Isolated moms, why not get support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What? Why on earth should the parents chit chat skills isolate their child?

Sometimes a child, through nature or nurture or both, inherits the parents chit chat skills. When this happens, it’s clear the parents have similar challenges as the child.

You sound like you’re on the spectrum. A social skills group would really benefit you honestly.

Why do people think it’s ok to diagnose people on the internet? Or are you using autism as an insult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What do you mean that there is “not much anyone can do?” The room mom could put the new mom on the group texts about planning class parties and invite her if some of the moms are planning to get together outside of school.

I honestly don’t understand what a therapist is supposed to do. How is someone who doesn’t know anyone at your school or anything about the culture of your school supposed to help someone else get to know people there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What do you mean that there is “not much anyone can do?” The room mom could put the new mom on the group texts about planning class parties and invite her if some of the moms are planning to get together outside of school.

I honestly don’t understand what a therapist is supposed to do. How is someone who doesn’t know anyone at your school or anything about the culture of your school supposed to help someone else get to know people there?

+1. "Refuses to seek help"? Can you imagine being a therapist and having some lady come to you with "the cool moms at my kids school don't include our family. Make me cool!" What help is she supposed to be seeking?

[Anonymous]

How do these things work for teens? Therapists don’t just tell kids to be friendlier. Nor do they call the principal and ask the principal to change the school culture. Instead, they ask teens to reflect on their actions or words and consider how they might have been perceived by others. They help them explore assumptions about what others might be thinking and provide insights into group dynamics.

Many angry responses seem to carry the assumption that therapy is something negative or something for people who are being judged. That's not the case. Therapy is for everyone, and people can go for any reason.

[Anonymous]

This would be the nightmare school scenario for me. Bunch of nosey, bored biddies acting like some random elementary school is the center of the universe.

I would venture to guess that most parents would be perfectly happy being generally friendly with other parents but are not looking to bffs with the pta.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do these things work for teens? Therapists don’t just tell kids to be friendlier. Nor do they call the principal and ask the principal to change the school culture. Instead, they ask teens to reflect on their actions or words and consider how they might have been perceived by others. They help them explore assumptions about what others might be thinking and provide insights into group dynamics.

Many angry responses seem to carry the assumption that therapy is something negative or something for people who are being judged. That's not the case. Therapy is for everyone, and people can go for any reason.

I don’t think that therapy is negative. And sure, a therapist can help someone who struggles socially or with relationships in a variety of contexts. You can work on anxiety or empathy.
But a therapist can’t really do anything for someone who generally doesn’t have trouble fitting in, but is struggling in this one particular situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do these things work for teens? Therapists don’t just tell kids to be friendlier. Nor do they call the principal and ask the principal to change the school culture. Instead, they ask teens to reflect on their actions or words and consider how they might have been perceived by others. They help them explore assumptions about what others might be thinking and provide insights into group dynamics.

Many angry responses seem to carry the assumption that therapy is something negative or something for people who are being judged. That's not the case. Therapy is for everyone, and people can go for any reason.

I don’t think that therapy is negative. And sure, a therapist can help someone who struggles socially or with relationships in a variety of contexts. You can work on anxiety or empathy.
But a therapist can’t really do anything for someone who generally doesn’t have trouble fitting in, but is struggling in this one particular situation.

Yes, you really have found the crux of the matter: if it’s only this one instance, maybe the issue lies with the community. But if it’s happening across multiple situations, therapy might be a helpful option. However, judging from the responses to this question, there may be many reasons why she may not choose to pursue it, in which case, there will simply be disconnect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do these things work for teens? Therapists don’t just tell kids to be friendlier. Nor do they call the principal and ask the principal to change the school culture. Instead, they ask teens to reflect on their actions or words and consider how they might have been perceived by others. They help them explore assumptions about what others might be thinking and provide insights into group dynamics.

Many angry responses seem to carry the assumption that therapy is something negative or something for people who are being judged. That's not the case. Therapy is for everyone, and people can go for any reason.

I don’t think that therapy is negative. And sure, a therapist can help someone who struggles socially or with relationships in a variety of contexts. You can work on anxiety or empathy.
But a therapist can’t really do anything for someone who generally doesn’t have trouble fitting in, but is struggling in this one particular situation.

In addition to anxiety and empathy, therapy provides a safe structured space for addressing low self-esteem, past negative experiences, building self-awareness, addressing maladaptive knee jerk reactions, or addressing lack of practice. The last one seems to be the biggest low-hanging fruit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do these things work for teens? Therapists don’t just tell kids to be friendlier. Nor do they call the principal and ask the principal to change the school culture. Instead, they ask teens to reflect on their actions or words and consider how they might have been perceived by others. They help them explore assumptions about what others might be thinking and provide insights into group dynamics.

Many angry responses seem to carry the assumption that therapy is something negative or something for people who are being judged. That's not the case. Therapy is for everyone, and people can go for any reason.

I don’t think that therapy is negative. And sure, a therapist can help someone who struggles socially or with relationships in a variety of contexts. You can work on anxiety or empathy.
But a therapist can’t really do anything for someone who generally doesn’t have trouble fitting in, but is struggling in this one particular situation.

In addition to anxiety and empathy, therapy provides a safe structured space for addressing low self-esteem, past negative experiences, building self-awareness, addressing maladaptive knee jerk reactions, or addressing lack of practice. The last one seems to be the biggest low-hanging fruit.

Finally, if these challenges are also affecting a child, a parent working on their own patterns can indirectly help the child as well.

As mentioned earlier, an important question is how the individual fits into different environments. If they function well in most settings but struggle in one specific school or community, the issue may stem from that environment. But if they consistently have difficulty fitting in across multiple settings, therapy could be especially helpful.

In reality, some people may never seek help for a variety of reasons. For instance, individuals with very low self-awareness may, by definition, be unable to recognize the need for change. As a result, they may inaccurately place blame on others rather than addressing their own patterns

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What do you mean that there is “not much anyone can do?” The room mom could put the new mom on the group texts about planning class parties and invite her if some of the moms are planning to get together outside of school.

I honestly don’t understand what a therapist is supposed to do. How is someone who doesn’t know anyone at your school or anything about the culture of your school supposed to help someone else get to know people there?

+1. "Refuses to seek help"? Can you imagine being a therapist and having some lady come to you with "the cool moms at my kids school don't include our family. Make me cool!" What help is she supposed to be seeking?

I literally go to a therapist with this problem. It helps me feel less hopeless in this situation, but it’s not helping me make more friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do these things work for teens? Therapists don’t just tell kids to be friendlier. Nor do they call the principal and ask the principal to change the school culture. Instead, they ask teens to reflect on their actions or words and consider how they might have been perceived by others. They help them explore assumptions about what others might be thinking and provide insights into group dynamics.

Many angry responses seem to carry the assumption that therapy is something negative or something for people who are being judged. That's not the case. Therapy is for everyone, and people can go for any reason.

Is it your impression that therapy for shy or awkward teenagers works so dramatically that the kids suddenly have friendship networks? If not, why do you think it would work that way for adults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They throw these events hoping that the new parents make friends with each other. They have zero interest in actually welcoming them.
UNTIL they learn that someone has a high status job, connections, lives in the hot neighborhood, or their kid is a star athlete...then they suddenly remember their manners. Even if it takes a year.

Haha this is so true. People like this are very shallow and will fall all over themselves trying to welcome someone they view as above them on the social ladder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be the nightmare school scenario for me. Bunch of nosey, bored biddies acting like some random elementary school is the center of the universe.

I would venture to guess that most parents would be perfectly happy being generally friendly with other parents but are not looking to bffs with the pta.

This is me. I get annoyed when others are unfriendly, not because it thwarts my efforts to me close friendships, but because I will need to interact with other parents at school in various ways and when they are unfriendly, it's harder.

It's like the office. I am friendly and pleasant to everyone I work with because... we work together. I need at least some rapport when we are on the same projects. Meetings and team projects go more smoothly when we get along and have at least a surface level rapport. That's how I view parents at my kid's school.

That's why cliques in these setting suck. Not because I'm desperate to break into the clique, just because it makes everything harder. When it's my kid's birthday, I want to be able to just invite the kids she is friends with and wants to invite. I don't want it to hinge on whether her friends are in the same clique as me. That's idiotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do these things work for teens? Therapists don’t just tell kids to be friendlier. Nor do they call the principal and ask the principal to change the school culture. Instead, they ask teens to reflect on their actions or words and consider how they might have been perceived by others. They help them explore assumptions about what others might be thinking and provide insights into group dynamics.

Many angry responses seem to carry the assumption that therapy is something negative or something for people who are being judged. That's not the case. Therapy is for everyone, and people can go for any reason.

I don’t think that therapy is negative. And sure, a therapist can help someone who struggles socially or with relationships in a variety of contexts. You can work on anxiety or empathy.
But a therapist can’t really do anything for someone who generally doesn’t have trouble fitting in, but is struggling in this one particular situation.

In addition to anxiety and empathy, therapy provides a safe structured space for addressing low self-esteem, past negative experiences, building self-awareness, addressing maladaptive knee jerk reactions, or addressing lack of practice. The last one seems to be the biggest low-hanging fruit.

I think therapy can be great.

I also think this woman could already be in therapy, may not have issues with self esteem or self awareness, and have no major social skills deficits.

It's clear from OP's posts that she and other parents at the school have not been welcoming, and that the OP lacks social skills. There's no evidence this woman is in need of therapy -- she hasn't done anything that sends up a red flag. She seems fine. OP is sending up red flags left and right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do these things work for teens? Therapists don’t just tell kids to be friendlier. Nor do they call the principal and ask the principal to change the school culture. Instead, they ask teens to reflect on their actions or words and consider how they might have been perceived by others. They help them explore assumptions about what others might be thinking and provide insights into group dynamics.

Many angry responses seem to carry the assumption that therapy is something negative or something for people who are being judged. That's not the case. Therapy is for everyone, and people can go for any reason.

I don’t think that therapy is negative. And sure, a therapist can help someone who struggles socially or with relationships in a variety of contexts. You can work on anxiety or empathy.
But a therapist can’t really do anything for someone who generally doesn’t have trouble fitting in, but is struggling in this one particular situation.

Yes, you really have found the crux of the matter: if it’s only this one instance, maybe the issue lies with the community. But if it’s happening across multiple situations, therapy might be a helpful option. However, judging from the responses to this question, there may be many reasons why she may not choose to pursue it, in which case, there will simply be disconnect.

You are assuming she needs it.