
So youre off, your child is off, and yet neither of you want to do this mildly physical activity?
Why? Is it less the activity and more that you want to stick it to him? Definitely something to bring up in your family therapy sessions. |
I would seriously laugh at my husband if he tried that with me and my daughter. |
PP is right; decks are flat and in some snowfalls should be shoveled, at least enough to get some weight off them. There's a good reason most house roofs are angled (as our neighbors, who inexplicably put a new, flat roof on their house, sadly found out after a heavy snow a few years back.) And I'm going out in a while to shovel off our very small deck, which is ancient, and I worry that even these four inches of snow, especially if they compact and freeze overnight, will crack it. BUT, OP, you buried the key thing here. There is a FAR larger issue as you point out. And it's not the deck. It's the rigidity, combined with the "this is an order" tone. Has he ever been evaluated for...anything? I do not like to pathologize or diagnose everyone's every oddity, but if he makes day to day living annoying at best and a misery at worst--if it's that bad, well, I'd be addressing it with him. The list of nitpicks and demands you wrote in your post is a good starting point. If he is a "I just know best!" person, maybe he needs to hear how that comes off to the rest of you and needs to hear that "I know best" demands are making him hard to live with. Also: Kids sometimes pick up on this stuff and either learn not to listen to dad at all, or internalize that they "do things wrong," or pick up the same demanding tone themselves. Not good. If he's also this rigid and my-way-is-right about things like family financial choices, or kids' choices of activities, or kids' schoolwork, etc....Much bigger problem. I hope it's not that bad. |
So what is your response, OP?
—Ignore —Respond that you’re not in agreement about the safety and are choosing not to do it. —Respond that you don’t take orders from anyone, especially people you’re married to. —Respond that you’d love to do that. |
I don’t understand why you’re upset. This is almost exactly the text I would send to my DH and daughter if I were at work and they were home on a snow day. Snow management is my domain, they only do what they’re assigned. Grudgingly.
That said if my DH texted back “it’s not that much snow, I think it can just stay,” I’d probably just say okay and go with it. Or if I disagreed I would just say so and ask if he would coordinate hiring someone or whatever. |
I don't know. I've sued some pretty bad structural engineers. ![]() (But, yes, if you trust it to handle the live load of people out there in the summer, 4" of snow isn't going to be a problem.) |
I assume he's at work. You two are at home. Must be nice. Get off your lazy butt and shovel the snow off the deck.
I'm betting anything he shoveled the entire driveway, cleared all the cars, and has to work. Don't be lazy. |
No it isn't. |
Not OP, but I wouldn’t do simply because he ordered me to do it. As another poster noted, tone is everything. If he has asked as in, “Hey, I’m worried about the snow on the deck. Can you and Larla start clearing it? I can do the rest when I get home…” I’d probably do it. But barking orders over text about a non-issue? I will find myself very busy with watching trash tv before any pointless shoveling happens just on principle. |
Leaving aside the question of whether or not the deck needs to be cleared, I can't imagine sending my spouse a message directing him on how to divide up a task with the kids, and cc'ing the kids. The tone of that is just off. If I was leaving before they woke up, I could see sending a message that says "I did X before work, but didn't get to Y. If you get a chance, I'd be grateful." Or to my kid "Please do Y". But telling my DH to "tag team" with the kid seems totally micromanaging. |
It's not that. It's that it is completely unecessary IMHO. I see no benefit to doing this. No benefit to the deck, to the house, or for the occupants. A path, sure. Otherwise it just seems pointless. And I think he knows that it is unecessary, he just wants to tell us what to do because it makes him feel powerful. My teen was on the texts, as I mentioned, and she said it's "dad's power play". |
I bet you throw a fit if some guy talks about "woman's work". |
Thats definitely the issue. I hope you do bring it up in therapy, this guy seems to have a lot of control issues. |
You sound exceedingly difficult. Like you're a difficult and petty person. I'd divorce your fat ass if I was unfortunate enough to be married to you. Remember when you got married and took your vow and promised to obey your husband? This is one of those times you need to do what he directs. |
I think you are just looking for trouble or trolling us. He didn't "direct" you to shovel. He "asked' you. If he said "get your fat a$$ out there and make sure it done before I get home" yes, I'd say he directed you. Drama queen. Obviously, you are strong enough for DCUM. LOL |