Siblings protecting each other

[Anonymous]

Can anyone give insight into this dynamic in our house? We have three kids ages 7, 4 and 3. They fight like typical siblings and have their share of squabbles, but do play well together sometimes too. The issue is, when one of
them gets in trouble the other two often rally behind the one in trouble against me or DH! This morning the 7 year old got a time out for a totally reasonable incident, and as soon as that occurred the four year old started going insane, screaming, tantruming due to her brother getting in trouble. The 7 year old often intervened for the 4 and 3 year old, too. (“It’s not so bad, mom, he didn’t mean to” etc.

What gives? Is this normal? Should I be proud of this? Or concerned that i am too harsh so they band together against me?

[Anonymous]

I don't know how you should feel about this, but I'm always happy when my kids stand up for each other, whether it's at home, school, or elsewhere.

The tantrum and screaming seems a bit much from the 4 year old though. I'd work on that.

[Anonymous]

My kids are the same. They are teens and it hasn’t changed a bit. One of my favorite memories was finding my older two scrubbing my hallway walls so my youngest wouldn’t get in trouble for writing on them.

[Anonymous]

*sorry for typos, writing on phone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are the same. They are teens and it hasn’t changed a bit. One of my favorite memories was finding my older two scrubbing my hallway walls so my youngest wouldn’t get in trouble for writing on them.

That is so sweet.

To answer the OP's question - it is perfectly normal, not that you are a bad mom.

My kids fight with each other but when it comes to anyone else being upset at them, they band together. If I am mad at one, the other one goes to the sibling and comforts the sibling and gives me "the look"

On the bus, when another child called one of my kids annoying, the sibling stood up and went and sat next to the sibling to give comfort. It makes me happy that they stick up for each other even it if it is sometimes against the parents.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised you even asked since you have 3 kids. My 4 year old would protect her little brother when I scold him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised you even asked since you have 3 kids. My 4 year old would protect her little brother when I scold him.

Im an only child so I am clueless about this stuff!

[Anonymous]

Hmm, I don't like when this happens. I tell each kid, don't get in between me and X, or don't try to undermine me.

I do like them to defend each other from other people, though.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they might be afraid of the parents and are trying to deescalate.

[Anonymous]

My older two (DD and SS) are young adults and like to lay the groundwork for any “bad news” my youngest wants to share. But it’s super cute because she is such a straitlaced teeny that it’s like “Hypothetically, if Larla got a C on a test...”

[Anonymous]

My kids are like this too -- they don't like it when the other one gets in trouble. My older one will try to help when the younger is throwing a fit over cleaning up a mess he's made and I'm standing firm that if you make a mess, you gotta clean it up. I usually tell her that it's something that her brother has to do, but I appreciate the impulse.

Another time I needed to put eyedrops in my older one's eyes and she was throwing a fit about it. My younger one tried to stop me from doing it because she was getting so upset. I explained why, that it wasn't going to hurt, but it was nice he was looking out for her.

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of how my siblings and I were when we were growing up. I actually wish my kids were like this. My kids are always fighting and love when the other one is getting in trouble. They love to tattle on each other.

[Anonymous]

I encourage this with my kids. When DH and I are dead and gone, they'll only have each other. We're raising people who will go out in the world without us some day. They need to know how to be an ally and loyalty is a trait we value in our home.

[Anonymous]

My sons are 12 and 10 and the 12 year old wouldn't piss on my 10 year old (or me or my wife for that matter) if he (we) was (were) on fire. Total opposite of what I'm reading here. 10 year old is very compassionate however.

[Anonymous]

My 4 year old is nicer to my 3 year old than I am most of the time! I think it's great, my DH is the oldest of 3 boys and is always telling our boys that they always need to stick up for one another.