Would you have a first baby at age 50 or 51? Assume a surrogate and $ but not a lot of

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good chance your child will have an extra difficult time when the sandwich generation of life hits. They will likely have very young children at home when you are needing extra time and care.

We have friends of the family who wanted kids, but decided not to as they were already struggling to manage work, home upkeep and their elderly parents who had them late in life. They had very little time for a social life and often had to cancel plans to aid parents with medical issues.

Agree with all this but assume you have $$ for tons of care and you do not have elderly parents to worry about or home care or job stress. Again, this is a couple with a great deal of wealth across multiple generations and they will not be rushing to help their parents with care (on the wife’s side, one is passed and one is very healthy but also has tons of money for the best end of life care)

If the response was from the OP, then please stop thinking about this in terms of you and your wants and wishes. Please start thinking of this in how it may impact your potential child. Not just when they are an infant, but as they become an adult as well.

Perhaps reading comp is not your strong suit. It’s not me. I’m asking about people I know who are planning this

So you’re just posting this bc you…kind of disapprove, and want to crowdsource and see if others do too? So weird

Again, reading comp is not your strong suit

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I had my only at 46. Its not any more tiring now then it would have been 15 years ago. having kids is a challenge no matter the age of the parents.

If you seriously think you have the same energy level for a child at 46 that you had at 29 then you’re delusional.

not delusional. I was working like crazy, depressed, weak and skinny as a rail at 29. I'm much healthier physically and emotionally now than I was then.

The fallacy of the sample of 1. Of course, a sick 29 year old might have more energy than a very healthy 46 year old. But overwhelmingly a 29 year old woman is going to be healthier and have more energy than a 46 year old.

But every single person trying to make this decision knows a lot more about their own health and energy than you do. Nobody makes this decision without knowing those things.

What’s getting left out to me here is that the younger partner is 43. Tons of people have kids at 43. It’s really not a big deal.

This is a good point. Most people assume in their heads that the man must be older. But he’s not. He’s early 40s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I did it. We adopted a baby when I was 48 (turning 49 later that year) and he had just turned 51. We are in good shape w/o any health issues. We excercise regularly and eat a fairly healthy diet.

We are able to do everything younger parents do with their kids. We don’t feel any different than the parents of our son’s kids.

We tried for a long time to have kids and love being parents. We got lucky with out son.

Finally! 3 pages before an answer from someone who actually has any experience with the situation!

One of my mom friends did this too, and they are wonderful parents and their life is awesome! They did decide they were done after one. I met the family through my kid.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Is it a young 50 or an old 50?

Youngish 50

That young 50 will be humbled with quickness by an 18 month old toddler.

x100

[Anonymous]

I don't necessarily think 50ish is too old to have kids, but it depend upon your family health history. How old did you parents and grandparents live? Do you have a family history of longevity or do people in your family not live very long?

[Anonymous]

Do you really think the child will be happy to have granny-parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you really think the child will be happy to have granny-parents?

parents are rarely perfect. You could also ask - do you really think the child will be happy having [divorced, obese, workaholic, super young, terminally ill.... etc] parents.

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend did. Her son is now 13. They are doing fine. I just got a Christmas card from her.

[Anonymous]

9:46 poster.

I'll add that my girlfriend was morbidly obese, i.e. not ultra healthy, when she had her son.

They are doing okay and seem to be happy.

[Anonymous]

I would consider fostering older children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would consider fostering older children

Pp here. I say this as someone who has done ivf in my thirties and have older kids but also a surprise baby at 45. Physically younger kids are very demanding. 2-5 year olds need constant physical play. Also family help is really important. You need breaks and you need a village. Nannies really aren’t enough. I think at my age I could foster an 8-12 yo and really do right by them and myself without burning out completely. Obviously fostering can be heartbreaking but frankly so can parenting. The whole point is putting your heart in the hands of careless little people. Anyway just my two cents.

[Anonymous]

I had my only at 43, and I am single. There are some advantages to being an older parent: cash, seniority at work etc.

However, due to the pandemic and inability to send the kid out to play with other kids, I was still kicking the soccer ball around at 55. Also, most Americans alive at age 50 will make it to 70, but some don't. There percentage who don't is larger than the percent of 33 year olds who don't make it to 55. Plan for these contingencies accordingly with insurance and a well drawn will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really think the child will be happy to have granny-parents?

parents are rarely perfect. You could also ask - do you really think the child will be happy having [divorced, obese, workaholic, super young, terminally ill.... etc] parents.

Those are not exactly choices people voluntarily make. Being a granny-parent is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would consider fostering older children

Yeah, because fostering children who most likely have trauma from
extended time in the system is a real picnic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really think the child will be happy to have granny-parents?

parents are rarely perfect. You could also ask - do you really think the child will be happy having [divorced, obese, workaholic, super young, terminally ill.... etc] parents.

Those are not exactly choices people voluntarily make. Being a granny-parent is.

And so what?