Do you get upset when your kids get Bs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the school profile include, “We allow re-tests?” Do these same students imagine there is a re-testing policy in college? Any college professors, please chime in.

My DH is a professor and if he had a dime for every student who asked him about retakes… Even when he goes over the syllabus, he still had students asking about them. He does offer students a chance to show him what they are writing ahead of the due date for feedback. He said nobody takes him up on that offer.

Wow. Thanks for the update. Re-takes are so normalized,v the kids think everyone does it. Hard dose of reality

College professor here. I offer retakes and I accept late work. Learning is my goal for students, not sorting and gatekeeping. So when you tell high school students, college isn't like this, that isn't necessarily true. Oh, and all college professors blow past their own deadlines. if you've ever edited an academic journal you know this - peer reviews never come back by the deadline. And a revise and resubmit is basically a retake. Most academic journals accept articles either as accept with revisions or revise and resubmit. Very few unconditioned acceptances in my field at least

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not upset, because I know my kids always try to do their best.

But concerned, definitely, especially in high school.

We chose to be part of the college admissions rat race. If you choose that too, then every grade matters. It's the first criteria colleges look at, because in their minds a high GPA shows stamina and dedication. Test scores are very important, and show applied knowledge (with some native intelligence thrown in): but they're a snapshot in time. Colleges are looking for the ability to work diligently for many years, since that's what's required to graduate from college, and also to be successful in one's career.

This captures it. There's no question that Bs reflect something about the kid.

I love my kids but their imperfect grades reveal a lack of concern, entitlement, and educational gaps vs. their parents. I am attentive to all of these issues and try to parent for improvement, not 100% perfection. My husband and I were nearly perfect students. We try to be insightful and coaching-minded but we also know that our kids are innately capable of better if they care and display self-discipline.

Serious question. What do you think will happen if they are not as self-disciplined as you expect them to be?

I wrote then deleted a rant.

Here's my second try.

1) One college kid may not get into upper division college major because of poor grades in pre-reqs.

2) Parents will have to pay for grad school instead of it being free like ours was. Kid probably "needs" it for desired field. That's tens to hundreds of thousands of $ spent that maybe didn't need to be.

3) Academic excellence skills tie to getting jobs (better track record), networking (impressing people), persistence of looking for opportunities, etc. Parents will also be funding post-college life if early jobs aren't sufficient. We are now talking about delaying retirement until our youngest is ineligible for family health care coverage. Have a friend whose daughter is working at a FAANG in CS but daughter can't afford a safe apartment so friend is paying for apartment. That kind of thing. Our time and more money continuing to parent so that our kids become successful enough to remain middle class and healthy.

4) Younger child is the rare combo of hates school and does well in it. B's are a sign that he "hates" the teacher and more trouble is to ensue. That's immature, undisciplined, and also not a good sign for being an employee. I told him half-seriously to let me know if he has a business idea. I'd fund it just to get him to stop saying "F students are the inventors".

I believe parents prefer the well-trodden paths to success because probabilistically those paths have a reasonable chance of success. I haven't observed a lot of luck among the "Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow" crowd. And I know when my kids get Bs that something is off. And they've been offered whatever help they're willing to use and usually prefer non-intervention. So I'm watching them choose to underperform. It sucks.

So, person who asked, what do you seriously think is best? I do wonder if I should have followed conventional advice and bought a costly house in a better school district. Part of the increased tolerance for mediocrity may be due to the peer environment. But problems seem endemic throughout K-12 and college education today.

[Anonymous]

It’s unfortunate because the parents for whom As are important are probably more likely to have the money and the desire to make As more likely. My kid is pretty much guaranteed an A when I sit next to her for four hours, help her make flash cards and study with her. She’d get As if we paid for tutors. But this year for a variety of reasons neither of those things is possible and she’s getting her first Bs. So- she’s capable of A work but needs lots of help to get there. People will say their kid is a natural genius who can do it on their own and that’s great - but plenty of kids, including most of my friends kids, fit the first model. (On any moms boards? Notice all the times people are posting for tutors?!)

[Anonymous]

No. I don’t even get mad when he gets Cs in math. I did too. I was doing my best and I can see that he is too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No but we are rich.

Ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes a B is unacceptable in our home. Nobody cared what grades I got growing up and I would have liked someone caring.

So you decided to keep it extreme just went the other way. Your kids not an AI robot. Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sadly Bs can derail college chances. It’s not just admissions but merit aid too. With the economy in the dumpster and the price of college so high, competition for in state is crazy. Along with competition for scholarships and merit aid.

If retakes are allowed, many of the other kids with Bs are doing a retake. Your kid would end up being toward the bottom for not taking advantage of the retake option.

It’s a horrible environment for kids and very different than when we were in high school.

No, Bs don't derail college chances. Even Cs don't. Maybe if you're one of those people who don't consider anything outside of the USNWR T20 to be worthwhile, the Bs may make a difference. But there are almost 4000 accredited colleges in this country. Going to one in the top *200* still puts you in the top 5% of schools.

My college kid got two Cs in HS and is still at a T100 with substantial merit (and got into several T50 schools as well, one of them with the largest merit award they give to OOS students). College chances were far from derailed. In fact, this kid got into schools just as good, and with as much if not more merit, than my older child who had better grades overall in HS.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the class. Some classes he is capable of A and will get a B because of something stupid. But as long as he is doing his best I’m OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sadly Bs can derail college chances. It’s not just admissions but merit aid too. With the economy in the dumpster and the price of college so high, competition for in state is crazy. Along with competition for scholarships and merit aid.

If retakes are allowed, many of the other kids with Bs are doing a retake. Your kid would end up being toward the bottom for not taking advantage of the retake option.

It’s a horrible environment for kids and very different than when we were in high school.

No, Bs don't derail college chances. Even Cs don't. Maybe if you're one of those people who don't consider anything outside of the USNWR T20 to be worthwhile, the Bs may make a difference. But there are almost 4000 accredited colleges in this country. Going to one in the top *200* still puts you in the top 5% of schools.

My college kid got two Cs in HS and is still at a T100 with substantial merit (and got into several T50 schools as well, one of them with the largest merit award they give to OOS students). College chances were far from derailed. In fact, this kid got into schools just as good, and with as much if not more merit, than my older child who had better grades overall in HS.

Then he’s probably an athlete. What was his hook? He had something obviously.

[Anonymous]

I looked at my kid’s HS transcript. He got Cs in these glasses: honors Latin (he chose that one), chemistry, physics, honors algebra 1 (they wouldn’t move him down), geometry.

He got in everywhere he applied with good merit money. Do not feel out that there are no good schools for kids who aren’t perfect. Do not ruin your relationship with your child over grades. Depression and anxiety are rampant with teens. I’d be depressed too if my parents were pissed at me that I wasn’t perfect.

[Anonymous]

Being obsessed with letter grades also means you're pushing your kid away from the harder classes. I was a dual English/STEM major. That B in Quantum Mechanics was a lot harder fought than that A in Victorian Lit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I looked at my kid’s HS transcript. He got Cs in these glasses: honors Latin (he chose that one), chemistry, physics, honors algebra 1 (they wouldn’t move him down), geometry.

He got in everywhere he applied with good merit money. Do not feel out that there are no good schools for kids who aren’t perfect. Do not ruin your relationship with your child over grades. Depression and anxiety are rampant with teens. I’d be depressed too if my parents were pissed at me that I wasn’t perfect.

Similar situation here. I posted above that my A/B student got in everywhere she applied and received substantial merit aid. She’s at a great school (her top choice) and has a stellar GPA. She was more than prepared for college.

I wouldn’t want to stress her out, demanding all As, just so she can end up the same place and doing the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually took my son out of public school and moved him to a Catholic school because he was getting straight As but not doing A work. So I paid money for him to not get all As. Public schools have pretty low expectations these days.

Not all public schools have low expectations and not every Catholic school is good. Those blanket statements don’t help anyone.

And aren’t even true. The public schools near us are so much


better than the privates. I don’t want to drive 30 minutes for a private school. Love the sense of community we have.

How are they better? They have low expectations. No thanks. If everyone has As…..

What is this bullshit about having low expectations? That could not be further from the truth. Have you always been a lying liar who lies or is this a recent character defect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sadly Bs can derail college chances. It’s not just admissions but merit aid too. With the economy in the dumpster and the price of college so high, competition for in state is crazy. Along with competition for scholarships and merit aid.

If retakes are allowed, many of the other kids with Bs are doing a retake. Your kid would end up being toward the bottom for not taking advantage of the retake option.

It’s a horrible environment for kids and very different than when we were in high school.

No, Bs don't derail college chances. Even Cs don't. Maybe if you're one of those people who don't consider anything outside of the USNWR T20 to be worthwhile, the Bs may make a difference. But there are almost 4000 accredited colleges in this country. Going to one in the top *200* still puts you in the top 5% of schools.

My college kid got two Cs in HS and is still at a T100 with substantial merit (and got into several T50 schools as well, one of them with the largest merit award they give to OOS students). College chances were far from derailed. In fact, this kid got into schools just as good, and with as much if not more merit, than my older child who had better grades overall in HS.

Then he’s probably an athlete. What was his hook? He had something obviously.

Similar situation, no hooks.

This board and the college industrial complex in general has parents and students freaked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I looked at my kid’s HS transcript. He got Cs in these glasses: honors Latin (he chose that one), chemistry, physics, honors algebra 1 (they wouldn’t move him down), geometry.

He got in everywhere he applied with good merit money. Do not feel out that there are no good schools for kids who aren’t perfect. Do not ruin your relationship with your child over grades. Depression and anxiety are rampant with teens. I’d be depressed too if my parents were pissed at me that I wasn’t perfect.

+1.

But the OP and the posters who are upset about B’s are probably gunning for top 20 and they think their kids dont stand a chance at those with a few B’s.