Only child versus having more than one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sister but we are 13 years apart so for the first 13 years I was an only child and always remember wanting a sibling. And I love having a sister. My mom was sick and passed away 4 years ago and I cannot imagine going through that without my sister. My Dad remarried and his wife has a range of annoying habits and it’s my sister I can call and complain to and she totally gets it. I am sure there are well adjusted onlies but my life have been lesser than without my sister.

My DH is the youngest, and siblings are much much older than DH. Same experience. First several years of life were like being an only, but once DH reached adulthood, they all became closer.

A friend of ours once told us after we had DC#1 that we should think about DC#2 because.."who else can you complain to about your crazy parents. No one else will understand how crazy your parents are except your sibling."

DH was on the fence about #2, but after I said to him how would he feel if he didn't have any siblings knowing your parents will die some day, he acknowledged that having a sibling, even if they don't see each other often, is something he values.

Of course, there are those who hate their siblings even as adults.

[Anonymous]

As a counterpoint, I am much older than my only sibling and we’ve never been close. We don’t have issues, just never formed much of a relationship. No guarantees in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a counterpoint, I am much older than my only sibling and we’ve never been close. We don’t have issues, just never formed much of a relationship. No guarantees in life.

Same. I think this was party due to the fact that my parents were kinda dysfunctional and really couldn't handle parenting one child let alone two so I was pretty much left to my own devices once my sister came along That definitely caused some resentment that, while not my sister's fault, is hard to fully forget.

[Anonymous]

Im an only child. Now that Im the only one who is here to help my old parents it sucks. Because I dont have a sibling to share the load. It is a v diff experience than that which my spouse is having with their old parents (they have a sibling).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im an only child. Now that Im the only one who is here to help my old parents it sucks. Because I dont have a sibling to share the load. It is a v diff experience than that which my spouse is having with their old parents (they have a sibling).

There is no guarantee the sibling will share the load. Just spend 5 minutes on the family relationships forum and you will see that. At least you don't have to share your inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm another single parent to a toddler who has debated the same question. I'm 99% sure my child will be an only now even though I haven an embryo left.

Here is how I decided:

I think as a single parent I have an extra responsibility to stay healthy and active as a parent as I age. I not only worried about the health risk of a pregnancy in my mid-40s, but also I've come to recognize that caring for my body takes a time investment I would not be able to make with a second child.

Financially, I could stretch to make things work for a second child - but it would be at the expense of my first child. I grew up in a large family and it took me years to get out from under my student loan and credit card debt because my parents couldn't support me after 18 or contribute anything to college - too many siblings to pay for.

As I think about gaining free time as my child gets older, I find I am yearning more to focus on myself with that free time than to parent another child. Again, happy parent equals better parent. I think my child is better off having one great, happy, healthy parent than a super-stressed parent + a sibling.

I really appreciated this perspective, thank you. (Not OP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't use one child to benefit another child. You should stick with only

A million times this. I chose to have a second because I wanted a second not because of any imagined deficiency my older would experience as an only child.

[Anonymous]

I had a multiple miscarriages after my first and spent a lot of time wondering if I was only meant to have one child. I was ready to throw in the towel when I got pregnant with my son.

I'm so grateful I get to be his mom and so grateful I got to do all the baby and toddler stuff a second time. I think having done it all before made things easier or at least gave me some perspective that this too shall pass

Are things harder and more complicated and so much more expensive with two kids? Absolutely. But there's a lot of great parts about having a second. He's been such a joy to our family.

m.

[Anonymous]

I'm an only and I internationally had 2 kids for socialization benefits. They are now 6 and 3 but I think they are more cooperative, sharing and kind (thinking of others) than I was at age 25... No regrets whatsoever!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't use one child to benefit another child. You should stick with only

A million times this. I chose to have a second because I wanted a second not because of any imagined deficiency my older would experience as an only child.

+1 I have an only because that is what I wanted. I got lucky that my child is happy being an only and has never asked for a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Same here. I have a happy healthy kid generous only that doesn’t ask for siblings. What you a hole posters criticizing my only don’t know is that we have 3 Angel babies. Sure blame him for being maladjusted. Yes we have double the resources to direct towards him.

Do what you want not what you think society wants you do!

[Anonymous]

Can I just say I came in here to answer but seeing all the responses I want to let you know I had a second and he’s a freaking adorable smush and I didn’t know I could love both my kids so much because I adore my first kid. So I’m just gushing that you should have a second only if YOU want one and they can both be your everything

[Anonymous]

As an adult, I know two only children well (both women) and neither of them want an only child. My husband has a friend who’s an only (a guy) and he didn’t mind it.

[Anonymous]

Mothers of one are happier. You can also read the Family or Relationship forum and see how having multiples have its own issues. Although I am sure that no one regrets their 2nd child.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/singletons/202206/are-mothers-happier-one-child-or-more%3Famp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say I came in here to answer but seeing all the responses I want to let you know I had a second and he’s a freaking adorable smush and I didn’t know I could love both my kids so much because I adore my first kid. So I’m just gushing that you should have a second only if YOU want one and they can both be your everything

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