Bad marriages

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never know what’s truly going on in a family. When I decided to leave DH last year, all of our friends were surprised because I always “looked so happy” and they thought we are happy together.

On the other hand, people might vent to their friends making an impression of an unhappy couple but then they go home and feel quite good in general.

So you don't have any actual friends? Because I talk to mine about things we're going through. When I got divorced none of them were shocked.

My best friend of decades did this to me. She gushed about her dh and pretended to be happy but then one day told me "we got divorced several months ago." Honestly it still hurts. Obviously she hadn't considered me a best friend. We talked daily too, so it wasn't like I wasn't interested or involved in her life. I'm not a judgy person either.

NP. Your friend was going through troubles and you seem to make her lack of disclosure about you. I find those kind of friendships are pretty tough.

[Anonymous]

Nobody is happy....have you looked at people's faces nowadays? And do you drive in this area? Everyone is miserable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never know what’s truly going on in a family. When I decided to leave DH last year, all of our friends were surprised because I always “looked so happy” and they thought we are happy together.

On the other hand, people might vent to their friends making an impression of an unhappy couple but then they go home and feel quite good in general.

So you don't have any actual friends? Because I talk to mine about things we're going through. When I got divorced none of them were shocked.

I have a lot of actual friends. But what’s the point of complaining to them about a decision I made 20 years ago (to marry a man that I didn’t love)? I didn’t advertise it to the world that I didn’t love him and was unhappy because of that.

For example, he isn’t my type physically, and for more than 20 years, every time when I looked at him I thought how much I don’t like what his face looks like. It’s not something I’d share, and if your friend told you something like that, you’d think that they are insane.

This is the weirdest take on friendship I have ever heard. What's the point about talking to your friends about your life and your struggles? If you can't answer that, I truly can't help you. And you don't have very good friends or at least not deep friendships.

And if you married someone whose face you hate, I also don't know how to help you...

What’s the point of telling my friends that I don’t like DH’s face and name? They also wouldn’t know how to help me. It was my choice to marry him, and I owned it. When I became ready to pursue happiness, I made another choice by leaving him and finding a man who is my type physically, and now I can’t take my eyes and hands off him.

Look, you and your weird situation of marrying someone whose face and name you hate it isn't relevant to anyone else because no one does that. So yeah, you should keep quiet I guess. The rest of us generally marry people we don't despise, and then through the decades we have ups and downs, and we share those with our friends. Your story has literally no bearing on anyone else's because it's bizarre.

I’ve never said that I hate anything. Don’t like and hate are quite different terms, in my view. As I said, this is not something I’ve ever shared with anyone, and I think that a lot of people have thoughts/feelings that they don’t share with anyone (in the US, maybe they share with their therapist only). Therefore you have no idea how many people could be in my situation.

That's not the point at all. Faking your way into a marriage with s person you don't love and aren't attracted to, for other reasons you don't share, is essentially a tremendous fraud you committed on your spouse. It's completely selfish and unfair. Your focus on your feelings, your unhappiness, is not relevant other than as a possible explanation of how you justified this marital charade: entitlement, self centeredness, and disregard for the welfare and feelings of the person you tricked into marrying you.it is completely unethical. Work on your honesty and integrity no one gives a rats ass about where you are happy or not except you

You have no idea what you’re talking about, your monologue has nothing to do with my actual situation. It’s none of your business as to why I married him (no one in the whole world besides myself knows my story in full) - but I absolutely didn’t trick him into anything.

So you told him you don't like his face or his name and he was like that's cool I don't like yours either and then you figured you'd walk down the aisle together?

This is funny. There is no way I’ll tell my full story here. At some point I’ll write it down and sell it to Hollywood so that they could make a movie out of it. It’s quite unique.

There probably isn't much of a market for a thinly veiled rehash of Shutter Island

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody is happy....have you looked at people's faces nowadays? And do you drive in this area? Everyone is miserable

😩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never know what’s truly going on in a family. When I decided to leave DH last year, all of our friends were surprised because I always “looked so happy” and they thought we are happy together.

On the other hand, people might vent to their friends making an impression of an unhappy couple but then they go home and feel quite good in general.

So you don't have any actual friends? Because I talk to mine about things we're going through. When I got divorced none of them were shocked.

I have a lot of actual friends. But what’s the point of complaining to them about a decision I made 20 years ago (to marry a man that I didn’t love)? I didn’t advertise it to the world that I didn’t love him and was unhappy because of that.

For example, he isn’t my type physically, and for more than 20 years, every time when I looked at him I thought how much I don’t like what his face looks like. It’s not something I’d share, and if your friend told you something like that, you’d think that they are insane.

So youre a liar and deceiver since obviously you must have faked loving him and being attracted to him to get him to marry you, for whatever the reasons were, which you conveniently omit. All the problems in your marriage are your own fault

Why do you feel a need to make up a story and attack a character of your fictitious story publicly? In reality, I’ve never pretended that I love him and have never said that I do. Now that I truly love my boyfriend, I have a big trouble saying that to him because I’ve literally have never ever said these words to any man - only to my children and friends.

So you've never told your friends that you love your husband. Which is quite a different story than what you told earlier.

What are you talking about? I’ve never loved my husband and never told anyone that I do.

THEN WHY WOULD YOUR FRIENDS THINK YOU WERE HAPPY TOGETHER?

You have to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody is happy....have you looked at people's faces nowadays? And do you drive in this area? Everyone is miserable

FACTS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never know what’s truly going on in a family. When I decided to leave DH last year, all of our friends were surprised because I always “looked so happy” and they thought we are happy together.

On the other hand, people might vent to their friends making an impression of an unhappy couple but then they go home and feel quite good in general.

So you don't have any actual friends? Because I talk to mine about things we're going through. When I got divorced none of them were shocked.

I have a lot of actual friends. But what’s the point of complaining to them about a decision I made 20 years ago (to marry a man that I didn’t love)? I didn’t advertise it to the world that I didn’t love him and was unhappy because of that.

For example, he isn’t my type physically, and for more than 20 years, every time when I looked at him I thought how much I don’t like what his face looks like. It’s not something I’d share, and if your friend told you something like that, you’d think that they are insane.

So youre a liar and deceiver since obviously you must have faked loving him and being attracted to him to get him to marry you, for whatever the reasons were, which you conveniently omit. All the problems in your marriage are your own fault

Why do you feel a need to make up a story and attack a character of your fictitious story publicly? In reality, I’ve never pretended that I love him and have never said that I do. Now that I truly love my boyfriend, I have a big trouble saying that to him because I’ve literally have never ever said these words to any man - only to my children and friends.

So you've never told your friends that you love your husband. Which is quite a different story than what you told earlier.

What are you talking about? I’ve never loved my husband and never told anyone that I do.

THEN WHY WOULD YOUR FRIENDS THINK YOU WERE HAPPY TOGETHER?

You have to be a troll.

My friends and I didn’t talk about love life with our spouses. They didn’t ask me if I love DH - we all were too busy raising kids, dealing with their health issues, working, worrying about our aging parents. They assumed that I was happy because I generally look happy (my resting facial expression, people sometimes say that I’m the happiest person they get to talk to), we never fight and traveled together, went places together, I never complained, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never know what’s truly going on in a family. When I decided to leave DH last year, all of our friends were surprised because I always “looked so happy” and they thought we are happy together.

On the other hand, people might vent to their friends making an impression of an unhappy couple but then they go home and feel quite good in general.

So you don't have any actual friends? Because I talk to mine about things we're going through. When I got divorced none of them were shocked.

I have a lot of actual friends. But what’s the point of complaining to them about a decision I made 20 years ago (to marry a man that I didn’t love)? I didn’t advertise it to the world that I didn’t love him and was unhappy because of that.

For example, he isn’t my type physically, and for more than 20 years, every time when I looked at him I thought how much I don’t like what his face looks like. It’s not something I’d share, and if your friend told you something like that, you’d think that they are insane.

So youre a liar and deceiver since obviously you must have faked loving him and being attracted to him to get him to marry you, for whatever the reasons were, which you conveniently omit. All the problems in your marriage are your own fault

Why do you feel a need to make up a story and attack a character of your fictitious story publicly? In reality, I’ve never pretended that I love him and have never said that I do. Now that I truly love my boyfriend, I have a big trouble saying that to him because I’ve literally have never ever said these words to any man - only to my children and friends.

So you've never told your friends that you love your husband. Which is quite a different story than what you told earlier.

What are you talking about? I’ve never loved my husband and never told anyone that I do.

THEN WHY WOULD YOUR FRIENDS THINK YOU WERE HAPPY TOGETHER?

You have to be a troll.

My friends and I didn’t talk about love life with our spouses. They didn’t ask me if I love DH - we all were too busy raising kids, dealing with their health issues, working, worrying about our aging parents. They assumed that I was happy because I generally look happy (my resting facial expression, people sometimes say that I’m the happiest person they get to talk to), we never fight and traveled together, went places together, I never complained, etc.

Girl, what the hell do you call loving someone then? You sound like a sociopath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never know what’s truly going on in a family. When I decided to leave DH last year, all of our friends were surprised because I always “looked so happy” and they thought we are happy together.

On the other hand, people might vent to their friends making an impression of an unhappy couple but then they go home and feel quite good in general.

So you don't have any actual friends? Because I talk to mine about things we're going through. When I got divorced none of them were shocked.

I have a lot of actual friends. But what’s the point of complaining to them about a decision I made 20 years ago (to marry a man that I didn’t love)? I didn’t advertise it to the world that I didn’t love him and was unhappy because of that.

For example, he isn’t my type physically, and for more than 20 years, every time when I looked at him I thought how much I don’t like what his face looks like. It’s not something I’d share, and if your friend told you something like that, you’d think that they are insane.

So youre a liar and deceiver since obviously you must have faked loving him and being attracted to him to get him to marry you, for whatever the reasons were, which you conveniently omit. All the problems in your marriage are your own fault

Why do you feel a need to make up a story and attack a character of your fictitious story publicly? In reality, I’ve never pretended that I love him and have never said that I do. Now that I truly love my boyfriend, I have a big trouble saying that to him because I’ve literally have never ever said these words to any man - only to my children and friends.

So you've never told your friends that you love your husband. Which is quite a different story than what you told earlier.

What are you talking about? I’ve never loved my husband and never told anyone that I do.

THEN WHY WOULD YOUR FRIENDS THINK YOU WERE HAPPY TOGETHER?

You have to be a troll.

My friends and I didn’t talk about love life with our spouses. They didn’t ask me if I love DH - we all were too busy raising kids, dealing with their health issues, working, worrying about our aging parents. They assumed that I was happy because I generally look happy (my resting facial expression, people sometimes say that I’m the happiest person they get to talk to), we never fight and traveled together, went places together, I never complained, etc.

Girl, what the hell do you call loving someone then? You sound like a sociopath.

You sound weird. Is traveling together love for you? I had zero emotional connection with DH. If I started telling him about my day/work/something funny I just heard, he could interrupt me in 5 seconds with something completely unrelated or say that he’s not interested in hearing about that, etc. I’ve adjusted and for years had barely shared anything emotionally meaningful with him.

Now I’m in a happy and loving relationship with my boyfriend, and we can talk about anything, and he is very interested in listening to me and keeps asking questions, and I feel seen, understood, cared for, and loved.

[Anonymous]

I’m 46 and adore my husband - always have. Of course there are times I get annoyed or mad at him but it’s very fleeting.

[Anonymous]

Late 40s and yeah, friends I would have said were happily married 5 years ago I am finding out are not so happy with their spouses. DH and I are happy but it feels like a fair amount of luck/reasons that were not really on my radar screen at 25. I did know that he was very responsible and took care of himself, which was important to me for reasons and I was aware of/focused on at that age. But it also turns out we wanted the same life and have built it together and are each separately happy with it in a way that I don’t know we really knew for sure would be true when we got married.