Family of 5, appx $300K HHI - would you do anything different?

[Anonymous]

This is what happens when couples don’t merge all of their accounts under one umbrella. Having to scratch and dig to find logins for accounts that they haven’t been tracking at all is frightening! OP- you and your husband need to come together and all money needs to go in family accounts. There is no your account and his account. It’s “our accounts”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when couples don’t merge all of their accounts under one umbrella. Having to scratch and dig to find logins for accounts that they haven’t been tracking at all is frightening! OP- you and your husband need to come together and all money needs to go in family accounts. There is no your account and his account. It’s “our accounts”.

Sorry- ended it too soon. We are also a family of 5 of similar ages and similar income. We both know every dollar going in and out. We ask each other about purchases over $500, and we don’t have a bijillion different accounts. It’s all very streamlined. Take the time to work through this with your DH and bring it all together. It will do wonders for your financial future and your marital relationship

[Anonymous]

I have a bank account that has my paycheck direct deposited. I have access to this account. It also has the paycheck from one of my husband’s two jobs direct deposited into it but it’s barely anything - say the annual salary of that one is $75K but the vast majority of it goes straight to a retirement account and very little is deposited into checking.
The regular mortgage payment plus the extra $1600 auto-pays out of this account. My car payment is paid from that. The kids activities are paid from that. Vacations are paid from that. Most of our bills get paid from that. My credit card gets paid from that. My student loans get paid from that. And this is the account I am rapidly draining.

My husband has a second job of also appx $75K (but varies based on profits) and that goes to another account I don’t currently see. He has his own credit card that he pays out of that account. He has his car payment out of that account and the money going into the 529s out of that account.. While anything is possible - I believe what he has is a stash of money saved LOL as opposed to anything nefarious. I did get a chuckle at the hookers and blow.
You all got me to find $1000 in the health savings account today and last week I brought $22 in loose change to coinstar which i got back in the form of an Amazon GC so decided to buy the dress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when couples don’t merge all of their accounts under one umbrella. Having to scratch and dig to find logins for accounts that they haven’t been tracking at all is frightening! OP- you and your husband need to come together and all money needs to go in family accounts. There is no your account and his account. It’s “our accounts”.

Fair point !!! I think we have more than one account because he wanted to ensure stay below the $250K limit of fdic bank guarantee. And I didn’t previously have the wherewithal to handle more than one account but maybe I’m starting to have some capacity or at least trying to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when couples don’t merge all of their accounts under one umbrella. Having to scratch and dig to find logins for accounts that they haven’t been tracking at all is frightening! OP- you and your husband need to come together and all money needs to go in family accounts. There is no your account and his account. It’s “our accounts”.

Fair point !!! I think we have more than one account because he wanted to ensure stay below the $250K limit of fdic bank guarantee. And I didn’t previously have the wherewithal to handle more than one account but maybe I’m starting to have some capacity or at least trying to.

You all can open joint accounts, to which you both have access, at different banks to stay under the FDIC limit. But honestly, you guys are penny wise and pound foolish. Worrying about paying extra on a low interest mortgage and keeping separate and confusing banking accounts just to stay under FDIC. Meanwhile, you have a higher internet student loan that you’re only making minimum payments on and expensive kid activities (which aren’t horrible but you guys are so disorganized that I find it funny you knew the exact cost of those and nothing else!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a bank account that has my paycheck direct deposited. I have access to this account. It also has the paycheck from one of my husband’s two jobs direct deposited into it but it’s barely anything - say the annual salary of that one is $75K but the vast majority of it goes straight to a retirement account and very little is deposited into checking.
The regular mortgage payment plus the extra $1600 auto-pays out of this account. My car payment is paid from that. The kids activities are paid from that. Vacations are paid from that. Most of our bills get paid from that. My credit card gets paid from that. My student loans get paid from that. And this is the account I am rapidly draining.

My husband has a second job of also appx $75K (but varies based on profits) and that goes to another account I don’t currently see. He has his own credit card that he pays out of that account. He has his car payment out of that account and the money going into the 529s out of that account.. While anything is possible - I believe what he has is a stash of money saved LOL as opposed to anything nefarious. I did get a chuckle at the hookers and blow.
You all got me to find $1000 in the health savings account today and last week I brought $22 in loose change to coinstar which i got back in the form of an Amazon GC so decided to buy the dress.

So your account gets your paycheck and, technically, half of his. But that half of his is really going into his retirement account. The other half of his income goes into an account to which you have no access. And you’re paying all of the household bills from your account, which houses your paycheck and a pittance of a half of his. OP, this is not right! How is he depositing close to $75k a year to his retirement account? Why doesn’t he shoulder any of the household expenses? It appears you’re being scammed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when couples don’t merge all of their accounts under one umbrella. Having to scratch and dig to find logins for accounts that they haven’t been tracking at all is frightening! OP- you and your husband need to come together and all money needs to go in family accounts. There is no your account and his account. It’s “our accounts”.

Fair point !!! I think we have more than one account because he wanted to ensure stay below the $250K limit of fdic bank guarantee. And I didn’t previously have the wherewithal to handle more than one account but maybe I’m starting to have some capacity or at least trying to.

You all can open joint accounts, to which you both have access, at different banks to stay under the FDIC limit. But honestly, you guys are penny wise and pound foolish. Worrying about paying extra on a low interest mortgage and keeping separate and confusing banking accounts just to stay under FDIC. Meanwhile, you have a higher internet student loan that you’re only making minimum payments on and expensive kid activities (which aren’t horrible but you guys are so disorganized that I find it funny you knew the exact cost of those and nothing else!)

All of this! I can’t believe you’re going to be paying on your own student loans when you have kids in college and you’re okay with that! Y’all have some wonky home-grown ways of dealing with money. Use an aggregator tool and get a handle on the big picture. You people need help, and no one can help you when you don’t have insight into what’s happening with your funds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a bank account that has my paycheck direct deposited. I have access to this account. It also has the paycheck from one of my husband’s two jobs direct deposited into it but it’s barely anything - say the annual salary of that one is $75K but the vast majority of it goes straight to a retirement account and very little is deposited into checking.
The regular mortgage payment plus the extra $1600 auto-pays out of this account. My car payment is paid from that. The kids activities are paid from that. Vacations are paid from that. Most of our bills get paid from that. My credit card gets paid from that. My student loans get paid from that. And this is the account I am rapidly draining.

My husband has a second job of also appx $75K (but varies based on profits) and that goes to another account I don’t currently see. He has his own credit card that he pays out of that account. He has his car payment out of that account and the money going into the 529s out of that account.. While anything is possible - I believe what he has is a stash of money saved LOL as opposed to anything nefarious. I did get a chuckle at the hookers and blow.
You all got me to find $1000 in the health savings account today and last week I brought $22 in loose change to coinstar which i got back in the form of an Amazon GC so decided to buy the dress.

So your account gets your paycheck and, technically, half of his. But that half of his is really going into his retirement account. The other half of his income goes into an account to which you have no access. And you’re paying all of the household bills from your account, which houses your paycheck and a pittance of a half of his. OP, this is not right! How is he depositing close to $75k a year to his retirement account? Why doesn’t he shoulder any of the household expenses? It appears you’re being scammed.

Yes, that retirement stuff doesn’t pass the sniff test unless there’s some funky self-employment vehicle for retirement that I’m not familiar with, which could be the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a bank account that has my paycheck direct deposited. I have access to this account. It also has the paycheck from one of my husband’s two jobs direct deposited into it but it’s barely anything - say the annual salary of that one is $75K but the vast majority of it goes straight to a retirement account and very little is deposited into checking.
The regular mortgage payment plus the extra $1600 auto-pays out of this account. My car payment is paid from that. The kids activities are paid from that. Vacations are paid from that. Most of our bills get paid from that. My credit card gets paid from that. My student loans get paid from that. And this is the account I am rapidly draining.

My husband has a second job of also appx $75K (but varies based on profits) and that goes to another account I don’t currently see. He has his own credit card that he pays out of that account. He has his car payment out of that account and the money going into the 529s out of that account.. While anything is possible - I believe what he has is a stash of money saved LOL as opposed to anything nefarious. I did get a chuckle at the hookers and blow.
You all got me to find $1000 in the health savings account today and last week I brought $22 in loose change to coinstar which i got back in the form of an Amazon GC so decided to buy the dress.

So your account gets your paycheck and, technically, half of his. But that half of his is really going into his retirement account. The other half of his income goes into an account to which you have no access. And you’re paying all of the household bills from your account, which houses your paycheck and a pittance of a half of his. OP, this is not right! How is he depositing close to $75k a year to his retirement account? Why doesn’t he shoulder any of the household expenses? It appears you’re being scammed.

I suppose I thought what’s his is mine too. Is that not correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when couples don’t merge all of their accounts under one umbrella. Having to scratch and dig to find logins for accounts that they haven’t been tracking at all is frightening! OP- you and your husband need to come together and all money needs to go in family accounts. There is no your account and his account. It’s “our accounts”.

Fair point !!! I think we have more than one account because he wanted to ensure stay below the $250K limit of fdic bank guarantee. And I didn’t previously have the wherewithal to handle more than one account but maybe I’m starting to have some capacity or at least trying to.

You all can open joint accounts, to which you both have access, at different banks to stay under the FDIC limit. But honestly, you guys are penny wise and pound foolish. Worrying about paying extra on a low interest mortgage and keeping separate and confusing banking accounts just to stay under FDIC. Meanwhile, you have a higher internet student loan that you’re only making minimum payments on and expensive kid activities (which aren’t horrible but you guys are so disorganized that I find it funny you knew the exact cost of those and nothing else!)

All of this! I can’t believe you’re going to be paying on your own student loans when you have kids in college and you’re okay with that! Y’all have some wonky home-grown ways of dealing with money. Use an aggregator tool and get a handle on the big picture. You people need help, and no one can help you when you don’t have insight into what’s happening with your funds.

I could decide to pay off my own student loans myself - say with my bonus next year or something. I guess I’ll try to get a handle on all the accounts and go from there.
We use an accountant who I never speak to. I just give my own W2 and sign the return.

[Anonymous]

The accountant just helps on taxes but I think he might say some things like you could put this in retirement and pay less tax?? Idk I’m just guessing really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a bank account that has my paycheck direct deposited. I have access to this account. It also has the paycheck from one of my husband’s two jobs direct deposited into it but it’s barely anything - say the annual salary of that one is $75K but the vast majority of it goes straight to a retirement account and very little is deposited into checking.
The regular mortgage payment plus the extra $1600 auto-pays out of this account. My car payment is paid from that. The kids activities are paid from that. Vacations are paid from that. Most of our bills get paid from that. My credit card gets paid from that. My student loans get paid from that. And this is the account I am rapidly draining.

My husband has a second job of also appx $75K (but varies based on profits) and that goes to another account I don’t currently see. He has his own credit card that he pays out of that account. He has his car payment out of that account and the money going into the 529s out of that account.. While anything is possible - I believe what he has is a stash of money saved LOL as opposed to anything nefarious. I did get a chuckle at the hookers and blow.
You all got me to find $1000 in the health savings account today and last week I brought $22 in loose change to coinstar which i got back in the form of an Amazon GC so decided to buy the dress.

So your account gets your paycheck and, technically, half of his. But that half of his is really going into his retirement account. The other half of his income goes into an account to which you have no access. And you’re paying all of the household bills from your account, which houses your paycheck and a pittance of a half of his. OP, this is not right! How is he depositing close to $75k a year to his retirement account? Why doesn’t he shoulder any of the household expenses? It appears you’re being scammed.

I suppose I thought what’s his is mine too. Is that not correct?

Ok, now I’m starting to think you’re trolling us. You may. It even be original OP. You’re just being an obtuse idiot with this comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a bank account that has my paycheck direct deposited. I have access to this account. It also has the paycheck from one of my husband’s two jobs direct deposited into it but it’s barely anything - say the annual salary of that one is $75K but the vast majority of it goes straight to a retirement account and very little is deposited into checking.
The regular mortgage payment plus the extra $1600 auto-pays out of this account. My car payment is paid from that. The kids activities are paid from that. Vacations are paid from that. Most of our bills get paid from that. My credit card gets paid from that. My student loans get paid from that. And this is the account I am rapidly draining.

My husband has a second job of also appx $75K (but varies based on profits) and that goes to another account I don’t currently see. He has his own credit card that he pays out of that account. He has his car payment out of that account and the money going into the 529s out of that account.. While anything is possible - I believe what he has is a stash of money saved LOL as opposed to anything nefarious. I did get a chuckle at the hookers and blow.
You all got me to find $1000 in the health savings account today and last week I brought $22 in loose change to coinstar which i got back in the form of an Amazon GC so decided to buy the dress.

So your account gets your paycheck and, technically, half of his. But that half of his is really going into his retirement account. The other half of his income goes into an account to which you have no access. And you’re paying all of the household bills from your account, which houses your paycheck and a pittance of a half of his. OP, this is not right! How is he depositing close to $75k a year to his retirement account? Why doesn’t he shoulder any of the household expenses? It appears you’re being scammed.

I suppose I thought what’s his is mine too. Is that not correct?

Ok, now I’m starting to think you’re trolling us. You may. It even be original OP. You’re just being an obtuse idiot with this comment.

*may not be original OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a bank account that has my paycheck direct deposited. I have access to this account. It also has the paycheck from one of my husband’s two jobs direct deposited into it but it’s barely anything - say the annual salary of that one is $75K but the vast majority of it goes straight to a retirement account and very little is deposited into checking.
The regular mortgage payment plus the extra $1600 auto-pays out of this account. My car payment is paid from that. The kids activities are paid from that. Vacations are paid from that. Most of our bills get paid from that. My credit card gets paid from that. My student loans get paid from that. And this is the account I am rapidly draining.

My husband has a second job of also appx $75K (but varies based on profits) and that goes to another account I don’t currently see. He has his own credit card that he pays out of that account. He has his car payment out of that account and the money going into the 529s out of that account.. While anything is possible - I believe what he has is a stash of money saved LOL as opposed to anything nefarious. I did get a chuckle at the hookers and blow.
You all got me to find $1000 in the health savings account today and last week I brought $22 in loose change to coinstar which i got back in the form of an Amazon GC so decided to buy the dress.

So your account gets your paycheck and, technically, half of his. But that half of his is really going into his retirement account. The other half of his income goes into an account to which you have no access. And you’re paying all of the household bills from your account, which houses your paycheck and a pittance of a half of his. OP, this is not right! How is he depositing close to $75k a year to his retirement account? Why doesn’t he shoulder any of the household expenses? It appears you’re being scammed.

I suppose I thought what’s his is mine too. Is that not correct?

Ok, now I’m starting to think you’re trolling us. You may. It even be original OP. You’re just being an obtuse idiot with this comment.

No I’m not trolling. Fwiw I think we are both operating under this assumption- that it doesn’t matter what bank account pays it because it’s all our money.

We have a will that everything goes to the surviving spouse or the kids if no surviving spouse.
I guess divorce is a question that I’ll try to figure out now that I’m a little stressed about it (and now likely not sleeping well as a result), but I don’t think it’s a long divorce con. I don’t think he has secret divorce finance law knowledge that I’m unaware of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are two concrete things that have happened.

1) oldest kid got asked his intention for an activity for next year and he asked me what I thought and I said - well let’s talk realistically about your schedule next year. Are you going to move to swim 5 days a week (his only option next year at his current club) and he said no, he’d rather switch to a cheap summer pool 1 day a week winter option.

2) I decided to learn my various login / passwords starting with one account a day. 3 codes and 1 password change later I logged into some savings account that had 2 retirement accounts and a health savings account with $1000. And I said to my husband - what is this health savings account and he said - we can call the bank and find out how we can spend that on healthcare expenses. And I said yes, let’s do that.

I could tell you the retirement account total there but I know that’s not the end of the retirement money question. We have more accounts somewhere.

You get a debit card to that account and you pay your qualified health expenses (provider bills, prescriptions, etc.) from that account. The money goes into that account before taxes, and it is not taxed when you pay it out. So it’s like a 25% or so discount on all your health costs.

What do you two do for your jobs, honestly?