Intellectually Pretentious DD

[Anonymous]

This child is 7. Kids this age brag all the time, about everything. My child is in 1st grade and when I interact with her classmates, they brag incessantly. They brag about how they have the best cartwheel or are the only one who can get all the way across the monkey bars without stopping. They brag that they have a Nintendo Switch. They brag that they've been to Disneyworld twice when some kids in class haven't even been once. They brag that their older sister just got her nails done. They brag that their shoes are red. Bragging is developmentally normal at this age.

If this were a 14 year old doing this, I'd have questions. This child is 7 years old. Y'all need to CHILL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I missed where you said what you were doing about this?

DS was like this when he was younger (3-5). He was precocious as well and an only child at the time so he received constant praise from us and other adults.

It was cute, until he started school and was known to correct teachers and get frustrated when classmates “took too long” to respond. We had to have a talk (or many) discussing how it wasn’t his place to lead the classroom, how it wasn’t the “Larlo show”, and that other children, and people in general, process information in different ways and different rates and that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.

We also had to inform him that he wouldn’t always necessarily be the brightest kid in class and as with most things in life being ahead of the pack requires consistency and work. He’s chilled out considerably since then but those were some obnoxious years and yes, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Another one who most certainly wasn’t cute. What could he have possibly corrected the teacher about in preschool? Plus you have no idea who is the brightest in the class.

Another anonymous blowhard

? Seriously is there a notice somewhere in kindergarten stating who the brightest kid is in the class? Because a lot of parents seem to have this information. And I’m looking for an example of correcting a teacher. Is it when the teacher misspeaks the kid has to comment? I can’t figure that one out.

Since preschool my son's teacher's have always told us he is the brightest student in their class. He is in 4th now. He is extremely smart. IQ 99%. When your kid is bright, it is obvious to the teacher and parents. He is also socially awkward and not a great friend, and his intelligence is sometimes a barrier. But yes, there are parents who know their kid is the brightest.

I wonder this too. I have had multiple people (at other schools, I think this is why they feel comfortable telling me this) tell me that their kid is the "brightest kid in the class." I can't imagine a teacher ever actually saying this, and also, two of these kids are in the same class. I have to imagine this is a parent taking a one-off comment or standardized test scores and extrapolating.

LOL I guess they could be telling multiple parents that! In my case, my son struggled with social and behavior issues and we had lots of meetings with teachers and every year even with different teachers and cohorts the teacher would tell us that our son was the brightest and was academically at the top of the class. And we saw it in the work he did and the test scores. I mean there are a lot of classes and a lot of schools so lots of opportunities for a kid to be the brightest and for that to be accurate.

As a former teacher, I had a policy of telling this to any parent about whose child it was even slightly believable. Never once did I get called on the inconsistency by a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I missed where you said what you were doing about this?

DS was like this when he was younger (3-5). He was precocious as well and an only child at the time so he received constant praise from us and other adults.

It was cute, until he started school and was known to correct teachers and get frustrated when classmates “took too long” to respond. We had to have a talk (or many) discussing how it wasn’t his place to lead the classroom, how it wasn’t the “Larlo show”, and that other children, and people in general, process information in different ways and different rates and that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.

We also had to inform him that he wouldn’t always necessarily be the brightest kid in class and as with most things in life being ahead of the pack requires consistency and work. He’s chilled out considerably since then but those were some obnoxious years and yes, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Another one who most certainly wasn’t cute. What could he have possibly corrected the teacher about in preschool? Plus you have no idea who is the brightest in the class.

Another anonymous blowhard

? Seriously is there a notice somewhere in kindergarten stating who the brightest kid is in the class? Because a lot of parents seem to have this information. And I’m looking for an example of correcting a teacher. Is it when the teacher misspeaks the kid has to comment? I can’t figure that one out.

Since preschool my son's teacher's have always told us he is the brightest student in their class. He is in 4th now. He is extremely smart. IQ 99%. When your kid is bright, it is obvious to the teacher and parents. He is also socially awkward and not a great friend, and his intelligence is sometimes a barrier. But yes, there are parents who know their kid is the brightest.

I wonder this too. I have had multiple people (at other schools, I think this is why they feel comfortable telling me this) tell me that their kid is the "brightest kid in the class." I can't imagine a teacher ever actually saying this, and also, two of these kids are in the same class. I have to imagine this is a parent taking a one-off comment or standardized test scores and extrapolating.

LOL I guess they could be telling multiple parents that! In my case, my son struggled with social and behavior issues and we had lots of meetings with teachers and every year even with different teachers and cohorts the teacher would tell us that our son was the brightest and was academically at the top of the class. And we saw it in the work he did and the test scores. I mean there are a lot of classes and a lot of schools so lots of opportunities for a kid to be the brightest and for that to be accurate.

As a former teacher, I had a policy of telling this to any parent about whose child it was even slightly believable. Never once did I get called on the inconsistency by a parent.

Ugh. And teachers on other threads wonder why parents don't believe the things they tell us about our kids. If you are lying about this, how does a parent know that you aren't lying when you tell them that their kid did something bad. I mean, good on you, I guess, for "tricking" parents, but this is why current parents don't just take everything a teacher says as the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I missed where you said what you were doing about this?

DS was like this when he was younger (3-5). He was precocious as well and an only child at the time so he received constant praise from us and other adults.

It was cute, until he started school and was known to correct teachers and get frustrated when classmates “took too long” to respond. We had to have a talk (or many) discussing how it wasn’t his place to lead the classroom, how it wasn’t the “Larlo show”, and that other children, and people in general, process information in different ways and different rates and that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.

We also had to inform him that he wouldn’t always necessarily be the brightest kid in class and as with most things in life being ahead of the pack requires consistency and work. He’s chilled out considerably since then but those were some obnoxious years and yes, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Another one who most certainly wasn’t cute. What could he have possibly corrected the teacher about in preschool? Plus you have no idea who is the brightest in the class.

Another anonymous blowhard

? Seriously is there a notice somewhere in kindergarten stating who the brightest kid is in the class? Because a lot of parents seem to have this information. And I’m looking for an example of correcting a teacher. Is it when the teacher misspeaks the kid has to comment? I can’t figure that one out.

Since preschool my son's teacher's have always told us he is the brightest student in their class. He is in 4th now. He is extremely smart. IQ 99%. When your kid is bright, it is obvious to the teacher and parents. He is also socially awkward and not a great friend, and his intelligence is sometimes a barrier. But yes, there are parents who know their kid is the brightest.

I wonder this too. I have had multiple people (at other schools, I think this is why they feel comfortable telling me this) tell me that their kid is the "brightest kid in the class." I can't imagine a teacher ever actually saying this, and also, two of these kids are in the same class. I have to imagine this is a parent taking a one-off comment or standardized test scores and extrapolating.

LOL I guess they could be telling multiple parents that! In my case, my son struggled with social and behavior issues and we had lots of meetings with teachers and every year even with different teachers and cohorts the teacher would tell us that our son was the brightest and was academically at the top of the class. And we saw it in the work he did and the test scores. I mean there are a lot of classes and a lot of schools so lots of opportunities for a kid to be the brightest and for that to be accurate.

As a former teacher, I had a policy of telling this to any parent about whose child it was even slightly believable. Never once did I get called on the inconsistency by a parent.

Ugh. And teachers on other threads wonder why parents don't believe the things they tell us about our kids. If you are lying about this, how does a parent know that you aren't lying when you tell them that their kid did something bad. I mean, good on you, I guess, for "tricking" parents, but this is why current parents don't just take everything a teacher says as the truth.

It was technically true, I just wanted the parent/guardian to feel proud of the kid. For an academically weak kid I'd talk about their friendliness or imagination or athleticism or excellent organizational skills or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My seven year old DD is bright and precocious. And she loves to be the smartest person in the room. It gets awkward sometimes.

She tries to get praise for how smart she is.
Example:
"I always finish my work the first in the class. I don't know why it takes everyone else so long!"

Or point out her accomplishments.
"Did you know I got the second highest score in math?"

"I am reading Macbeth"
(I am sure she isn't understanding anything. She is advanced, but not that advanced.)

She also corrects adults around her enthusiastically.
"You spelled that incorrectly."


oh dear. you have to get this under control. My brothers son was this way...it was insufferable, yes even in kindergarten. It is almost always rooted in insecurity and their need to be associated with what they are bragging about, in this case her intelligence. He eventually got professional help when the teacher said it was really affecting his social standing with the classmates, they didn't want to have anything to do with him (this was around 3rd grade) he was in therapy (don't know the details) for nearly a year. He is now in 5th grade, definitely better, has learned some self help "correction" steps which is actively uses. he is still quirky as he is so beyond his classmates, he is going to special school for 6th grade where he will be more in his element.
As his aunt who loves him, I will tell you even in our family, it was hard to be around him.
I worry that she's missing social skills.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I appreciate the advice, but I don't appreciate the personal attacks. Obviously I am trying to improve the situation, and insulting me or insinuating that my 7 year old daughter is the most obnoxious kid in the world isn't helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I appreciate the advice, but I don't appreciate the personal attacks. Obviously I am trying to improve the situation, and insulting me or insinuating that my 7 year old daughter is the most obnoxious kid in the world isn't helpful.

You are being far too reactive. We are offering sound advice because YOU asked for it. Can you objectively read your original post and NOT see how obnoxious that is? She is still young and this can be corrected. Sometimes hearing what you re asking for can be difficult but we are speaking based upon what you laid out.

I don't think anyone said she is the most obnoxious kid in the world, unless I missed that. Did not read over the entire thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I appreciate the advice, but I don't appreciate the personal attacks. Obviously I am trying to improve the situation, and insulting me or insinuating that my 7 year old daughter is the most obnoxious kid in the world isn't helpful.

You are being far too reactive. We are offering sound advice because YOU asked for it. Can you objectively read your original post and NOT see how obnoxious that is? She is still young and this can be corrected. Sometimes hearing what you re asking for can be difficult but we are speaking based upon what you laid out.

I don't think anyone said she is the most obnoxious kid in the world, unless I missed that. Did not read over the entire thread.

Please consider that I posted this thread because I DO realize it is obnoxious. Read the thread, plenty of posters predicting her doom and discussing how awful she must be.

I'm not presenting her as perfect, and she's seven, and she has a long way to grow in social and emotional maturity. A little grace would be nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My seven year old DD is bright and precocious. And she loves to be the smartest person in the room. It gets awkward sometimes.

She tries to get praise for how smart she is.
Example:
"I always finish my work the first in the class. I don't know why it takes everyone else so long!"

Or point out her accomplishments.
"Did you know I got the second highest score in math?"

"I am reading Macbeth"
(I am sure she isn't understanding anything. She is advanced, but not that advanced.)

She also corrects adults around her enthusiastically.
"You spelled that incorrectly."

I worry that she's missing social skills.

Without reading through all the comments, maybe this is ASD or maybe this is a child who is socially immature and insecure and using their intelligence to bolster their ego. With the former, you would seek a diagnosis and get interventions and with the latter I would worry about your daughter turning children and adults off and aligning so much of her identity with being smart or perfect or the best that she forgoes taking risks or doing things where she might fail or not be the best. That type of attitude/orientation will catch up with her eventually. From what I’ve seen people like this underachieve because they take themselves out of situations where they feel like they are not the best starting at a young age and so don’t develop a tolerance for struggling and working hard to overcome a challenge and at the same time don’t develop a tolerance for not being the best.

Life is all about not being the best. Life is all about tolerating struggle and working hard to overcome challenges. You need to fail to be successful. Not like catastrophic failure, but rejection and failure are necessary parts of growth and as a parent you should encourage humility and awareness of others’ feelings/perspectives (empathy) but also tolerance for struggle and failure and a capacity for hard work. When your child brags to you about being the best say “that’s great…you work really hard. It’s important to do your best. I’m proud of you for that.” If they are saying things in front of peers you need to tell them to knock it off because they will make others’ feel bad and if they are struggling they wouldn’t want to hear someone else say it was easy (by the way, this is a conversation that is happening in my daughter’s prek class of 4 and 5 year olds, most of whom ‘know better’, so at 9 your child should definitely know better). The correcting adults thing - like if a teacher spells something incorrectly - I would probably not be opposed to (maybe it’s time for the adults to have humility!) but interrupting a teacher to correct grammar I would probably not be ok with. And interrupting a stranger to correct something - def not. It’s context dependent, so you need to help her understand appropriate contexts and if she’s struggling with that at 9 I could see why people but think ASD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My seven year old DD is bright and precocious. And she loves to be the smartest person in the room. It gets awkward sometimes.

She tries to get praise for how smart she is.
Example:
"I always finish my work the first in the class. I don't know why it takes everyone else so long!"

Or point out her accomplishments.
"Did you know I got the second highest score in math?"

"I am reading Macbeth"
(I am sure she isn't understanding anything. She is advanced, but not that advanced.)

She also corrects adults around her enthusiastically.
"You spelled that incorrectly."

I worry that she's missing social skills.

Without reading through all the comments, maybe this is ASD or maybe this is a child who is socially immature and insecure and using their intelligence to bolster their ego. With the former, you would seek a diagnosis and get interventions and with the latter I would worry about your daughter turning children and adults off and aligning so much of her identity with being smart or perfect or the best that she forgoes taking risks or doing things where she might fail or not be the best. That type of attitude/orientation will catch up with her eventually. From what I’ve seen people like this underachieve because they take themselves out of situations where they feel like they are not the best starting at a young age and so don’t develop a tolerance for struggling and working hard to overcome a challenge and at the same time don’t develop a tolerance for not being the best.

Life is all about not being the best. Life is all about tolerating struggle and working hard to overcome challenges. You need to fail to be successful. Not like catastrophic failure, but rejection and failure are necessary parts of growth and as a parent you should encourage humility and awareness of others’ feelings/perspectives (empathy) but also tolerance for struggle and failure and a capacity for hard work. When your child brags to you about being the best say “that’s great…you work really hard. It’s important to do your best. I’m proud of you for that.” If they are saying things in front of peers you need to tell them to knock it off because they will make others’ feel bad and if they are struggling they wouldn’t want to hear someone else say it was easy (by the way, this is a conversation that is happening in my daughter’s prek class of 4 and 5 year olds, most of whom ‘know better’, so at 9 your child should definitely know better). The correcting adults thing - like if a teacher spells something incorrectly - I would probably not be opposed to (maybe it’s time for the adults to have humility!) but interrupting a teacher to correct grammar I would probably not be ok with. And interrupting a stranger to correct something - def not. It’s context dependent, so you need to help her understand appropriate contexts and if she’s struggling with that at 9 I could see why people but think ASD.

Just saw she was 7 and not 9! Would be even less concerned. Just help her learn appropriate contexts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be worried that she’s a PITA.

Op here. She's cute. But even I find it obnoxious sometimes. How can she learn to turn this off?

She’s not cute. She’s a weirdo

What’s with the put-downs coming from grown women on this site towards SEVEN-year-olds? Shame on you. GROW UP. DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I appreciate the advice, but I don't appreciate the personal attacks. Obviously I am trying to improve the situation, and insulting me or insinuating that my 7 year old daughter is the most obnoxious kid in the world isn't helpful.

You are being far too reactive. We are offering sound advice because YOU asked for it. Can you objectively read your original post and NOT see how obnoxious that is? She is still young and this can be corrected. Sometimes hearing what you re asking for can be difficult but we are speaking based upon what you laid out.

I don't think anyone said she is the most obnoxious kid in the world, unless I missed that. Did not read over the entire thread.

Please consider that I posted this thread because I DO realize it is obnoxious. Read the thread, plenty of posters predicting her doom and discussing how awful she must be.

I'm not presenting her as perfect, and she's seven, and she has a long way to grow in social and emotional maturity. A little grace would be nice.

Oh hell no Felicia

OP ignore these crazy bitter awful people who obviously have no sense of kindness or manners themselves. They have nothing constructive to offer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In second grade, my husband's teacher told my MIL that he was intellectually disabled because he was so slow. He actually had a learning disability. He made 600k last year working at a FAANG. I'm saying this just to brag a little, like OP. Also to point out that there are lots of ways to be smart, and sometimes they aren't that obvious in a second grade classroom.

Big deal

DP. It actually is a big deal. A lot of you parent to have bragging rights over the wholly insignificant “accomplishments” of a 10 year old, instead of having any perspective about what matters on a more permanent basis. Good on that woman’s DH and MIL. He probably learned resilience and perseverance more than any snotty, impossible to be around braggart and the parents who have tolerated it because it’s “cute.” IJS.

some people are VERY defensive here.

the fact is that intelligence is on a spectrum. one type of intelligence is fast processing speed and high working memory. kids who finish their school work first and are able to read complex texts are likely high in these aspects of IQ compared to their classmates. The girl is only 7 and she notices this. Just like we would not castigate a child who noticed they were slower, it’s nasty to castigate a 7 year old for noticing she is indeed faster.

in addition kids vary in motivation. some have high IQs but don’t care about doing what the teacher wants (my kid!). Others are perceptive about what the assignment is and want to do it correctly. again this is a relative strength that the girl is noticing.

there’s something odd about a parent seeing this as “intellectually pretentious” as opposed to a young child noticing their differences. Yes some of the statements come off as rude and should be corrected. but overall the child should be supported and encouraged through appropriate challenges.

No one is “castigating” the kid who isn’t reading here, and who is apparently obnoxious as all hell. This was a response to someone -actually- being nasty to a poster sharing that her husband was identified incorrectly as intellectually disabled, pointing out the kind of classroom dynamic OP may not be aware of because she’s taken the comments as “cute.” It is what it is.

yeah a lot of people here are really worked up by a little girl who knows she is smarter/more advanced than her classmates. clearly a trigger that goes beyond the rude comments that do need to be corrected.

You keep swinging, and keep missing, in your three in a row responses insisting that this obnoxious kid is fine. Work on your obvious social issues, they’ll never improve otherwise.

I think the real social problem is being triggered by a smart 7 year old girl who naively is proud of herself for being smart!

No one is “triggered,” and that MAGAt language is a choice. What part of commenting on other kids suggests “pride” in “being smart”? Do you even want to attempt to make sense?

It really is not a rule for truly smart kids to act like this. Mine have great social skills along with great academic skills. They are not unusual in having both traits; this is pretty standard in their school and grades. The braggart is IME the outlier and suggests a badly wired personality, encouraged by parents, or assessment of and where parents can’t fix it.

lol. look in the mirror again. your post reeks of insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the haters, lots of snappy and unhappy keyboard warriors out there. Just skim through for the well meaning advice biased on experience. She is a kid, still learning and growing. She needs your cues about boundaries and what is appropriate. She will learn as you teach her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[quote=Anonymous"I always finish my work the first in the class. I don't know why it takes everyone else so long!"

Some things come faster to some people, while others come slower. Like you're still learning to be polite. Don't worry, you'll get there!

I remember that most people who finished first were too careless/didn't actually know the material and got bad grades.

wishful thinking. I used to finish first and score 100% in elementary school. until I was actually challenged in math in high school, I literally did not have to try.

And now you’re a quant researcher at Two Sigma and make $400K, right?