My sister is having her best friend be called aunt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

Another person waiting to hear the answer. I can't think of any culture which actively frowns on using the term "aunt" and "uncle" for anyone at all beyond the biological siblings of the parent.

I mean, OP can object to it because she doesn't like it, but attributing it to a culture to give it some kind of borrowed authority is really ringing flat.

NP. I don’t know if this counts, but I grew up in a really rural, conservative, evangelistic, insular, homogeneous, undereducated, poor white community in the south. They didn’t like bestowing relationship names on people not born into them, so no auntie or uncle unless it was your parent’s brother. The exceptions were grandparent-style names for some old person who had 60+ grandchildren, great grandchildren and so on. But even then you didn’t just call them Granny, it would be like Granny Jones or Old Granny Mary or something like that, and literally everyone in town except her own kids who called her Mom used that name for her. Another exception would be when you have children, you call the grandparents by the grandparents name and our children use rather than mom and dad without it being considered blasphemous. Also, we did play a little fast and loose with cousin, but chances are if we looked far enough into genealogy, we’d probably be related and some sort of cousin anyway.

When I was a kid and we’d watch a movie or tv show as a family, sometimes a character would call their spouse’s parents Mom and Dad. My parents would be so upset by that concept, and warn us that if we married someone who wasn’t from around there (but why would you do that?) we better make it clear that they weren’t to call my parents Mom and Dad, nor could we call their parents Mom and Dad, because we already have a mom and dad. It was all about insecurity leading them to exert more control to try and make themselves feel better. I don’t know if everyone where I’m from felt that strongly about it, but none of my friends’ parents referred to their in-laws as Mom and Dad.

There was also a sort of xenophobic aspect to the avoidance of using auntie to describe friends of moms. I remember hearing some version of “we’re not Asian” when I asked why I couldn’t do that.

*I’m not encouraging the behavior described above, nor do I live by those rules. I’m an Auntie to several children who aren’t blood relations. I feel like people should use names both the speaker and the person the name references are comfortable with. I also think OP sounds insecure and controlling, and it’s definitely not her place to control what her sister teachers her child to call people.

That's really interesting. Thanks for the insight.

I agree with you that the behvior being described gives multiple good reasons to push back against it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

Another person waiting to hear the answer. I can't think of any culture which actively frowns on using the term "aunt" and "uncle" for anyone at all beyond the biological siblings of the parent.

I mean, OP can object to it because she doesn't like it, but attributing it to a culture to give it some kind of borrowed authority is really ringing flat.

NP. I don’t know if this counts, but I grew up in a really rural, conservative, evangelistic, insular, homogeneous, undereducated, poor white community in the south. They didn’t like bestowing relationship names on people not born into them, so no auntie or uncle unless it was your parent’s brother. The exceptions were grandparent-style names for some old person who had 60+ grandchildren, great grandchildren and so on. But even then you didn’t just call them Granny, it would be like Granny Jones or Old Granny Mary or something like that, and literally everyone in town except her own kids who called her Mom used that name for her. Another exception would be when you have children, you call the grandparents by the grandparents name and our children use rather than mom and dad without it being considered blasphemous. Also, we did play a little fast and loose with cousin, but chances are if we looked far enough into genealogy, we’d probably be related and some sort of cousin anyway.

When I was a kid and we’d watch a movie or tv show as a family, sometimes a character would call their spouse’s parents Mom and Dad. My parents would be so upset by that concept, and warn us that if we married someone who wasn’t from around there (but why would you do that?) we better make it clear that they weren’t to call my parents Mom and Dad, nor could we call their parents Mom and Dad, because we already have a mom and dad. It was all about insecurity leading them to exert more control to try and make themselves feel better. I don’t know if everyone where I’m from felt that strongly about it, but none of my friends’ parents referred to their in-laws as Mom and Dad.

There was also a sort of xenophobic aspect to the avoidance of using auntie to describe friends of moms. I remember hearing some version of “we’re not Asian” when I asked why I couldn’t do that.

*I’m not encouraging the behavior described above, nor do I live by those rules. I’m an Auntie to several children who aren’t blood relations. I feel like people should use names both the speaker and the person the name references are comfortable with. I also think OP sounds insecure and controlling, and it’s definitely not her place to control what her sister teachers her child to call people.

That's really interesting. Thanks for the insight.

I agree with you that the behvior being described gives multiple good reasons to push back against it.

Yeah it was funny reading the thread seeing so many questions about what kind of culture doesn’t embrace more aunties. I was like the excited kid in class with my hand up waving it around saying, “I know, I know, pick me!”

[Anonymous]

My brother married into a family from a South American country and they all seem to designate all kinds of people as aunties and uncles. My problem with it was I could never figure out how or if a person was related to who and it was very confusing.

I think part of the issue is some cultures are uncomfortable with kids calling adults by their first names so they tell them to call them Auntie Larlita rather than just Larlita. In my family we are totally comfortable with kids calling adults by their first names, even aunts and uncles and grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

Another person waiting to hear the answer. I can't think of any culture which actively frowns on using the term "aunt" and "uncle" for anyone at all beyond the biological siblings of the parent.

I mean, OP can object to it because she doesn't like it, but attributing it to a culture to give it some kind of borrowed authority is really ringing flat.

NP. I don’t know if this counts, but I grew up in a really rural, conservative, evangelistic, insular, homogeneous, undereducated, poor white community in the south. They didn’t like bestowing relationship names on people not born into them, so no auntie or uncle unless it was your parent’s brother. The exceptions were grandparent-style names for some old person who had 60+ grandchildren, great grandchildren and so on. But even then you didn’t just call them Granny, it would be like Granny Jones or Old Granny Mary or something like that, and literally everyone in town except her own kids who called her Mom used that name for her. Another exception would be when you have children, you call the grandparents by the grandparents name and our children use rather than mom and dad without it being considered blasphemous. Also, we did play a little fast and loose with cousin, but chances are if we looked far enough into genealogy, we’d probably be related and some sort of cousin anyway.

When I was a kid and we’d watch a movie or tv show as a family, sometimes a character would call their spouse’s parents Mom and Dad. My parents would be so upset by that concept, and warn us that if we married someone who wasn’t from around there (but why would you do that?) we better make it clear that they weren’t to call my parents Mom and Dad, nor could we call their parents Mom and Dad, because we already have a mom and dad. It was all about insecurity leading them to exert more control to try and make themselves feel better. I don’t know if everyone where I’m from felt that strongly about it, but none of my friends’ parents referred to their in-laws as Mom and Dad.

There was also a sort of xenophobic aspect to the avoidance of using auntie to describe friends of moms. I remember hearing some version of “we’re not Asian” when I asked why I couldn’t do that.

*I’m not encouraging the behavior described above, nor do I live by those rules. I’m an Auntie to several children who aren’t blood relations. I feel like people should use names both the speaker and the person the name references are comfortable with. I also think OP sounds insecure and controlling, and it’s definitely not her place to control what her sister teachers her child to call people.

That's really interesting. Thanks for the insight.

I agree with you that the behvior being described gives multiple good reasons to push back against it.

Yeah it was funny reading the thread seeing so many questions about what kind of culture doesn’t embrace more aunties. I was like the excited kid in class with my hand up waving it around saying, “I know, I know, pick me!”

It doesn't matter what or how many cultures embrace the aunt and uncle title for non relatives the point is unless it's her actual child she gets zero say or has zero business trying to manipulate someone else into feeling guilty for making a decision on what they are or aren't allowed to have their child call someone else.

[Anonymous]

We are Indian-Americans.

We have specific names for all our relationships - For example, my sister's kids calls me "maasi", my brother's kids will call me "bua", my husband's brother's kid will call me "chaachi" or "taai" and my husband's sister's kid will call me "maami". I am auntie to all kids of my friends. It is a relationship thing rather than an age thing.

Similarly, for people who are only several years older than us but not related? We concoct relationships with them that does not even exist to convey intent/respect. I call people older than me (my elder brother or elder sister's friends or their spouses for example - "bhaiya"(elder brother), "didi" (elder sister), "bhaabhi" (elder brother's wife) or Jijaji (elder sister's husband). I just add their name in front of the relationship title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

?? DP and I’m really curious in what culture it’s offensive to call someone “Aunt” Larla.

I didn’t say that, you did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

Another person waiting to hear the answer. I can't think of any culture which actively frowns on using the term "aunt" and "uncle" for anyone at all beyond the biological siblings of the parent.

I mean, OP can object to it because she doesn't like it, but attributing it to a culture to give it some kind of borrowed authority is really ringing flat.

NP. I don’t know if this counts, but I grew up in a really rural, conservative, evangelistic, insular, homogeneous, undereducated, poor white community in the south. They didn’t like bestowing relationship names on people not born into them, so no auntie or uncle unless it was your parent’s brother. The exceptions were grandparent-style names for some old person who had 60+ grandchildren, great grandchildren and so on. But even then you didn’t just call them Granny, it would be like Granny Jones or Old Granny Mary or something like that, and literally everyone in town except her own kids who called her Mom used that name for her. Another exception would be when you have children, you call the grandparents by the grandparents name and our children use rather than mom and dad without it being considered blasphemous. Also, we did play a little fast and loose with cousin, but chances are if we looked far enough into genealogy, we’d probably be related and some sort of cousin anyway.

When I was a kid and we’d watch a movie or tv show as a family, sometimes a character would call their spouse’s parents Mom and Dad. My parents would be so upset by that concept, and warn us that if we married someone who wasn’t from around there (but why would you do that?) we better make it clear that they weren’t to call my parents Mom and Dad, nor could we call their parents Mom and Dad, because we already have a mom and dad. It was all about insecurity leading them to exert more control to try and make themselves feel better. I don’t know if everyone where I’m from felt that strongly about it, but none of my friends’ parents referred to their in-laws as Mom and Dad.

There was also a sort of xenophobic aspect to the avoidance of using auntie to describe friends of moms. I remember hearing some version of “we’re not Asian” when I asked why I couldn’t do that.

*I’m not encouraging the behavior described above, nor do I live by those rules. I’m an Auntie to several children who aren’t blood relations. I feel like people should use names both the speaker and the person the name references are comfortable with. I also think OP sounds insecure and controlling, and it’s definitely not her place to control what her sister teachers her child to call people.

That's really interesting. Thanks for the insight.

I agree with you that the behvior being described gives multiple good reasons to push back against it.

Yeah it was funny reading the thread seeing so many questions about what kind of culture doesn’t embrace more aunties. I was like the excited kid in class with my hand up waving it around saying, “I know, I know, pick me!”

It doesn't matter what or how many cultures embrace the aunt and uncle title for non relatives the point is unless it's her actual child she gets zero say or has zero business trying to manipulate someone else into feeling guilty for making a decision on what they are or aren't allowed to have their child call someone else.

Which is exactly what I said along with giving an example of a culture that was intolerant of giving familial names to non familial relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 almost 29 years old with 2 older sisters. My oldest sister has 2 children of her own and my other sister is pregnant with her first. In our culture we are very big on only actual aunts and uncles being called aunt and uncle. My sister's very best friend she has since 3rd grade she is going to have her child call her aunt. I am a little hurt by this because I feel like it takes away and waters down the people who are actually the child's aunt. I addressed this with my sister and she said I'm being ridiculous as it's not like she is having every friend be called aunt and it's just her very best friend that she has been friends with for 20+ years. It's still a friend and not an aunt.

Am I being irrational?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

OP did, in the first post.

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 almost 29 years old with 2 older sisters. My oldest sister has 2 children of her own and my other sister is pregnant with her first. In our culture we are very big on only actual aunts and uncles being called aunt and uncle. My sister's very best friend she has since 3rd grade she is going to have her child call her aunt. I am a little hurt by this because I feel like it takes away and waters down the people who are actually the child's aunt. I addressed this with my sister and she said I'm being ridiculous as it's not like she is having every friend be called aunt and it's just her very best friend that she has been friends with for 20+ years. It's still a friend and not an aunt.

Am I being irrational?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

It’s the third sentence of the very first post of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those saying MYOB. This is my sister don't I have a right to express my feelings to my own sister? Shouldn't my feelings as her sister trump the feelings of her friend?

It depends. I care about my sisters feelings but I am not going to base my personal decisions on my sisters feelings, especially if they don’t really have to do with her. In this case she is deciding that HER child will be calling HET best friend an aunt. I get that you are also an aunt, but it doesn’t really have to do with you. It’s not that she is telling you who your kid should call aunt. Now that would be entirely your business.

In this case I think you are overstepping and taking this too personally.

Fwiw I think a best friend since age 3 is essentially like a sister. In some ways a friend like this is even closer than a sister. Not in regards to being a relation but likely in terms of sharing intimate feelings and thoughts with. There are also some ways in which a closer biological sibling is closer than a best friend, but I don’t see it as a hierarchy. The are different and both very important relationships.

Anyway, let your sister decide how she is going to parent. When it’s your turn you will appreciate it when people respect your parenting choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

NP. The OP said “In our culture we are very big on only actual aunts and uncles being called aunt and uncle” so yeah…they’re claiming that it’s frowned upon to call non-aunts and non-uncles Aunt and Uncle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

It’s the third sentence of the very first post of this thread.

No, it’s says that what is culturally done. It does not say frowned upon or condemned in anyway. Just because something may not be common doesn’t mean it is bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

NP. The OP said “In our culture we are very big on only actual aunts and uncles being called aunt and uncle” so yeah…they’re claiming that it’s frowned upon to call non-aunts and non-uncles Aunt and Uncle.

I’m sure there are cultures out there that don’t practice calling close friends loved ones. That makes them bad? -np