Nanny can’t handle baby and toddler. Help!

[Anonymous]

We’ve had our nanny for about three weeks now. It’s not going well. She isn’t able to handle both the baby and our toddler. It’s to the point that I’m providing half the childcare. I’m a single parent whose children were in daycare before the pandemic.

I’m still getting no work done but now paying thousands of dollars to get no work done. Our daycare reopened a few weeks ago. Should I send them back? I’m about to break.

[Anonymous]

Is your nanny very inexperienced? (And paid to match?)

Your options are:
1. to find a nanny that can handle both, realizing you will probably have to pay much more than you are paying now to compete for such a nanny

or

2. Send them to daycare

[Anonymous]

No, you probably just need a new nanny. That is pretty much a basic requirement (that they be able to handle 2 kids of different ages).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you probably just need a new nanny. That is pretty much a basic requirement (that they be able to handle 2 kids of different ages).

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your nanny very inexperienced? (And paid to match?)

Your options are:
1. to find a nanny that can handle both, realizing you will probably have to pay much more than you are paying now to compete for such a nanny

or

2. Send them to daycare

When I interviewed her it sounded like she had experience with multiple children in both age groups. Ex husband also asked to interview her as well and we agreed we were both comfortable with her experience. Perhaps we didn’t drill down far enough. Now thinking she has more baby sitting experience than actual nanny experience.

[Anonymous]

Give her a warning, maybe she’ll get her act together, then find someone else. Daycare should be last resort.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of her. Try another one with a higher level of experience and references for 10-12 days. If that doesn't work, daycare it is.

[Anonymous]

Are you all packed into a small space, too? Do you have a yard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your nanny very inexperienced? (And paid to match?)

Your options are:
1. to find a nanny that can handle both, realizing you will probably have to pay much more than you are paying now to compete for such a nanny

or

2. Send them to daycare

When I interviewed her it sounded like she had experience with multiple children in both age groups. Ex husband also asked to interview her as well and we agreed we were both comfortable with her experience. Perhaps we didn’t drill down far enough. Now thinking she has more baby sitting experience than actual nanny experience.

[Anonymous]

What are you paying? Are you paying her like a sitter or a nanny?

[Anonymous]

She should be able to manage both unless one is super needy and high maintenance. Is the baby taking a bottle well and nappy regularly? Is the toddler napping in the afternoon and generally well behaved— it super hyper or demanding of her while she’s trying to feed the baby? Or is the toddler the type to climb the walls and get into everything while the baby is being fed? It makes a difference. How old is she? That also makes a difference. Are you all in a tiny apartment or is there room to spread out a bit?

My two cents is for you to back off—intervening is likely making it worse. Let her handle everything and find her groove. Having the parents around, especially if they’re stepping in all the time is extremely stressful and now the toddler knows mom will always step in. Leave and work someplace else for a week if at all possible. If it’s not possible, put in air buds and ignore whatever you hear in the other room. Let her sort it out.

[Anonymous]

Is she having a hard time managing them because you are home and so there is a weird dynamic of who is in charge and do the kids want to be with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you probably just need a new nanny. That is pretty much a basic requirement (that they be able to handle 2 kids of different ages).

+1.

+2.

[Anonymous]

1. How old is she?

2. How much experience did she say she had? How many references did you call?

3. Did you advertise for a sitter or a nanny? How much do you pay? (Only relevant to know the quality of candidates who applied)

4. Why did you intervene? You set a precedent with your toddler. IF you intervene from now on, you take the infant, she takes the toddler.

5. Do either of the children have special needs? If not, she needs room to teach BOTH patience. She also needs to involve the toddler in caring for and interacting appropriately with the baby. If either has special needs, this may not be possible, depending on what the diagnosis is.

6. How much time is your toddler spending outside/moving? If you’re keeping nanny and both kids locked up inside, you’ve handicapped the nanny. Send them to a park with a toddler area and let your older child play. Nanny can carry the baby around, wear the baby or push a stroller while keeping an eye on the toddler. When the toddler wants to swing, both kids can swing (if the baby’s core is strong enough now to sit in the swing).

If your nanny can’t seem to figure this out, get a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

Are you hiding? My toddler and baby are uncontrollable for my nanny if I am in the room...total meltdown disaster. But when I leave they are all totally fine.

It really, really sucks these days having to hide in my bedrolm with H working all day long, unable to leave, but it's the only way to maintain peace in the house. I feel lucky to have childcare but god this whole situation sucks.