Am I delusional?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD goes to a private UES preschool. We're applying to K in the fall and had a meeting with her head teacher and PSD to discuss options. Our kid is occasionally shy but IMO bright - outside of school she's verbal, has started to read small words and loves to add and subtract. She asks thoughtful questions and is able to make friends easily with other kids in our neighborhood. She has one "bestie" at school and gets along well with the other children, based on playdates we've had outside of school. She has a good attention span, we read fairly advanced books to her and she is able to keep up.

The teacher feedback felt like they were talking about a different child. They said that she doesn't engage with the more academic material and doesn't really ask any questions and isn't a "leader." They essentially shot down us applying to any TT schools (not in so many words but stating that they wouldn't be a good "fit") as well as some 2Ts. I asked them which schools they do feel would be a good fit and they mentioned a few less rigorous progressive schools. We're not really interested in progressive schools and given the feedback feel like she could do with something more structured rather than less.

I get that they are managing expectations but I feel like they're just trying to pigeonhole us into less competitive schools so we're not competing for spots against siblings and legacies. We're really confused and not sure how to proceed. I understand the ISAAGNY report matters a lot as well as the preschool visit, and we really do need them to be on board, it's also too late for us to switch. My kid's birthday is early June so theoretically we could wait another year, but my instinct tells me it would be the wrong move. Kind of want to just do public school and be done with it

late to reading this thread but do have some thoughts that might help.

our PS teachers said some similar comments - we dismissed it because our DS spoke at home. But the social piece we totally missed and it was important knowing that.

The headmaster (or head of school) pushed us to stay back another year - we viewed it as the desire for more $$$. The schools she was suggesting DS go to weren't really all that good, mostly 3T a couple of 2T. We decided to go public and DS got into Citywide. Was a great decision we thought as it saved us a bunch of money and we liked the education. But we left in 6th grade to go to private so we could hold DS back a year for maturity/size issues. And he ended up going to a 2T school - a good fit. Didn't apply to any of the TT schools.

We pulled out DD out of the preschool as soon as we could. She did very well at the Citywide school and in 6th grade she tranferred to all girls school.

so we ended up happy at the end for both of our kids but in hindsight our headmaster was kind of right on several points. we did not give her credit for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD goes to a private UES preschool. We're applying to K in the fall and had a meeting with her head teacher and PSD to discuss options. Our kid is occasionally shy but IMO bright - outside of school she's verbal, has started to read small words and loves to add and subtract. She asks thoughtful questions and is able to make friends easily with other kids in our neighborhood. She has one "bestie" at school and gets along well with the other children, based on playdates we've had outside of school. She has a good attention span, we read fairly advanced books to her and she is able to keep up.

The teacher feedback felt like they were talking about a different child. They said that she doesn't engage with the more academic material and doesn't really ask any questions and isn't a "leader." They essentially shot down us applying to any TT schools (not in so many words but stating that they wouldn't be a good "fit") as well as some 2Ts. I asked them which schools they do feel would be a good fit and they mentioned a few less rigorous progressive schools. We're not really interested in progressive schools and given the feedback feel like she could do with something more structured rather than less.

I get that they are managing expectations but I feel like they're just trying to pigeonhole us into less competitive schools so we're not competing for spots against siblings and legacies. We're really confused and not sure how to proceed. I understand the ISAAGNY report matters a lot as well as the preschool visit, and we really do need them to be on board, it's also too late for us to switch. My kid's birthday is early June so theoretically we could wait another year, but my instinct tells me it would be the wrong move. Kind of want to just do public school and be done with it

late to reading this thread but do have some thoughts that might help.

our PS teachers said some similar comments - we dismissed it because our DS spoke at home. But the social piece we totally missed and it was important knowing that.

The headmaster (or head of school) pushed us to stay back another year - we viewed it as the desire for more $$$. The schools she was suggesting DS go to weren't really all that good, mostly 3T a couple of 2T. We decided to go public and DS got into Citywide. Was a great decision we thought as it saved us a bunch of money and we liked the education. But we left in 6th grade to go to private so we could hold DS back a year for maturity/size issues. And he ended up going to a 2T school - a good fit. Didn't apply to any of the TT schools.

We pulled out DD out of the preschool as soon as we could. She did very well at the Citywide school and in 6th grade she tranferred to all girls school.

so we ended up happy at the end for both of our kids but in hindsight our headmaster was kind of right on several points. we did not give her credit for that.

Can you talk more about the maturity issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD goes to a private UES preschool. We're applying to K in the fall and had a meeting with her head teacher and PSD to discuss options. Our kid is occasionally shy but IMO bright - outside of school she's verbal, has started to read small words and loves to add and subtract. She asks thoughtful questions and is able to make friends easily with other kids in our neighborhood. She has one "bestie" at school and gets along well with the other children, based on playdates we've had outside of school. She has a good attention span, we read fairly advanced books to her and she is able to keep up.

The teacher feedback felt like they were talking about a different child. They said that she doesn't engage with the more academic material and doesn't really ask any questions and isn't a "leader." They essentially shot down us applying to any TT schools (not in so many words but stating that they wouldn't be a good "fit") as well as some 2Ts. I asked them which schools they do feel would be a good fit and they mentioned a few less rigorous progressive schools. We're not really interested in progressive schools and given the feedback feel like she could do with something more structured rather than less.

I get that they are managing expectations but I feel like they're just trying to pigeonhole us into less competitive schools so we're not competing for spots against siblings and legacies. We're really confused and not sure how to proceed. I understand the ISAAGNY report matters a lot as well as the preschool visit, and we really do need them to be on board, it's also too late for us to switch. My kid's birthday is early June so theoretically we could wait another year, but my instinct tells me it would be the wrong move. Kind of want to just do public school and be done with it

late to reading this thread but do have some thoughts that might help.

our PS teachers said some similar comments - we dismissed it because our DS spoke at home. But the social piece we totally missed and it was important knowing that.

The headmaster (or head of school) pushed us to stay back another year - we viewed it as the desire for more $$$. The schools she was suggesting DS go to weren't really all that good, mostly 3T a couple of 2T. We decided to go public and DS got into Citywide. Was a great decision we thought as it saved us a bunch of money and we liked the education. But we left in 6th grade to go to private so we could hold DS back a year for maturity/size issues. And he ended up going to a 2T school - a good fit. Didn't apply to any of the TT schools.

We pulled out DD out of the preschool as soon as we could. She did very well at the Citywide school and in 6th grade she tranferred to all girls school.

so we ended up happy at the end for both of our kids but in hindsight our headmaster was kind of right on several points. we did not give her credit for that.

Can you talk more about the maturity issues?

He wasn't as mature as we would have expected. But in fairness given his fall birthday he is in the "right" grade for private school. the public schools work on a calendar schedule versus Sep 1st deadline.

We are happy we did it since he's become more mature and bigger. Still not big but not the bottom 10% of his class - more like just under 50%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD goes to a private UES preschool. We're applying to K in the fall and had a meeting with her head teacher and PSD to discuss options. Our kid is occasionally shy but IMO bright - outside of school she's verbal, has started to read small words and loves to add and subtract. She asks thoughtful questions and is able to make friends easily with other kids in our neighborhood. She has one "bestie" at school and gets along well with the other children, based on playdates we've had outside of school. She has a good attention span, we read fairly advanced books to her and she is able to keep up.

The teacher feedback felt like they were talking about a different child. They said that she doesn't engage with the more academic material and doesn't really ask any questions and isn't a "leader." They essentially shot down us applying to any TT schools (not in so many words but stating that they wouldn't be a good "fit") as well as some 2Ts. I asked them which schools they do feel would be a good fit and they mentioned a few less rigorous progressive schools. We're not really interested in progressive schools and given the feedback feel like she could do with something more structured rather than less.

I get that they are managing expectations but I feel like they're just trying to pigeonhole us into less competitive schools so we're not competing for spots against siblings and legacies. We're really confused and not sure how to proceed. I understand the ISAAGNY report matters a lot as well as the preschool visit, and we really do need them to be on board, it's also too late for us to switch. My kid's birthday is early June so theoretically we could wait another year, but my instinct tells me it would be the wrong move. Kind of want to just do public school and be done with it

late to reading this thread but do have some thoughts that might help.

our PS teachers said some similar comments - we dismissed it because our DS spoke at home. But the social piece we totally missed and it was important knowing that.

The headmaster (or head of school) pushed us to stay back another year - we viewed it as the desire for more $$$. The schools she was suggesting DS go to weren't really all that good, mostly 3T a couple of 2T. We decided to go public and DS got into Citywide. Was a great decision we thought as it saved us a bunch of money and we liked the education. But we left in 6th grade to go to private so we could hold DS back a year for maturity/size issues. And he ended up going to a 2T school - a good fit. Didn't apply to any of the TT schools.

We pulled out DD out of the preschool as soon as we could. She did very well at the Citywide school and in 6th grade she tranferred to all girls school.

so we ended up happy at the end for both of our kids but in hindsight our headmaster was kind of right on several points. we did not give her credit for that.

Can you talk more about the maturity issues?

He wasn't as mature as we would have expected. But in fairness given his fall birthday he is in the "right" grade for private school. the public schools work on a calendar schedule versus Sep 1st deadline.

We are happy we did it since he's become more mature and bigger. Still not big but not the bottom 10% of his class - more like just under 50%.

OP here - I'm interested in understanding how this lack of maturity manifested in the classroom - was he just too quiet? or too "wiggly" and disruptive? not able to make friends? was he being bullied because of his size?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD goes to a private UES preschool. We're applying to K in the fall and had a meeting with her head teacher and PSD to discuss options. Our kid is occasionally shy but IMO bright - outside of school she's verbal, has started to read small words and loves to add and subtract. She asks thoughtful questions and is able to make friends easily with other kids in our neighborhood. She has one "bestie" at school and gets along well with the other children, based on playdates we've had outside of school. She has a good attention span, we read fairly advanced books to her and she is able to keep up.

The teacher feedback felt like they were talking about a different child. They said that she doesn't engage with the more academic material and doesn't really ask any questions and isn't a "leader." They essentially shot down us applying to any TT schools (not in so many words but stating that they wouldn't be a good "fit") as well as some 2Ts. I asked them which schools they do feel would be a good fit and they mentioned a few less rigorous progressive schools. We're not really interested in progressive schools and given the feedback feel like she could do with something more structured rather than less.

I get that they are managing expectations but I feel like they're just trying to pigeonhole us into less competitive schools so we're not competing for spots against siblings and legacies. We're really confused and not sure how to proceed. I understand the ISAAGNY report matters a lot as well as the preschool visit, and we really do need them to be on board, it's also too late for us to switch. My kid's birthday is early June so theoretically we could wait another year, but my instinct tells me it would be the wrong move. Kind of want to just do public school and be done with it

late to reading this thread but do have some thoughts that might help.

our PS teachers said some similar comments - we dismissed it because our DS spoke at home. But the social piece we totally missed and it was important knowing that.

The headmaster (or head of school) pushed us to stay back another year - we viewed it as the desire for more $$$. The schools she was suggesting DS go to weren't really all that good, mostly 3T a couple of 2T. We decided to go public and DS got into Citywide. Was a great decision we thought as it saved us a bunch of money and we liked the education. But we left in 6th grade to go to private so we could hold DS back a year for maturity/size issues. And he ended up going to a 2T school - a good fit. Didn't apply to any of the TT schools.

We pulled out DD out of the preschool as soon as we could. She did very well at the Citywide school and in 6th grade she tranferred to all girls school.

so we ended up happy at the end for both of our kids but in hindsight our headmaster was kind of right on several points. we did not give her credit for that.

Can you talk more about the maturity issues?

He wasn't as mature as we would have expected. But in fairness given his fall birthday he is in the "right" grade for private school. the public schools work on a calendar schedule versus Sep 1st deadline.

We are happy we did it since he's become more mature and bigger. Still not big but not the bottom 10% of his class - more like just under 50%.

OP here - I'm interested in understanding how this lack of maturity manifested in the classroom - was he just too quiet? or too "wiggly" and disruptive? not able to make friends? was he being bullied because of his size?

there was some bullying but not too much (at the public school). he was not wiggly and disruptive, was definitely on the quieter side. but the main issue was just age and size - if he remained in the same grade he would be younger than almost all the boys. He has gone thru a growth spurt (and with the year difference) he's in the ballpark for height. We also felt that in case private school education was really that much better than the public schools he wouldn't be at a disadvantage. that wasn't an issue as the public scnool for the most part was solid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD goes to a private UES preschool. We're applying to K in the fall and had a meeting with her head teacher and PSD to discuss options. Our kid is occasionally shy but IMO bright - outside of school she's verbal, has started to read small words and loves to add and subtract. She asks thoughtful questions and is able to make friends easily with other kids in our neighborhood. She has one "bestie" at school and gets along well with the other children, based on playdates we've had outside of school. She has a good attention span, we read fairly advanced books to her and she is able to keep up.

The teacher feedback felt like they were talking about a different child. They said that she doesn't engage with the more academic material and doesn't really ask any questions and isn't a "leader." They essentially shot down us applying to any TT schools (not in so many words but stating that they wouldn't be a good "fit") as well as some 2Ts. I asked them which schools they do feel would be a good fit and they mentioned a few less rigorous progressive schools. We're not really interested in progressive schools and given the feedback feel like she could do with something more structured rather than less.

I get that they are managing expectations but I feel like they're just trying to pigeonhole us into less competitive schools so we're not competing for spots against siblings and legacies. We're really confused and not sure how to proceed. I understand the ISAAGNY report matters a lot as well as the preschool visit, and we really do need them to be on board, it's also too late for us to switch. My kid's birthday is early June so theoretically we could wait another year, but my instinct tells me it would be the wrong move. Kind of want to just do public school and be done with it

late to reading this thread but do have some thoughts that might help.

our PS teachers said some similar comments - we dismissed it because our DS spoke at home. But the social piece we totally missed and it was important knowing that.

The headmaster (or head of school) pushed us to stay back another year - we viewed it as the desire for more $$$. The schools she was suggesting DS go to weren't really all that good, mostly 3T a couple of 2T. We decided to go public and DS got into Citywide. Was a great decision we thought as it saved us a bunch of money and we liked the education. But we left in 6th grade to go to private so we could hold DS back a year for maturity/size issues. And he ended up going to a 2T school - a good fit. Didn't apply to any of the TT schools.

We pulled out DD out of the preschool as soon as we could. She did very well at the Citywide school and in 6th grade she tranferred to all girls school.

so we ended up happy at the end for both of our kids but in hindsight our headmaster was kind of right on several points. we did not give her credit for that.

Can you talk more about the maturity issues?

He wasn't as mature as we would have expected. But in fairness given his fall birthday he is in the "right" grade for private school. the public schools work on a calendar schedule versus Sep 1st deadline.

We are happy we did it since he's become more mature and bigger. Still not big but not the bottom 10% of his class - more like just under 50%.

OP here - I'm interested in understanding how this lack of maturity manifested in the classroom - was he just too quiet? or too "wiggly" and disruptive? not able to make friends? was he being bullied because of his size?

there was some bullying but not too much (at the public school). he was not wiggly and disruptive, was definitely on the quieter side. but the main issue was just age and size - if he remained in the same grade he would be younger than almost all the boys. He has gone thru a growth spurt (and with the year difference) he's in the ballpark for height. We also felt that in case private school education was really that much better than the public schools he wouldn't be at a disadvantage. that wasn't an issue as the public scnool for the most part was solid.

Not the OP, but I find it bizarre that someone would pull their kid out of a school because they are the shortest/smallest in their class, if the child was otherwise getting a "solid" education and not being bullied.