PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people on these PTAs just have very different values than I do. We had a lady who wanted to hire a local artist for $7,000 to paint a mural in the teacher’s lounge that no students or families would ever even see! Or the mom who wanted to get each teacher a $100 massage during teacher appreciation week. I also found out the PTA was buying expensive Christmas presents for certain students identified. I just don’t think that is the intended purpose of PTA funds, while the intent comes from a good place.

Ha ha same at our PTA. And the problem is that they want to spend that money out of funds raised by everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people on these PTAs just have very different values than I do. We had a lady who wanted to hire a local artist for $7,000 to paint a mural in the teacher’s lounge that no students or families would ever even see! Or the mom who wanted to get each teacher a $100 massage during teacher appreciation week. I also found out the PTA was buying expensive Christmas presents for certain students identified. I just don’t think that is the intended purpose of PTA funds, while the intent comes from a good place.

So instead of just gossiping about how you “have very different values”, which is a less southern version of “bless your heart”, did you actually do any work to change things, to further your own “values” by putting in the effort?

What's wrong with getting teachers massages? I promise they would prefer that over some mug.

DP. The problem is that I didn’t bake bake sale cookies or buy fun fair tickets so that the teachers could get massages. I contribute to PTA for things that help all kids or at a minimum, the kids most in need. The idea that teachers would get PTA funded massages while there is not enough money for field trips is just wrong.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Wow! A lot of feelings on this thread.

A lot of people seem convinced I (1) don't volunteer or contribute to my school, (2) don't understand the nature of the events I'm complaining about. Let me disabuse you of these notions.

I am very active at our school and volunteer a ton. Every field trip, school event, clean up day, etc., I will volunteer my time. I've been a room parent several times. I also give a lot of money to the school. Previously, I gave money pretty much every time it was solicited, including to fundraising for the PTA general fund. I've done this for years. I also give money to support individual teachers and classrooms via Donors Choose, give money specifically to fundraisers for sports and activities including ones my kids don't participate in. I'd say in an average year, our family donates around 2-3k to the school and school-related fundraisers.

However, the longer I've been at the school, the more I see how PTA funds are sometimes used in what I consider to be strange ways. I'm not talking about thank you breakfasts for volunteers (we don't do that but I wouldn't have a problem with it even though I could not attend) or pizza at PTA meetings (we do that and I think it's good, the PTA also provides childcare during the meetings which I think is valuable for encouraging participation).

I'm talking about a series of adult-focused events and activities that happen throughout the year that yes, the PTA pays for (I've seen the line items in the budget) and that amount to socials for parents at the school at local bars and restaurants. I initially didn't think anything of it but over time I've come to think of these as a really inappropriate. They are usually not kid friendly, which means they are not accommodating to single parents, parents who can't afford childcare, or parents whose kids have special needs that can make it hard for them to socialize on a random Thursday night. The events are pushed by a small faction on the PTA, which includes a former president and two board members, and whenever it is suggested that we stop or reduce the number of these events, those three fight hard to keep them. Unsurprisingly, these events tend to be heavily attended by these members and people they are close friends with. I have never personally attended (I have a kid with SNs and this is not a realistic way for me to spend a weeknight) but have been told by others that they only went once because it felt exclusive and unwelcoming.

So with time, I've come to feel this is a way for the PTA to funnel general funds to enable a small group of parents to socialize for free. Which, since everyone in that group is UMC, is not even something they need -- they could do these events without any PTA involvement at all. I am baffled as to why these events came to be and cannot believe how hard they fight when any of us (and there are several of us who have become bothered by the events) suggest cutting back on them or suggest there are better ways to spend the general fund.

As a result, I no longer give money to the general fund, which means I also will not be contributing money via the annual auction this year, the PTA's biggest fundraiser. But I'm really bothered by this. We're going to channel are contributions to teachers and specific projects so we know where our money is going and that it is going to help actually support the kids and the school.

If your PTA doesn't have events like this, I'm not talking about you or trying to call you out. But our PTA does, I am increasingly bothered by it, and my post was an expression of my frustration.

Hopefully this clarifies things for people who were upset about the lack of detail in my original post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow! A lot of feelings on this thread.

A lot of people seem convinced I (1) don't volunteer or contribute to my school, (2) don't understand the nature of the events I'm complaining about. Let me disabuse you of these notions.

I am very active at our school and volunteer a ton. Every field trip, school event, clean up day, etc., I will volunteer my time. I've been a room parent several times. I also give a lot of money to the school. Previously, I gave money pretty much every time it was solicited, including to fundraising for the PTA general fund. I've done this for years. I also give money to support individual teachers and classrooms via Donors Choose, give money specifically to fundraisers for sports and activities including ones my kids don't participate in. I'd say in an average year, our family donates around 2-3k to the school and school-related fundraisers.

However, the longer I've been at the school, the more I see how PTA funds are sometimes used in what I consider to be strange ways. I'm not talking about thank you breakfasts for volunteers (we don't do that but I wouldn't have a problem with it even though I could not attend) or pizza at PTA meetings (we do that and I think it's good, the PTA also provides childcare during the meetings which I think is valuable for encouraging participation).

I'm talking about a series of adult-focused events and activities that happen throughout the year that yes, the PTA pays for (I've seen the line items in the budget) and that amount to socials for parents at the school at local bars and restaurants. I initially didn't think anything of it but over time I've come to think of these as a really inappropriate. They are usually not kid friendly, which means they are not accommodating to single parents, parents who can't afford childcare, or parents whose kids have special needs that can make it hard for them to socialize on a random Thursday night. The events are pushed by a small faction on the PTA, which includes a former president and two board members, and whenever it is suggested that we stop or reduce the number of these events, those three fight hard to keep them. Unsurprisingly, these events tend to be heavily attended by these members and people they are close friends with. I have never personally attended (I have a kid with SNs and this is not a realistic way for me to spend a weeknight) but have been told by others that they only went once because it felt exclusive and unwelcoming.

So with time, I've come to feel this is a way for the PTA to funnel general funds to enable a small group of parents to socialize for free. Which, since everyone in that group is UMC, is not even something they need -- they could do these events without any PTA involvement at all. I am baffled as to why these events came to be and cannot believe how hard they fight when any of us (and there are several of us who have become bothered by the events) suggest cutting back on them or suggest there are better ways to spend the general fund.

As a result, I no longer give money to the general fund, which means I also will not be contributing money via the annual auction this year, the PTA's biggest fundraiser. But I'm really bothered by this. We're going to channel are contributions to teachers and specific projects so we know where our money is going and that it is going to help actually support the kids and the school.

If your PTA doesn't have events like this, I'm not talking about you or trying to call you out. But our PTA does, I am increasingly bothered by it, and my post was an expression of my frustration.

Hopefully this clarifies things for people who were upset about the lack of detail in my original post.

So they have events at bars where the PTA pays for booze?

[Anonymous]

I only donate directly to teachers. I dislike the pta. Most of our pta funds go to feeding teachers and giving them snacks. I have nothing against that, but I think it’s a poor use of funds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow! A lot of feelings on this thread.

A lot of people seem convinced I (1) don't volunteer or contribute to my school, (2) don't understand the nature of the events I'm complaining about. Let me disabuse you of these notions.

I am very active at our school and volunteer a ton. Every field trip, school event, clean up day, etc., I will volunteer my time. I've been a room parent several times. I also give a lot of money to the school. Previously, I gave money pretty much every time it was solicited, including to fundraising for the PTA general fund. I've done this for years. I also give money to support individual teachers and classrooms via Donors Choose, give money specifically to fundraisers for sports and activities including ones my kids don't participate in. I'd say in an average year, our family donates around 2-3k to the school and school-related fundraisers.

However, the longer I've been at the school, the more I see how PTA funds are sometimes used in what I consider to be strange ways. I'm not talking about thank you breakfasts for volunteers (we don't do that but I wouldn't have a problem with it even though I could not attend) or pizza at PTA meetings (we do that and I think it's good, the PTA also provides childcare during the meetings which I think is valuable for encouraging participation).

I'm talking about a series of adult-focused events and activities that happen throughout the year that yes, the PTA pays for (I've seen the line items in the budget) and that amount to socials for parents at the school at local bars and restaurants. I initially didn't think anything of it but over time I've come to think of these as a really inappropriate. They are usually not kid friendly, which means they are not accommodating to single parents, parents who can't afford childcare, or parents whose kids have special needs that can make it hard for them to socialize on a random Thursday night. The events are pushed by a small faction on the PTA, which includes a former president and two board members, and whenever it is suggested that we stop or reduce the number of these events, those three fight hard to keep them. Unsurprisingly, these events tend to be heavily attended by these members and people they are close friends with. I have never personally attended (I have a kid with SNs and this is not a realistic way for me to spend a weeknight) but have been told by others that they only went once because it felt exclusive and unwelcoming.

So with time, I've come to feel this is a way for the PTA to funnel general funds to enable a small group of parents to socialize for free. Which, since everyone in that group is UMC, is not even something they need -- they could do these events without any PTA involvement at all. I am baffled as to why these events came to be and cannot believe how hard they fight when any of us (and there are several of us who have become bothered by the events) suggest cutting back on them or suggest there are better ways to spend the general fund.

As a result, I no longer give money to the general fund, which means I also will not be contributing money via the annual auction this year, the PTA's biggest fundraiser. But I'm really bothered by this. We're going to channel are contributions to teachers and specific projects so we know where our money is going and that it is going to help actually support the kids and the school.

If your PTA doesn't have events like this, I'm not talking about you or trying to call you out. But our PTA does, I am increasingly bothered by it, and my post was an expression of my frustration.

Hopefully this clarifies things for people who were upset about the lack of detail in my original post.

So they have events at bars where the PTA pays for booze?

Yeah what do you mean by the events “amount to” socials for parents at local bars? Is the PTA paying for a few shared appetizers for the group or picking up a $500 booze tab? Seems very different to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow! A lot of feelings on this thread.

A lot of people seem convinced I (1) don't volunteer or contribute to my school, (2) don't understand the nature of the events I'm complaining about. Let me disabuse you of these notions.

I am very active at our school and volunteer a ton. Every field trip, school event, clean up day, etc., I will volunteer my time. I've been a room parent several times. I also give a lot of money to the school. Previously, I gave money pretty much every time it was solicited, including to fundraising for the PTA general fund. I've done this for years. I also give money to support individual teachers and classrooms via Donors Choose, give money specifically to fundraisers for sports and activities including ones my kids don't participate in. I'd say in an average year, our family donates around 2-3k to the school and school-related fundraisers.

However, the longer I've been at the school, the more I see how PTA funds are sometimes used in what I consider to be strange ways. I'm not talking about thank you breakfasts for volunteers (we don't do that but I wouldn't have a problem with it even though I could not attend) or pizza at PTA meetings (we do that and I think it's good, the PTA also provides childcare during the meetings which I think is valuable for encouraging participation).

I'm talking about a series of adult-focused events and activities that happen throughout the year that yes, the PTA pays for (I've seen the line items in the budget) and that amount to socials for parents at the school at local bars and restaurants. I initially didn't think anything of it but over time I've come to think of these as a really inappropriate. They are usually not kid friendly, which means they are not accommodating to single parents, parents who can't afford childcare, or parents whose kids have special needs that can make it hard for them to socialize on a random Thursday night. The events are pushed by a small faction on the PTA, which includes a former president and two board members, and whenever it is suggested that we stop or reduce the number of these events, those three fight hard to keep them. Unsurprisingly, these events tend to be heavily attended by these members and people they are close friends with. I have never personally attended (I have a kid with SNs and this is not a realistic way for me to spend a weeknight) but have been told by others that they only went once because it felt exclusive and unwelcoming.

So with time, I've come to feel this is a way for the PTA to funnel general funds to enable a small group of parents to socialize for free. Which, since everyone in that group is UMC, is not even something they need -- they could do these events without any PTA involvement at all. I am baffled as to why these events came to be and cannot believe how hard they fight when any of us (and there are several of us who have become bothered by the events) suggest cutting back on them or suggest there are better ways to spend the general fund.

As a result, I no longer give money to the general fund, which means I also will not be contributing money via the annual auction this year, the PTA's biggest fundraiser. But I'm really bothered by this. We're going to channel are contributions to teachers and specific projects so we know where our money is going and that it is going to help actually support the kids and the school.

If your PTA doesn't have events like this, I'm not talking about you or trying to call you out. But our PTA does, I am increasingly bothered by it, and my post was an expression of my frustration.

Hopefully this clarifies things for people who were upset about the lack of detail in my original post.

So they have events at bars where the PTA pays for booze?

Yeah what do you mean by the events “amount to” socials for parents at local bars? Is the PTA paying for a few shared appetizers for the group or picking up a $500 booze tab? Seems very different to me.

Tbh I would find the PTA paying anything for a parent meetup at a bar to be totally inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

This is so oddly specific it's weird that OP didn't come back to clear it up. Why whine here anonymously about such a thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very invested in the PTA as a way to support the school, the students, and the teachers. Money that goes to classrooms or enrichment events for students (and, if appropriate, their families) is great and I'm happy to donate to that. Community events that are linked to academics or social-emotional learning at the school, and focused on the kids, are great --we will participate and donate time and money for those.

PTA events that are primarily about adults socializing with one another away from the school should not be PTA events unless they are fundRAISING events. PTA money should not be spent on those activities.

If you want to socialize with other parents at the school, that's great, do so. But it shouldn't be PTA sponsored. No one should be donating money to a PTA to facilitate adults social events. Especially when these events have little to do with building community, and more to do with ensuring people who are already friends can get free food or entertainment, paid for by the PTA, while they hang out.

So building community is not important to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow! A lot of feelings on this thread.

A lot of people seem convinced I (1) don't volunteer or contribute to my school, (2) don't understand the nature of the events I'm complaining about. Let me disabuse you of these notions.

I am very active at our school and volunteer a ton. Every field trip, school event, clean up day, etc., I will volunteer my time. I've been a room parent several times. I also give a lot of money to the school. Previously, I gave money pretty much every time it was solicited, including to fundraising for the PTA general fund. I've done this for years. I also give money to support individual teachers and classrooms via Donors Choose, give money specifically to fundraisers for sports and activities including ones my kids don't participate in. I'd say in an average year, our family donates around 2-3k to the school and school-related fundraisers.

However, the longer I've been at the school, the more I see how PTA funds are sometimes used in what I consider to be strange ways. I'm not talking about thank you breakfasts for volunteers (we don't do that but I wouldn't have a problem with it even though I could not attend) or pizza at PTA meetings (we do that and I think it's good, the PTA also provides childcare during the meetings which I think is valuable for encouraging participation).

I'm talking about a series of adult-focused events and activities that happen throughout the year that yes, the PTA pays for (I've seen the line items in the budget) and that amount to socials for parents at the school at local bars and restaurants. I initially didn't think anything of it but over time I've come to think of these as a really inappropriate. They are usually not kid friendly, which means they are not accommodating to single parents, parents who can't afford childcare, or parents whose kids have special needs that can make it hard for them to socialize on a random Thursday night. The events are pushed by a small faction on the PTA, which includes a former president and two board members, and whenever it is suggested that we stop or reduce the number of these events, those three fight hard to keep them. Unsurprisingly, these events tend to be heavily attended by these members and people they are close friends with. I have never personally attended (I have a kid with SNs and this is not a realistic way for me to spend a weeknight) but have been told by others that they only went once because it felt exclusive and unwelcoming.

So with time, I've come to feel this is a way for the PTA to funnel general funds to enable a small group of parents to socialize for free. Which, since everyone in that group is UMC, is not even something they need -- they could do these events without any PTA involvement at all. I am baffled as to why these events came to be and cannot believe how hard they fight when any of us (and there are several of us who have become bothered by the events) suggest cutting back on them or suggest there are better ways to spend the general fund.

As a result, I no longer give money to the general fund, which means I also will not be contributing money via the annual auction this year, the PTA's biggest fundraiser. But I'm really bothered by this. We're going to channel are contributions to teachers and specific projects so we know where our money is going and that it is going to help actually support the kids and the school.

If your PTA doesn't have events like this, I'm not talking about you or trying to call you out. But our PTA does, I am increasingly bothered by it, and my post was an expression of my frustration.

Hopefully this clarifies things for people who were upset about the lack of detail in my original post.

So they have events at bars where the PTA pays for booze?

Yeah what do you mean by the events “amount to” socials for parents at local bars? Is the PTA paying for a few shared appetizers for the group or picking up a $500 booze tab? Seems very different to me.

Tbh I would find the PTA paying anything for a parent meetup at a bar to be totally inappropriate.

That's fine and people can disagree about that but I think "amount to" in OP's clarifying post is likely doing a lot of heavy lifting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very invested in the PTA as a way to support the school, the students, and the teachers. Money that goes to classrooms or enrichment events for students (and, if appropriate, their families) is great and I'm happy to donate to that. Community events that are linked to academics or social-emotional learning at the school, and focused on the kids, are great --we will participate and donate time and money for those.

PTA events that are primarily about adults socializing with one another away from the school should not be PTA events unless they are fundRAISING events. PTA money should not be spent on those activities.

If you want to socialize with other parents at the school, that's great, do so. But it shouldn't be PTA sponsored. No one should be donating money to a PTA to facilitate adults social events. Especially when these events have little to do with building community, and more to do with ensuring people who are already friends can get free food or entertainment, paid for by the PTA, while they hang out.

So building community is not important to you?

DP. Adults can build community on their own. Schools and by extension PTAs are for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very invested in the PTA as a way to support the school, the students, and the teachers. Money that goes to classrooms or enrichment events for students (and, if appropriate, their families) is great and I'm happy to donate to that. Community events that are linked to academics or social-emotional learning at the school, and focused on the kids, are great --we will participate and donate time and money for those.

PTA events that are primarily about adults socializing with one another away from the school should not be PTA events unless they are fundRAISING events. PTA money should not be spent on those activities.

If you want to socialize with other parents at the school, that's great, do so. But it shouldn't be PTA sponsored. No one should be donating money to a PTA to facilitate adults social events. Especially when these events have little to do with building community, and more to do with ensuring people who are already friends can get free food or entertainment, paid for by the PTA, while they hang out.

So building community is not important to you?

DP. Adults can build community on their own. Schools and by extension PTAs are for kids.

You actually need to bring the adults together to make that happen. It doesn't just happen out of thin air.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very invested in the PTA as a way to support the school, the students, and the teachers. Money that goes to classrooms or enrichment events for students (and, if appropriate, their families) is great and I'm happy to donate to that. Community events that are linked to academics or social-emotional learning at the school, and focused on the kids, are great --we will participate and donate time and money for those.

PTA events that are primarily about adults socializing with one another away from the school should not be PTA events unless they are fundRAISING events. PTA money should not be spent on those activities.

If you want to socialize with other parents at the school, that's great, do so. But it shouldn't be PTA sponsored. No one should be donating money to a PTA to facilitate adults social events. Especially when these events have little to do with building community, and more to do with ensuring people who are already friends can get free food or entertainment, paid for by the PTA, while they hang out.

So building community is not important to you?

DP. Adults can build community on their own. Schools and by extension PTAs are for kids.

You actually need to bring the adults together to make that happen. It doesn't just happen out of thin air.

Again PTAs are not adult social groups. Adults get together in the normal course of PTA activities. If you want to go out for happy hour after that is your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very invested in the PTA as a way to support the school, the students, and the teachers. Money that goes to classrooms or enrichment events for students (and, if appropriate, their families) is great and I'm happy to donate to that. Community events that are linked to academics or social-emotional learning at the school, and focused on the kids, are great --we will participate and donate time and money for those.

PTA events that are primarily about adults socializing with one another away from the school should not be PTA events unless they are fundRAISING events. PTA money should not be spent on those activities.

If you want to socialize with other parents at the school, that's great, do so. But it shouldn't be PTA sponsored. No one should be donating money to a PTA to facilitate adults social events. Especially when these events have little to do with building community, and more to do with ensuring people who are already friends can get free food or entertainment, paid for by the PTA, while they hang out.

So building community is not important to you?

DP. Adults can build community on their own. Schools and by extension PTAs are for kids.

You actually need to bring the adults together to make that happen. It doesn't just happen out of thin air.

Again PTAs are not adult social groups. Adults get together in the normal course of PTA activities. If you want to go out for happy hour after that is your business.

What rule does this violate?

[Anonymous]

The budget is supposed to be approved at a general PTA meeting. Object to the budget and explain why. Include as many like minded members as possible.

Seek guidance from the local, state and national pta.