Disagreement About Moving

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are in a disagreement about buying a house. We have one child and will be trying for a second child soon. We are growing out of our current place and need to find something soon. He found us a house that is way beyond our budget. We can afford it but we will have less money to enjoy other things. There a couple of houses that are significantly cheaper that have all that we want. I don't know how to make him see that buying such an expensive house is not the right option for us.

[Anonymous]

Don't stretch, especially with two in day care.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it's beyond your personal vision of your budget but not his. The point is that you need to make a budget together. Do you know what you spend now, and on what? If not, work together on that. Then add in likely costs for a second child. What's left? What are your shared priorities? Where are each of you willing to compromise?

[Anonymous]

How expensive is the house? How much do you make?

[Anonymous]

FYI - kids don’t get cheaper. They actually get more expensive

[Anonymous]

I remember having bought too much house and lying awake at night worrying about paying credit card bills and what new promotion I could switch the credit card debt to - while my husband slept soundly by my side unworried. Obviously I don't know much about your circumstances, OP. It might work out. My dh is of the view that our situation worked out because we eventually got out of debt, made more money, and we made a nice profit when we sold the house. But those years would have been much easier for me if we had bought a less expensive house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI - kids don’t get cheaper. They actually get more expensive

+1

College tuition for two kids plus saving for your retirements will hit you far harder than he thinks if you're not factoring those costs into your house plans NOW. If he's saying "kid one is too young for us to think that far ahead and kid two isn't even here yet!" or he blithely says, "they'll just have to get scholarships!" etc. -- sure, that's all hilarious and cute now. Those 18 years will fly by and no one can guarantee that jobs will remain solid, or new jobs will pay as much or more, or kids will get any scholarships....You both need serious financial planning that involves house, education, retirement, and a buffer of money for emergencies like health issues etc.

I'd get a third party to lead this if DH is not worried but you are; he needs to hear tough realities from someone who is not you, OP. Most banks will give free financial planning help to clients; ask the bank where you have most of your accounts to assign you to a financial planner and go set up a session. See the person yourself, first, and lay out how you're concerned about the larger picture if you get this more expensive house.

Get a sitter--you need to be undistracted by your child when you do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like it's beyond your personal vision of your budget but not his. The point is that you need to make a budget together. Do you know what you spend now, and on what? If not, work together on that. Then add in likely costs for a second child. What's left? What are your shared priorities? Where are each of you willing to compromise?

OP here. My budget is $800k or under. The house he found is a little over $1 million. Our HHI is around $400k. We don't have any debt but a car he leases and our mortgage. We can afford the $1 million but that is still out of my comfort level. We are in a good spot financially and save 80% of what we make. We pay $40k now for a nanny ( daycare is around $25k) and we are hoping to send both kids to a private school and pay for college, etc. All of that is expensive.

[Anonymous]

On top of the million dollar house, something won’t be right and he’ll want to make changes. Heck with that... Kiss private school away.

So he can say his house costs a million bucks? BFD...

I wish you luck and stick to your guns. Do whatever you gotta do to convince him it’s just not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Wait- your HHI is $400k. You save 80%, so you are living off of 80,000 a year? With 40 of that 80 going to childcare? And you are going to take on an $800,000 mortgage?
I’m confused or read things very wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait- your HHI is $400k. You save 80%, so you are living off of 80,000 a year? With 40 of that 80 going to childcare? And you are going to take on an $800,000 mortgage?
I’m confused or read things very wrong

OP here. We don’t live off a set budget, but we live very modestly. We have saved most of what we make that way we can afford a house with being able to afford other things and save. Expenses will go up once we buy a house.

[Anonymous]

You'd make me crazy if you were my wife - you are wound way to tight about money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait- your HHI is $400k. You save 80%, so you are living off of 80,000 a year? With 40 of that 80 going to childcare? And you are going to take on an $800,000 mortgage?
I’m confused or read things very wrong

OP here. We don’t live off a set budget, but we live very modestly. We have saved most of what we make that way we can afford a house with being able to afford other things and save. Expenses will go up once we buy a house.

You've saved all of that money so how much do you plan to put down on a house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember having bought too much house and lying awake at night worrying about paying credit card bills and what new promotion I could switch the credit card debt to - while my husband slept soundly by my side unworried. Obviously I don't know much about your circumstances, OP. It might work out. My dh is of the view that our situation worked out because we eventually got out of debt, made more money, and we made a nice profit when we sold the house. But those years would have been much easier for me if we had bought a less expensive house.[/quoteif

+1, and would like to add that when a partner dismisses your worries and perspective this type of behavior is a red flag

[Anonymous]

The cost of raising a child just doesn't double when you add a second. It goes up even more. You are busier in general. Convenience items & services will be all the more tempting.