so much that I can handle you making a different choice without feeling threatened by it. Next time I need advice, I'll look you up. |
Exactly! I work 60 hrs a week! No,I work 90 hrs. a week! Well, I work 120 hrs. a week and I bill 150 hrs! Hah! I know that game and never wanted to play it! |
I don't think other families should add stress and commitments. I do think people should think before they post about a "5 hour workday" when there are obviously people working virtually all their waking hours - that's what I was reacting to, the obliviousness of some SAHMs to the realities of others' lives. |