Grandparents want to be invited to everything

[Anonymous]

Seems like a lot of sock puppet replies…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I flat out told my mom that if she wanted to be invited to nuclear family things (like school programs) that we needed more help. Quid pro quo. Parents can act like they're so put out to help out a few times, but then at the same time they don't realize at all how much more work it is to host them.

I learned my lesson when I baptized my first child at 6 weeks. I invited grandparents and godparents, but then the hoards descended on me. I had dozens who wanted to stay with me. Instead of taking 6 extra people to a nice luncheon like I planned, I was hosting a meal for 40 at my house (I couldn't afford a lunch out for that many and the restaurant wanted you to rent the room).

Here you go, OP. Why don't you keep a running calendar of all the time you put in and they can use any hours to buy time to events?

Tit for tat relationships are much better for children and families. You can even make your mom and MIL compete against each other.

"You scratch my back, you scratch mine."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP let them be mad. Let go f trying to appease and please nasty, old , pushy people.

Your response…we don’t plan on making school activities larger extended family events.

This ! Let them pout, stamp their feet whatever. They pull these rude little fits because it gets them what they want. Don’t give in or you reward the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I flat out told my mom that if she wanted to be invited to nuclear family things (like school programs) that we needed more help. Quid pro quo. Parents can act like they're so put out to help out a few times, but then at the same time they don't realize at all how much more work it is to host them.

I learned my lesson when I baptized my first child at 6 weeks. I invited grandparents and godparents, but then the hoards descended on me. I had dozens who wanted to stay with me. Instead of taking 6 extra people to a nice luncheon like I planned, I was hosting a meal for 40 at my house (I couldn't afford a lunch out for that many and the restaurant wanted you to rent the room).

Actually PP, they absolutely already know and have been through how much it takes to raise kids. The quid pro quo is they put in their time raising you, showed up to all your events and now you invite them to your kids play.

See the issue with your scenario is that my parents had a lot of family and grandparents help when I was growing up. They're the ones not paying it forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are local and come to school events, sports games, etc. all the time. My parents live out of state and fly up a few times per year, so they’ll attend things if they are here.

DH and I send our parents the kids’ game schedules, include them on birthday party invites, let them know about big school performances, etc. and they can decide what to come to, it’s not like some formal plan. Unless your parents or in-laws are super annoying I don’t see how this is a big deal. I don’t go out of my way to host them or treat them like special guests, so it’s literally zero extra effort for me if they want to come sit through an hour-long band performance.

My in laws have too many health conditions to really do any serious caregiving and my parents live too far away. But I love for my kids to have involved grandparents even if they can’t shuttle them to summer camp or whatever. Of course it would be amazing to have helpful family, but DH and I have figured it all out on our own. It is what it is.

SUPER! I already know more about you than you'd realize.

Can you not read? Your post is ridiculous in your need to chastise op. Her inlaws and parents are nothing like yours. You are intentionally misleading. What a dishonest, manipulative post.

OP literally asked “what is typical for your family.”

So I answered and caveated that I don’t see the big deal unless the grandparents are super annoying. Sounds like many, including the grandparents in OP’s family may be high maintenance and annoying. That could make them an outlier or maybe it’s the norm, I’m not sure. But I shared my experience as a data point in response to her question.

I have no idea why you are so up in arms about this, clearly it’s a sensitive subject for you and you may want to step away from anonymous chat forums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In town grandparents get invited to everything: saturday soccer games, awards ceremonies at school, holiday parties at preschool. Out of town grandparents only get invited to major ones: the school plays, dance recitals, graduations. The issue with out of town grandparents is that if I invite out of town people I have to make it into a whole party and host them overnight. We have a graduation next month and while I'm happy they're coming, I'm stressed about what to cook and getting my house cleaned.

And yes, in town grandparents babysit weekly. It's definitely appreciated and we do more things for them because of that.

This is so unbelievably unfair.

What a childish response. You are going to be like op's inlaws and parents. Often we can't make things fair in life. Grow up and deal with reality.

Are people like you just trolling for kicks, or do you actually feel this way about your families in real life? Do you model this behavior in front of your children? Are you prepared for when your turn as a grandparent arrives, and your kids treat you this way because that's what they've been taught is ok? It's all just very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot of sock puppet replies…

I'm a new poster and not a sock puppet. You lack reading comprehension skills and are hell bent on hating an exhausted mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In town grandparents get invited to everything: saturday soccer games, awards ceremonies at school, holiday parties at preschool. Out of town grandparents only get invited to major ones: the school plays, dance recitals, graduations. The issue with out of town grandparents is that if I invite out of town people I have to make it into a whole party and host them overnight. We have a graduation next month and while I'm happy they're coming, I'm stressed about what to cook and getting my house cleaned.

And yes, in town grandparents babysit weekly. It's definitely appreciated and we do more things for them because of that.

This is so unbelievably unfair.

What a childish response. You are going to be like op's inlaws and parents. Often we can't make things fair in life. Grow up and deal with reality.

Are people like you just trolling for kicks, or do you actually feel this way about your families in real life? Do you model this behavior in front of your children? Are you prepared for when your turn as a grandparent arrives, and your kids treat you this way because that's what they've been taught is ok? It's all just very sad.

What is sad is how difficult it is for families now. Women still bear the burden of most of this and we are exhausted. People need to grow up and act like mature adults. When my relatives are unreasonable and act entitled to my time or assets, I get off the phone, walk away or leave the event. I would not tolerate a relative making rude remarks about others that are loud enough for everyone to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In town grandparents get invited to everything: saturday soccer games, awards ceremonies at school, holiday parties at preschool. Out of town grandparents only get invited to major ones: the school plays, dance recitals, graduations. The issue with out of town grandparents is that if I invite out of town people I have to make it into a whole party and host them overnight. We have a graduation next month and while I'm happy they're coming, I'm stressed about what to cook and getting my house cleaned.

And yes, in town grandparents babysit weekly. It's definitely appreciated and we do more things for them because of that.

This is so unbelievably unfair.

What a childish response. You are going to be like op's inlaws and parents. Often we can't make things fair in life. Grow up and deal with reality.

Are people like you just trolling for kicks, or do you actually feel this way about your families in real life? Do you model this behavior in front of your children? Are you prepared for when your turn as a grandparent arrives, and your kids treat you this way because that's what they've been taught is ok? It's all just very sad.

What is sad is how difficult it is for families now. Women still bear the burden of most of this and we are exhausted. People need to grow up and act like mature adults. When my relatives are unreasonable and act entitled to my time or assets, I get off the phone, walk away or leave the event. I would not tolerate a relative making rude remarks about others that are loud enough for everyone to hear.

You really need to relax. It's also pretty funny that you're so put upon and thing are so rough for you and you're so busy yet here you are wasting time arguing with strangers on the internet. You seem to have carved out plenty of time for that!