Close friend had a party and didn't invite me. How do you deal with the hurt feelings?

[Anonymous]

I'd keep up the friendships with the people you introduced her to and never mention the woman who is not friends with you anymore. I do some version of that, and it has worked well now for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The rude person here is the one who asked you about it IMO. It is rude to talk about a party with someone who wasn’t there.

I am a dinner party person and we can’t invite all our friends all the time. We rotate so sometimes one person is invited and another time they are not. But I don’t like big parties and I host a lot, everyone gets an invite every couple of months. My table isn’t very big, for one! And at a big party you don’t really get to talk to everyone, you are too busy orchestrating and making sure the napkins don’t run out or whatever.

I don’t recall who introduced who to who honestly. Seems like bean counting.

I had the same issue. We have a small house. So, I let a friend know I was rotating invitations around. Eventually, everyone would get invited--but not all at once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The rude person here is the one who asked you about it IMO. It is rude to talk about a party with someone who wasn’t there.

I am a dinner party person and we can’t invite all our friends all the time. We rotate so sometimes one person is invited and another time they are not. But I don’t like big parties and I host a lot, everyone gets an invite every couple of months. My table isn’t very big, for one! And at a big party you don’t really get to talk to everyone, you are too busy orchestrating and making sure the napkins don’t run out or whatever.

I don’t recall who introduced who to who honestly. Seems like bean counting.

I had the same issue. We have a small house. So, I let a friend know I was rotating invitations around. Eventually, everyone would get invited--but not all at once.

It’s nice of you to inform them. If someone got upset because I didn’t inform them, I’d let them be upset. People self-select into being part of the easy-going friend group through their natural actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It think the long phone call was a way for your friend to keep the friendship alive. I don't think she wants to ditch you, but evidently, she can't handle too many at dinner all at once.

Ha! OP's has been "Eve Harrington'ed'" by both friends. Move on and cross these fake friends off your list!

What does this mean

75 year old movie that is irrelevant to this particular situation.

Eve Harrington steals all of Margo Channing's friends.

[Anonymous]

Person A doesn't invite Person B to a dinner party.
This is because they plan to invite Person B to another dinner.

Butthurt and selfpitying angry Person B confronts Person A or freezes them out because of no invite.

Person A thinks WTF dodged a bullet there and serves crown roast to Person C instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The rude person here is the one who asked you about it IMO. It is rude to talk about a party with someone who wasn’t there.

I am a dinner party person and we can’t invite all our friends all the time. We rotate so sometimes one person is invited and another time they are not. But I don’t like big parties and I host a lot, everyone gets an invite every couple of months. My table isn’t very big, for one! And at a big party you don’t really get to talk to everyone, you are too busy orchestrating and making sure the napkins don’t run out or whatever.

I don’t recall who introduced who to who honestly. Seems like bean counting.

Me again…also I put a lot of thought into my dinner parties and who attends which ones. I definitely wouldn’t keep the groups the same all the time! That isn’t how it’s supposed to be done. Couple A and B might be friends, but I’d invite couple A and C and then B and D to future parties together if I thought they would enjoy each other. You are supposed to mix up the invite list, not have the same 2-3 couples each time. That’s boring and sort of rude in and of itself. At least according to my grandmother who was incredibly nitpicky about these details….

[Anonymous]

It would make me immediately remove myself emotionally. I might still attend things with them, but not inititiate and stop caring on any sort of deep level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would make me immediately remove myself emotionally. I might still attend things with them, but not inititiate and stop caring on any sort of deep level.

One dinner? Okay…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would make me immediately remove myself emotionally. I might still attend things with them, but not inititiate and stop caring on any sort of deep level.

This is so weird! Obviously dinner parties must not be your thing because most people want more than a handful of friends and don’t need to do everything together to still connect!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would make me immediately remove myself emotionally. I might still attend things with them, but not inititiate and stop caring on any sort of deep level.

One dinner? Okay…

The dinner itself is not the issue. People have various groups they do things with and that's fine. It's a lot weirder when you were initially in a group and then you're out. It's also the secrecy about not inviting op, then the non-invite coming back to her so she knew she was excluded. I'm not saying I'd be rude, or say a thing about it, but the mental note is made that I am not going to be hurt again, and op did say she WAS hurt, there's a reason for that. You have to adjust expectations mentally when people show you where you stand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would make me immediately remove myself emotionally. I might still attend things with them, but not inititiate and stop caring on any sort of deep level.

One dinner? Okay…

The dinner itself is not the issue. People have various groups they do things with and that's fine. It's a lot weirder when you were initially in a group and then you're out. It's also the secrecy about not inviting op, then the non-invite coming back to her so she knew she was excluded. I'm not saying I'd be rude, or say a thing about it, but the mental note is made that I am not going to be hurt again, and op did say she WAS hurt, there's a reason for that. You have to adjust expectations mentally when people show you where you stand.

One dinner didn’t make you in or out. There is such a thing as being immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would make me immediately remove myself emotionally. I might still attend things with them, but not inititiate and stop caring on any sort of deep level.

One dinner? Okay…

The dinner itself is not the issue. People have various groups they do things with and that's fine. It's a lot weirder when you were initially in a group and then you're out. It's also the secrecy about not inviting op, then the non-invite coming back to her so she knew she was excluded. I'm not saying I'd be rude, or say a thing about it, but the mental note is made that I am not going to be hurt again, and op did say she WAS hurt, there's a reason for that. You have to adjust expectations mentally when people show you where you stand.

One dinner didn’t make you in or out. There is such a thing as being immature.

There is nothing immature about recognizing how completely optional relationships make you feel, and deciding it might not be worth your efforts or time anymore. It was pretty clear from op's post that the issue is not just the dinner but general dynamics. The dinner was a symptom of that.

[Anonymous]

What does a milestone in their family mean? Her DH's birthday? A kid's birthday? Maybe whoever the person was who was being celebrated has beef with you?

Are their "family milestones" I am not thinking of? Anniversary of something?

[Anonymous]

I don’t get the BIG HURT over one single event. I would also assume the friend who asked you if you were attending, probably told the hostess of her error.

[Anonymous]

op wait and see what happens over the next few months with holiday gatherings. this may be a one off. also I encourage you to host something for the ladies or families and invite them all and see what happens.