Obgyn pushy about hurrying to conceive at 39 .. I thought this was not an uncommon conception age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went for my yearly visit and she was very frank about it needing to happen soon. She apologized for being pushy but said the chances of chromosomal abnormalities hits very hard at 40 and the curve goes up and up and up.

I was shocked or surprised given how many women I see online having children at 45+ in recent years. These being healthy children as well.

You’re 39 and you have to be told this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:39 is old!

Agree! I was the one 39 year old with my first and only child, now I'm 50. So let me tell you this: If I could turn the time back, I would have kids as early as I possibly could. Why? You have more energy, you have less chance of Down's syndrome, grandparents are younger and healthier ( so they can help or visit more often). We were not sure if we wanted kids and waited 11 years after our marriage to have a child. I have always thought when I was in my late 20s that if I want a child, then I would do it before I'm 35. Then, somehow we stopped thinking about the child, then we got sort of desperate and I got pregnant naturally without problems. Being an older parent sucks on so many levels. Most of my friends have their kids finishing college while my child hasn't even entered middle school. If you want a child, you better do it NOW!

I'm exactly like you, baby at 39 and I'm 50. I like hearing your perspective. But I'm so glad I waited. I have more energy now because I get enough sleep and don't party anymore. I never had a good relationship with my parents, and they aren't good grandparents either. I built up a good career and have so much flexibility. I get a FT salary equivalent while practically being a SAHM now, but that's because I paid my dues earlier. I think old people often have that sense of wonder that children have, so my child and I are exactly synched up. It's been so great for me as an older mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I clearly was very uninformed. I hadn’t followed data closely nor had anyone in my core circle or extended circle seemingly had difficulties or abnormalities. Most of my group is Masters educated, middle class African American, Puerto Rican, and Filipino. Raised and schooled pre-college in PG County. Which may be a much smaller data point than Caucasian women.

I am in no way offended at the remarks here nor my doctors - I was simply shocked at her blunt push to start immediately.

We're getting to some loaded questions here, OP. Do you think the bolded is a factor in being knowledgeable about a wide range of medically-important topics?

I am Black also and I am not surprised and before OP posted her race, I guessed that she might also be Black. In my experience, I have found that my achiever Black friends were much more focused on academic and career success than marriage and fertility compared to my achiever white friends. Not that my Black friends weren't interested in marriage - they are, and a common frustration is the lack of quality men who are similarly interested in marriage and settling down, but in general, my white peers were laser focused on finding the husband sooner, at the same time they were career climbing, while my Black friends were more focused on their individual success and then as they got older began focusing more on trying to find a husband. What this means is that the white women are getting married earlier and still doing the career climbing and have many more years of being married and building wealth with a partner before they start TTC and they can then more easily afford fertility treatments, while I see my Black friends get married later and get smacked in the face with the expense of fertility treatments. So OP is probably not being disingenuous in saying she's not hearing about this among her peer group, especially if the majority of her peer group is not yet married and actively TTC.

Op here. This is nearly spot on for our situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I married young and figured we’d start trying for a baby at 28. Well 4 years of TTC later and we hadn’t even had a miscarriage. I was surrounded by women and men who kept bragging about getting pregnant the first time they tried. It made me feel so bad that I never told anyone about going to fertility clinics. I did eventually have 3 kids, each 3 years apart (two have the same birthday!). Even with IVF, I started trying when they were 6 months old, so it still took several rounds. Never had a miscarriage, I just couldn’t get pregnant.

This basically happened to me for 3 years including 3 IUIs. Finally, out of the blue, I got pregnant at 35. Had another via IVF at 38. I'm 50 now.

[Anonymous]

Jsut bc someone had a kids after 40 didn’t mean it wasn’t without complications or it wasn’t more difficult than it would have been earlier, but hopefully you knew that because … it’s widely known. If this is your first, get on it, I started trying when I was 35 and it took 3 years to get pregnant. This is after 5 IVF tries.

[Anonymous]

Listen to the voice of reason. Too many drs are afraid to say the truth because people get offended and then there are repercussions for it. Honestly you should have had a kid a long time ago, and if you already have kids no need for more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went for my yearly visit and she was very frank about it needing to happen soon. She apologized for being pushy but said the chances of chromosomal abnormalities hits very hard at 40 and the curve goes up and up and up.

I was shocked or surprised given how many women I see online having children at 45+ in recent years. These being healthy children as well.

So you would ignore your medical professional because older people have babies on Instagram?

[Anonymous]

Thats bs and dated advice. Go find a new unpushy gyno

[Anonymous]

Troll