Another Thanksgiving Vent - Makeshift Family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:pp again. But Op, you have some obligations to your DH's family. It doesn't need to be the holidays but your obligation is to be pleasant.

Obligations? Are you serious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold ... I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people

OP, you are really sounding like a terrible person. You do not need to be a terrible person, or portray them as terrible people, just because you have a preference to not spend holidays with them.

You are entitled to a preference. You are unwise though to disparage those who raised the wonderful man you decided was worthy of marrying. And a man you decided was loving enough to be the father of your children. And who, most certainly, has love for his parents.

My husband is a great man DESPITE what his parents did to him while raising him. He is nothing like them, and nothing like his sister. He survived and thrived and broke the cycle of abuse. So no, he doesn't have any lost love for the people who continue to try to bring him down, and I can disparage them all I want. They've been given multiple chances and continue their abuse, including directed at their own grandkids (which was the final straw).

Oh sure. They went from cool and aloof to abusers. A likely story.

Blame the victim . . .

If I'm trying to justify why I want to get out of something I lead with the most offensive reason. If they are axe murderers I don't just say they are a little dull and I'd rather see my friends instead. It's weird to come back and clarify by boring and cold she actually means violent and horrific abusers.

+1. OP really took the mask off here!

You don’t have to be abusive. They are not good people. Doesn’t mean they hit their kids. But you keep sucking up to people who make you feel miserable. I’m done with that. If DH wants to be the nice guy, he can go without us. We will have a good time this Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They are aloof, standoffish, and just cold ... I want holidays without them. I am willing to sacrifice my marriage not to see or hear from these people

OP, you are really sounding like a terrible person. You do not need to be a terrible person, or portray them as terrible people, just because you have a preference to not spend holidays with them.

You are entitled to a preference. You are unwise though to disparage those who raised the wonderful man you decided was worthy of marrying. And a man you decided was loving enough to be the father of your children. And who, most certainly, has love for his parents.

My husband is a great man DESPITE what his parents did to him while raising him. He is nothing like them, and nothing like his sister. He survived and thrived and broke the cycle of abuse. So no, he doesn't have any lost love for the people who continue to try to bring him down, and I can disparage them all I want. They've been given multiple chances and continue their abuse, including directed at their own grandkids (which was the final straw).

Oh sure. They went from cool and aloof to abusers. A likely story.

Blame the victim . . .

If I'm trying to justify why I want to get out of something I lead with the most offensive reason. If they are axe murderers I don't just say they are a little dull and I'd rather see my friends instead. It's weird to come back and clarify by boring and cold she actually means violent and horrific abusers.

+1. OP really took the mask off here!

You don’t have to be abusive. They are not good people. Doesn’t mean they hit their kids. But you keep sucking up to people who make you feel miserable. I’m done with that. If DH wants to be the nice guy, he can go without us. We will have a good time this Thanksgiving.

And now OP is backtracking! OP, you’re the one who tossed around the word “abuse” but now apparently they’re actually not. Mmmmmmkay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do TG dinner with ILs and then head to the party house for the rest of the weekend.

Why be miserable for six hours? Send husband to see his family and he can join you and kids later.

Why does OP get to decide for the kids?

She and her dh have equal say, but not only do the kids want to be with the friends, but that has been the plan for months — a plan OP’s dh agreed to. Why does her dh get to upend their plans unilaterally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do TG dinner with ILs and then head to the party house for the rest of the weekend.

Why be miserable for six hours? Send husband to see his family and he can join you and kids later.

Why does OP get to decide for the kids?

She and her dh have equal say, but not only do the kids want to be with the friends, but that has been the plan for months — a plan OP’s dh agreed to. Why does her dh get to upend their plans unilaterally?

Sounds like it was a proposal by a friend. Nothing more than half baked trolly plan. Did OP put a deposit down? Agree to chip in for this big house? What are they out if they don’t all go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do TG dinner with ILs and then head to the party house for the rest of the weekend.

Why be miserable for six hours? Send husband to see his family and he can join you and kids later.

Why does OP get to decide for the kids?

She and her dh have equal say, but not only do the kids want to be with the friends, but that has been the plan for months — a plan OP’s dh agreed to. Why does her dh get to upend their plans unilaterally?

Sounds like it was a proposal by a friend. Nothing more than half baked trolly plan. Did OP put a deposit down? Agree to chip in for this big house? What are they out if they don’t all go?

I’m not OP, so I don’t have the details, but OP said her dh told his family back in August that he and OP and kids were going away for Thanksgiving. This isn’t a recent development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do TG dinner with ILs and then head to the party house for the rest of the weekend.

Why be miserable for six hours? Send husband to see his family and he can join you and kids later.

Why does OP get to decide for the kids?

Because kids don't like the grandparents either.

[Anonymous]

Do xmas eve with family then bolt to rental with friends in morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do TG dinner with ILs and then head to the party house for the rest of the weekend.

Why be miserable for six hours? Send husband to see his family and he can join you and kids later.

Why does OP get to decide for the kids?

She and her dh have equal say, but not only do the kids want to be with the friends, but that has been the plan for months — a plan OP’s dh agreed to. Why does her dh get to upend their plans unilaterally?

Sounds like it was a proposal by a friend. Nothing more than half baked trolly plan. Did OP put a deposit down? Agree to chip in for this big house? What are they out if they don’t all go?

I’m not OP, so I don’t have the details, but OP said her dh told his family back in August that he and OP and kids were going away for Thanksgiving. This isn’t a recent development.

If i said my friends proposed something, it doesn’t sound like a solid plan. My friends rented a house reads differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do TG dinner with ILs and then head to the party house for the rest of the weekend.

Why be miserable for six hours? Send husband to see his family and he can join you and kids later.

Why does OP get to decide for the kids?

Because kids don't like the grandparents either.

Do you let your kids hang out with their friends on major holidays if they would rather do that? Or do you make the plans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do TG dinner with ILs and then head to the party house for the rest of the weekend.

Why be miserable for six hours? Send husband to see his family and he can join you and kids later.

Why does OP get to decide for the kids?

Because kids don't like the grandparents either.

Do you let your kids hang out with their friends on major holidays if they would rather do that? Or do you make the plans?

OP and dh already decided together months ago. The kids are excited about the trip with friends. Why should they be robbed of that just because adults are pitching a fit and their dad has no backbone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do TG dinner with ILs and then head to the party house for the rest of the weekend.

Why be miserable for six hours? Send husband to see his family and he can join you and kids later.

Why does OP get to decide for the kids?

Because kids don't like the grandparents either.

Do you let your kids hang out with their friends on major holidays if they would rather do that? Or do you make the plans?

OP and dh already decided together months ago. The kids are excited about the trip with friends. Why should they be robbed of that just because adults are pitching a fit and their dad has no backbone?

Because marriage is about compromise. Not just "you do you". Are you married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:pp again. But Op, you have some obligations to your DH's family. It doesn't need to be the holidays but your obligation is to be pleasant.

OP does not. Did you see the update about the history of abuse?
No obligations whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:pp again. But Op, you have some obligations to your DH's family. It doesn't need to be the holidays but your obligation is to be pleasant.

OP does not. Did you see the update about the history of abuse?
No obligations whatsoever.

You.... believed that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do TG dinner with ILs and then head to the party house for the rest of the weekend.

Why be miserable for six hours? Send husband to see his family and he can join you and kids later.

Why does OP get to decide for the kids?

Because kids don't like the grandparents either.

Do you let your kids hang out with their friends on major holidays if they would rather do that? Or do you make the plans?

OP and dh already decided together months ago. The kids are excited about the trip with friends. Why should they be robbed of that just because adults are pitching a fit and their dad has no backbone?

Because it sounds like a concept of a plan. OP didn’t mention losing a deposit and keeps changing her description of the in-laws.