Anyone else's kid graduating college without any social support network?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between falling out of touch with college friends over the course of decades and never making those friends at all. Op, lots of good advice here on helping your daughter strengthen her social skills.

I guess the point is that it doesn’t matter that much in the long run whether you made lifelong friends in college or not.

The value of friendship is in the present tense, not whether or not they show up for your funeral. If you don’t make great friends in college, it is sad then and in your twenties, when you’d expect to keep in touch with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between falling out of touch with college friends over the course of decades and never making those friends at all. Op, lots of good advice here on helping your daughter strengthen her social skills.

I guess the point is that it doesn’t matter that much in the long run whether you made lifelong friends in college or not.

Yes, but if a kid is having difficulty making friends in multiple settings, it’s better to help them work on this skill than making excuses.

+100

Totally!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between falling out of touch with college friends over the course of decades and never making those friends at all. Op, lots of good advice here on helping your daughter strengthen her social skills.

I guess the point is that it doesn’t matter that much in the long run whether you made lifelong friends in college or not.

The value of friendship is in the present tense, not whether or not they show up for your funeral. If you don’t make great friends in college, it is sad then and in your twenties, when you’d expect to keep in touch with them.

True, but that ship has sailed in this case. I would focus on the future being a new chapter where your DD makes an effort in a way that works for her. Will she be working around a lot of people around her age, hopefully? Lots of young people want to keep socializing after college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between falling out of touch with college friends over the course of decades and never making those friends at all. Op, lots of good advice here on helping your daughter strengthen her social skills.

I guess the point is that it doesn’t matter that much in the long run whether you made lifelong friends in college or not.

The value of friendship is in the present tense, not whether or not they show up for your funeral. If you don’t make great friends in college, it is sad then and in your twenties, when you’d expect to keep in touch with them.

True, but that ship has sailed in this case. I would focus on the future being a new chapter where your DD makes an effort in a way that works for her. Will she be working around a lot of people around her age, hopefully? Lots of young people want to keep socializing after college.

Hybrid work schedules have changed all that, she is going to have to find social outlets outside of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She will work after college. Hopefully she will befriend some of her coworkers.

I am really concerned about her though. She never found her social footing in high school. The pandemic worsened it. She doesn't talk to anyone from high school. College has been more of the same. Sometimes I wonder if she has high-functioning autism or ADHD, but we got her a neuropsych in September (when she started therapy) and they said no to both.

The great thing about being an adult and working is that you meet all sorts of people and you may form friendships with people you wouldn’t meet otherwise. One of my dearest friends for the last 20 years is a man 15 years older than me that I met at my first post-college job. We share a love of live music and we’ve stayed in touch despite both changing companies and then his retirement. He was an amazing source of career advice when I was starting out and later talked sense into me when I was being really picky about who I dated - which led to me giving my now husband a chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between falling out of touch with college friends over the course of decades and never making those friends at all. Op, lots of good advice here on helping your daughter strengthen her social skills.

I guess the point is that it doesn’t matter that much in the long run whether you made lifelong friends in college or not.

+1

[Anonymous]

I was like your DD. I have no friends from undergrad. My friends are from graduate school or grade school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She will work after college. Hopefully she will befriend some of her coworkers.

I am really concerned about her though. She never found her social footing in high school. The pandemic worsened it. She doesn't talk to anyone from high school. College has been more of the same. Sometimes I wonder if she has high-functioning autism or ADHD, but we got her a neuropsych in September (when she started therapy) and they said no to both.

They said no to both, so close that door. She might benefit from therapy/life coach on social skills. Even if she had tested positive for high functioning autism, the solution is therapy focusing on social skills. Therapy is very helpful for most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As parents, we are basically each in touch with exactly one person from our undergrad institution and don't see them often, as we moved away from the region. We made most of our friends through grad school, work, and now the neighborhood/meeting parents through our children's activities.

This is completely different than going through college right now without friends.

[Anonymous]

Definitely a therapist or social skills coach. My DS had a lot of success with both. This isn’t a problem that just solves itself. She needs help .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As parents, we are basically each in touch with exactly one person from our undergrad institution and don't see them often, as we moved away from the region. We made most of our friends through grad school, work, and now the neighborhood/meeting parents through our children's activities.

This is completely different than going through college right now without friends.

I wouldn't say completely different. It's important to work on social skills to make friends post-college, but the lack of college friends hasn't affected our life that much. Also, as a commuter student and somewhat nontraditional student, I didn't really make friends in college save one person I knew from high school. My husband isn't very social and outgoing and mostly just knows peoppe from my work and neighbors, but he leads a fulfilling life nonetheless. It's supposed to be a reassuring message.