Do men love their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously men (writ large) love their kids. But it's also feasible for men to be much more detached from their kids than women. My DH is probably the best dad I've ever met, and he didn't really connect with our baby until birth. By that time I had a good 4 months of planning everything in my life around the baby I could feel kicking inside of me. It became "real" to him when he could hold her and see her.

It's possible for a man to get a woman pregnant and peace out entirely before the resutling baby becomes "real" to him. These are the deadbeat dads that are just literally creating broken homes all over town with multiple women and dodging child support and never seeing their kids. I don't think it's really possible to argue that they love their kids.

But this thread is about dads who live with their kids, help raise them, pay for their needs and feed them and bathe them (and in one instance, even go on field trips with their school) - turning around and saying they don't love their kids because it doesn't look exactly like what the mom's relationship with the kids looks like, seems pretty nuts. Do some divorced people prioritize their newfound "freedom" and "second chance" over family time and their kids' stability? Yeah, in both genders. Does that mean that Men aren't capable of experiencing filial love? Obviously not.

You sound psychotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, men love their children.

But not in the same way as women. Men's priority is the woman with whom they are sleeping. If that relationship ends (widowed, divorced), they will prioritize finding a new woman to sleep with, and it is very clear that finding and establishing this new relationship comes before their existing children.

Men seem to struggle with maintaining their relationship with children when the children's mother disappears.

I think the opposite is true. Men tend to form stronger relationships with their children without a mother present.

I agree with you. The above pp must only know some narcissists or messed-up losers. DH and I love each other; we are soul mates. Thirty years strong and going. I would ditch him in a second if he did something to abuse our kids. And he would ditch me in a second for the kids if I was some abusive mom.

Mature and confident men can love a woman and love and be there for their kids. Only pathetic losers put sex partners above their kids and their families. But, we know there are a lot of those, as many post about such partners on dcum.

Interesting. I've known two women who would have said what you have written here. After each died, their husbands changed radically as soon as they remarried. And they remarried quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone came to my house and said “give me your kidney and eyes now to save your own kids. Also, you will have no anesthesia during the operation.” I would do it without question. I would do anything for my kids.

Don't promise things you've never done and never have to do. It's tacky.

I would
Chop off my head for you
I just went off my meds for you
I'd drink a bottle of crazy glue
And lick a bathroom attendant's shoe

I would peel you a million grapes
And make a portrait using audiotapes
Yes, I'll protect you from robots
And futuristic apes

Calm down, you crazy clown, what is wrong with you?
Stop offering things that you'll never have to do
Just take your pills, pay your bills, I don't want you dead
Why would I want a boyfriend who doesn't have a head?

I'd eat a pile of glass, pull my heart out through my a**

You know what you could do for me?

What, baby?

The dishes and the trash, let's take that tango class
Then watch Lifetime TV

I'll shop at Target with you
Buy you tickets to Dave Matthews
I'd go to brunch with your book club friends
I'll tell you that you're not fat again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, Dh loves our kids. Here are some signs. When DD was a newborn, she had insane reflux and never slept. He worked, and I was SAHM, and three nights per week, he slept with her on his chest. He drove from his job in Canada at least once a month for over 11 hours just to spend weekends with the kids during the pandemic.
When they were old enough to ride bikes but still in elementary school, he would take bike rides with them that were a couple of hours long and stop for ice cream and other snacks.

I have million examples, but not sure what would you take as an example of love?

I would say that he was incredibly moved when I gave birth to our first born and thanked me for giving him a child.
They are now young adults out of college and working, and his love for them is even stronger.

This is the difference between men and women. For men, it’s acceptable to move to another country as long as they spend one weekend a month with their kids. If a mother did that, she’d be labeled a bad mother for leaving her kids.

It’s different kinds of love. Men love their kids but put their desires first. Women love their kids and put their kids first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, men love their children.

But not in the same way as women. Men's priority is the woman with whom they are sleeping. If that relationship ends (widowed, divorced), they will prioritize finding a new woman to sleep with, and it is very clear that finding and establishing this new relationship comes before their existing children.

Men seem to struggle with maintaining their relationship with children when the children's mother disappears.

I think the opposite is true. Men tend to form stronger relationships with their children without a mother present.

I agree with you. The above pp must only know some narcissists or messed-up losers. DH and I love each other; we are soul mates. Thirty years strong and going. I would ditch him in a second if he did something to abuse our kids. And he would ditch me in a second for the kids if I was some abusive mom.

Mature and confident men can love a woman and love and be there for their kids. Only pathetic losers put sex partners above their kids and their families. But, we know there are a lot of those, as many post about such partners on dcum.

Interesting. I've known two women who would have said what you have written here. After each died, their husbands changed radically as soon as they remarried. And they remarried quickly.

Or got divorced and remarried someone who kicks out the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, Dh loves our kids. Here are some signs. When DD was a newborn, she had insane reflux and never slept. He worked, and I was SAHM, and three nights per week, he slept with her on his chest. He drove from his job in Canada at least once a month for over 11 hours just to spend weekends with the kids during the pandemic.
When they were old enough to ride bikes but still in elementary school, he would take bike rides with them that were a couple of hours long and stop for ice cream and other snacks.

I have million examples, but not sure what would you take as an example of love?

I would say that he was incredibly moved when I gave birth to our first born and thanked me for giving him a child.
They are now young adults out of college and working, and his love for them is even stronger.

This is the difference between men and women. For men, it’s acceptable to move to another country as long as they spend one weekend a month with their kids. If a mother did that, she’d be labeled a bad mother for leaving her kids.

It’s different kinds of love. Men love their kids but put their desires first. Women love their kids and put their kids first.

Men love their kids and support them. Women love their kids and want to be entertained by them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just the usual DCUM misandry.

If the post was about generalizing about all women, it would've been removed by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, men love their children.

But not in the same way as women. Men's priority is the woman with whom they are sleeping. If that relationship ends (widowed, divorced), they will prioritize finding a new woman to sleep with, and it is very clear that finding and establishing this new relationship comes before their existing children.

Men seem to struggle with maintaining their relationship with children when the children's mother disappears.

I think the opposite is true. Men tend to form stronger relationships with their children without a mother present.

I agree with you. The above pp must only know some narcissists or messed-up losers. DH and I love each other; we are soul mates. Thirty years strong and going. I would ditch him in a second if he did something to abuse our kids. And he would ditch me in a second for the kids if I was some abusive mom.

Mature and confident men can love a woman and love and be there for their kids. Only pathetic losers put sex partners above their kids and their families. But, we know there are a lot of those, as many post about such partners on dcum.

Interesting. I've known two women who would have said what you have written here. After each died, their husbands changed radically as soon as they remarried. And they remarried quickly.

Or got divorced and remarried someone who kicks out the kids.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do men love their kids? Like truly love their kids or do they just take care of them out of obligation?

They don’t take care of them.
They love the idea of their kids and being an adult with kids. But….

Their priorities are themselves (their food, sleep, entertainment) and their work image.

Then there’s a big gap and the house, elderly parents, kids, maybe the wife come way later. They get the occasional leftover mindshare or energy.

Here’s a good test.

What are the last 5-10 topics Parent A proactively brought up to the household to Parent B or to a child.

What are the last 5-10 topics Parent B proactively brought up to the household.

Then categorize those topics as personal centric, office work centric, child-centric, spouse centric, house property centric, or family centric.

Then you’ll know where priorities and mindshare stand. Whether male or female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I ask this because all the men that I know spend very little time with their kids. They provide financially but make very little effort to spend time with their kids or parent. It seems like many men love the idea of a family but don’t actually want to be an active parent.

I remember watching Jimmy Kimmel and the dad’s couldn’t even get their kid’s birthday’s right. The mom’s knew all the answer’s

I am sorry you have not had better examples.

Mostly there are low expectations for male parents and unattainable expectations for female parents.

Some men definitely do step up though.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saw a man on a school field trip with his kid.

He literally was in his phone with his office the entire day. Never sat one on one, present in the moment with the kid.

On the bus on the way home, I heard him call his wife and say how great it was for them to have that time together.

I wanted to grab the phone and tell her the truth.

Maybe he believed what he was saying?

Yup. Check-the-Box “dad” thinks he’s killing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, men love their children.

But not in the same way as women. Men's priority is the woman with whom they are sleeping. If that relationship ends (widowed, divorced), they will prioritize finding a new woman to sleep with, and it is very clear that finding and establishing this new relationship comes before their existing children.

Men seem to struggle with maintaining their relationship with children when the children's mother disappears.

Yeah I'm struggling with doing literally everything for my kids right now, while their useless mom spends all day asleep on the couch in her new place. Homework help, doctor's appointments, extracurriculars, college search, you name it, it's ALL ME.

So eff you and your idiotic ideas of male priorities.

Doing 50/50 finally is really grating on you, huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a different kind of love.

I rarely see men who truly try to improve as a parent and not make the mistakes their parents did. It’s more that they try their best, and if their kid gets messed up, they don’t worry about it.

Sort of like romantic relationships. Women are generally the ones who read relationship books and take responsibility for monitoring how the relationship is going. Men rarely do that.

Also far less guilt and shame.

You are dumb and narrow minded

? I thought it was a valid observation. My DH fits that profile so does his fathers.

[Anonymous]

I can't speak for the billion of men in the world. But my husband truly loves our kids. He is an amazing dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't speak for the billion of men in the world. But my husband truly loves our kids. He is an amazing dad.

Same. As is the same with most of our friends. Honestly I don't think I could love DH if he couldn't answer basic questions like DS' teachers or doctors. It just shows such a level of involvement and not caring that I honestly don't think I'd feel love for DH for being that disconnected.