Six year old into violence and bad guys
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Anonymous
| My six year old is super imaginative and lives in a fantasy world much of the day where he is pretending that he’s either in or watching violent scenarios unfold: people attacking each other, bombs, etc. This is either using figures like legos or characters from say, Star Wars, or Just acting it out alone or with other kids. He’s been like this for as long as I can remember, but even worse — he fantasizes about being the bad guy and never the hero. He isn’t the most caring or empathetic kid and doesn’t have any close friends yet either so I’m getting concerned but am at a loss on what I can do. I would take away all his toys — which seems extreme and like it would fill him with shame —- but I obviously couldn’t stop his thoughts or his inclination to be the bad guy. I’ve tried so hard to instill empathy and caring in him but it just doesn’t seem like he is wired that way. He’s little now but if he is still like this as a teen I would be scared. |
Anonymous
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Limit his exposure to all of these things and consider counseling. Seriously. Something about those bad guys is resonating with him (perhaps feeling misunderstood or unwanted) and it needs to be addressed.
An abusive relative had both a son and step-eon with this behavior. They've both attempted suicide, attacked other students and their siblings, etc. One has been institutionalized Address it now, calmly and without shaming. Work on cultivating empathy, too. |
Anonymous
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This is the nature of pretend play. It is not dangerous and in fact it provides a safety valve for violent impulses and wishes to be the "bad guy," Pretend play isn't about wanting to be good all the time.
If you are concerned, be concerned about his inability to make friendships, which may be driving his anger and angry play. But angry pretend play alone is not dangerous or bad. |
Anonymous
| And never take away all of a child's toys. |
Anonymous
| OP: I should clarify that he never hurts others in his play and that he does have friends — just not a best friend which seems semi normal for kindergarteners... |
Anonymous
| As the parent of 2 boys, I think this sounds completely within the bounds of normal. Neither of my kids is particularly aggressive, but things battling one another (superheroes, dragons, legos, Star Wars, you name it) has been a consistent theme in all their pretend play. I actually couldn't tell you whether they gravitate toward the heroes or the villains. Both are well-adjusted, happy kids with a loose group of friends but no "BFF" type. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| My 5 year old is bad guy obsessed. He always wants the villain toy, dresses as the bad guy for halloween, and wants to talk about the bad guy characters in all shows. But he is a sweet kid who is otherwise pretty normal in his play. I used to worry that the bad guy thing meant something was wrong, but honestly I think it's just an interesting concept for some kids. I wouldn't worry about this, although if there are other indications that he is violent or disturbed, then focus on that. But don't try to take away or "sanitize" his toys. |
Anonymous
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Sounds normal. |
Anonymous
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My youngest went through a Star Wars phase, and "confessed" to me one night that his light saber would be red, and he told me his secret "Darth" name. "Sorry, mom, I'm on the dark side."
He is the sweetest, kindest, non-violent, rule following teenager I've ever met. |
Anonymous
| I vote normal as well. I have a 4 year old and his friends/neighbors he plays with range from age 3-6. They love to pretend fight. Didn’t you/your brothers ever play “Cowboys and Indians” growing up? Or Star Wars or anything like that? |
Anonymous
| Another vote for normal. Even my daughter loves "bad guys" -- she pretends to be bad guys too. She freaking loves Darth Vader. |
Anonymous
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Can you identify why he's not making any friends? That may help you understand things better. Most villains arise from some sort of bad situation. Is he forming connections with the "bad guys" because he feels he can relate to how they feel?
Playing villains, cops and robbers, etc is normal. But couple that with not having close friends and struggling with empathy makes me.wonder if something is going on with his peers. He may be too little to realize what it is, just that he feels different and like and outcast. Just like most bad guys |
Anonymous
| I think while I wouldn't take away any toys, I'd stop allowing him to watch those movies, tv shows and books that feature those characters for 6 months and see if it makes a difference. Children do act out things they are trying to get a handle on, to explore it in a safe way, and that's good. BUT if all he watches on TV is Star Wars et al, I think that's not good. |
Anonymous
| My five year old loves Darth Vader and storm troopers. When I say, "but what about Luke Skywalker and the good guys?" he says Darth Vader is cool and that he likes the bad guys. Seems totally harmless to me. He also pretends to shoot things during play and pretends things are blowing up, as well. The shooting thing used to freak me out since I discourage gun play, but from talking to other moms of boys, this is totally normal and part of their development in play. OP--can you set up some group playdates and try to facilitate his social network a little? I never had to do this with my daughter because that just seems to come naturally with girls, but sometimes with boys it may take a little work on the parents' part to make those social connections and maybe from there he'll develop some closer relationships with his peers. The type of play your describing sounds totally normal though. |