For the people who were on the fence about having a 4th, whatever you decided...
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Anonymous
| ...how did it turn out 2, 10, 20 years later? Any advice for those trying to make the call? |
Anonymous
| Not me, but DHs parents - 4th broke their marriage and traumatized all 4 kids. Make sure you are in a good place with your spouse and wont come under financial strain. 3 can be plenty enough. |
Anonymous
| We're trying to decide as well. We're getting older and it's really soonish or never. I *know* we'd have wanted another in a few years when things get easier, but man, getting through the young years with multiple kids is hard. |
Anonymous
| Think about the strain on the environment. Your children and their children will have to live on this planet. |
Anonymous
|
My fourth is 5 years old now. Oldest child is 11. There is absolutely no part of me that regrets having him. He is just a great little kid, makes everyone laugh, and just has a great little personality about him. And I have no anxiety parenting him, which is fantastic. I know what I am doing and what kind of parent I am, so there is none of the stress I have with my oldest where everything is new.
One thing with having four though, is that for whatever reason, this is where you cross the line into “big family.” When I had one, I had one, two I had two, three I had three, but when I had four...suddenly people couldn’t remember if I had four or six or eight. When I went places with all of the kids, people would ask if they were all mine or if I was running a daycare. (It didn’t help that my best friend has five about my kids ages, so we often go out with all nine kids). It can also be difficult to find a sitter sometimes. |
Anonymous
| 11 years in, and she's my second favorite. Glad we did it. |
Anonymous
|
4 kids here. Youngest is 3.5, oldest is 12. Sahm. Solo parenting a lot as dh works a lot/travels so a bit atypical.
It's a lot, but I sorta found what works for us, have always had a good routine going. and roll with it as the kids grow and change. Kid chaos here and there, but as long as I can stay 1 step ahead I'm ok. Looking back, I know there were times I lost my cool, hit a scarey low point in marriage, and mental/physical exhaustion (pregnant or nursing or potty training or chasing kids or everything simultaneously). The crazy thingis though when I look back, the really fun and fond memories are the first things I think of. OP- what are you looking for? It has been discussed before about financials, keeping a solid marriage, family support, kids' age gaps, juggling kids' schools and activities, etc. Anything in particular? |
Anonymous
| We are less than a year in but even though we are still in the thick of baby stage, it has been so worth it. My other kids adore her and while it’s insane and hard, we don’t regret having a fourth for a minute. |
Anonymous
| We stayed at 3 even though my husband realllllyyyy wanted 4. Hes Italian and comes from a family of 6 kids and just really wanted that lifestyle. I didnt want to restart the clock and my 3rd pregnancy was harder on me since I was aging. I also felt like 4 would solidify me never going back to work which I didnt want. My 3rd is 5 now and I just started working PRN (nurse) 8 shifts a month and its great. I dont think I would be doing that if I also had a 2 or 3 year old. |
Anonymous
You rank your kids???  
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Anonymous
This is us, too. Adding one more once we had 3 has not increased the craziness in our house much (if at all?) as we were already at that point before the baby. The kids seem happy. I love it so far. Oldest two are MS and ES age which helps. |
Anonymous
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My SIL and BIL had a fourth because she didn't want to work (had the previous three all three years apart so always had a baby before the youngest started school). They're a mess, the kid is a mess, they never should have had him.
My friend from growing up had a fourth and it's awesome. Four boys, they get along great, they are constantly traveling and doing fun things together as a family. Their life is amazing. The point is, there's no right answer here. Although I will say that most of the families I personally know with four kids are all like my friend, not my SIL. But they were wealthy. I think that makes a huge difference when you're talking about that many kids. |
Anonymous
Well there you go, OP. Having four kids allows you to rank your children, apparently. |
Anonymous
For advice: 1) Consider your finances - how will having another child affect your ability to do what you do now and save for college and retirement? 2) Consider how much time you and your spouse spend alone together now - do you ever find time for just the two of you and will you be able to do that again if you add a fourth to the mix? 3) Consider how far apart your kids are in age - there are pros and cons to having them close or far apart for a fourth but it's just something to mull through and think about the affect of adding a baby to your life right now. 4) Consider what kinds of activities your kids are in - will you be able to get everyone where they need to go if you have four kids going in four different directions? 5) Consider what your life will be like in 2, 10, and 20 years - do you want to have a one-year old two years from now and do you want to have a kid just graduating from high school in 20 years? Honestly, no one can answer this question for you because only you know your particular situation. |
Anonymous
| We opted to stay at three, and the more time passes, the more glad we are in that decision. Three is plenty, for us, for the earth, etc. We do fine but are not wealthy and that's not going to change anytime soon. Also, I love my career and don't think I could adequately parent four kids and keep it up. |