Strange comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these answers astound me. When my parents give me money, it goes into the joint account.

True for a lot of us, but our spouses aren't figuratively grabbing the check and literally announcing what we'll be doing with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these answers astound me. When my parents give me money, it goes into the joint account.

But that's your decision. Gifts are not legally marital property. If you choose to do that, it's great, but it's not just a given for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you often feel like people look down on your behaviors? I'm assuming so, from your defensiveness and sticking to the tiny point that she commented on your side conversation as the most offensive thing here. You just have bad manners.

Isn't that kind of the point though.? It'd a conversation I had with my husband not her so not her business to comment on

It wasn't "a conversation" it was a comment made by you. And it wasn't just between you and your husband since you said it in front of other people. Do you frequently have "conversations" that are only meant for you and your husband in front of a group of people? Because that is also rude. You are just a rude person, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave my husband a $1000 for his birthday. Just to be clear we have been married for 10 years not just long term dating or engaged. I have always considered MIL and I to have a good relationship. We aren't best friends but it's not awkward if we ever end up in a situation where we are alone together. My point in saying this is to say that as far as I know we have no issues between us.

We have been getting home renovations done so when my husband opened his card and it was $1000 in there I said, "oh great we can use it towards our home renovations." My MIL gave me a nasty look and said back to me in a rude tone, "that's money is meant for my son for his birthday it's up to him to decide how it's spent." I said back a little snarky back I will admit, "we are a married couple and we always considered money we get to be family money as I thought it was normal for married couples to share money."

It got very quiet which honestly I'm more annoyed with my husband that he didn't jump in and let me get hammered by his mother but whatever that's besides the point.

Since the whole mood and tone changed I left the house to go for a walk and let them have time together.

I don't know I feel like this is so out of character given that his mom and I have always gotten along well and in the 10+ years I've been with her son I have never seen her act like this.

You would have thought I said oh great we can use the money for me to go on a girl's weekend or for me to get my nails done. But this is OUR house as a married couple this benefits him just as much as me. Besides we are a married couple do married couples not share money typically especially large amounts??

Not to mention it shouldn't be up to the gift giver to determine how the money is spent. For us we are married so it's more of a we are a unit and make these decisions together we are one in the married sense.

I want my husband to talk to his mother about making comments that are out of line and quite frankly none of her business what I say to my husband a married couple and I think she owes me an apology.

He said he is going to talk to her because it's out of character for her. And ask her to talk to me and to apologize.

I guess I'm just really hurt and taken a back because this type of comment doesn't just come out of no where if you are typically pretty close with someone.

Op, I get it that you’d probably getting aggressive because it seems like everyone is trashing you on this thread. You were in the wrong.

Don’t dig yourself deeper just because you have a conviction. Learn from what everyone is telling you. This is not even a dilemma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these answers astound me. When my parents give me money, it goes into the joint account.

Of course but that doesn't mean you comment on it when your spouse opens the gift in front of the gift giver!

Yes, fair.

[Anonymous]

You need to be the one to apologize to her. You behaved like a rude, obstinate child and if I were you or your husband, I'd be incredibly embarrassed to have acted that way or that my spouse acted that way in front of anyone, including family, especially someone who just gave you a very generous gift!

In fact, if I were your spouse and you acted that way, I'd be telling you you need to apologize to my parent and I would also apologize to my parent on your behalf as well.

Be a better person, OP. Tell your MIL, "I'm so sorry I was rude about the gift you so generously gave DH. We've just been so involved in these home renovation projects lately that it's on our minds a lot and that's why I immediately thought of that. And then I felt defensive and overreacted when you commented that the gift was only for him. I shouldn't have acted the way I did and I shouldn't have left to take a walk during DH's birthday celebration either. I hope you can accept my apology."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave my husband a $1000 for his birthday. Just to be clear we have been married for 10 years not just long term dating or engaged. I have always considered MIL and I to have a good relationship. We aren't best friends but it's not awkward if we ever end up in a situation where we are alone together. My point in saying this is to say that as far as I know we have no issues between us.

We have been getting home renovations done so when my husband opened his card and it was $1000 in there I said, "oh great we can use it towards our home renovations." My MIL gave me a nasty look and said back to me in a rude tone, "that's money is meant for my son for his birthday it's up to him to decide how it's spent." I said back a little snarky back I will admit, "we are a married couple and we always considered money we get to be family money as I thought it was normal for married couples to share money."

It got very quiet which honestly I'm more annoyed with my husband that he didn't jump in and let me get hammered by his mother but whatever that's besides the point.

Since the whole mood and tone changed I left the house to go for a walk and let them have time together.

I don't know I feel like this is so out of character given that his mom and I have always gotten along well and in the 10+ years I've been with her son I have never seen her act like this.

You would have thought I said oh great we can use the money for me to go on a girl's weekend or for me to get my nails done. But this is OUR house as a married couple this benefits him just as much as me. Besides we are a married couple do married couples not share money typically especially large amounts??

Not to mention it shouldn't be up to the gift giver to determine how the money is spent. For us we are married so it's more of a we are a unit and make these decisions together we are one in the married sense.

I want my husband to talk to his mother about making comments that are out of line and quite frankly none of her business what I say to my husband a married couple and I think she owes me an apology.

He said he is going to talk to her because it's out of character for her. And ask her to talk to me and to apologize.

I guess I'm just really hurt and taken a back because this type of comment doesn't just come out of no where if you are typically pretty close with someone.

Op, I get it that you’d probably getting aggressive because it seems like everyone is trashing you on this thread. You were in the wrong.

Don’t dig yourself deeper just because you have a conviction. Learn from what everyone is telling you. This is not even a dilemma.

She's getting trashed in this thread because her behaviour was awful, but she refuses to see it and keeps doubling down. Hard to imagine that she's not normally like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be the one to apologize to her. You behaved like a rude, obstinate child and if I were you or your husband, I'd be incredibly embarrassed to have acted that way or that my spouse acted that way in front of anyone, including family, especially someone who just gave you a very generous gift!

In fact, if I were your spouse and you acted that way, I'd be telling you you need to apologize to my parent and I would also apologize to my parent on your behalf as well.

Be a better person, OP. Tell your MIL, "I'm so sorry I was rude about the gift you so generously gave DH. We've just been so involved in these home renovation projects lately that it's on our minds a lot and that's why I immediately thought of that. And then I felt defensive and overreacted when you commented that the gift was only for him. I shouldn't have acted the way I did and I shouldn't have left to take a walk during DH's birthday celebration either. I hope you can accept my apology."

This is great, but there's not a snowball's chance in hell OP will do this. Did you read her other responses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these answers astound me. When my parents give me money, it goes into the joint account.

When my parents give me money or my DH’s parents give him money, it does indeed go in the joint account. But we do that on our own, privately, after guests have left, and we do not discuss what to do with the money after guests have left.

What is “astounding” to me is that you and OP apparently have no manners whatsoever; when someone gives a gift, the recipient says “thank you” and anyone also present might say something like “wow that was so nice”; you do not start counting and planning what to do with money right then and there. How “astoundingly” gauche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these answers astound me. When my parents give me money, it goes into the joint account.

Of course but that doesn't mean you comment on it when your spouse opens the gift in front of the gift giver!

Yes, fair.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these answers astound me. When my parents give me money, it goes into the joint account.

True for a lot of us, but our spouses aren't figuratively grabbing the check and literally announcing what we'll be doing with it.

+1 OP should have handled this privately with DH and at most said "Mary what a generous and thoughtful gift."

[Anonymous]

OP, your MIL's comment wasn't strange or rude. Your comments were rude and out of place. You are the one who messed up here. If my spouse made the comments you did in front of my parents after my parents had just given me a nice gift and then left to take a walk during my birthday celebration with my parents, I would be so upset. Embarrassed, angry, sad. Do you routinely treat your husband and others this way? If so, I feel so sorry for your husband. You are very controlling and inconsiderate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these answers astound me. When my parents give me money, it goes into the joint account.

When my parents give me money or my DH’s parents give him money, it does indeed go in the joint account. But we do that on our own, privately, after guests have left, and we do not discuss what to do with the money after guests have left.

What is “astounding” to me is that you and OP apparently have no manners whatsoever; when someone gives a gift, the recipient says “thank you” and anyone also present might say something like “wow that was so nice”; you do not start counting and planning what to do with money right then and there. How “astoundingly” gauche.

I agree. The person who was not even gifted the money, claimed the money immediately and declared what the money was to be used for. I would have been annoyed, as the gift giver.

[Anonymous]

If I were your MIL, I would've been annoyed by your comment and would have found it rude but I probably wouldn't have said anything about it in that moment, to keep the peace and enjoy a nice bday celebration for my child. But what she said wasn't rude or unkind in any way. You were the rude one, OP, for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn’t have assumed the money was going to be used for your renovation - that was a gift for him. Your MIL was right. Let your husband decide.

This. If this was an inheritance payment you would not be entitled to the money unless he decided to co-mingle it with you. You overstepped. Best you say nothing else and let it slide. She owes you no apology.