Do what’s easiest or what’s right?
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Anonymous
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DS9 has a school play coming up. It’s a yearly event, part of a history lesson. Last year we invited all grandparents and it was a disaster. It’s in a packed room with no circulation so everyone was miserable, ILs were late-DH had to leave and let them in the locked entrance, MIL was mad it started on time, FIL was bored out of his mind, the hard chairs hurt my dad’s back. This year, DH will be away for work. I’d like to keep it more low-key this year.
It’s practically right after school and runs late, but my mom offered to come alone and help with logistics (dinner, getting costume on). I know the “right thing” would be to invite everyone again, but since DH will be away, am I at liberty to do what is easiest for me? With everything that happened last year, in DHs avsense, I just don’t feel like having to worry about everyone. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
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Can you not just talk about it? Say "the play is coming up again. It's in the same place at a similar time as last year so the logistics will be similar. We know not everyone enjoyed it last year but wanted to let you know it's going on so you can make your decisions"
They're adults. We are going through this with a precious child who goes to a school not in English. We invite my inlaws who do not speak the language. They politely decline as they know it'll be boring (and far for them). So we make sure there is some other activity they can be part of instead during the year. |
Anonymous
| Totally fine not to invite. They might not want to come but feel obligated to and there you’ll be dealing with a repeat of last year by yourself. Don’t even mention it. If it comes up then just say it was such a fiasco last year that you decided to dial it down and wait in the lobby for it to be over, or whatever white lie makes sense to you. |
Anonymous
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The right thing to do is NOT TO INVITE.
Your kid is reaching the age when the grandparents just don't get to come for everything. They especially don't get to come to events that they ruined last time. |
Anonymous
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^^ I forgot to mention:
who is this event about? your daughter. |
Anonymous
| OP here. So OK to let my mom tag along and help me out? What if ILs find out? I wish I had easy in-laws that didn’t make things like this so difficult. |
Anonymous
Don't have her tag along. If you only have one child, there isn't that much for her to help out with, unless she is babysitting other children at your house. I would say thanks, but no thanks and offer to get together another time. |
Anonymous
| Why would they find out? Are you posting about it on Facebook? If the kid yaps about it just say she’s talking about last year. |
Anonymous
Do exactly this. If by some chance you get asked about it, just say, "Oh, Mom came to help me with some logistics since DH wasn't in town!" Treat it like the perfectly reasonable decision that it is. Any further complaints, refer to DH. |
Anonymous
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We never have subscribed to the idea that everything must be perfectly equal with grandparents. They are adults not children. One grandparent was unhappy about this but they have learned to deal over the years. We just never give in to any pouting or childish behavior.
This has made things so much easier! Invite your mom because it works logistically and she didn't pitch a fit last year. If IL find out tell them to stuff it. |
Anonymous
| I've learned to stop being a people pleaser and am much happier to do what works best for me since I'm in charge of the planning + logistics. At the end of the day, no matter how hard you try, someone will be upset at you for something! So just own it and move on. It's good for you in the long term. |
Anonymous
| Why would your inlaws find out? Just keep your mouth shut. Let your mom help if you want. |
Anonymous
Kids talk. |
Anonymous
| Your family sounds like it's full of drama queens. |
Anonymous
Kid: And today was my play Gma: What?! Ask Mommy why I wasn't invited Kid: I think because you had such a bad time last year. Everyone could tell how unhappy you were. |