Another mom invited herself to my kid’s birthday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you invite the whole class (and therefore don't know the parents well), you should expect there are some parents who will not be comfortable with drop off.

Also, it's one person. Be gracious.

+1

This is pretty typical at this age. I'm happy to have the help.

When my DS1 was this age, there is NO WAY I would have left him at a big party like this-- exactly the kind of situation where he would get over-excited and start misbehaving. I actually would have considered it rude for me to just drop him off, knowing he might be a problem. And it would not have occurred to me to ask in advance if I could stay.

It is honestly outrageous to think that you can ask 2 moms from the class tip stay but not others. Actually outrageous. And really shittily cliquey and rude.

[Anonymous]

You sound complicated and difficult. Also, perhaps a bit cynical. You know there is a chance that this mother is being sincere. It could be that simple. Just let her come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd think that the mom didn't invite herself to the party, she is asking for accommodations for her own child (i.e. the presence of a trusted adult) who is already a party invitee.

+1 thought this was someone asking for themselves and kid to attend the party when neither was invited, like an acquaintance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

asking

You answer. She asked, you answer.
Be a grown up and use your words
whatever those are

Regardless of her words, OP doesn’t get to decide who stays at a public venue, unless she owns it.

The public venue is kind of immaterial IMO. If the party were at OP's home, I would still have wanted to stay with my DS when he was in 2nd grade, he could be a real handful at that age.

[Anonymous]

It's kind of you to invite everyone, OP.

It's definitely normal for kids to have separation/social anxiety at that age. I would just be kind to the parent . . . it must suck for her that she can't just drop her kid off. Be encouraging and kind. A kid's party at a venue isn't a great time for socializing with your besties anyway.

[Anonymous]

Another vote that OP says of course you can stay and plan for more parents to be sticking around and additional food and beverages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you invite the whole class (and therefore don't know the parents well), you should expect there are some parents who will not be comfortable with drop off.

Also, it's one person. Be gracious.

+1

This is pretty typical at this age. I'm happy to have the help.

When my DS1 was this age, there is NO WAY I would have left him at a big party like this-- exactly the kind of situation where he would get over-excited and start misbehaving. I actually would have considered it rude for me to just drop him off, knowing he might be a problem. And it would not have occurred to me to ask in advance if I could stay.

It is honestly outrageous to think that you can ask 2 moms from the class tip stay but not others. Actually outrageous. And really shittily cliquey and rude.

Seriously- all the kids are invited but only a couple parents? Good grief. My second grader is comfortable at drop off parties of all kinds (was at one today) but last year was a different story. These kids all have their own time line, be kind!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dude, just let her come. Her kid is in 2nd grade, and likely DOES have anxiety - he'll be around people you specifically said doesn't know very well.
How much "catching up" did you plan to do at a noisy birthday party venue? FFS, it's not like she invited her toddler along. Catch up with your friends another time.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s weird to have a strictly drop off party at a venue like this, esp for 2nd grade. Drop off optional, sure, but not drop off only.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Average for a 2nd grader is 7-8 and should be able to attend a birthday party for classmate without holding mommy's hand! If they can't they can't then the parent is doing something wrong! I travelled by plane by myself at age 7 and was not afraid or anxious.

There are plenty of 7/8 yr olds who aren’t comfortable being dropped off with a random parent at a party venue yet. Further, this particular age group of kids lost a lot of early experiences w/ socialization (and parties) due to their pre-k and K years being totally disrupted by covid. You’re in the wrong, op. You should absolutely accommodate any parent who feels they need to stay. Plan and HH if you want to catch up w your two friends.

Stop blaming Covid for everything! I can hear all the parents lamenting their kid didn't get into Harvard because of Covid!

I’d seek help for the voices in your head. Here in present-day reality for 2nd graders, these kids are still catching up socially. They’ll get there but this is the first year they’ve had “normal” since they were 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes tell her you can’t accommodate her as the venue has a strict count. She can choose to drop off her child or not bro if him at all. I would be miffed too. Does she stay at school with him too? Ridiculous

Wow. Now I know where the mean kids get it from. Is having to talk to someone other than your bestie so awful that a child should be excluded from the party?

These boards always make me understand where the kids being exclusionary at school learn it. I’m always shocked at these responses honestly.

I can only imagine the conversation between OP and her DD regarding this child’s anxiety and whatever other issues and mom’s feelings about making small accommodations.

It really explains why my autistic child didn't get a single party or playdate invitation while in public school (she was fully mainstreamed). People suck.

I’m so sorry to hear this.
My nephew was this anxious 8 yr old and my sister kept in his view (when in strange places) almost until age 12. Then he was fine. If you’re on a life-saving flight helicopter to Washington Hospital Center, he may well be the trauma surgeon on call. Be nice people.

[Anonymous]

OP you’d better watch out because there is a good chance one of your kids will develop an anxiety disorder, or will have some other mental health or behavioral challenge. Because as the parent of teens, I can tell you it’s the rare kid that makes it through 18 years unscathed. And when that happens, remember what an awful person you were and don’t expect any grace or kindness from others because you don’t deserve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dude, just let her come. Her kid is in 2nd grade, and likely DOES have anxiety - he'll be around people you specifically said doesn't know very well.
How much "catching up" did you plan to do at a noisy birthday party venue? FFS, it's not like she invited her toddler along. Catch up with your friends another time.

+1

Exactly. Be kind OP - you don’t know the kid’s situation. I’m sure the mom would prefer drop off but not all kids are the same and develop at different times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think a kids party is the right time to have a private meeting with your best friends. Do that the weekend before.

This! Same with your parents. Ask them to stay for dinner after the party. Or have them over another time. I would never count on my kid’s birthday party as “catch-up time” with friends or family. That’s the time when you get snatches of conversation in between doing this or that. Maybe at the end of the party when everyone’s gone away except the closest friends/family and you clean up together while chatting.

[Anonymous]

2nd grade is old enough for a drop-off party.
Nobody in either of my children's 2nd grade classes hung around any birthday parties - except for that one parent who brought along her other 2 children.