Wedding overseas with a 5 week old?

[Anonymous]

I am afraid to post this question because of all of the potential bad mom responses I may get, but this has been stressing me out for some time now and I really need the mom feedback. My sister is getting married overseas at the beginning May. I am due by mid-March and wanted to know if it's safe to travel overseas with a 5-6 week old baby. The alternative is me missing my sister's wedding. I know my baby comes first, obviously, and that is that. But since I don't have my baby girl yet and don't have a pediatrician to talk too, I am just wondering what a realistic plan is. I don't want to tell my sister no now, without knowing for sure if it's a bad idea to travel overseas with a baby that's just a few weeks old. But also, don't want to be unrealistic about this whole situation. For what it's worth, my sister is a major bridezilla, has no kids, and will throw a major family fit when I do finally tell her no. So I want to be sure I am fully informed before I talk to her. I am tired of this issue stressing me out during my last few days/weeks of pregnancy and really just need to make a decision.

[Anonymous]

do you have a pediatrician lined up for your baby? If so I would call them now and ask them their thoughts on an overseas trip with a 5 week old.

You don't say where overseas or how long you would go. Is it a developed or more developing country, and how far is it from the US? I would think even though it would be tough on you to go to say, Europe, they would have most of the baby stuff you would need once you get there. (actually, they have babies everywhere in the world but at least you'd have some similarities in a developed vs. a developing country.)

I wouldn't let this get you down. I think some of this stuff is more about attitude. You're already going to be sleep deprived, so at least the jetlag won't bug you so much!

Last question--would you have someone to watch the baby during the wedding? Or would you be able to bring the baby to the wedding itself? I know lining up babysitters in different locations, esp. if all family is going to be involved in the wedding, can be the tricky part about traveling for a wedding as parents.

Good luck, but realize, whatever you do you are not trying to do it to spite your sister, you are just trying to do what's best for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Where is the wedding? That's going to make a big difference, IMO.

(FWIW - I think it's sad that people are afraid to ask such benign questions like this one. There's nothing wrong with this question and I really hope no one criticizes you for asking.)

[Anonymous]

I think that's a bit early, but that w/some precautions and care (and assuming you'll have some help on the journey), it might be possible - and worth it for such an important reason. What you might want to do first is find a pediatrician (yes, I know, yet one more thing to do when you're already swamped) - since you'll need one soon anyway, and one of the things that a lot of pediatrician practices do is have you sit down for an "informational interview" so that you can meet the doctor(s) and decide if the practice seems right for you, you can then ask the pediatrician for recommendations. If the advice you get is 'no way,' that will probably be helpful in dealing with your sister - it's not that you're not willing, but the doctor says ... (And if you end up interviewing more than one pediatrician and have unanimous advice, all the better from that perspective.) But they may end up having good advice for traveling. I'd think you probably will want to make sure that you get a seat for the baby so you can travel w/car seat, try to get a whole row of seats for you, baby, and whoever you're traveling with to make it easier to keep other people a bit further from the baby and to protect the baby from hands (if not all germs). If you can nurse or give baby a bottle when you're taking off and landing, that should help keep baby comfortable. If it's possible, I'd pay the extra to get refundable tickets - it's impossible to predict what will happen (who knows, you may have an 8-week old by then! or only a 3-week old, you may have a tougher, or easier, delivery/recovery than expected) and you may think you can attend and later be unable to - best to preserve some flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Brides don't get it! My SIL was mad when one of her bridesmaids was induced on her wedding day. Fast-forward 2 years when she was 1 week over-due, and she was thrilled her doctor did a Saturday induction!

Anyhow, I really would not recommend it. Your baby could come 3 weeks early,but he/she could be 8-10 days late. That means you have an even smaller baby. You might have a c-section that you're recovering from.

Your baby will have no immunizations yet, so you will be exposing a very young infant to airplane air for 6 hours each way. You will likely be exhausted and nervous.

If you breastfeed, it will be easier. However, if that doesn't work out for you, you'll be dealing with a ton of bottles to pack and formula to bring. Fine with an older baby, but I can see it being completely overwhelming with a newborn.

There was a thread like this (maybe on the old site). THe vast majority of moms recommended that you stay home. That was for a friend's wedding, not a sister. But the childbirth issues are identical.

I can't help you with dealing with your sister. But I do recommend you figure out a way to say no. Or at least buy refundable tickets and see how you feel then.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The wedding is in Mexico. So it would be a 2 hour plane ride to Dallas, a connection and then another 2 hr. plane ride to San Jose. So we would have a total of two long days of flying (there and back). Everything is taking place at a Hilton hotel, so I am sure I could arrange for any baby related items I would need and I would have a lot of family there to help. I just don't know if it's safe to travel with an infant that young and don't want to compromise my baby's health in any way.

[Anonymous]

I second the recommendation to find a ped now and get some advice. And, if you decide you'll try to go, please convey it as such and get refundable tickets. Your entire world changes once you have a baby. Your can't predict your circumtances, feelings, recovery, struggles, actual delivery date, etc.

[Anonymous]

I would not worry about travel to a Hilton Hotel in Mexico. However, I have taken my son to Africa to visit family a few times and he's not even 2 yet and there definitly are diseases there. So DCUM's flame away!!! Good hygiene and careful attention to food and water sources go a long way.

I would be more concerned aobut your mental health and traveling with a baby that young. It is VERY stressful being a 1st time mom in your OWN environment, let alone getting in an airplane and lugging all that crap and hoping the baby does not cause a scene on the plane. It does not sound very appealing, but your sister IS getting married and that's a very important event in her life not to be minimized.

Also, if you exculsively breast feed, the baby shares an immune system with mom for the first 3 months of nursing. Your baby would be well protected with that.

[Anonymous]

I would echo what the other posters said. Our travel in the early days was seriously curtailed due by the peds since our daughter wasn't eating, had reflux, etc. You just never know. Your ped will definitely have an opinion on this. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it. The fact that your baby won't have the necessary inmunizations would scare me, specially in a country like Mexico and in contact with so many new people. My sister is planning to get married this year and when she knew I was pregnant (2 months), she postponed the wedding so I can attend considering that I should wait at least 6 months to take my baby out of the country.

[Anonymous]

Thirding advice to find a ped now.

We were actually in a very similar position. Doctor suggested travel only after the two-month immunizations, which they were willing to administer at six weeks.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. Thanks this has been helpful. So I will talk to our lined up pediatrician and I am leaning towards not going since the no immunization thing really freaks me out. Since I am trying to be a good sister also here and try to really make sure I've ruled out every possibility before I say no to my sister, is it crazy to think about flying with my baby to Dallas, having my husband watch her there and then just me fly for one night to Mexico? It's a 2 hour flight from Mexico to San Jose so I could fly on Sat. afternoon, attend the wedding and be back by Sun. morning. I would HATE being apart from my baby for a night, but I just wanted to see what you guys thought about that....

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar situation and so am glad you asked the question. My baby will be 5 weeks at the time of my best friend's wedding in July on the West Coast. It's not overseas but a long trek nonetheless! I've been grappling a lot with whether or not to bring my baby but have pretty much concluded that I'm not going to be able to. Several people have told me that it's not a good idea to travel with a baby under 2 months (I haven't checked with a doctor though) and that it can be really difficult to take a newborn on a long plane ride. Plus, my friend doesn't want any kids at the wedding so she's getting a babysitter. I really don't want a stranger looking after my newborn with several other kids running around, even if it's just for a few hours.

I then thought I might go for 2 days by myself and leave the baby with my husband for the weekend. Several of my mom friends said that I could aim to do this but highly doubt I'll be able to leave my baby even for 2 days. So I think at this point I'm going to tell my friend once my baby is born that I'm not going to be able to make it. I feel awful that I will miss it, especially because she did so much for my wedding, but when it comes down to it, my baby is my first priority and everything including my best friend of 20 years getting married comes second. Good luck to you. I know it's a tough decision. I've been thinking about it since I found out I was pregnant and it hasn't been easy.

[Anonymous]

Tough one, in terms of trying to please your sister and do what's right for your baby. I think baby needs to win out and you stay home. I agree with pp - I'd be nervous about traveling before the immunizations - even with the 2 month ones! Think of all the germs on the plane - and you have 4 plane rides total. A lot of those the baby can't get vaccinated for - the flu might still be around, Legioners, etc., and at 6 weeks something that we may easily fight off would put a baby in the hospital or worse.

Plus, you don't know whether you'll have an easy-going baby that would travel easily, or one with colic or difficulty feeding or difficulty napping, in which case you could have 2 nightmare days of dealing with a screaming baby on a plane. And while the Hilton is probably good with food and water safety, I've gotten sick at good hotels in Mexico. If you do get sick and are breastfeeding, it would really impact your milk supply and you'd be panicked to find formula for your baby or get him/her to take a bottle. Too much to worry about (and I'm an easy going mom)

[Anonymous]

I'm one of the PPs who thought it better not to go.

However, I honestly don't think there's a difference between Dallas and the HIlton in Mexico. Once you've committed to getting on a plane, you may as well take the baby with you the entire way.

If you are breastfeeding, it will be very uncomfortable to be without your baby for so long, and it's easier to feed a baby poolside than to pump. It's also much more understandable to everyone else if you have to duck out of the reception to feed or check on a baby rather than go to your room for pumping. People don't get that at all. And you will be a hormonal mess without your new baby!

I think it will be harder for you to travel than the baby. A series of 2 hour flights is less worrisome to air-quality than one long flight. IT's just the hassle for you and dealing with absolute sleep deprivation, hormones and nerves.

Let your sister know you will try your hardest, but that you make no promises. Buy refundable, and wait until you meet your little one to make a final decision.