misbehaving???

[Anonymous]

my 14 month old DS is starting to test me and I'm not sure how to respond. One thing he does and I want to know how to stop him is, when he is on his high chair he throws everything to the floor, he takes a sip from his cup and on the floor it goes so I pick tell him NO and pick it up and dont give it back to him for a couple of minutes. But then he does it again. Sometimes he throws pieces of veggies while looking at me like waiting to see my reaction.
The other thing we have issues on is being gentle to our dog, he follows him around trying to pull his ears (his a cocker spaniel). I tell him no and pick him up and sit him down somewhere else. Yet he still crawls back to the dog and again gives me this look like "what are you going to do now?"
In the morning its usually a struggle to change his diaper and to put his coat on.
How do you discipline your 14 month old, its too early for time outs?

[Anonymous]

That's completely developmentally appropriate behavior and that's how they learn. No discipline this early; just make the food as spill proof as possible.

[Anonymous]

This is very typical for his age. I wouldn't pick up the cup, veggies, or anything else he throws. Everytime you do that, it becomes a game. Absolutely ignore it. If he throws his cup on the floor, no more beverage for him. Clean up the floor when he is done and out of his high chair.

At his age, you simply have to supervise him around animals. There is nothing else you can do. Don't say anything that would turn the behavior into a game of getting Mommy's attention. Scoop him up and get him away from the dog, or distract him with another toy.

Again, his behavior is totally age appropriate.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with 09:16. If your child is old enough to look you in the eye and deliberately test you, he is mature enough for some discipline. I recommend 09:19's approach to not replace any food / drink he throws IF food is a motivator. If you have a picky eater like mine or if you are dealing with the dog situation, consider brief time-outs. They work but you must be sure they can connect the punishment to their actions. At 14 months, my child absolutely understood the connection, but not all children do.

[Anonymous]

Time outs at 14 months?? I disagree.

Keep with the gentle "no. Gentle with animals" and demonstrate by having him pat the dog nicely and if he starts to pull again, repeat.

I DO agree with not picking up the things he drops when at the table and continuing with "we don't throw food"

[Anonymous]

With our dog, I always remind DD to be gentle and I say, "don't hurt her. she is your friend. love her." Usually, in response, DD pats her nicely and says "Awww," which is what she says when she means "I love you" to anyone. It gets better. Just keep reminding him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with 09:16. If your child is old enough to look you in the eye and deliberately test you, he is mature enough for some discipline. I recommend 09:19's approach to not replace any food / drink he throws IF food is a motivator. If you have a picky eater like mine or if you are dealing with the dog situation, consider brief time-outs. They work but you must be sure they can connect the punishment to their actions. At 14 months, my child absolutely understood the connection, but not all children do.

You need to read some child development books. TOs are completely inappropriate for a 14 mo. Even if the 14 mo is so advanced and mature that they speak 4 languages fluently and write novels in their spare time, they're still too young for TOs to be a developmentally appropriate discipline technique.

[jloukiss]

We have similar struggles with the tossed food. Once he starts throwing food off his tray, the meal is over, no matter how much he's eaten.

Try to avoid saying "no" as in another week or two, it's all you'll hear. Gentle, careful, even stop--better alternatives.

I don't think time-outs work. Ignore the behavior you don't like, praise the good behavior.

[Anonymous]

But before you take the food away, acknowledge what he did in a very "matter of fact" way.
"Oh, the cracker went DOWN, that's DOWN"
"Now put a cracker IN your mouth, yes that is IN"
"It is time to EAT, put he crack IN your mouth"
"NO, not DOWN, IN you mouth"

He may be trying to get your attention, so sit with him. If you are putting him in the highchair, expecting him to eat while you are cleaning up or whatever and then giving him attention when he is dripping the food, than that is what is working to get you to him.

Try it with the attitude that he is brand new to the world and to manners, and to gravity. Tell him what he is learning and teach him what to do.

[Anonymous]

My son has been 'testing' us since he was about a year old, especially with the food throwing thing, and we just remove him from the highchair and ask him to say 'all done' when he's finished eating (usually after 5-10 minutes, maximum). He still does it, but now he is old enough (almost 2) that he knows he has to pick up what he's thrown, and he'll do it.

This was actually one of the questions I would ask when looked at potential daycares for my then 1-year-old: 'how do you discipline the kids?' I knew that the time out or other methods that work for older kids, don't apply to the under-2 group - distraction is key! My current provider said 'well they're too young to understand, so we just tell them they're not supposed to do that, tell them what they should do, and get them focused on something else'.

Understanding how to treat the animals (we have 2 cats) has taken a while, so keep an eye on them and just keep showing them how they're SUPPOSED to treat them. Getting nipped gently a few times has helped him to make the connection between his behavior and the effect it has on the animal (we are lucky to have very tolerant, understanding, gentle animals! but I agree that you need to supervise their interaction constantly). Eventually they get the link that they're not supposed to do it, and that they will get positive attention if they do the 'right' thing, but that's only happened in the past couple months (20+ months or so). And he'll recite our 'lesson' before we do, now, if he decides he wants to test the bad behavior (which naturally he'll continue to do throughout the 2's): 'no biting, kisses'...or 'gently pet the kitty's fur, no pulling'...you get the idea. So it's sunk in with him, he's made the connection, and for that reason we're only now starting to use TO's sparingly and briefly (which at this point he's more upset that he's being physically separated from us by a few feet).

[Anonymous]

thanks for asking this! I'm going through the same thing with my 14 mo DD. (I can vouch for the fact that time-out does NOT work when they're this young. Unless they're tired, in which case they'll often fall asleep. bonus!)

I can deal with the food thing - I've learned that when she drops food over the side of her highchair tray, she is done or she does not like the food. (she's a good eater otherwise.) But I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with the public tantrums - the arching of the back and shrieking like a banshee (and throwing herself to the ground) - when she doesn't get her way. It's really annoying and kind of embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

We repeat the rule (no food throwing) and try not to make it a game, within reason, since our son is a poor eater.

Kids this age, and older, do understand what you are saying. They may be throwing precisely because they aren't supposed to. But that doesn't mean they have much self control. Sometimes our 17 month old follows the rules and sometimes he doesn't. The more time passes, the more control he seems to have. Even at his age, though, I don't think a time out makes sense.