Anyone have a toddler that wants to be held all the time?

[Anonymous]

My 2 year old daughter wants to be "up" a lot more than I see other kids her same age what to be in their parents' arms. I'm pregnant with my second and due in the spring and I know that she needs to get used to not being up because baby will be occupying that space, and I'm also REALLY really tired and just can't hold her all the time--she's getting heavy!

Some of her biggest tantrums have to do with me trying to get her to walk on her own or not be in my arms. I try to make it fun, a game. I give her choices to empower her...it doesn't matter, it's still a major battle. I feel sad because she's not doing anything wrong by wanting to be in my arms, it's not like she's hitting or pushing someone--I feel like that would be easy to "discipline" because it's consistent. No hitting--same consequence each time. But *I* get to decide when she's allowed to be up, not her, and I think that's what causes the problem. The only thing I can be consistent on is not allowing her to be up if she asks by crying (obviously if she's hurt that's a different story).

She's still very young, she does need to be in my arms sometimes, and I want her to be in my arms sometimes, of course. It's the days when we're at home and she says "up" and has no reason to be up, and won't settle for just sitting in my lap that I get the most frustrated. She's sensitive and loses her cool REALLY easily and doesn't get distracted easily, so it just last a lonnng time sometimes.

Anyway...just wondering what other moms (especially pregnant ones) do in this situation. Do you just pick up your kid all the time?

I know we all have our battles to pick, and she's really great at other things that I know other parents have to deal with, to which I am grateful, but this one has been a trial. Any advice would be great. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

My son went through a very long "up" phase around 2. It was up, up, up. I think once they start to become big boys and girls, they get overwhelmed and still want that closeness to mommy (and daddy). Also, my son would just run himself ragged and then get so tired he would have to be carried home.

I did just pick him up and my back ached, but I wasn't pregnant. I imagine that both adds to the neediness of the child AND to the problem for you. I think its OK to put limits on it. My son is now 3 and much heavier and I do resist now (he's not nearly as needy). What works is saying I love him but I just can't pick him up because he is getting big and mommy is too tired, but I offer him alternatives. I will give him a hug, or he can come sit on my lap, or I will take his hand.

[Anonymous]

One more thing - I also took a stroller with me everywhere - even when my son said he didn't want to be in it. I just said, that's ok, I just wanted to use it for my bag. Then, if he tired out (as 2 years old do quickly), I sometimes could lure him into the stroller versus my arms.

[Anonymous]

I think it's pretty common. They know you can't carry them around so much anymore, and they want to push back. They are also at an age where they are experimenting with their ability to control things. That's why they are so full of No's.

My best advice is to hold firm but be patient when you need her to walk on her own.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. I have 2 toddlers - an almost 2 year old and a 3.5 year old. And sometimes I end up having to carry them both, which is about 60+ lbs of toddler. It isn't easy and I don't get very far sometimes. But my arms sure are strong. I do what I can to get them to walk but sometimes we just have to get somewhere and I don't have time to wait out the tantrums or distractions don't work.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it. As the mom of 2 boys who both wanted to be picked up constantly well into their 2's, I really regret not stopping sooner. With my second, who is now 3, I honestly think it inhibited his development. I also found that the older they get, the harder it is to stop. And believe me, you don't want your older one crying to be picked up all the time when you have an infant to carry. When I was pregnant with my second, I told my first that mommy couldn't carry him as often because it really hurt my back. I also said that my doctor told me I couldn't carry him too much so it wasn't coming from me but from a 3rd person which I think was easier to swallow. I also tried to invent some silly substitutes like sliding down the stairs next to each other on our bottoms, or marching holding hands. That worked for a while and by the time he caught on to my strategy, he was used to walking... With #2, I didn't have a real reason to stop and waited way too long. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Is she wanting to be held only when you're out or at home too? If you're at home, try distracting her when you put her down. Pick her up, give her a hug, then sit on the floor and play whatever. My kids often want to be held in the kitchen when I'm cleaning up or prepping dinner. DD is at that point now. I pick her up, gather up a pot, a spoon and maybe a can of tomato paste, and plop her on the floor to "cook" dinner. I'll help her a bit, then do some of my stuff, then come back when I have i moment, etc.

When you're out, I think I appealed to outside rules. "Oh, here at the library, all the kids have to walk by themselves. Do you want to take the stairs or the elevator?" You might also appeal to her "big girl" side. "We're going to the park to play and run around. Big girls who can swing/slide/play in the sandbox walk to the park themselves." Challenging her to a race might help (it did with DS). DS also liked to walk on the curbs, which still calls balance beams, instead of the sidewalk. Whatever it took, as long as my pregnant butt wasn't lugging around more weight than necessary.

That said, do make sure you ahve some good snuggle/carrying time built into your day. She can look forward to and anticipate that time. And you can say, I can't pick you up right now, but we'll have our snuggle time after lunch. I'd love to pick you up then."

[Anonymous]

It's also possible she wants to be up so much lately BECAUSE of the new baby on the way. We're going through this with my 2.5 yo (due in Feb) and so many of the moms at our preschool who've recently had #2 said they had this dynamic, too, and that it stopped the minute #2 was delivered. I'm banking on that happening for us as well.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone. I dont think it's a new baby thing, she's been like this since she was born

I like the idea of "outside rules" and blaming it on the doctor....great ideas!

[Anonymous]

For when you do want/need to carry her:

http://www.amazon.com/Patapum-Toddler-Carrier-Black/dp/B000JT2VTA

http://www.ergobabycarrier.com/

Many people babywear/toddlerwear (on the back/hip) while pregnant, but this obviously depends on what is comfy for you.

[Anonymous]

I also have a cuddly 2 y/o and sometimes, at home, when I realize she just wants to be held, we just have cuddle time in bed. She LOVES getting in my bed, so, to her, it's a special treat. And my arms are very thankful.

[Anonymous]

My son does this too and I am 7 months pregnant. I have found that he either just wants physical attention (in which case I'll give him a BIG HUG and he happily goes on his way), or to be part of things, like when I'm in the kitchen. So he's started bringing his chair into the kitchen so he can reach the counter and be part of the action.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I do have an ergo and wore her a lot into my 4th month, but then it got uncomfortable.

I wish it was just that she wanted a cuddle, it would make it easy, but she really wants me to be standing with her in my arms, no other options.

[Anonymous]

I took a stroller everywhere - great for carrying the diaper bag. I did it until my kid was embarrassed to sit in it.

In fact, many times, we'd end up with my neice in it - sound asleep, whose mom always swore they didn't need to bring a stroller - yeah, right.