What to do: Recevied HS Graduation Announcemnt from Cousin's child

[Anonymous]

There are challenging family dynamics. The parents are divorced and it was a nasty divorce (mostly around money because there was an obscene amount of it)
Children are in custody of mother. Cousin is father.

We used to see them once a year when the child was aged 2-7 as we were the only family in the area and would get together for birthday parties. As the kids got older, less family birthdays - and we never found the time to connect. Christmas card would be sent back as they moved and we did not have the new address. We would see each other possibly every three years at a family event.

I interpret the announcement as - oh that's nice. They needed to buy the announcements in set of 25 or 50 and had extras so sent us one.

My husband looks at it as an invitation to the graduation and feels obliged to send a gift. He was going to send a check. I find it tacky for someone you have not seen or heard from in 4 years to send a graduation announcement. I also think it is inappropriate to send a check to a child who has a personal net worth of more than $1M [the cousin shared how divorce settlement was set up]. I said - send a small gift from the school the child will be attending - something like a Tervis cup or school mug.


Questions for DCUM:
1 - would you attend the HS Graduation? [note- we have not received any communication from the cousin]
2 - what would you give as a gift?

[Forest123]

1 - I would not attend the graduation.
2- I would send a gift from the university s/he will be attending (e.g. a t-shirt, mug, sweatshirt)

[Anonymous]

1. Certainly not.
2. A heartfelt card with no money in it.

[Anonymous]

An announcement is specifically not an invitation. Normally announcements dont have the date/time details. We just got one from a family member and sent $100.

[Anonymous]

A graduation announcement is not an invitation to the graduation.

I would send a gift - probably a check for $25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An announcement is specifically not an invitation. Normally announcements dont have the date/time details. We just got one from a family member and sent $100.

This one states ... request the honor of your presence at the XXX school at XXX in the morning.....

There is the typical place to insert the name card and they are printed by Balfour [who I think of as yearbooks and class rings]

[Anonymous]

Seems weird to send a small check to a millionaire. Could you get away with something like cute earrings and a nice card?

[Anonymous]

An announcement is NOT an invitation. Your husband is wrong there. Graduation tickets are increasingly very limited and invitations to attend would not go to your family in the circumstances you describe.

It's sad that your husband and you see this as a gift grab by a rich relative. I'd bet that the teen has no idea this was sent to you and the parent who sent it was just feeling like updating everyone on their kid's milestone--this isn't about the parent whom you dislike but about the kid.

You're not obliged to acknowledge he announcement at all and certainly not obliged to send a gift. We have gotten announcements this year as our own DC is graduating from HS. I know the senders do not expect gifts just as we don't expect them from those to whom we sent announcements. (Someone will come along to post how they KNOW announcements must be answered with a gift but...not anywhere I've ever lived or among our friends now.) You seem to feel affronted by the announcement's existence so ignore it. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An announcement is specifically not an invitation. Normally announcements dont have the date/time details. We just got one from a family member and sent $100.

This one states ... request the honor of your presence at the XXX school at XXX in the morning.....

There is the typical place to insert the name card and they are printed by Balfour [who I think of as yearbooks and class rings]

Are you OP posting? Then you were wrong to call it an announcement. That's an invitation. Send a small gift and a friendly note to the graduate directly (not the parents). If you can't be bothered to send college gear as suggested above, send a small token Amazon or iTunes gift card.

You called it an announcement. Those do exist and are a whole separate thing.

[Anonymous]

1. Absolutely not
2. $20.19 check is what the children of acquaintances or distant family are receiving.

[Anonymous]

1. No, but I would warmly congratulate and regretfully decline.
2. I would send a token gift.

[Anonymous]

There are so few tickets for most graduations. You better check and make sure they’re not holding something for you.

Then I would send something college dorm appropriate like a first aid kit. “Have fun but stay safe love Aunt Larla and Unce Larlo!”

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter how much money the kid has.

You haven't been invited to the graduation so its a non-issue.

Send a nice congratulations card and be done with it. No money or gift. No one wants a first aid kit or something that takes up space. Maybe a college teeshirt or $25-50 gift card if anything.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t attend.

I’d send $100. Presumably the kid had no role in not seeing you or the cards being returned to you. Also presumably the 18 year old doesn’t have $1 million that he currently accesses. All family members get $100 for high school graduations.

[Anonymous]

Call your cousin and congratulate on the graduation and then find out whether you are being invited to the graduation (you sound confused about that). If you are invited, decline or accept. Either way, send a card with a small gift and a nice note.