Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In daily life, having the same surname as your spouse and children can streamline administrative tasks related to schooling, medical care, and legal matters. It removes the need for additional documentation to prove family relationships, making these often routine yet crucial tasks more straightforward.

FALSE. My kids are adults and I've never once had an issue.

Beyond practicalities, adopting your husband's surname symbolizes the unity and commitment within a marriage. It fosters a strong sense of family identity and belonging, reinforcing the familial bonds. This symbolic gesture is a powerful expression of the new life and journey you embark on together as a family.

NOPE. My name has no bearing on my commitment or our sense of family identity. But, we are a family of big thinkers.

You don't need to denigrate my choice to justify yours (besides speaking about things you clearly haven't lived.)

Alright, let's cut to the chase. While your experience is totally valid, it's kind of the exception rather than the rule. Most folks – about 85% – do end up taking their spouse's last name. This isn't just a random thing; it shows that for a lot of people, there's real value in sharing a name, be it for practical stuff, emotional reasons, or a bit of both. It's cool that you didn't have any issues keeping your name, but for loads of others, it's a different story. Everyone's journey is unique, but when you look at the big picture, the majority leans towards changing their name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In daily life, having the same surname as your spouse and children can streamline administrative tasks related to schooling, medical care, and legal matters. It removes the need for additional documentation to prove family relationships, making these often routine yet crucial tasks more straightforward.

FALSE. My kids are adults and I've never once had an issue.

Beyond practicalities, adopting your husband's surname symbolizes the unity and commitment within a marriage. It fosters a strong sense of family identity and belonging, reinforcing the familial bonds. This symbolic gesture is a powerful expression of the new life and journey you embark on together as a family.

NOPE. My name has no bearing on my commitment or our sense of family identity. But, we are a family of big thinkers.

You don't need to denigrate my choice to justify yours (besides speaking about things you clearly haven't lived.)

Alright, let's cut to the chase. While your experience is totally valid, it's kind of the exception rather than the rule. Most folks – about 85% – do end up taking their spouse's last name. This isn't just a random thing; it shows that for a lot of people, there's real value in sharing a name, be it for practical stuff, emotional reasons, or a bit of both. It's cool that you didn't have any issues keeping your name, but for loads of others, it's a different story. Everyone's journey is unique, but when you look at the big picture, the majority leans towards changing their name.

Not PP. The majority of people do not change their surname, just women do. Men do not change their surnames for practical or emotional reasons because their wives are expected to be the ones doing the change. The fact that only women do this says a lot about women's position in marriage and how deeply is this surname changing "emotionality" is tied with sexism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relying on survey experiments with U.S. college students, studies have shown that name-keeping women are viewed as less committed and less communal than name-changing women

You should make your decisions based on surveys of college students. I'll go another direction, but godspeed.

Amount non college educated it's even more so looked down upon to not take the last name.

This sentence is barely literate. If you want to persuade people of your argument, you really need to improve your communication skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

I think that is a very dated view. The majority of my friends kept their names.

Same.

[Anonymous]

I have had my name all my life and it is part of me. Getting married doesn't change that.

In most cultures, women do not change their surnames when they get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families: my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

Meh, your name not who you are. It’s your father’s last name.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?

You can’t dispute that your last name is just your father’s last name. I mean, I didn’t become famous during my youth with that last name and I’m assuming you didn’t either. A last name is not an identity.

I was given my mother’s last name, so…yeah, I can dispute it.

[Anonymous]

I’m southern so I took DHs last name and our second son goes by my maiden name, as is tradition. Win win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you 60?

Seriously, women have been not changing their names forever at this point.

I wasn't published or have a serious career when I married XH and had my kids. But I didn't like how his last name sounded with mine and we both thought it was a weird tradition (his mom didn't take his dad's). My kids have my last name as their middle, all of them.

Lol, I am 63 and kept my name when I got married in the early 90s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that’s the best thing about being a modern woman, you get to choose what you want to do! I changed my last name because I though my husband’s was more interesting than my maiden name.

I have a very feminist child and I asked her if she wishes she had my maiden name as her surname. She wrinkled her nose and said “I don’t love my last name but thank you for not giving me yours.”

Seriously I couldn’t wait to get a different last name. My brother actually dislikes it too and he changed his to our mom’s last name. Its not terrible, like Buttkiss or something, but still.

I think that there is a patriarchal element to it for sure but I also think that making it a pet issue like some women do is a little odd, tbh. What about the wage gap? Paid parental leave? Abortion rights? Women in Gaza? Not saying we can’t care about multiple things at a time but I feel like judging women for taking their husband’s surname (like some women do) is weird and inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In daily life, having the same surname as your spouse and children can streamline administrative tasks related to schooling, medical care, and legal matters. It removes the need for additional documentation to prove family relationships, making these often routine yet crucial tasks more straightforward.

FALSE. My kids are adults and I've never once had an issue.

Beyond practicalities, adopting your husband's surname symbolizes the unity and commitment within a marriage. It fosters a strong sense of family identity and belonging, reinforcing the familial bonds. This symbolic gesture is a powerful expression of the new life and journey you embark on together as a family.

NOPE. My name has no bearing on my commitment or our sense of family identity. But, we are a family of big thinkers.

You don't need to denigrate my choice to justify yours (besides speaking about things you clearly haven't lived.)

Alright, let's cut to the chase. While your experience is totally valid, it's kind of the exception rather than the rule. Most folks – about 85% – do end up taking their spouse's last name. This isn't just a random thing; it shows that for a lot of people, there's real value in sharing a name, be it for practical stuff, emotional reasons, or a bit of both. It's cool that you didn't have any issues keeping your name, but for loads of others, it's a different story. Everyone's journey is unique, but when you look at the big picture, the majority leans towards changing their name.

You have your statistics wrong.

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/09/07/about-eight-in-ten-women-in-opposite-sex-marriages-say-they-took-their-husbands-last-name/


Educated women keep their last names more frequently than women with less education do.

[Anonymous]

I find it so weird that you can’t wait to change your name. Don’t you like your name? And your future dh also can’t wait for you to change it.

I never attached any symbolism or value to changing or keeping my family name. Just kept mine cause it’s less hassle thank to change it. Dh didn’t care either way. It’s not what makes us a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

No one cares about your profession maiden name, Hillary Clinton took the last name and she's as lib and professional as they get.

Clinton, by the way, changed her name after Bill lost gubernatorial reelection in 1980.

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/11/a-short-history-of-hillary-rodham-clintons-name/418029/

Heh, that's a very DCUM passive-aggressive move! Change your name every time he disappoints you and change it back when he has success. Nice.

It was a political choice to help her husband's career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t change my name after marriage but I did after I had my first baby. I’m sure it was all the hormones, but I couldn’t stand not having the same name as her. It was a bit of a hassle and I still have a credit card with my maiden name, but overall it was no big deal, either professionally or personally. The world is used to people changing their names and there are procedures in place to do so.

I understand the patriarchy argument, but ultimately, the last name I had at birth is as arbitrary as the last name my husband had at birth. Both were the product of 30+ generations of couples having the same last name and unless there’s a hereditary title or something, it doesn’t really signify.

I also do a ton of volunteer work with my kid’s school’s PTA. I see forms filled out and donations made where the parent’s and child’s last names don’t match. I also see where they do match. Either way is extraordinarily common and nobody cares or judges. Just make sure if your name is different that you put down your kids name! If I don’t know you, I have no idea that the permission slip signed by Larla Jones is for Larlo Smith!

If the man's and the woman's names are equally arbitrary, why do you rarely see children being given their mother's surname or men changing their surname to match that of his wife's/children? There's nothing equal about how surnames are chosen. Everyone has the right to choose any surname they want but to argue that the tradition is not unequal is dishonest.

Until 2002, married women in DC were required by law to give their children their husband's last name.

Think about that, people......2002!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/local/2002/05/25/dc-yields-to-parents-on-babies-surnames/073666df-7cb1-4fd6-9058-1c1590880acc/

Many other states had similar laws which have long been overturned on the basis of equal rights.

What on earth...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families: my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

Meh, your name not who you are. It’s your father’s last name.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?

You can’t dispute that your last name is just your father’s last name. I mean, I didn’t become famous during my youth with that last name and I’m assuming you didn’t either. A last name is not an identity.

If a last name is not an identity (????) then why should a family all have to have the same last name?

[Anonymous]

OP, in some cultures it’s normative for women to keep their birth names on marriage.

These cultures aren’t particularly obscure, btw. Ex Canadians of French-speaking descent largely don’t. This is so much the case that in the state of Louisiana, where I got married (and which was created in its current form
by Canadians who spoke French), there isn’t even a freebie name change with the wedding license—it’s a whole separate process.

It’s never been a problem. Our kid has a third last name and that’s never been a problem either. You wouldn’t be confused about what team we are all on if we met. Do what you like though.