How do people afford it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.

If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?

Comparing a “top doctor“ to a better spring choreographer for the middle school musical is absolutely laughable. Your analogy is ridiculous.

I liked this analogy. Her point is the free option is not typically the better one.

Except that’s often not true when it comes to schools. There are many, many public schools that by most objective measures are “better” than many, many privates - including right here in the DMV. If you don’t count their middle school spring musical choreographers that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

Move along…

NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.

Grandparents paying school tuition is a way to transfer future inheritance earlier. Plenty of people who can afford private still have grandparents paying. Nothing to be embarrassed of.

I grew up poor...went to scrappy commuter college and law school. Same for my DH. We are rich now. Rest assured I wanted a better life for my kids and grandkids.I will gladly pay their private school tuitions. I bet the holier than thou posters deriding private never went to an urban public in the hood like I did.

THIS. If I’m able I’ll gladly pay my grandkids tuition one day!

I’m the grandparent who could pay but won’t. I didn’t grow up rich or going to fancy schools either. Trust me. I just think 9/10 of this is parenting. You don’t have to spend all that money to get a good education, and there’s nothing wrong with meeting a disadvantaged classmate every once in a while - and, God forbid, maybe even making friends with some!

My parents are like you. They have plenty of money but wouldn't help because they have self-righteous beliefs on what is best. We had our kid in private for a few years because of their needs for the individual attention. My parents were appalled that we would even consider private. It wasn't an expensive private but just a very basic one that did wonders for our child who would have struggled in public. We will consider it if HS doesn't go great in public. You cannot take the money with you. Your kids and grandkids know how stingy you are. I'm so thankful my grandparents were so loving and generous, but my parents are not. My grandparents had very little but helped with what they could to make sure we went to college and other things.

What was you kid’s “need for individualized attention?” Are you saying that your kid was a special needs kid who the public schools couldn’t accommodate? Because that’s an entirely different issue. Of course we’d pay for a private school in that instance if the parents couldn’t afford it. It wouldn’t have been a rich kid private school though - it would have been a school that fit the needs of a special needs kid.

Also, on the “we have plenty of money” front, please explain to me why grandparents should pay for private schools when their kids make several hundred thousand dollars a year but elect to live in a low performing school district. This was their choice, and they never expected us to subsidize them for it. There’s no bad blood between any of us at all. Our grandkids are quite mainstream and don’t need any special attention. And they’re doing fine.

The question for our family is not: are the kids doing fine, but could they be doing better?

We paid for a house in the Whitman cluster. Our child went to public school for K. DC was doing fine, but not very intellectually engaged. We moved DC to private and DC is now intellectually engaged.

DH and I did public all the way through. I never thought I would send my kids to private school. I have an amazing education and felt my public schools really nurtured my interests, abilities, and education. I did not feel that way about DC’s school, even though it was fine.

We can afford to pay for private school for our four kids. I am still very appreciative that my in-laws offered to pay (and do pay). We expect/hope t be able to offer that to our grandkids, if we ever have some.

I’m sorry but you’re just plain nuts. But what do you care, right? It’s not your money.

[Anonymous]

Private school is nothing more than bottled water. Your tap water is better and cheaper. Gosh you sheep will pay for anything deemed “exclusive.” 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.

If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?

If we didn’t have private schools for the wealthy then maybe we would be forced to address the problems in public education. Same with medical care really.

There are plenty of wealthy people in publics and only so many private slots. That's not going to fix the issue.

I'll go to the best doctor. I've had nurse practitioners who are better than doctors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

Move along…

NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.

Grandparents paying school tuition is a way to transfer future inheritance earlier. Plenty of people who can afford private still have grandparents paying. Nothing to be embarrassed of.

I grew up poor...went to scrappy commuter college and law school. Same for my DH. We are rich now. Rest assured I wanted a better life for my kids and grandkids.I will gladly pay their private school tuitions. I bet the holier than thou posters deriding private never went to an urban public in the hood like I did.

THIS. If I’m able I’ll gladly pay my grandkids tuition one day!

I’m the grandparent who could pay but won’t. I didn’t grow up rich or going to fancy schools either. Trust me. I just think 9/10 of this is parenting. You don’t have to spend all that money to get a good education, and there’s nothing wrong with meeting a disadvantaged classmate every once in a while - and, God forbid, maybe even making friends with some!

My parents are like you. They have plenty of money but wouldn't help because they have self-righteous beliefs on what is best. We had our kid in private for a few years because of their needs for the individual attention. My parents were appalled that we would even consider private. It wasn't an expensive private but just a very basic one that did wonders for our child who would have struggled in public. We will consider it if HS doesn't go great in public. You cannot take the money with you. Your kids and grandkids know how stingy you are. I'm so thankful my grandparents were so loving and generous, but my parents are not. My grandparents had very little but helped with what they could to make sure we went to college and other things.

What was you kid’s “need for individualized attention?” Are you saying that your kid was a special needs kid who the public schools couldn’t accommodate? Because that’s an entirely different issue. Of course we’d pay for a private school in that instance if the parents couldn’t afford it. It wouldn’t have been a rich kid private school though - it would have been a school that fit the needs of a special needs kid.

Also, on the “we have plenty of money” front, please explain to me why grandparents should pay for private schools when their kids make several hundred thousand dollars a year but elect to live in a low performing school district. This was their choice, and they never expected us to subsidize them for it. There’s no bad blood between any of us at all. Our grandkids are quite mainstream and don’t need any special attention. And they’re doing fine.

Given how rich you are, it's bizarre that you don't want your grandkids with rich kids. No kids are rich. Their parents are.

I live in a "low" performing school area because my parents insisted we live near them and it was all we could afford at the time. They promised to help out and occasionally babysit, which they never do.

Doing just fine is subjective. I doubt your kids tell you everything as you are so judgmental.

You realize SN schools can be $60-100K+ a year?

I don't get grandparents who don't help out with grandkids who got help in terms of babysitting and money from their parents and now that they are getting older expect those same kids who they refused to help their kids/grandkids take care of them...nope.

You didn’t answer my question. So I assume you don’t have a “special needs” kid. You just have a kid that you’d rather go to private school and want your parents to pay for it. Ok.

Would you like to see the thousands in therapy bills we paid for? Thankfully my child is fine now but we spent a fortune between private therapies and the private school to get there. Be thankful none of your grandkids have SN. You sound like my parents and that's not a complement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.

If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?

I think it’s 1) a class issue — people raised in public schools often have had little direct experience with private school kids, or maybe they had some negative ones; 2) a belief in public education and concern about rich, white flight of it. It’s really a true believer kind of thing.

We are public school parents, or will be next year when our oldest starts. I browse this forum because I’m somewhat interested in private, although my husband falls into the “revolted” camp. Maybe that would change if we started to have specific concerns.

To me, private seems better in the younger years but it depends on the child and the private. Come MS, it becomes an issue with the math track and if you have smart kid, privates often don't start Algebra till 8th vs. publics in 7th, and sometimes 6th. And, often they have less AP and other advanced classes. They also may not have comparable electives and sports (some will have better, some the same and some much less).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.

If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?

If we didn’t have private schools for the wealthy then maybe we would be forced to address the problems in public education. Same with medical care really.

There are plenty of wealthy people in publics and only so many private slots. That's not going to fix the issue.

I'll go to the best doctor. I've had nurse practitioners who are better than doctors.

I support your right to choose private but this line of thinking is not without merit. In general, families who can afford private school are (in addition to wealthy) engaged and invested in the school community; they prioritize education. School districts do improve when there are more families like these. Sure, there are plenty of these families in publics, but in some neighborhoods more than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

Move along…

NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.

I'm amused at calling private schools philosophically revolting while refusing to send your kids to the locally zoned schools and fishing around for a lottery and lucking out.

Err.... at least I'm not a hypocrite.

Except you missed the part about me being the grandparent. I didn’t do any fishing, and I didn’t write any checks either. No hypocrite here.

As for my kid, it doesn’t make one a hypocrite to look for alternatives to bleak public schools that don’t include rich kid schools. There’s a middle ground after all.

Most areas don't have alternatives. You go to the one assigned or you pay for private.

What is your point? Why are you posting here?

What are YOU doing here? You’re obviously not in the DMV because this area is full of alternatives.

I AM in the DMV and there are not plenty of alternatives. In DC, there are charter schools, but not in MD or VA. So, clearly you aren't current with what is going on.

Yea, well, the overwhelming majority of the neighborhood public schools in those areas are fine. That’s where my own kids went.

Define just fine? Test scores? It's easy to get higher test scores by supplementing at home.

The public ES we transferred to was a sh@t show. It was very well regarded and everyone said they loved it. Principal was terrible and a bully and the teachers were scared of them. The teachers were marginal at best. Covid was a blessing for us as that school year was so bad and our kid got nothing out of it so finishing the rest of the year was a waste of time.

Your kids went what 25-30 years ago? Times have changed and not for the better.

I will always do what's best for my kids and I couldn't care less what my parents say, who are similar to you, as they never put me first nor my kids. My parents would have said I did fine in public but I really should have been at a private getting more attention and support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

And, here you are desperately posting on the private school forum. Wannabe!

Lol if I was a Wannabe I’d just write the check!

No you are a cheapskate who begrudge your grandkids a better education than you had. You can't take it to your grave cheapy.

Ha ha my kids will get it anyway. Then it won’t matter what kind of education their kids get because they’ll be rich either way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.

If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?

If we didn’t have private schools for the wealthy then maybe we would be forced to address the problems in public education. Same with medical care really.

There are plenty of wealthy people in publics and only so many private slots. That's not going to fix the issue.

I'll go to the best doctor. I've had nurse practitioners who are better than doctors.

I support your right to choose private but this line of thinking is not without merit. In general, families who can afford private school are (in addition to wealthy) engaged and invested in the school community; they prioritize education. School districts do improve when there are more families like these. Sure, there are plenty of these families in publics, but in some neighborhoods more than others.

Surely you’re not suggesting that the same parents sending their kids to private schools are “invested” in their local public schools are you? Because that is absolute bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

Move along…

NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.

I'm amused at calling private schools philosophically revolting while refusing to send your kids to the locally zoned schools and fishing around for a lottery and lucking out.

Err.... at least I'm not a hypocrite.

Except you missed the part about me being the grandparent. I didn’t do any fishing, and I didn’t write any checks either. No hypocrite here.

As for my kid, it doesn’t make one a hypocrite to look for alternatives to bleak public schools that don’t include rich kid schools. There’s a middle ground after all.

You are the hypocrite for talking about "philosophically revolting" when it comes to some people's decisions while justifying your own family's decision, which to others, could be "philosophically revolting" because your family is still choosing to say those kids aren't good enough for my kids, no matter how much they spin it. It's like people with BLM signs and "Be the Change" signs in front of their houses while living in all white neighborhoods and freaking out about having children in majority black schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.

If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?

If we didn’t have private schools for the wealthy then maybe we would be forced to address the problems in public education. Same with medical care really.

There are plenty of wealthy people in publics and only so many private slots. That's not going to fix the issue.

I'll go to the best doctor. I've had nurse practitioners who are better than doctors.

I support your right to choose private but this line of thinking is not without merit. In general, families who can afford private school are (in addition to wealthy) engaged and invested in the school community; they prioritize education. School districts do improve when there are more families like these. Sure, there are plenty of these families in publics, but in some neighborhoods more than others.

Surely you’re not suggesting that the same parents sending their kids to private schools are “invested” in their local public schools are you? Because that is absolute bullshit.

No I meant they were invested in the schools they attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a fed, DH works at a non-profit. We make 310 combined. 750k mortgage. No other debt. We want to send our two kids private, but at $40-50k a year per kid it doesn’t seem possible. Is there anyone in our situation that actually found a way to make this work?

Yes. Get better paying jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.

If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?

If we didn’t have private schools for the wealthy then maybe we would be forced to address the problems in public education. Same with medical care really.

There are plenty of wealthy people in publics and only so many private slots. That's not going to fix the issue.

I'll go to the best doctor. I've had nurse practitioners who are better than doctors.

I support your right to choose private but this line of thinking is not without merit. In general, families who can afford private school are (in addition to wealthy) engaged and invested in the school community; they prioritize education. School districts do improve when there are more families like these. Sure, there are plenty of these families in publics, but in some neighborhoods more than others.

If that's what you want to tell yourself, ok. Plenty of engaged public school parents. But, it's far easier for a private with more funding and less kids to do more for each child than a public with much more overhead and students. You really think you can compare a school that graduates 50-100 students to one that graduates 500-700 students each year. There are pluses and minuses to both choices.

Personally I'd rather fully pay for college and graduate school than private but if my child needs or wants private again we would find a way to pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

Move along…

NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.

I'm amused at calling private schools philosophically revolting while refusing to send your kids to the locally zoned schools and fishing around for a lottery and lucking out.

Err.... at least I'm not a hypocrite.

Except you missed the part about me being the grandparent. I didn’t do any fishing, and I didn’t write any checks either. No hypocrite here.

As for my kid, it doesn’t make one a hypocrite to look for alternatives to bleak public schools that don’t include rich kid schools. There’s a middle ground after all.

Most areas don't have alternatives. You go to the one assigned or you pay for private.

What is your point? Why are you posting here?

What are YOU doing here? You’re obviously not in the DMV because this area is full of alternatives.

I AM in the DMV and there are not plenty of alternatives. In DC, there are charter schools, but not in MD or VA. So, clearly you aren't current with what is going on.

Yea, well, the overwhelming majority of the neighborhood public schools in those areas are fine. That’s where my own kids went.

Define just fine? Test scores? It's easy to get higher test scores by supplementing at home.

The public ES we transferred to was a sh@t show. It was very well regarded and everyone said they loved it. Principal was terrible and a bully and the teachers were scared of them. The teachers were marginal at best. Covid was a blessing for us as that school year was so bad and our kid got nothing out of it so finishing the rest of the year was a waste of time.

Your kids went what 25-30 years ago? Times have changed and not for the better.

I will always do what's best for my kids and I couldn't care less what my parents say, who are similar to you, as they never put me first nor my kids. My parents would have said I did fine in public but I really should have been at a private getting more attention and support.

Lol you people are all the same. You’re screwed up so you blame your parents. Well guess what? Our public school kids AREN’T screwed up as adults and they THANK us.