“I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once again, the elderly haters are out in force. You people have no idea what your future will be like but you will be old in a wink of an eye.

There is an entire spectrum here. Do nothing and let her live in a government home to letting her move in with you and find her lifestyle. Neither of those options are reasonable. She needs to learn and have some skin in the game. But it can be done with compassion. What is that? I do t know all your details but a financial person (& therapist) can help find that place that works for you.

Honestly, the coldness some of you have towards family, and specifically parents who raised you, is breathtakingly selfish. But I do believe we do have the obligation to care for loving parents as they age. That doesn’t mean giving them what they want 100% or giving at the ruin of your own family. Jesus, people.

Yes majority of us will help "loving parents". But most will not help a parent who will not learn from their bad actions. The mom had a good vehicle, paid off and sold it to buy one they cannot afford. If they dont' want help, you don't go into debt/stress your marriage for them.

[Anonymous]

OP I thought of you today when my mom sent me a picture of her brand new car. Situation isn’t quite as bad but I am concerned!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If other people ask me to solve their problems, they might not like the solution, which is tough love.

Jesus Christ, this is how you think about the person who birthed and raised you?

A mom can be a mom devoid of birthing a child. Have you heard of adoption?

Doesn’t matter. Adopted or bio, parents, especially mothers have no value and if they need help they should simply be kicked to the curb. Of course if they have money, the Adult Child is entitled to it, no matter how awful or distant they’ve been. All parents must be perfect at all times, and all adult children have no responsibility for anything, ever. It’s the DCUM hive mind.

+1 I’m not seeing what this woman did other than being poor and dumb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If other people ask me to solve their problems, they might not like the solution, which is tough love.

Jesus Christ, this is how you think about the person who birthed and raised you?

A mom can be a mom devoid of birthing a child. Have you heard of adoption?

Doesn’t matter. Adopted or bio, parents, especially mothers have no value and if they need help they should simply be kicked to the curb. Of course if they have money, the Adult Child is entitled to it, no matter how awful or distant they’ve been. All parents must be perfect at all times, and all adult children have no responsibility for anything, ever. It’s the DCUM hive mind.

+1 I’m not seeing what this woman did other than being poor and dumb

Imposing on her kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, the elderly haters are out in force. You people have no idea what your future will be like but you will be old in a wink of an eye.

There is an entire spectrum here. Do nothing and let her live in a government home to letting her move in with you and find her lifestyle. Neither of those options are reasonable. She needs to learn and have some skin in the game. But it can be done with compassion. What is that? I do t know all your details but a financial person (& therapist) can help find that place that works for you.

Honestly, the coldness some of you have towards family, and specifically parents who raised you, is breathtakingly selfish. But I do believe we do have the obligation to care for loving parents as they age. That doesn’t mean giving them what they want 100% or giving at the ruin of your own family. Jesus, people.

Yes majority of us will help "loving parents". But most will not help a parent who will not learn from their bad actions. The mom had a good vehicle, paid off and sold it to buy one they cannot afford. If they dont' want help, you don't go into debt/stress your marriage for them.

Which is . . . . what I said. There is a spectrum of help that doesn't require you to go into debt or stress your marriage. But MANY of you are saying do nothing. And many of you are dripping with contempt for the people that raised you. It's disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes majority of us will help "loving parents". But most will not help a parent who will not learn from their bad actions. The mom had a good vehicle, paid off and sold it to buy one they cannot afford. If they dont' want help, you don't go into debt/stress your marriage for them.

Which is . . . . what I said. There is a spectrum of help that doesn't require you to go into debt or stress your marriage. But MANY of you are saying do nothing. And many of you are dripping with contempt for the people that raised you. It's disgusting.

DP. You don't seem to understand, probably due to never having to deal with anything like this. With parents like OP's it's not the first time they have required "help". They have lifelong issues making sound decisions. No matter what they are advised, they do whatever they want anyway, not once, not twice, but for 40-50 years! Then when the inevitable happens, they are destitute and "I need you to solve this". Sorry, I don't know about you, but most adult kids with families don't have enough money to upkeep both their parents, in-laws and their own families all at the same time. It's not about contempt or hate. There simply aren't enough resources to do this. There is a reason why we should save for retirement when we earn money. People are saying to do nothing because they all have given free advice to their parents for years and it has gone nowhere. There is realistically nothing else to do. As I say, if you think there is, you actually don't have experience with these types of people.

[Anonymous]

Wanted to quickly add that these people also hide what they are doing (because they've been told over and over that what they're doing results in poor outcomes) and oftentimes the worst comes out when it's too late to do anything (cannot return a bought item, or the value has deteriorated even further etc). Only then they come for "help". And if somebody actually helps them out with money, they get into another problem soon after. And so again and again until there is no more money left for "help" and everybody is exhausted about trying to give advice that goes nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, the elderly haters are out in force. You people have no idea what your future will be like but you will be old in a wink of an eye.

There is an entire spectrum here. Do nothing and let her live in a government home to letting her move in with you and find her lifestyle. Neither of those options are reasonable. She needs to learn and have some skin in the game. But it can be done with compassion. What is that? I do t know all your details but a financial person (& therapist) can help find that place that works for you.

Honestly, the coldness some of you have towards family, and specifically parents who raised you, is breathtakingly selfish. But I do believe we do have the obligation to care for loving parents as they age. That doesn’t mean giving them what they want 100% or giving at the ruin of your own family. Jesus, people.

Yes majority of us will help "loving parents". But most will not help a parent who will not learn from their bad actions. The mom had a good vehicle, paid off and sold it to buy one they cannot afford. If they dont' want help, you don't go into debt/stress your marriage for them.

Which is . . . . what I said. There is a spectrum of help that doesn't require you to go into debt or stress your marriage. But MANY of you are saying do nothing. And many of you are dripping with contempt for the people that raised you. It's disgusting.

DP - no, most people are advising not to make significant financial commitments. The OP’s mom sounds like she needs a good deal of help which, for many people, would stress their marriage or require them to go into debt. If the OP is raising kids right now, there often is very little bandwidth.

IME, the “loving parents” are the ones who do NOT want to burden their kids. They go to great lengths not to. And because their kids realize that, they actually are willing to help - they know they’re not being taken advantage of or manipulated. They know their parents prioritized them appropriately. It’s the parents who put their own needs first, consistently, who demand too much of their adult children, just like they demanded too much from their kids when they were young. Some of us are trying to break that cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, the elderly haters are out in force. You people have no idea what your future will be like but you will be old in a wink of an eye.

There is an entire spectrum here. Do nothing and let her live in a government home to letting her move in with you and find her lifestyle. Neither of those options are reasonable. She needs to learn and have some skin in the game. But it can be done with compassion. What is that? I do t know all your details but a financial person (& therapist) can help find that place that works for you.

Honestly, the coldness some of you have towards family, and specifically parents who raised you, is breathtakingly selfish. But I do believe we do have the obligation to care for loving parents as they age. That doesn’t mean giving them what they want 100% or giving at the ruin of your own family. Jesus, people.

Yes majority of us will help "loving parents". But most will not help a parent who will not learn from their bad actions. The mom had a good vehicle, paid off and sold it to buy one they cannot afford. If they dont' want help, you don't go into debt/stress your marriage for them.

Which is . . . . what I said. There is a spectrum of help that doesn't require you to go into debt or stress your marriage. But MANY of you are saying do nothing. And many of you are dripping with contempt for the people that raised you. It's disgusting.

DP - no, most people are advising not to make significant financial commitments. The OP’s mom sounds like she needs a good deal of help which, for many people, would stress their marriage or require them to go into debt. If the OP is raising kids right now, there often is very little bandwidth.

IME, the “loving parents” are the ones who do NOT want to burden their kids. They go to great lengths not to. And because their kids realize that, they actually are willing to help - they know they’re not being taken advantage of or manipulated. They know their parents prioritized them appropriately. It’s the parents who put their own needs first, consistently, who demand too much of their adult children, just like they demanded too much from their kids when they were young. Some of us are trying to break that cycle.

The subject of this thread is not your mother, and was described as a good mother. She’s one of “these people” in her mid 70s with cognitive decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, the elderly haters are out in force. You people have no idea what your future will be like but you will be old in a wink of an eye.

There is an entire spectrum here. Do nothing and let her live in a government home to letting her move in with you and find her lifestyle. Neither of those options are reasonable. She needs to learn and have some skin in the game. But it can be done with compassion. What is that? I do t know all your details but a financial person (& therapist) can help find that place that works for you.

Honestly, the coldness some of you have towards family, and specifically parents who raised you, is breathtakingly selfish. But I do believe we do have the obligation to care for loving parents as they age. That doesn’t mean giving them what they want 100% or giving at the ruin of your own family. Jesus, people.

Yes majority of us will help "loving parents". But most will not help a parent who will not learn from their bad actions. The mom had a good vehicle, paid off and sold it to buy one they cannot afford. If they dont' want help, you don't go into debt/stress your marriage for them.

Which is . . . . what I said. There is a spectrum of help that doesn't require you to go into debt or stress your marriage. But MANY of you are saying do nothing. And many of you are dripping with contempt for the people that raised you. It's disgusting.

DP - no, most people are advising not to make significant financial commitments. The OP’s mom sounds like she needs a good deal of help which, for many people, would stress their marriage or require them to go into debt. If the OP is raising kids right now, there often is very little bandwidth.

IME, the “loving parents” are the ones who do NOT want to burden their kids. They go to great lengths not to. And because their kids realize that, they actually are willing to help - they know they’re not being taken advantage of or manipulated. They know their parents prioritized them appropriately. It’s the parents who put their own needs first, consistently, who demand too much of their adult children, just like they demanded too much from their kids when they were young. Some of us are trying to break that cycle.

The subject of this thread is not your mother, and was described as a good mother. She’s one of “these people” in her mid 70s with cognitive decline.

Actually, the OP described her as “not a bad mother,” which isn’t the same thing as a good mother. She may have been, but that’s not the phrase OP used. You and others inserted it into this thread for the purpose of bashing the OP and people who won’t martyr themselves for the elderly parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, the elderly haters are out in force. You people have no idea what your future will be like but you will be old in a wink of an eye.

There is an entire spectrum here. Do nothing and let her live in a government home to letting her move in with you and find her lifestyle. Neither of those options are reasonable. She needs to learn and have some skin in the game. But it can be done with compassion. What is that? I do t know all your details but a financial person (& therapist) can help find that place that works for you.

Honestly, the coldness some of you have towards family, and specifically parents who raised you, is breathtakingly selfish. But I do believe we do have the obligation to care for loving parents as they age. That doesn’t mean giving them what they want 100% or giving at the ruin of your own family. Jesus, people.

Yes majority of us will help "loving parents". But most will not help a parent who will not learn from their bad actions. The mom had a good vehicle, paid off and sold it to buy one they cannot afford. If they dont' want help, you don't go into debt/stress your marriage for them.

Which is . . . . what I said. There is a spectrum of help that doesn't require you to go into debt or stress your marriage. But MANY of you are saying do nothing. And many of you are dripping with contempt for the people that raised you. It's disgusting.

DP - no, most people are advising not to make significant financial commitments. The OP’s mom sounds like she needs a good deal of help which, for many people, would stress their marriage or require them to go into debt. If the OP is raising kids right now, there often is very little bandwidth.

IME, the “loving parents” are the ones who do NOT want to burden their kids. They go to great lengths not to. And because their kids realize that, they actually are willing to help - they know they’re not being taken advantage of or manipulated. They know their parents prioritized them appropriately. It’s the parents who put their own needs first, consistently, who demand too much of their adult children, just like they demanded too much from their kids when they were young. Some of us are trying to break that cycle.

The subject of this thread is not your mother, and was described as a good mother. She’s one of “these people” in her mid 70s with cognitive decline.

Actually, the OP described her as “not a bad mother,” which isn’t the same thing as a good mother. She may have been, but that’s not the phrase OP used. You and others inserted it into this thread for the purpose of bashing the OP and people who won’t martyr themselves for the elderly parents.

No one is suggesting she martyr herself. She volunteered that she had the resources to provide housing and it might be a good investment for her. Some people are wallowing in their hatred for their own parents, gloating that they live in substandard conditions (nothing but secondhand furniture for them!), and some are saying if you can help your parent without harming your family you absolutely should.

Those of you who think you’re such wonderful parents are eventually going to find out what modeling a lack of mercy does.

[Anonymous]

No one is suggesting she martyr herself. She volunteered that she had the resources to provide housing and it might be a good investment for her. Some people are wallowing in their hatred for their own parents, gloating that they live in substandard conditions (nothing but secondhand furniture for them!), and some are saying if you can help your parent without harming your family you absolutely should.

Those of you who think you’re such wonderful parents are eventually going to find out what modeling a lack of mercy does.

I honestly cannot stand posters like you. You are completely misunderstanding what mercy is. Being merciful is not about funding someone's overconsumption. If someone had a car paid off and then decided to get a new one they cannot afford, paying for it has nothing to do with mercy. The ridiculous part in all this is that you apparently think of yourself as someone merciful. Most posts here about their elderly parents have a common denominator in said parents having lavish and unaffordable lifestyles and lifelong overconsumption. Not war situations, famine, natural disasters. No. Overconsumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No one is suggesting she martyr herself. She volunteered that she had the resources to provide housing and it might be a good investment for her. Some people are wallowing in their hatred for their own parents, gloating that they live in substandard conditions (nothing but secondhand furniture for them!), and some are saying if you can help your parent without harming your family you absolutely should.

Those of you who think you’re such wonderful parents are eventually going to find out what modeling a lack of mercy does.

I honestly cannot stand posters like you. You are completely misunderstanding what mercy is. Being merciful is not about funding someone's overconsumption. If someone had a car paid off and then decided to get a new one they cannot afford, paying for it has nothing to do with mercy. The ridiculous part in all this is that you apparently think of yourself as someone merciful. Most posts here about their elderly parents have a common denominator in said parents having lavish and unaffordable lifestyles and lifelong overconsumption. Not war situations, famine, natural disasters. No. Overconsumption.

Prove it. Analyze each post in this forum from 2024 and let’s see if most posts are about overconsumption. Be sure to compile links for each overconsumption thread and give the total number of threads so we can check your work.

MERCY
noun
compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, the elderly haters are out in force. You people have no idea what your future will be like but you will be old in a wink of an eye.

There is an entire spectrum here. Do nothing and let her live in a government home to letting her move in with you and find her lifestyle. Neither of those options are reasonable. She needs to learn and have some skin in the game. But it can be done with compassion. What is that? I do t know all your details but a financial person (& therapist) can help find that place that works for you.

Honestly, the coldness some of you have towards family, and specifically parents who raised you, is breathtakingly selfish. But I do believe we do have the obligation to care for loving parents as they age. That doesn’t mean giving them what they want 100% or giving at the ruin of your own family. Jesus, people.

Yes majority of us will help "loving parents". But most will not help a parent who will not learn from their bad actions. The mom had a good vehicle, paid off and sold it to buy one they cannot afford. If they dont' want help, you don't go into debt/stress your marriage for them.

Which is . . . . what I said. There is a spectrum of help that doesn't require you to go into debt or stress your marriage. But MANY of you are saying do nothing. And many of you are dripping with contempt for the people that raised you. It's disgusting.

DP - no, most people are advising not to make significant financial commitments. The OP’s mom sounds like she needs a good deal of help which, for many people, would stress their marriage or require them to go into debt. If the OP is raising kids right now, there often is very little bandwidth.

IME, the “loving parents” are the ones who do NOT want to burden their kids. They go to great lengths not to. And because their kids realize that, they actually are willing to help - they know they’re not being taken advantage of or manipulated. They know their parents prioritized them appropriately. It’s the parents who put their own needs first, consistently, who demand too much of their adult children, just like they demanded too much from their kids when they were young. Some of us are trying to break that cycle.

The subject of this thread is not your mother, and was described as a good mother. She’s one of “these people” in her mid 70s with cognitive decline.

Actually, the OP described her as “not a bad mother,” which isn’t the same thing as a good mother. She may have been, but that’s not the phrase OP used. You and others inserted it into this thread for the purpose of bashing the OP and people who won’t martyr themselves for the elderly parents.

No one is suggesting she martyr herself. She volunteered that she had the resources to provide housing and it might be a good investment for her. Some people are wallowing in their hatred for their own parents, gloating that they live in substandard conditions (nothing but secondhand furniture for them!), and some are saying if you can help your parent without harming your family you absolutely should.

Those of you who think you’re such wonderful parents are eventually going to find out what modeling a lack of mercy does.

No, people are saying that the OP should consult expert resources (not here) before becoming her mother’s landlord. That’s good advice.

Frankly, your posts are some of the most hostile on this thread. Just because they’re not directed towards the elderly doesn’t make them less so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, the elderly haters are out in force. You people have no idea what your future will be like but you will be old in a wink of an eye.

There is an entire spectrum here. Do nothing and let her live in a government home to letting her move in with you and find her lifestyle. Neither of those options are reasonable. She needs to learn and have some skin in the game. But it can be done with compassion. What is that? I do t know all your details but a financial person (& therapist) can help find that place that works for you.

Honestly, the coldness some of you have towards family, and specifically parents who raised you, is breathtakingly selfish. But I do believe we do have the obligation to care for loving parents as they age. That doesn’t mean giving them what they want 100% or giving at the ruin of your own family. Jesus, people.

Yes majority of us will help "loving parents". But most will not help a parent who will not learn from their bad actions. The mom had a good vehicle, paid off and sold it to buy one they cannot afford. If they dont' want help, you don't go into debt/stress your marriage for them.

Which is . . . . what I said. There is a spectrum of help that doesn't require you to go into debt or stress your marriage. But MANY of you are saying do nothing. And many of you are dripping with contempt for the people that raised you. It's disgusting.

DP - no, most people are advising not to make significant financial commitments. The OP’s mom sounds like she needs a good deal of help which, for many people, would stress their marriage or require them to go into debt. If the OP is raising kids right now, there often is very little bandwidth.

IME, the “loving parents” are the ones who do NOT want to burden their kids. They go to great lengths not to. And because their kids realize that, they actually are willing to help - they know they’re not being taken advantage of or manipulated. They know their parents prioritized them appropriately. It’s the parents who put their own needs first, consistently, who demand too much of their adult children, just like they demanded too much from their kids when they were young. Some of us are trying to break that cycle.

The subject of this thread is not your mother, and was described as a good mother. She’s one of “these people” in her mid 70s with cognitive decline.

Actually, the OP described her as “not a bad mother,” which isn’t the same thing as a good mother. She may have been, but that’s not the phrase OP used. You and others inserted it into this thread for the purpose of bashing the OP and people who won’t martyr themselves for the elderly parents.

No one is suggesting she martyr herself. She volunteered that she had the resources to provide housing and it might be a good investment for her. Some people are wallowing in their hatred for their own parents, gloating that they live in substandard conditions (nothing but secondhand furniture for them!), and some are saying if you can help your parent without harming your family you absolutely should.

Those of you who think you’re such wonderful parents are eventually going to find out what modeling a lack of mercy does.

No, people are saying that the OP should consult expert resources (not here) before becoming her mother’s landlord. That’s good advice.

Frankly, your posts are some of the most hostile on this thread. Just because they’re not directed towards the elderly doesn’t make them less so.

Someone's children really do not like her.