Why doesn't my wife like me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Team wife. You sound super weird. That might have been cute and quirky when you were in your 20s pre kids. But as a grown adult she is likely seeking other adults to have as friends, so she has someone besides you to be friends with, and you embarrass her. So stop. Would it really be that hard to hold some light conversation when out with others for a couple hours? Without your journal, Rubix cube, or muttering to yourself?

PP - you appear dense. How is he stopping her from making friends outside of them as a couple? If the does not have the social skill to pull off making friends on her own, you cannot blame him for her problems.

Does he embarrass her when she is spending the money he earns? It is a question you missed asking. She knew who he was when they got married ("cute and quirky") and neither she nor you can blame him now for who he is.

Yes, it might be hard from him to have some light conversation for a couple of hours without a coping strategy. Your lack of empathic awareness makes you sound super weird

I'm not going to speak on my wife's friends because she's doing a good job of making them. I just wanted to say that puzzles has helped me with this area of my social circle.

First, without needing to actually play games at the social I can just ask about puzzles and that leads to conversations. Second, in my lines of work and in this area there are a lot of people in similar lines of work so with similar introverted natures so we play similar puzzles and can talk about them. This builds commitments like any other area and you see they grow.

These can be sudoku or chess or more random things like chaos puzzles. But they're all fun things to talk about and learn to do and solve and they make good conversation at a party, especially when the only conversation is "so, what do you do".

So my network has expanded this past year a lot just with the puzzle platform. People act like I'm anti social, but I'm still learning this social life, as math always came easy to me. Now I'm learning this other stuff. The puzzles help me a lot and I'm not trying to pull out a Rubik's cube at the dinner table like when I was 17.

I have an app on my phone that I thought was more discreet but I guess not. But the goal is still to learn to be more social, understanding that this is so I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Team wife. You sound super weird. That might have been cute and quirky when you were in your 20s pre kids. But as a grown adult she is likely seeking other adults to have as friends, so she has someone besides you to be friends with, and you embarrass her. So stop. Would it really be that hard to hold some light conversation when out with others for a couple hours? Without your journal, Rubix cube, or muttering to yourself?

PP - you appear dense. How is he stopping her from making friends outside of them as a couple? If the does not have the social skill to pull off making friends on her own, you cannot blame him for her problems.

Does he embarrass her when she is spending the money he earns? It is a question you missed asking. She knew who he was when they got married ("cute and quirky") and neither she nor you can blame him now for who he is.

Yes, it might be hard from him to have some light conversation for a couple of hours without a coping strategy. Your lack of empathic awareness makes you sound super weird

I'm not going to speak on my wife's friends because she's doing a good job of making them. I just wanted to say that puzzles has helped me with this area of my social circle.

First, without needing to actually play games at the social I can just ask about puzzles and that leads to conversations. Second, in my lines of work and in this area there are a lot of people in similar lines of work so with similar introverted natures so we play similar puzzles and can talk about them. This builds commitments like any other area and you see they grow.

These can be sudoku or chess or more random things like chaos puzzles. But they're all fun things to talk about and learn to do and solve and they make good conversation at a party, especially when the only conversation is "so, what do you do".

So my network has expanded this past year a lot just with the puzzle platform. People act like I'm anti social, but I'm still learning this social life, as math always came easy to me. Now I'm learning this other stuff. The puzzles help me a lot and I'm not trying to pull out a Rubik's cube at the dinner table like when I was 17.

I have an app on my phone that I thought was more discreet but I guess not. But the goal is still to learn to be more social, understanding that this is so I am.

You seem really focused on this, OP, but I seriously doubt this is why your wife is mad at you. I’m pretty sure that you did something that hurt her deeply, and no matter how socially awkward it might be, doing a lot of puzzles at parties doesn’t tend to cause pain to people who love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Team wife. You sound super weird. That might have been cute and quirky when you were in your 20s pre kids. But as a grown adult she is likely seeking other adults to have as friends, so she has someone besides you to be friends with, and you embarrass her. So stop. Would it really be that hard to hold some light conversation when out with others for a couple hours? Without your journal, Rubix cube, or muttering to yourself?

PP - you appear dense. How is he stopping her from making friends outside of them as a couple? If the does not have the social skill to pull off making friends on her own, you cannot blame him for her problems.

Does he embarrass her when she is spending the money he earns? It is a question you missed asking. She knew who he was when they got married ("cute and quirky") and neither she nor you can blame him now for who he is.

Yes, it might be hard from him to have some light conversation for a couple of hours without a coping strategy. Your lack of empathic awareness makes you sound super weird

I'm not going to speak on my wife's friends because she's doing a good job of making them. I just wanted to say that puzzles has helped me with this area of my social circle.

First, without needing to actually play games at the social I can just ask about puzzles and that leads to conversations. Second, in my lines of work and in this area there are a lot of people in similar lines of work so with similar introverted natures so we play similar puzzles and can talk about them. This builds commitments like any other area and you see they grow.

These can be sudoku or chess or more random things like chaos puzzles. But they're all fun things to talk about and learn to do and solve and they make good conversation at a party, especially when the only conversation is "so, what do you do".

So my network has expanded this past year a lot just with the puzzle platform. People act like I'm anti social, but I'm still learning this social life, as math always came easy to me. Now I'm learning this other stuff. The puzzles help me a lot and I'm not trying to pull out a Rubik's cube at the dinner table like when I was 17.

I have an app on my phone that I thought was more discreet but I guess not. But the goal is still to learn to be more social, understanding that this is so I am.

You seem really focused on this, OP, but I seriously doubt this is why your wife is mad at you. I’m pretty sure that you did something that hurt her deeply, and no matter how socially awkward it might be, doing a lot of puzzles at parties doesn’t tend to cause pain to people who love you.

Then this relates back to the original question. I try my hardest to be a good dude. I'm not going to write an online resume but I get no credit for it. I have a job but get in trouble for not doing my share of the chores, so I pick up my share of the work and there are other things. Now this.

I really think she doesn't like me.

Hell, a of this still is not to deal with social anxiety. It's to deal with loneliness. I'm linked lonlier in a marriage that I ever was being single. So I read books, I do puzzles, i exercise, I play ball, but I don't know what I ever did to become the villain of this marriage.

I'm reading through the books of Psalms, Proverbs, Romans, The Gospels, and Isaiah. I'm trying to talk to her about going to counseling and I'm trying to just talk to her about some of the things in this thread. But it's very difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Team wife. You sound super weird. That might have been cute and quirky when you were in your 20s pre kids. But as a grown adult she is likely seeking other adults to have as friends, so she has someone besides you to be friends with, and you embarrass her. So stop. Would it really be that hard to hold some light conversation when out with others for a couple hours? Without your journal, Rubix cube, or muttering to yourself?

PP - you appear dense. How is he stopping her from making friends outside of them as a couple? If the does not have the social skill to pull off making friends on her own, you cannot blame him for her problems.

Does he embarrass her when she is spending the money he earns? It is a question you missed asking. She knew who he was when they got married ("cute and quirky") and neither she nor you can blame him now for who he is.

Yes, it might be hard from him to have some light conversation for a couple of hours without a coping strategy. Your lack of empathic awareness makes you sound super weird

I'm not going to speak on my wife's friends because she's doing a good job of making them. I just wanted to say that puzzles has helped me with this area of my social circle.

First, without needing to actually play games at the social I can just ask about puzzles and that leads to conversations. Second, in my lines of work and in this area there are a lot of people in similar lines of work so with similar introverted natures so we play similar puzzles and can talk about them. This builds commitments like any other area and you see they grow.

These can be sudoku or chess or more random things like chaos puzzles. But they're all fun things to talk about and learn to do and solve and they make good conversation at a party, especially when the only conversation is "so, what do you do".

So my network has expanded this past year a lot just with the puzzle platform. People act like I'm anti social, but I'm still learning this social life, as math always came easy to me. Now I'm learning this other stuff. The puzzles help me a lot and I'm not trying to pull out a Rubik's cube at the dinner table like when I was 17.

I have an app on my phone that I thought was more discreet but I guess not. But the goal is still to learn to be more social, understanding that this is so I am.

You seem really focused on this, OP, but I seriously doubt this is why your wife is mad at you. I’m pretty sure that you did something that hurt her deeply, and no matter how socially awkward it might be, doing a lot of puzzles at parties doesn’t tend to cause pain to people who love you.

Then this relates back to the original question. I try my hardest to be a good dude. I'm not going to write an online resume but I get no credit for it. I have a job but get in trouble for not doing my share of the chores, so I pick up my share of the work and there are other things. Now this.

I really think she doesn't like me.

Hell, a of this still is not to deal with social anxiety. It's to deal with loneliness. I'm linked lonlier in a marriage that I ever was being single. So I read books, I do puzzles, i exercise, I play ball, but I don't know what I ever did to become the villain of this marriage.

I'm reading through the books of Psalms, Proverbs, Romans, The Gospels, and Isaiah. I'm trying to talk to her about going to counseling and I'm trying to just talk to her about some of the things in this thread. But it's very difficult.

Maybe you would be less lonely if you sought treatment for your social anxiety. I think that's what's getting in the way of you making more friends, of having better communication with your wife, and of socializing more appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Team wife. You sound super weird. That might have been cute and quirky when you were in your 20s pre kids. But as a grown adult she is likely seeking other adults to have as friends, so she has someone besides you to be friends with, and you embarrass her. So stop. Would it really be that hard to hold some light conversation when out with others for a couple hours? Without your journal, Rubix cube, or muttering to yourself?

PP - you appear dense. How is he stopping her from making friends outside of them as a couple? If the does not have the social skill to pull off making friends on her own, you cannot blame him for her problems.

Does he embarrass her when she is spending the money he earns? It is a question you missed asking. She knew who he was when they got married ("cute and quirky") and neither she nor you can blame him now for who he is.

Yes, it might be hard from him to have some light conversation for a couple of hours without a coping strategy. Your lack of empathic awareness makes you sound super weird

I'm not going to speak on my wife's friends because she's doing a good job of making them. I just wanted to say that puzzles has helped me with this area of my social circle.

First, without needing to actually play games at the social I can just ask about puzzles and that leads to conversations. Second, in my lines of work and in this area there are a lot of people in similar lines of work so with similar introverted natures so we play similar puzzles and can talk about them. This builds commitments like any other area and you see they grow.

These can be sudoku or chess or more random things like chaos puzzles. But they're all fun things to talk about and learn to do and solve and they make good conversation at a party, especially when the only conversation is "so, what do you do".

So my network has expanded this past year a lot just with the puzzle platform. People act like I'm anti social, but I'm still learning this social life, as math always came easy to me. Now I'm learning this other stuff. The puzzles help me a lot and I'm not trying to pull out a Rubik's cube at the dinner table like when I was 17.

I have an app on my phone that I thought was more discreet but I guess not. But the goal is still to learn to be more social, understanding that this is so I am.

You seem really focused on this, OP, but I seriously doubt this is why your wife is mad at you. I’m pretty sure that you did something that hurt her deeply, and no matter how socially awkward it might be, doing a lot of puzzles at parties doesn’t tend to cause pain to people who love you.

Then this relates back to the original question. I try my hardest to be a good dude. I'm not going to write an online resume but I get no credit for it. I have a job but get in trouble for not doing my share of the chores, so I pick up my share of the work and there are other things. Now this.

I really think she doesn't like me.

Hell, a of this still is not to deal with social anxiety. It's to deal with loneliness. I'm linked lonlier in a marriage that I ever was being single. So I read books, I do puzzles, i exercise, I play ball, but I don't know what I ever did to become the villain of this marriage.

I'm reading through the books of Psalms, Proverbs, Romans, The Gospels, and Isaiah. I'm trying to talk to her about going to counseling and I'm trying to just talk to her about some of the things in this thread. But it's very difficult.

Maybe you would be less lonely if you sought treatment for your social anxiety. I think that's what's getting in the way of you making more friends, of having better communication with your wife, and of socializing more appropriately.

Have you read the thread. I have. I see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Team wife. You sound super weird. That might have been cute and quirky when you were in your 20s pre kids. But as a grown adult she is likely seeking other adults to have as friends, so she has someone besides you to be friends with, and you embarrass her. So stop. Would it really be that hard to hold some light conversation when out with others for a couple hours? Without your journal, Rubix cube, or muttering to yourself?

PP - you appear dense. How is he stopping her from making friends outside of them as a couple? If the does not have the social skill to pull off making friends on her own, you cannot blame him for her problems.

Does he embarrass her when she is spending the money he earns? It is a question you missed asking. She knew who he was when they got married ("cute and quirky") and neither she nor you can blame him now for who he is.

Yes, it might be hard from him to have some light conversation for a couple of hours without a coping strategy. Your lack of empathic awareness makes you sound super weird

I'm not going to speak on my wife's friends because she's doing a good job of making them. I just wanted to say that puzzles has helped me with this area of my social circle.

First, without needing to actually play games at the social I can just ask about puzzles and that leads to conversations. Second, in my lines of work and in this area there are a lot of people in similar lines of work so with similar introverted natures so we play similar puzzles and can talk about them. This builds commitments like any other area and you see they grow.

These can be sudoku or chess or more random things like chaos puzzles. But they're all fun things to talk about and learn to do and solve and they make good conversation at a party, especially when the only conversation is "so, what do you do".

So my network has expanded this past year a lot just with the puzzle platform. People act like I'm anti social, but I'm still learning this social life, as math always came easy to me. Now I'm learning this other stuff. The puzzles help me a lot and I'm not trying to pull out a Rubik's cube at the dinner table like when I was 17.

I have an app on my phone that I thought was more discreet but I guess not. But the goal is still to learn to be more social, understanding that this is so I am.

You seem really focused on this, OP, but I seriously doubt this is why your wife is mad at you. I’m pretty sure that you did something that hurt her deeply, and no matter how socially awkward it might be, doing a lot of puzzles at parties doesn’t tend to cause pain to people who love you.

Then this relates back to the original question. I try my hardest to be a good dude. I'm not going to write an online resume but I get no credit for it. I have a job but get in trouble for not doing my share of the chores, so I pick up my share of the work and there are other things. Now this.

I really think she doesn't like me.

Hell, a of this still is not to deal with social anxiety. It's to deal with loneliness. I'm linked lonlier in a marriage that I ever was being single. So I read books, I do puzzles, i exercise, I play ball, but I don't know what I ever did to become the villain of this marriage.

I'm reading through the books of Psalms, Proverbs, Romans, The Gospels, and Isaiah. I'm trying to talk to her about going to counseling and I'm trying to just talk to her about some of the things in this thread. But it's very difficult.

Maybe you would be less lonely if you sought treatment for your social anxiety. I think that's what's getting in the way of you making more friends, of having better communication with your wife, and of socializing more appropriately.

Have you read the thread. I have. I see a therapist.

You didn't say what you were seeing the therapist for. And it doesn't seem like it's especially effective. Maybe it's time to try medication, maybe it's time to consider that you might have ASD.

It seems like there's something really bothering your wife and you haven't figured out what it is yet. I would start by trying to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, perhaps you answered this question but are you non-neurotypical? Are you on the autism spectrum?

I'm questioning why this is relevant, only because I've seen many other threads get thrown off because of ADHD and Autism generalizations and assumptions and biases by posters, where you are assuming that I (assuming that I have Autism or ADHD or Aspergers) is the reason behind a host of issues that have not been mentioned in the thread but will be assumed to be the underlying issues going on because "aha".

Because there are treatments available for some of these diagnoses, that’s all. Which could make things easier for YOU.

I'm getting treatments and they're irreiivent to the conversation.

You getting treatments and what they're for is not at all irrelevant. If you are genuinely trying to solve this problem, by getting treatment, then your wife should try to be nicer about it and support your treatment. If you're getting treatment but it's not the right kind of treatment or it's not working, then that's relevant because it explains why your wife is so frustrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Team wife. You sound super weird. That might have been cute and quirky when you were in your 20s pre kids. But as a grown adult she is likely seeking other adults to have as friends, so she has someone besides you to be friends with, and you embarrass her. So stop. Would it really be that hard to hold some light conversation when out with others for a couple hours? Without your journal, Rubix cube, or muttering to yourself?

PP - you appear dense. How is he stopping her from making friends outside of them as a couple? If the does not have the social skill to pull off making friends on her own, you cannot blame him for her problems.

Does he embarrass her when she is spending the money he earns? It is a question you missed asking. She knew who he was when they got married ("cute and quirky") and neither she nor you can blame him now for who he is.

Yes, it might be hard from him to have some light conversation for a couple of hours without a coping strategy. Your lack of empathic awareness makes you sound super weird

I'm not going to speak on my wife's friends because she's doing a good job of making them. I just wanted to say that puzzles has helped me with this area of my social circle.

First, without needing to actually play games at the social I can just ask about puzzles and that leads to conversations. Second, in my lines of work and in this area there are a lot of people in similar lines of work so with similar introverted natures so we play similar puzzles and can talk about them. This builds commitments like any other area and you see they grow.

These can be sudoku or chess or more random things like chaos puzzles. But they're all fun things to talk about and learn to do and solve and they make good conversation at a party, especially when the only conversation is "so, what do you do".

So my network has expanded this past year a lot just with the puzzle platform. People act like I'm anti social, but I'm still learning this social life, as math always came easy to me. Now I'm learning this other stuff. The puzzles help me a lot and I'm not trying to pull out a Rubik's cube at the dinner table like when I was 17.

I have an app on my phone that I thought was more discreet but I guess not. But the goal is still to learn to be more social, understanding that this is so I am.

You seem really focused on this, OP, but I seriously doubt this is why your wife is mad at you. I’m pretty sure that you did something that hurt her deeply, and no matter how socially awkward it might be, doing a lot of puzzles at parties doesn’t tend to cause pain to people who love you.

Then this relates back to the original question. I try my hardest to be a good dude. I'm not going to write an online resume but I get no credit for it. I have a job but get in trouble for not doing my share of the chores, so I pick up my share of the work and there are other things. Now this.

I really think she doesn't like me.

Hell, a of this still is not to deal with social anxiety. It's to deal with loneliness. I'm linked lonlier in a marriage that I ever was being single. So I read books, I do puzzles, i exercise, I play ball, but I don't know what I ever did to become the villain of this marriage.

I'm reading through the books of Psalms, Proverbs, Romans, The Gospels, and Isaiah. I'm trying to talk to her about going to counseling and I'm trying to just talk to her about some of the things in this thread. But it's very difficult.

Yeah. It kind of sounds like she doesn’t like you. You probably did something to her that she experienced as mean and hurtful, and she is angry. You should find out what that is.
As far as the chores, if you feel like you are doing more than your share, then speak up and have a discussion. It’s your house too.

How long have you been married, OP? How old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

So she likes Scrabble and you make up a different word game that you want to play? Why not just play Scrabble? I accompany my DH to his favorite activities even though I'd rather do something else because marriage is about compromise.

[Anonymous]

It’s been asked several times but I have yet to see any evidence OP likes his wife. He went so far as to invent a new game to avoid playing the one she likes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Team wife. You sound super weird. That might have been cute and quirky when you were in your 20s pre kids. But as a grown adult she is likely seeking other adults to have as friends, so she has someone besides you to be friends with, and you embarrass her. So stop. Would it really be that hard to hold some light conversation when out with others for a couple hours? Without your journal, Rubix cube, or muttering to yourself?

PP - you appear dense. How is he stopping her from making friends outside of them as a couple? If the does not have the social skill to pull off making friends on her own, you cannot blame him for her problems.

Does he embarrass her when she is spending the money he earns? It is a question you missed asking. She knew who he was when they got married ("cute and quirky") and neither she nor you can blame him now for who he is.

Yes, it might be hard from him to have some light conversation for a couple of hours without a coping strategy. Your lack of empathic awareness makes you sound super weird

I'm not going to speak on my wife's friends because she's doing a good job of making them. I just wanted to say that puzzles has helped me with this area of my social circle.

First, without needing to actually play games at the social I can just ask about puzzles and that leads to conversations. Second, in my lines of work and in this area there are a lot of people in similar lines of work so with similar introverted natures so we play similar puzzles and can talk about them. This builds commitments like any other area and you see they grow.

These can be sudoku or chess or more random things like chaos puzzles. But they're all fun things to talk about and learn to do and solve and they make good conversation at a party, especially when the only conversation is "so, what do you do".

So my network has expanded this past year a lot just with the puzzle platform. People act like I'm anti social, but I'm still learning this social life, as math always came easy to me. Now I'm learning this other stuff. The puzzles help me a lot and I'm not trying to pull out a Rubik's cube at the dinner table like when I was 17.

I have an app on my phone that I thought was more discreet but I guess not. But the goal is still to learn to be more social, understanding that this is so I am.

You seem really focused on this, OP, but I seriously doubt this is why your wife is mad at you. I’m pretty sure that you did something that hurt her deeply, and no matter how socially awkward it might be, doing a lot of puzzles at parties doesn’t tend to cause pain to people who love you.

Then this relates back to the original question. I try my hardest to be a good dude. I'm not going to write an online resume but I get no credit for it. I have a job but get in trouble for not doing my share of the chores, so I pick up my share of the work and there are other things. Now this.

I really think she doesn't like me.

Hell, a of this still is not to deal with social anxiety. It's to deal with loneliness. I'm linked lonlier in a marriage that I ever was being single. So I read books, I do puzzles, i exercise, I play ball, but I don't know what I ever did to become the villain of this marriage.

I'm reading through the books of Psalms, Proverbs, Romans, The Gospels, and Isaiah. I'm trying to talk to her about going to counseling and I'm trying to just talk to her about some of the things in this thread. But it's very difficult.

Maybe you would be less lonely if you sought treatment for your social anxiety. I think that's what's getting in the way of you making more friends, of having better communication with your wife, and of socializing more appropriately.

Have you read the thread. I have. I see a therapist.

Have you tried asking your therapist for advice on how to overcome your anxiety to approach your wife for a humble and respectful heart to heart? You need to sit down with her and express how you have been feeling. You may not be perfect, but a relationship takes two people. You deserve to get some answers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time for a heart-to-heart. Have you told her how you feel?

We are having the discussions and this is where it gets tricky. I bring up an issue but instead of dealing with issue 1, she brings up issue 2 and now the entire meeting is about issue 2.

So let's say it's about her ignoring me. I bring it up, then she brings up me going on Facebook. And before I can respond she's got like 6 different instances of when this has occurred and I'm trying to remember instance 2. So the conversations never go like I want them to. And they never get back to my points.

I feel isolated though. I don't know if she realizes what she's doing is cutting at my self conscious to so call build my social confidence. Like I was really having thoughts this morning of "quitting" the kind of work that I do. I don't know what that means though because would I really quit, or would I stop doing research, would I look for an admin or financial job?

So much of who I am is based on this personality and the fact that I was thinking of quitting is what made me write this today. I needed somebody to talk with and like I said my wife is good at turning it around and making me the villain (not saying I'm not) but I just wanted to vent today

NP. My advice is to be the person YOU want to be. Your wife may or may not like that person—you have no control over that. But, you only have one life, and you need to build self-trust. You need to like yourself. If she doesn’t change or still tells you you’re the problem, then do you really want to stay with her? If you do, let her comments about you roll off your back. It takes two people to make a marriage work. Never forget that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So she likes Scrabble and you make up a different word game that you want to play? Why not just play Scrabble? I accompany my DH to his favorite activities even though I'd rather do something else because marriage is about compromise.

I read this thread, and I’m not even sure that she likes Scrabble. It sounds to me like she is a very nurturing, maternal person who kind of took OP under her wing when they were dating, but now that she has actual children to parent, she isn’t interested in mothering her husband anymore.

But it does sound like the OP is a competent adult who is perfectly capable of making decisions and commanding respect at work. He should bring that kind of energy into his relationship instead of waiting to see what his wife wants him to do.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like the problem with your wife goes way beyond your behavior at parties or whether you play Scrabble together. It sounds like your anxiety is pretty serious, and therapy isn't enough to remedy it.

From what you list yourself doing for the household, it seems like your wife is doing far more than you, and she's probably doing most of the things that require social interaction. Right? She's probably really tired and burnt out from doing a disproportionate share of the work. If she works equal hours as you do, that's a lot for her. Disproportionate workload causes resentment. Then to have you not doing a fair share of the work but complaining that you want her attention, you want her to tell you positive things about yourself, you want you want you want, is really annoying. She wants a partner-- someone she can count on to do his share, someone she doesn't have to coach and manage in various ways as if he's one more kid. Feeling that way about your spouse is super lonely no matter how much time you spend together.

It sounds to me like you need counseling and you need it from a counselor who is experienced in marriages where one spouse is on the autism spectrum. I know you don't want to talk about that, but I think that may be the real problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Team wife. You sound super weird. That might have been cute and quirky when you were in your 20s pre kids. But as a grown adult she is likely seeking other adults to have as friends, so she has someone besides you to be friends with, and you embarrass her. So stop. Would it really be that hard to hold some light conversation when out with others for a couple hours? Without your journal, Rubix cube, or muttering to yourself?

PP - you appear dense. How is he stopping her from making friends outside of them as a couple? If the does not have the social skill to pull off making friends on her own, you cannot blame him for her problems.

Does he embarrass her when she is spending the money he earns? It is a question you missed asking. She knew who he was when they got married ("cute and quirky") and neither she nor you can blame him now for who he is.

Yes, it might be hard from him to have some light conversation for a couple of hours without a coping strategy. Your lack of empathic awareness makes you sound super weird

I'm not going to speak on my wife's friends because she's doing a good job of making them. I just wanted to say that puzzles has helped me with this area of my social circle.

First, without needing to actually play games at the social I can just ask about puzzles and that leads to conversations. Second, in my lines of work and in this area there are a lot of people in similar lines of work so with similar introverted natures so we play similar puzzles and can talk about them. This builds commitments like any other area and you see they grow.

These can be sudoku or chess or more random things like chaos puzzles. But they're all fun things to talk about and learn to do and solve and they make good conversation at a party, especially when the only conversation is "so, what do you do".

So my network has expanded this past year a lot just with the puzzle platform. People act like I'm anti social, but I'm still learning this social life, as math always came easy to me. Now I'm learning this other stuff. The puzzles help me a lot and I'm not trying to pull out a Rubik's cube at the dinner table like when I was 17.

I have an app on my phone that I thought was more discreet but I guess not. But the goal is still to learn to be more social, understanding that this is so I am.

You seem really focused on this, OP, but I seriously doubt this is why your wife is mad at you. I’m pretty sure that you did something that hurt her deeply, and no matter how socially awkward it might be, doing a lot of puzzles at parties doesn’t tend to cause pain to people who love you.

Then this relates back to the original question. I try my hardest to be a good dude. I'm not going to write an online resume but I get no credit for it. I have a job but get in trouble for not doing my share of the chores, so I pick up my share of the work and there are other things. Now this.

I really think she doesn't like me.

Hell, a of this still is not to deal with social anxiety. It's to deal with loneliness. I'm linked lonlier in a marriage that I ever was being single. So I read books, I do puzzles, i exercise, I play ball, but I don't know what I ever did to become the villain of this marriage.

I'm reading through the books of Psalms, Proverbs, Romans, The Gospels, and Isaiah. I'm trying to talk to her about going to counseling and I'm trying to just talk to her about some of the things in this thread. But it's very difficult.

Dude. Job and chores, that's adult life. Why should having a job get you out of doing a fair share of the chores? Why should you get "credit" for being a functioning adult and a basically decent person? Do you give her "credit" for the things she does? Examine your thinking here. Your attitude is probably making her mad, or worse, hurting her feelings. She wants a partner who joins her in caring for the family and sees her as a person and an equal, not an overgrown kid that she has to give a star on a chart every time he does basic tasks. Not someone who is so focused on his phone and Sudoku that he doesn't notice how hard she's working.

Yes, a troubled marriage can be a lonely place. She's probably really lonely too.